write an essay to an educated reader to discuss the causes of having children later in life and access the possible effects on both family and society. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer. you should write at least 250 words.

These days, more and more couple decide not to have children early in life, so delaying childbirth has become a common issue in society. This essay will discuss some reasons for delaying childbearing and effects of this problem on family and society.
There are some reasons why people delay giving birth. First of all, women want to have more time to develop their career. The society is become competitive, so when having children later, they can have chances to get a higher education and higher positions. This helps them become more successful and earn more money. Another reasons is that giving birth might make women lose jobs. In fact, a lot of women are fired by companies after childbirth. Finally, raising children is a very hard task. They have to spend most time take care of children and worry about the cost of raising children. beside that, they do not have much time for themselves.
There are some serious effects of delaying childbirth on family and society. Firstly, having children later in the life may be bad for women. For example, it is difficult for them to get pregnant when they are older. In addition, they can get some diseases such as diabetes and high blood pressure during their pregnancy. This is harmful for to both moms and babies. As a result, it can be a burden on the healthcare system when there are old.
To conclude, there are many reasons why women want to have a baby later in life and its effects are serious. They should consider this matter carefully to make right choice

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"These days" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "These days."
"more and more couple decide" -> "an increasing number of couples decide"
Explanation: "An increasing number of" is a more formal and precise way to describe a growing trend, and "couples" should be plural to match the verb "decide."
"delaying childbirth has become a common issue" -> "delayed childbirth has become a prevalent issue"
Explanation: "Delayed" is more accurate in this context, referring to the act of delaying childbirth, and "prevalent" is a more formal synonym for "common."
"This essay will discuss" -> "This essay will explore"
Explanation: "Explore" is a more academically appropriate verb than "discuss," suggesting a deeper analysis and examination of the topic.
"First of all" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "Firstly" is a more formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing compared to the colloquial "First of all."
"The society is become" -> "Society has become"
Explanation: "Society" should be capitalized as it refers to the general public, and "has become" is the correct form of the verb.
"have chances to get" -> "have opportunities to obtain"
Explanation: "Opportunities to obtain" is more formal and precise than "chances to get," aligning better with academic style.
"Another reasons is that" -> "Another reason is that"
Explanation: "Reason" should be singular to match the singular verb "is."
"giving birth might make women lose jobs" -> "childbirth may result in women losing their jobs"
Explanation: "Childbirth" is a more specific term than "giving birth," and "may result in" is a more formal expression than "might make."
"a lot of women are fired by companies" -> "many women are terminated by employers"
Explanation: "Terminated" is a more formal term than "fired," and "employers" is more precise than "companies."
"raising children is a very hard task" -> "raising children is a challenging task"
Explanation: "Challenging" is a more formal and academically appropriate adjective than "hard."
"They have to spend most time take care of children" -> "They must spend most of their time caring for children"
Explanation: "Must" is more formal than "have to," and "most of their time caring for" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"beside that" -> "furthermore"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing than "beside that."
"having children later in the life" -> "having children later in life"
Explanation: "In life" is the correct prepositional phrase, and the article "the" is unnecessary before "life."
"it is difficult for them to get pregnant" -> "it is challenging for them to conceive"
Explanation: "Conceive" is a more precise and formal term than "get pregnant" in this context.
"they can get some diseases" -> "they may contract certain diseases"
Explanation: "Contract" is a more precise medical term than "get," and "certain" is more formal than "some."
"This is harmful for to both moms and babies" -> "This is detrimental to both mothers and infants"
Explanation: "Detrimental" is a more formal adjective, and "mothers" and "infants" are the correct terms.
"it can be a burden on the healthcare system when there are old" -> "it can pose a burden on the healthcare system as they age"
Explanation: "Pose a burden" is a more formal expression, and "as they age" is grammatically correct and clearer than "when there are old."
"They should consider this matter carefully to make right choice" -> "They should carefully consider this matter to make the right choice"
Explanation: "Carefully consider" is grammatically correct, and "the right choice" should be hyphenated for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the causes of delaying childbirth and the effects on family and society. However, it lacks depth in exploring the societal implications and does not fully articulate the effects on families. For instance, while it mentions the career aspirations of women as a reason for delaying childbirth, it does not explore how this impacts family dynamics or the emotional aspects of parenting later in life. The mention of healthcare burdens is a good start but could be expanded with more examples or statistics.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that all parts of the question are thoroughly explored. This could involve providing more detailed examples of how delayed childbirth affects family relationships, such as changes in parenting styles or the emotional readiness of parents. Additionally, discussing societal impacts, like demographic shifts or economic implications, would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general stance on the topic, indicating that there are reasons for delaying childbirth and that it has serious effects. However, the position could be clearer and more consistent. Phrases like "this problem" suggest a negative connotation, but the essay does not consistently argue why delaying childbirth is problematic. The conclusion reiterates the seriousness of the effects but does not clearly state whether the author believes delaying childbirth is a positive or negative choice overall.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. Using transitional phrases to connect ideas and reiterate the stance can help maintain clarity. For example, stating whether the benefits of delaying childbirth outweigh the drawbacks or vice versa would provide a more definitive position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as career development and health risks, but these ideas are not fully developed. For instance, while the essay mentions that women might lose their jobs after childbirth, it could benefit from more elaboration on how this affects their long-term career prospects or family income. Additionally, the effects on society are mentioned but not sufficiently supported with examples or data.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples. This could include statistics on the age of first-time mothers or studies linking delayed childbirth to economic trends. Each point made should be followed by a thorough explanation or example to substantiate the claim.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the causes and effects of delaying childbirth. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing health risks without linking them back to the broader implications for family and society. The phrase "this problem" is vague and could confuse readers about what specific issue is being referred to.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main topic. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader. Additionally, avoiding vague terms and ensuring that all points made are directly relevant to the prompt will enhance the essay’s coherence.

