Write an essay of about 350 words on the following topic: Many people believe that to move up the ladder of success and achievement, they must forget the past, repress and relinquish it but others view the past as a valuable source for lessons. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience
Write an essay of about 350 words on the following topic:
Many people believe that to move up the ladder of success and achievement, they must forget the past, repress and relinquish it but others view the past as a valuable source for lessons. What is your opinion?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience
In today's world, many people believe that the reach of success and achievement requires the ignorance of the past mistakes, while others view imperfections as the valuable catalyst to be successful. I maintain a neutral view on this perspective. While the former view is valid, the latter on is equally accurate
Forgetting everything bad in the past may relieve our mind, making way for necessary focus on valuable present tasks. As multitasking is ineffective and disturbing, it is important that people cease brooding over the bad experience and save more energy for potential advancements at present and in future. For example, if an office worker contemplates unflaggingly over his terrible mistake, he may not be able to thoroughly focus on work and therefore produce futile results. This can lead him to criticism from superiors, threatening by potential demotion or public discipline. Without paying attention to present affairs, people cannot work with their comprehensive capacity and achieve a logical and realistic perspective. Therefore, forgetting distressing experience and jump up to present may be an effective strategy for success
However, I believe that learning from the past is equally important. This is because bygone mistakes may lay the groundwork for future avoidance and self-fulfillment. For example, only when students carefully anatomize and detect their wrong answers in the test, can they stop repeating those errors and achieving higher level of academic success. This can lead to bountiful experience and knowledge, potentially rendering people more savvy and mature that they actually are. Having abundant experience can lead to success in many aspects of life, such as professions, social connections and personal development. The absence of lessons in the past may remain a person in a stable state without improvement or progress.
In conclusion, while ignoring bad experience and focusing on present potential may be beneficial for reaching success, I believe the lessons from the past teach people how to avoid failure. Therefore, it is important to know when to adapt these two approaches in different life situations.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"the reach of success and achievement requires the ignorance of the past mistakes" -> "the pursuit of success and achievement necessitates the disregard of past mistakes"
Explanation: Replacing "the reach of success and achievement requires the ignorance of the past mistakes" with "the pursuit of success and achievement necessitates the disregard of past mistakes" refines the sentence by using more precise and formal vocabulary ("pursuit" and "necessitates" instead of "reach" and "requires"). "Disregard" is also more appropriate than "ignorance," which can imply a lack of knowledge rather than a deliberate choice to ignore. -
"the latter on is equally accurate" -> "the latter is equally accurate"
Explanation: Removing "on" corrects a typographical error, ensuring grammatical accuracy and maintaining the formal tone of the essay. -
"relieve our mind" -> "relieve our minds"
Explanation: Changing "our mind" to "our minds" corrects the grammatical error, aligning with the plural subject "people" mentioned earlier in the sentence. -
"cease brooding over" -> "cease dwelling on"
Explanation: Replacing "brooding" with "dwelling on" provides a more precise and formal term for the act of persistently thinking about something, which is more suitable for academic writing. -
"save more energy for potential advancements at present and in future" -> "conserve energy for potential advancements in the present and future"
Explanation: Changing "save more energy" to "conserve energy" uses a more formal verb, and "in the present and future" corrects the grammatical structure for clarity and formality. -
"unflaggingly" -> "constantly"
Explanation: "Unflaggingly" is an adjective that is less commonly used and may be considered overly formal or archaic. "Constantly" is a more straightforward and widely accepted term. -
"futile results" -> "ineffective results"
Explanation: "Futile" typically implies a lack of purpose or usefulness, which may not be the intended meaning here. "Ineffective" is more precise in describing results that do not achieve their intended purpose. -
"threatening by potential demotion or public discipline" -> "threatened by potential demotion or public discipline"
Explanation: Correcting "threatening" to "threatened" fixes the grammatical error, ensuring subject-verb agreement. -
"jump up to present" -> "move forward to the present"
Explanation: "Jump up to present" is an informal and unclear phrase. "Move forward to the present" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing. -
"lay the groundwork for future avoidance and self-fulfillment" -> "provide a foundation for future avoidance and self-fulfillment"
Explanation: "Lay the groundwork" is a bit informal and vague; "provide a foundation" is more specific and academically appropriate. -
"anatomize and detect" -> "analyze and identify"
Explanation: "Anatomize" is not typically used in this context; "analyze" is the correct term for examining and interpreting data or information. "Detect" is also less formal than "identify," which is more suitable for academic writing. -
