Write an essay of about 350 words on the following topic: Technological development leads to a lot of environmental issues. Some people think a simple lifestyle can preserve the environment, while others argue that technology itself can solve it. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Write an essay of about 350 words on the following topic:
Technological development leads to a lot of environmental issues. Some people think a simple lifestyle can preserve the environment, while others argue that technology itself can solve it.
Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Of the ten hottest years ever recorded, nine were observed in the last decade. “Numbers do not lie”; this reality has demonstrated that our global environment is in utmost critical condition. While some advocate for adopting a minimal lifestyle in response, others are of the opinion that technology itself holds the potential to mitigate this deteriorating climatic predicament. Personally, I consider a comprehensive approach, encompassing both the aforementioned methods to be the optimal solution to this multifaceted issue.
As the majority of urban pollution originates from household activities, it stands to reason that a radical shift of lifestyle towards a minimalistic approach is undoubtedly accompanied by its merits. To be specific, reduction in our consumption of natural resources would alleviate the burden imposed upon nature’s reservoir. Take coal and oil for instance, should our irresponsible rate of consumption be permitted to proceed, humanity would witness the demise of such resources in the not-so-distant future. Thus, it is in our best interest to curtail our consumption of such resources, while also promoting the integration of renewable energy sources in our lives, such as solar and wind energy. In addition, society as a whole could unite to frown upon the use of non-environmentally-friendly applications, like pesticides and machinery which discharge worrying levels of toxic gas into the atmosphere.
Nonetheless, though technological advances have majorly contributed to environmental crises, technology itself also introduces methods to effectively tackle such issues. Renewable energy sources, for example, represent a sustainable approach from humanity to compromise with our surroundings. Solar, wind and tidal energy could rival conventional methods in generating electricity, though at a lower cost and more sustainable format than power plants. Another field that has witnessed dramatic reform from the incorporation of technology is agriculture. Precision farming, aquaponic, manipulation of harvests and birth of more efficient flora are all products resulting from the ingenuity of scientists that have significantly boosted yield and the emergence of a social craving for “organic products”.
As my final verdict, I would like to reemphasize the vitality of adopting a minimal lifestyle, for its desirable benefits in decreasing harm to our habitat. Meanwhile, modern applications of technology also offer a range of solutions to overcome our environmental crises. As such, it would be in our best interest to combine these two methods. After all, humanity is inseparable from technology, therefore the only remaining feasible option is to utilize it effectively.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Of the ten hottest years ever recorded, nine were observed in the last decade." -> "Among the ten warmest years on record, nine occurred in the past decade."
Explanation: This revision maintains the formality of the statement while using more precise terminology, such as "warmest" instead of "hottest."
"“Numbers do not lie”; this reality has demonstrated that our global environment is in utmost critical condition." -> "Numerical data unequivocally indicate that our global environment is in a highly critical state."
Explanation: The suggested alternative maintains the emphasis on data but uses more formal language and structure.
"While some advocate for adopting a minimal lifestyle in response, others are of the opinion that technology itself holds the potential to mitigate this deteriorating climatic predicament." -> "While some propose embracing a minimalist lifestyle in response, others contend that technology possesses the potential to mitigate this worsening climate predicament."
Explanation: The revision replaces casual phrases like "of the opinion" with more formal language, enhancing the academic tone.
"Personally, I consider a comprehensive approach, encompassing both the aforementioned methods to be the optimal solution to this multifaceted issue." -> "In my view, a comprehensive strategy that incorporates both of the aforementioned approaches represents the optimal solution to this multifaceted issue."
Explanation: The suggested changes eliminate the first-person pronoun and employ more formal language, improving the overall academic tone.
"it stands to reason that a radical shift of lifestyle towards a minimalistic approach is undoubtedly accompanied by its merits." -> "It is reasonable to assert that a substantial shift toward a minimalist lifestyle undoubtedly carries its merits."
Explanation: This revision maintains the logical reasoning while using more formal phrasing and structure.
"Take coal and oil for instance, should our irresponsible rate of consumption be permitted to proceed, humanity would witness the demise of such resources in the not-so-distant future." -> "Consider coal and oil, for example. If our irresponsible rate of consumption is allowed to continue, humanity could witness the depletion of these resources in the near future."
Explanation: The suggested changes enhance the clarity of the sentence and utilize more academic language.
"society as a whole could unite to frown upon the use of non-environmentally-friendly applications, like pesticides and machinery which discharge worrying levels of toxic gas into the atmosphere." -> "Society at large could collectively discourage the use of environmentally unfriendly practices, such as pesticides and machinery that emit alarming levels of toxic gases into the atmosphere."
