write an essay about the advantages and disadvantages about smart phones

In this day and ages,smartphones are becoming more and more popular.It not only has many advantages but also brings a lot of disadvantages
We will talk about the benefits.Firstly,smartphones are very convenient and easy to use.For example,you can call your friends or family by smartphone.Secondly, it also can help you to relax after daylong.You can play game with your friends to entertained.Moreover,you can purchase products online.You just buy everything you want on website shopping online.I think it is the best advantages of smartphone.
On the other hand,smartphone also has drawbacks,The biggest problem is depending on it.If you depend on smartphone,you will be lazier.You will be more and more not want to hagging out with friends.So that,we must not depend on it and we should go out more.
In conclusion,smartphones bring many advantages and disadvantages so we do not depend on it.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"In this day and ages" -> "In contemporary times" or "In today’s society"
Explanation: "In this day and ages" is grammatically incorrect and lacks precision. Replacing it with "In contemporary times" or "In today’s society" maintains formality and clarity.
"smartphones" -> "Smartphones" (no change needed)
Explanation: The term "smartphones" is appropriate, but it should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.
"It not only has many advantages but also brings a lot of disadvantages" -> "They offer numerous advantages but also entail several disadvantages"
Explanation: The original sentence lacks parallelism and is less formal. By rephrasing it to "They offer numerous advantages but also entail several disadvantages," the statement becomes more structured and academically appropriate.
"We will talk about the benefits." -> "We will discuss the benefits."
Explanation: "We will talk about" is less formal compared to "We will discuss," which is a more suitable choice in academic writing.
"Firstly," -> "First,"
Explanation: "Firstly," while common in informal language, is less formal than "First," which is more appropriate for academic writing.
"For example," -> Omit
Explanation: In academic writing, it’s often preferable to present evidence or examples without explicitly stating "For example." Omitting it maintains conciseness and formality.
"you can call your friends or family by smartphone." -> "You can communicate with friends or family via smartphone."
Explanation: "Call your friends or family by smartphone" is slightly informal. "Communicate with friends or family via smartphone" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"Secondly, it also can help you to relax after daylong." -> "Secondly, it can also facilitate relaxation after a long day."
Explanation: "Help you to relax after daylong" is awkward and informal. "Facilitate relaxation after a long day" is more formal and clearer.
"You can play game with your friends to entertained." -> "You can play games with your friends for entertainment."
Explanation: "Play game with your friends to entertained" contains grammatical errors and is less formal. "Play games with your friends for entertainment" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"Moreover," -> Omit
Explanation: In this context, "Moreover" is unnecessary and can be omitted without affecting the clarity or formality of the sentence.
"you can purchase products online." -> "You can shop for products online."
Explanation: "Purchase products online" is slightly redundant. "Shop for products online" is more concise and equally formal.
"You just buy everything you want on website shopping online." -> "You can conveniently purchase anything you want through online shopping websites."
Explanation: "You just buy everything you want on website shopping online" is awkward and informal. "You can conveniently purchase anything you want through online shopping websites" is clearer and more formal.
"I think it is the best advantages of smartphone." -> "I believe this is one of the most significant advantages of smartphones."
Explanation: "I think it is the best advantages of smartphone" is grammatically incorrect and lacks precision. "I believe this is one of the most significant advantages of smartphones" is grammatically correct and more precise.
"On the other hand," -> "However,"
Explanation: "On the other hand" is less formal than "However," which is more commonly used in academic writing to introduce contrasting ideas.
"The biggest problem is depending on it." -> "The primary issue is dependency on it."
Explanation: "The biggest problem is depending on it" is awkward and less formal. "The primary issue is dependency on it" is clearer and more formal.
"If you depend on smartphone," -> "If you rely heavily on smartphones,"
Explanation: "If you depend on smartphone" contains a grammatical error. "If you rely heavily on smartphones" is grammatically correct and more precise.
"you will be lazier." -> "you may become less motivated."
Explanation: "You will be lazier" is less formal and lacks precision. "You may become less motivated" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"You will be more and more not want to hagging out with friends." -> "You may increasingly avoid socializing with friends."
Explanation: "You will be more and more not want to hagging out with friends" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "You may increasingly avoid socializing with friends" is clearer and more formal.
"So that," -> "Therefore,"
Explanation: "So that" is less formal than "Therefore," which is more appropriate for academic writing to indicate consequence or conclusion.
"we must not depend on it and we should go out more." -> "It is essential not to rely solely on smartphones and to engage in more social activities."
Explanation: "We must not depend on it and we should go out more" is less formal and lacks specificity. "It is essential not to rely solely on smartphones and to engage in more social activities" is clearer and more formal, specifying the need for balance between smartphone use and social interaction.
"In conclusion," -> Omit