"achieving higher level of academic success" -> "achieving a higher level of academic success"
Explanation: Adding "a" before "higher level" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase grammatically correct and more formal. -
"bountiful experience and knowledge" -> "abundant experience and knowledge"
Explanation: "Bountiful" is less commonly used and can be seen as overly poetic or informal for academic writing. "Abundant" is a more straightforward and formal choice. -
"more savvy and mature that they actually are" -> "more savvy and mature than they actually are"
Explanation: Correcting "that" to "than" fixes a grammatical error, ensuring correct comparison. -
"remain a person in a stable state" -> "remain in a stable state"
Explanation: Removing "a person" corrects the awkward and unnecessary phrase, streamlining the sentence for clarity and formality.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting both perspectives on the relationship between past experiences and success. The writer acknowledges the view that forgetting the past can be beneficial for focusing on the present, while also emphasizing the importance of learning from past mistakes. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit statement of the writer’s opinion, as the phrase "I maintain a neutral view" may confuse readers about the author’s stance.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This could involve explicitly choosing one perspective over the other or suggesting a balanced approach while clarifying which aspect they prioritize.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position but lacks consistency. The introduction suggests a neutral stance, which is somewhat diluted in the body paragraphs. The first paragraph emphasizes the benefits of forgetting the past, while the second highlights the importance of learning from it, leading to ambiguity regarding the author’s true opinion.
- How to improve: The writer should choose a definitive position and maintain it throughout the essay. This could involve using transitional phrases that reinforce their stance and ensuring that each paragraph aligns with the chosen viewpoint. For instance, if the writer believes in the value of learning from the past, they should emphasize this throughout the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas and supports them with examples, such as the office worker and the student analyzing test mistakes. However, some arguments could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, the example of the office worker could benefit from more detail about the consequences of not learning from past mistakes, which would strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to elaborate on each example and provide more context. Including additional examples or statistics could also enhance the argument’s persuasiveness. Furthermore, ensuring that each idea is clearly linked back to the main thesis will help in extending the discussion.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the connection to the main question could be clearer. For instance, the conclusion mentions the need to adapt both approaches but does not explicitly tie this back to the question of whether one should forget the past or learn from it.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by restating the question or its key terms in the topic sentences of each paragraph. Additionally, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points while directly addressing the essay prompt to reinforce the overall argument.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the two perspectives on the role of the past in achieving success. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of forgetting past mistakes, while the second body paragraph emphasizes the importance of learning from them. However, the transition between the two perspectives could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "However, I believe that learning from the past is equally important" serves as a transition but lacks a more explicit connection to the previous paragraph’s ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the ideas between paragraphs. For example, you could start the second paragraph with a phrase like "On the other hand," or "Conversely," to signal a shift in perspective more clearly. Additionally, summarizing the main point of the first paragraph before introducing the second perspective can help reinforce the logical progression.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs develop the argument. However, the conclusion could be more distinct and concise, as it somewhat reiterates points made in the body without adding new insights.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the key points without redundancy. You might consider rephrasing the conclusion to emphasize the balance between the two perspectives rather than restating them. A strong concluding sentence that encapsulates your overall stance can leave a lasting impression.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "For example," "Therefore," and "However," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the use of pronouns and synonyms could be more varied to avoid repetition.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases such as "In addition," "Furthermore," or "Consequently." Additionally, using synonyms for repeated terms (e.g., "success," "achievement") can enhance the essay’s cohesiveness. For example, instead of repeatedly using "success," you might use "accomplishment" or "attainment" to maintain reader interest and improve flow.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments. By refining transitions, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "catalyst," "multitasking," "brooding," and "anatomize." These words contribute to the overall clarity and sophistication of the argument. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied or nuanced. For example, the phrase "the reach of success and achievement" could be more effectively expressed as "the pursuit of success and achievement," which would enhance clarity and precision.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating more synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "success" and "achievement," explore alternatives like "accomplishment," "prosperity," or "advancement." Additionally, using idiomatic expressions or collocations relevant to the topic can enrich the vocabulary further.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "the valuable catalyst to be successful" could be misleading, as a catalyst typically refers to something that accelerates a process rather than a source of value. Furthermore, "jump up to present" is awkward and could be replaced with "move forward to the present" for clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that the chosen words accurately convey the intended meaning. Reviewing definitions and contexts for specific terms can help avoid misusage. For instance, consider using "overcome" instead of "cease brooding over" to convey a more active approach to dealing with past mistakes.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is mostly accurate, with only a few minor errors. For instance, "the latter on is equally accurate" should be "the latter one is equally accurate." Such errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay multiple times. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that might be overlooked during silent reading. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and their correct forms can be beneficial.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "While the former view is valid, the latter on is equally accurate" show an ability to connect ideas effectively. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "only when students carefully anatomize and detect their wrong answers in the test, can they stop repeating those errors," adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a tendency to rely on similar structures, which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and lengths. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "this is because," you could use phrases like "One reason for this is that…" or "An important aspect to consider is…". Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences could further enrich the essay’s grammatical range.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good command of grammar and punctuation, with most sentences being clear and coherent. However, there are notable errors that impact clarity. For instance, the phrase "the latter on is equally accurate" contains a typographical error ("on" should be "one"). Additionally, punctuation issues, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, can lead to run-on sentences, as seen in "This can lead him to criticism from superiors, threatening by potential demotion or public discipline." The phrase "threatening by potential demotion" is awkwardly constructed and could be clearer.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for typographical errors and awkward phrasing. Pay particular attention to the use of commas in complex sentences to ensure clarity. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help in avoiding run-ons and fragments. For example, revising "This can lead him to criticism from superiors, threatening by potential demotion or public discipline" to "This can lead to criticism from superiors, which may threaten him with potential demotion or public discipline" would enhance clarity.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical structures and generally accurate usage, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy will help elevate the score further.
Bài sửa mẫu
In today’s world, many people believe that the pursuit of success and achievement necessitates the disregard of past mistakes, while others view these imperfections as valuable catalysts for success. I maintain a neutral stance on this perspective. While the former view is valid, the latter is equally accurate.
Forgetting negative experiences may relieve our minds, allowing us to concentrate on important tasks in the present. Since multitasking can lead to ineffective results, it is crucial that individuals cease dwelling on past mistakes and conserve energy for potential advancements in the present and future. For example, if an office worker constantly ruminates over a significant error, he may struggle to focus on his current responsibilities, ultimately leading to subpar performance. This could result in criticism from superiors, threatening him with potential demotion or public discipline. Without paying attention to present matters, individuals cannot operate at their full capacity and achieve a logical and realistic perspective. Therefore, moving forward to the present can be an effective strategy for success.
However, I believe that learning from the past is equally important. This is because bygone mistakes can provide a foundation for future avoidance and self-fulfillment. For instance, only when students analyze and identify their incorrect answers on tests can they stop repeating those errors and achieve a higher level of academic success. This process can lead to abundant experience and knowledge, potentially rendering individuals more savvy and mature than they actually are. Having such experience can contribute to success in various aspects of life, including careers, social connections, and personal development. The absence of lessons learned from the past may leave a person in a stable state without improvement or progress.
In conclusion, while ignoring negative experiences and focusing on present potential may be beneficial for achieving success, I believe that the lessons from the past are crucial for avoiding future failures. Therefore, it is important to know when to adapt these two approaches in different life situations.