Explanation: The revision employs more formal language and structure while avoiding casual expressions like "frown upon."
"Nonetheless, though technological advances have majorly contributed to environmental crises, technology itself also introduces methods to effectively tackle such issues." -> "Nevertheless, while technological advances have significantly contributed to environmental crises, technology itself also offers methods to effectively address these issues."
Explanation: This change eliminates redundancy and uses more precise language, improving the overall academic tone.
"Renewable energy sources, for example, represent a sustainable approach from humanity to compromise with our surroundings." -> "Renewable energy sources, for instance, exemplify a sustainable means by which humanity can harmonize with our environment."
Explanation: The suggested revision maintains the formality and clarity of the sentence.
"Precision farming, aquaponic, manipulation of harvests and birth of more efficient flora are all products resulting from the ingenuity of scientists that have significantly boosted yield and the emergence of a social craving for ‘organic products’." -> "Precision farming, aquaponics, crop manipulation, and the development of more efficient plant varieties are all outcomes of scientific ingenuity that have substantially increased agricultural yields and fueled a growing societal demand for ‘organic products’."
Explanation: This revision corrects the use of "birth" and improves the flow and clarity of the sentence while using more precise terminology.
"As my final verdict, I would like to reemphasize the vitality of adopting a minimal lifestyle, for its desirable benefits in decreasing harm to our habitat." -> "In conclusion, I would like to reaffirm the importance of embracing a minimalist lifestyle for its favorable impacts on reducing harm to our environment."
Explanation: The suggested changes enhance the conclusion’s formality and clarity.
"After all, humanity is inseparable from technology, therefore the only remaining feasible option is to utilize it effectively." -> "Given that humanity is inseparable from technology, it follows that the only remaining feasible option is to employ it effectively."
Explanation: The revision uses more formal language and structure to strengthen the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Quoted text: "Of the ten hottest years ever recorded, nine were observed in the last decade. ‘Numbers do not lie’; this reality has demonstrated that our global environment is in utmost critical condition."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction of the essay begins with a strong and attention-grabbing statement about the current state of the environment, which is excellent. However, it lacks a clear indication of your personal position on the topic. The prompt asks for your opinion, so it’s essential to make your stance evident in the introduction. To enhance this section, you could add a sentence expressing your viewpoint, such as "In my view, addressing these environmental challenges requires a multifaceted approach."
- Improved example: "Of the ten hottest years ever recorded, nine were observed in the last decade. ‘Numbers do not lie’; this reality has demonstrated that our global environment is in utmost critical condition. In my view, addressing these environmental challenges requires a multifaceted approach."
Quoted text: "Thus, it is in our best interest to curtail our consumption of such resources, while also promoting the integration of renewable energy sources in our lives, such as solar and wind energy."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This section effectively discusses the importance of reducing resource consumption and integrating renewable energy sources. However, it could benefit from more specific examples or reasons to support your argument. For instance, you could provide a personal anecdote or a specific case where renewable energy made a positive impact in reducing environmental harm. This would add depth and credibility to your point.
- Improved example: "Thus, it is in our best interest to curtail our consumption of such resources. For example, in my own experience, I’ve witnessed how installing solar panels on my house not only reduced my electricity bills but also significantly lowered my carbon footprint. Additionally, promoting the integration of renewable energy sources like solar and wind energy can lead to a more sustainable future."
Quoted text: "Another field that has witnessed dramatic reform from the incorporation of technology is agriculture. Precision farming, aquaponic, manipulation of harvests and birth of more efficient flora are all products resulting from the ingenuity of scientists that have significantly boosted yield and the emergence of a social craving for “organic products”."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This section discusses the positive impact of technology on agriculture, which is relevant to the essay topic. However, it lacks depth in terms of explaining how these technological advancements have specifically contributed to solving environmental issues. To strengthen your argument, you could provide specific examples or statistics about how precision farming or aquaponics have reduced the environmental footprint of agriculture.
- Improved example: "Another field that has witnessed dramatic reform from the incorporation of technology is agriculture. Precision farming, for instance, allows farmers to use resources more efficiently, reducing the need for excessive water or pesticides. In my hometown, the adoption of precision farming techniques has not only increased crop yields but also significantly reduced the environmental impact of farming practices. These advancements are crucial in addressing our environmental challenges."