Explanation: "In conclusion" is unnecessary and can be omitted in academic writing. The conclusion can be signaled effectively without it.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both the advantages and disadvantages of smartphones. However, the discussion is limited, with only brief mentions of convenience, entertainment, and online shopping as advantages, and laziness and reduced social interaction as disadvantages. There is no substantial exploration of the topic, and the points presented lack depth and detail.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide a more thorough examination of the advantages and disadvantages of smartphones. This could involve expanding on each point with specific examples, statistics, or personal experiences to support the arguments. Additionally, addressing the prompt more directly by explicitly discussing various aspects of smartphone use would enhance the depth of analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position by acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of smartphones. However, the stance is not strongly articulated or consistently maintained throughout the essay. The lack of depth in discussing each aspect diminishes the clarity of the position.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the essay should clearly state the author’s position on smartphones in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, maintaining a consistent tone and focus on either the benefits or drawbacks throughout the essay would help reinforce the chosen stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay briefly presents ideas about the advantages and disadvantages of smartphones but fails to extend or support them adequately. Each point is mentioned superficially without elaboration or evidence to strengthen the argument. For instance, the advantages of convenience and entertainment are mentioned, but there are no examples or explanations to extend these ideas.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should extend each idea by providing specific examples, anecdotes, or evidence to support the claims made. This could involve discussing real-life scenarios, research findings, or personal experiences to add depth and credibility to the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay broadly discusses the advantages and disadvantages of smartphones, it occasionally veers off topic, particularly in the discussion of "hanging out with friends" towards the end. This deviation detracts from the coherence and relevance of the essay.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the essay should maintain a clear focus on the advantages and disadvantages of smartphones throughout. Avoiding tangential discussions and ensuring that every point made directly relates to the topic would help improve coherence and relevance. Additionally, organizing the essay’s structure to follow a logical progression of ideas would aid in maintaining focus.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization, with distinct paragraphs for discussing the advantages and disadvantages of smartphones. However, there are some issues with coherence as the ideas are presented in a somewhat disjointed manner. For instance, the essay abruptly transitions from discussing the benefits to discussing the drawbacks without smooth transitions or clear connections between ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider structuring the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs focusing on individual advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. Use transitional phrases or linking words to smoothly connect ideas between paragraphs. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea to maintain coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but they lack coherence and structure. Each paragraph should ideally present a distinct idea or point, but in this essay, the paragraphs are somewhat disjointed and could be more effectively organized. For example, the paragraph discussing the advantages of smartphones combines multiple ideas without clear transitions or topic sentences.
- How to improve: Focus on developing well-structured paragraphs by introducing a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph, followed by supporting details and examples. Ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall coherence of the essay and maintains a logical progression of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks diversity in the use of cohesive devices. While there are a few instances of cohesive devices such as "firstly" and "on the other hand," they are used infrequently and do not effectively connect ideas throughout the essay. Consequently, the essay feels disjointed and lacks coherence.
- How to improve: Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices such as conjunctions (e.g., "however," "moreover," "in conclusion"), transitional phrases (e.g., "in addition," "furthermore," "on the contrary"), and pronouns (e.g., "this," "these," "that") to establish clearer connections between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently to improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. There is repetition of phrases such as "smartphones" and "advantages and disadvantages." While some basic vocabulary is used effectively ("convenient," "entertained"), there is a lack of variety and sophistication in lexical choice.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "smartphones," you could utilize terms like "mobile devices," "handheld gadgets," or "cell phones." Additionally, explore more nuanced vocabulary to express ideas more precisely.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The vocabulary usage in the essay is generally imprecise. For example, the phrase "daylong" lacks clarity and could be substituted with a more specific term. Furthermore, the essay could benefit from more precise language to articulate concepts such as the drawbacks of smartphone dependency.
- How to improve: Aim for clarity and precision in vocabulary choice. Instead of vague terms like "daylong," specify the timeframe (e.g., "after a long day"). Similarly, replace ambiguous phrases like "the biggest problem is depending on it" with clearer language that explicitly states the issue (e.g., "excessive reliance on smartphones leads to reduced physical activity and social interaction").
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "ages" instead of "age," "hagging" instead of "hanging," and missing articles ("a lot of disadvantages" instead of "a lot of disadvantages"). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: Prioritize thorough proofreading to identify and correct spelling mistakes. Utilize spelling and grammar checkers, and consider seeking feedback from peers or educators to improve spelling accuracy. Additionally, practice spelling commonly used words to reinforce correct spelling patterns.