In summary, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents relevant ideas, it requires more depth, clarity, and support to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on elaborating points, maintaining a clear position, and ensuring all parts of the question are thoroughly addressed will significantly improve the overall quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing reasons and effects, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing reasons to effects is somewhat abrupt. The essay begins with reasons for delaying childbirth but does not clearly link these reasons to the subsequent effects on family and society.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas. For example, after discussing reasons, a sentence like "These reasons not only impact individual women but also have broader implications for families and society" could bridge the two sections more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate ideas, which is a positive aspect. However, the paragraphs could be more distinct in their focus. The first body paragraph combines multiple reasons without clearly delineating them, making it harder for the reader to follow. Additionally, the second body paragraph, while discussing effects, could benefit from more detailed examples and clearer topic sentences.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with "One significant reason for delaying childbirth is the desire for career advancement," followed by a more organized exploration of each reason in separate sentences or sub-points.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "another reason," and "finally," which help in listing reasons. However, there is a limited range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. For instance, the transition between the reasons and the effects lacks cohesive phrases that would guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Moreover," "Consequently," or "In contrast" to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance coherence. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "women," you could refer to them as "they" or "mothers" in subsequent sentences.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing clarity and persuasiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "delaying childbirth," "career," and "healthcare system." However, the repetition of phrases such as "having children later" and "delaying childbearing" suggests a limited lexical variety. Additionally, the use of "hard task" and "common issue" lacks sophistication and could be expressed with more nuanced vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "having children later," you could use "postponing parenthood" or "delayed parenthood." Expanding vocabulary through reading and practice can help in finding more varied expressions.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the society is become competitive" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. The term "beside that" should be "besides that," which affects the flow and coherence of the argument. Additionally, "this is harmful for to both moms and babies" contains a grammatical error and could be phrased more clearly.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. Review grammatical structures and ensure that phrases fit contextually. For example, instead of saying "this is harmful for to both moms and babies," you could say "this poses risks to both mothers and infants." Regularly practicing sentence construction and seeking feedback can help improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "couple" (should be "couples"), "another reasons" (should be "another reason"), and "beside" (should be "besides"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review the essay for spelling mistakes. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Practicing writing regularly will help reinforce correct spelling habits.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary, improving precision, and enhancing spelling accuracy—the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("This essay will discuss some reasons for delaying childbearing and effects of this problem on family and society.") and compound sentences ("This helps them become more successful and earn more money."). However, the overall range is limited, with a predominance of simple and compound structures. For example, the sentence "There are some reasons why people delay giving birth" is straightforward and lacks complexity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences, such as those using subordinate clauses or varied conjunctions. For instance, instead of saying "Another reasons is that giving birth might make women lose jobs," a more complex structure could be: "Another reason for this trend is the fear that giving birth may lead to job loss, which discourages many women from starting families early." This would not only diversify the sentence structures but also improve the overall flow of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "The society is become competitive" should be "Society has become competitive," and "Another reasons" should be corrected to "Another reason." Additionally, phrases like "beside that" should be "besides that," and "hard task" would be more accurately expressed as "a challenging task." There are also instances of missing articles, such as "the life" instead of "in life." These errors affect clarity and coherence, leading to a lower band score.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles, and proper verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises, along with proofreading for common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, reading more academic texts can help the writer internalize correct structures and punctuation usage. For example, revising sentences to ensure they follow standard grammatical conventions will enhance clarity, such as changing "This is harmful for to both moms and babies" to "This is harmful to both mothers and their babies."

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

These days, an increasing number of couples decide not to have children early in life, so delayed childbirth has become a prevalent issue in society. This essay will explore some reasons for postponing childbearing and the effects of this trend on both families and society.

There are several reasons why people delay having children. Firstly, women want to have more time to develop their careers. Society has become increasingly competitive, so by having children later, they can obtain higher education and secure better positions. This not only helps them become more successful but also allows them to earn a higher income. Another reason is that childbirth may result in women losing their jobs. In fact, many women are terminated by employers after giving birth. Finally, raising children is a challenging task. They must spend most of their time caring for children and worrying about the costs associated with raising them. Furthermore, they often do not have much time for themselves.

There are some serious effects of delaying childbirth on families and society. Firstly, having children later in life may be detrimental to women. For example, it is challenging for them to conceive as they age. Additionally, they may contract certain diseases such as diabetes and high blood pressure during their pregnancies. This is harmful to both mothers and infants. As a result, it can pose a burden on the healthcare system as they age.

To conclude, there are many reasons why women choose to have children later in life, and the effects of this decision are significant. They should carefully consider this matter to make the right choice.