Overall, your essay presents a clear position and addresses both sides of the argument. However, it would benefit from providing more specific examples and reasons to support your points, particularly in the second body paragraph. This would enhance the depth of idea development and improve the overall persuasiveness of your essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, earning a Band 7. The essay is logically organized with a clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph presents a central topic and follows a logical sequence. The writer uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately, helping to connect ideas within and between sentences. Transition words and phrases such as "thus," "nonetheless," and "as my final verdict" aid in maintaining coherence.

How to improve: To move to a higher band score, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence structures and a greater depth of analysis. Additionally, ensuring a consistent level of formality in language and style throughout the essay would enhance cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary and lexical resources. It effectively utilizes a wide range of vocabulary to discuss the topic of environmental issues and technology. The writer fluently conveys precise meanings and skillfully incorporates less common lexical items. There are only occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, and these errors do not significantly impede communication. The vocabulary used is appropriate for the academic context of an IELTS Task 2 essay.

The essay employs terms such as "minimalistic approach," "reservoir," "non-environmentally-friendly applications," "precision farming," "aquaponic," "manipulation of harvests," and "organic products," which demonstrate a variety of vocabulary and an attempt to convey specific ideas.

While there are some minor errors in word choice and collocation, they are infrequent and do not hinder the overall clarity and coherence of the essay. For instance, "compromise with our surroundings" could be replaced with "coexist harmoniously with our environment" for more precise word choice.

How to improve:
To further improve the lexical resource score, the writer can focus on minimizing occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. Proofreading and careful selection of vocabulary can help in achieving an even higher score. Additionally, continue expanding your vocabulary and using less common lexical items appropriately to enhance the richness of expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical range and accuracy. It uses a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. There is generally good control of grammar and punctuation, with only occasional errors. The essay effectively conveys ideas and maintains clarity through its language use.

The essay employs a range of complex sentence structures, such as subordinate clauses and compound sentences, which enhances its grammatical range. For example, the sentence, "Take coal and oil for instance, should our irresponsible rate of consumption be permitted to proceed, humanity would witness the demise of such resources in the not-so-distant future," effectively uses complex structures to convey a clear message.

While there are occasional errors and minor inaccuracies, they do not significantly impede communication or comprehension. For instance, the phrase "this reality has demonstrated that our global environment is in utmost critical condition" could be slightly improved by saying "in critical condition" instead of "in utmost critical condition," but this does not detract from the overall clarity of the essay.

How to improve:
To potentially reach a higher band score, the writer should aim for even greater precision in their language use and strive for complete error-free sentences. They can achieve this by carefully proofreading and editing their work for minor grammatical and punctuation errors. Additionally, further diversifying the sentence structures used in the essay can help enhance grammatical range and complexity.

Bài sửa mẫu

Among the ten warmest years on record, nine occurred in the past decade. Numerical data unequivocally indicate that our global environment is in a highly critical state. While some propose embracing a minimalist lifestyle in response, others contend that technology possesses the potential to mitigate this worsening climate predicament. In my view, a comprehensive strategy that incorporates both of the aforementioned approaches represents the optimal solution to this multifaceted issue.

It is reasonable to assert that a substantial shift toward a minimalist lifestyle undoubtedly carries its merits. Consider coal and oil, for example. If our irresponsible rate of consumption is allowed to continue, humanity could witness the depletion of these resources in the near future. Society at large could collectively discourage the use of environmentally unfriendly practices, such as pesticides and machinery that emit alarming levels of toxic gases into the atmosphere.

Nevertheless, while technological advances have significantly contributed to environmental crises, technology itself also offers methods to effectively address these issues. Renewable energy sources, for instance, exemplify a sustainable means by which humanity can harmonize with our environment. Precision farming, aquaponics, crop manipulation, and the development of more efficient plant varieties are all outcomes of scientific ingenuity that have substantially increased agricultural yields and fueled a growing societal demand for ‘organic products’.

In conclusion, I would like to reaffirm the importance of embracing a minimalist lifestyle for its favorable impacts on reducing harm to our environment. Given that humanity is inseparable from technology, it follows that the only remaining feasible option is to employ it effectively.