In summary, while the essay addresses the advantages and disadvantages of smartphones, there is room for improvement in lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary, using language more precisely, and enhancing spelling skills, the overall quality and effectiveness of the essay can be significantly enhanced.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays some attempt at using varied sentence structures, but there is a limited range overall. Simple sentences dominate the essay, and there is a lack of complex or compound-complex structures. The repetition of sentence structures affects the flow and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and complexity of the essay, strive for diversity in sentence structures. Incorporate complex and compound sentences to provide depth and clarity to your ideas. Introduce subordinate clauses, relative clauses, and other advanced structures to add complexity and coherence to your writing. For instance, instead of relying solely on simple sentences like "You can call your friends or family by smartphone," consider constructing a sentence like "Smartphones facilitate communication with friends and family through calls, text messages, and various messaging applications."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors that hinder clarity and coherence. For instance, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("smartphones are becoming," "you can purchase products online"), use of articles ("the best advantages of smartphone"), and punctuation (missing commas in compound sentences).
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading your writing carefully. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that singular subjects match singular verbs and plural subjects match plural verbs. Review the use of articles (definite and indefinite) to ensure correctness in noun phrases. Additionally, practice using commas correctly, especially in compound sentences where coordinating conjunctions (like "and," "but," "so") are used to join independent clauses. For instance, revise "The biggest problem is depending on it" to "The biggest problem is dependency on it," and add commas where needed, such as "For example, you can call your friends or family by smartphone."

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, smartphones have surged in popularity, offering numerous advantages but also entailing several disadvantages. Let’s delve into the benefits.

Firstly, smartphones are incredibly convenient and user-friendly. For instance, you can easily communicate with friends or family members by making a call or sending a message through your smartphone. Secondly, they can also facilitate relaxation after a long day. You can engage in entertaining activities, such as playing games with friends, right from your smartphone. Additionally, smartphones enable online shopping, allowing you to conveniently purchase anything you desire through various online shopping websites. I believe this convenience is one of the most significant advantages of smartphones.

However, the primary issue associated with smartphones is dependency. If you rely heavily on smartphones, you may become less motivated and inclined to engage in social activities. Over time, you might even find yourself avoiding socializing with friends. Therefore, it is essential not to rely solely on smartphones and to actively participate in more social interactions.

In conclusion, while smartphones offer many advantages, they also come with their fair share of disadvantages. It’s crucial to strike a balance and not become overly dependent on them. Engaging in a variety of activities beyond smartphone use is key to maintaining a healthy lifestyle and social connections.