WRITING TASK 1 You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newport city centre from 2003–2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
WRITING TASK 1
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newport city centre from 2003–2012.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.
The line graph delineates the number of three distinctive types of crime that occurred in downtown Newport City between 2003 and 2012. Overall, it is evident that burglary-related incidents dropped significantly over the period, while car theft and robbery remained relatively unchanged despite some fluctuations. Additionally, the robbery rate consistently remained the lowest.
As can be seen, in 2003, approximately 3,500 burglaries were reported, exceeding car thefts by nearly 500 incidents. By contrast, there were just over 500 instances of robbery recorded in the initial period. Over the following year, the burglary rate peaked at about 3,750 cases before witnessing a dramatic plunge to around 1,000 reports by 2008. This rate subsequently climbed to approximately 1,500 and stayed constant until 2011 before slightly decreasing to around 900 in 2012.
On the other hand, the remaining two types of crime followed a different pattern. After leveling off at about 2,800 cases, the car theft rate declined to 2,000 by 2006. From 2006 to 2011, it gradually rebounded to reach 2,750 in 2012. However, the robbery rate did not oscillate much, ranging from 500 to 1,000 throughout the period, ending with just under 750 in 2012.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"The line graph delineates" -> "The line graph illustrates"
Explanation: "Delineates" is somewhat formal but less precise in this context. "Illustrates" is more commonly used in academic writing to describe the purpose of a graph, enhancing clarity and appropriateness. -
"distinctive types of crime" -> "specific types of crime"
Explanation: "Distinctive" implies a unique or notable characteristic, which is not the intended meaning here. "Specific" is more accurate and appropriate for describing the categories of crime being discussed. -
"occurred in downtown Newport City" -> "occurred in downtown Newport"
Explanation: "City" is redundant when "downtown" already implies a location within a city. Removing "City" streamlines the phrase and maintains formality. -
"dropped significantly" -> "declined substantially"
Explanation: "Dropped" can be seen as too informal and vague for academic writing. "Declined substantially" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style. -
"remained relatively unchanged" -> "remained relatively constant"
Explanation: "Constant" is a more precise term than "unchanged," which can be somewhat vague. It better conveys the stability of the data. -
"despite some fluctuations" -> "despite occasional fluctuations"
Explanation: Adding "occasional" specifies that the fluctuations were not frequent or significant, enhancing the precision of the description. -
"the robbery rate consistently remained the lowest" -> "the robbery rate consistently remained the lowest throughout"
Explanation: Adding "throughout" clarifies that the statement applies to the entire period, enhancing the completeness and formality of the description. -
"approximately 3,500 burglaries were reported" -> "approximately 3,500 burglaries were recorded"
Explanation: "Reported" can be replaced with "recorded" to provide a more formal and precise term, aligning with the context of crime statistics. -
"exceeding car thefts by nearly 500 incidents" -> "exceeding car thefts by nearly 500 cases"
Explanation: "Incidents" is too vague and informal for this context. "Cases" is the standard term used in crime statistics, making it more appropriate and precise. -
"witnessing a dramatic plunge" -> "experiencing a significant decline"
Explanation: "Witnessing" is somewhat informal and passive; "experiencing" is more active and formal, fitting the academic style better. -
"slightly decreasing" -> "slightly decreasing to"
Explanation: Adding "to" clarifies that the decrease is towards a specific point, enhancing the precision of the statement. -
"the remaining two types of crime" -> "the other two types of crime"
Explanation: "Remaining" implies a comparison to something previously mentioned, which is not clear in this context. "Other" is more straightforward and appropriate for describing the remaining categories. -
"followed a different pattern" -> "displayed a distinct pattern"
Explanation: "Followed" implies a passive action, whereas "displayed" is more active and formal, fitting the academic style better. -
"did not oscillate much" -> "remained relatively stable"
Explanation: "Oscillate" is too informal and can be vague; "remained relatively stable" is clearer and more formal, suitable for academic writing.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7
Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the data. It accurately describes the overall trends in each type of crime, highlighting the significant drop in burglary and the relatively stable rates of car theft and robbery. The essay also makes relevant comparisons between the three types of crime, noting that robbery consistently remained the lowest.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the fluctuations in each type of crime. For example, the essay could mention that car theft rates declined from 2003 to 2006, but then gradually increased from 2006 to 2012. The essay could also provide more precise figures for the peak and trough points in each trend.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout the response. Each paragraph focuses on specific aspects of the data, with a clear central topic introduced. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there are instances where the connection between ideas could be strengthened, indicating some under-use of certain cohesive elements. Overall, the essay maintains coherence and effectively communicates the main features of the data.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could enhance cohesion by incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices, ensuring that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smoother. Additionally, providing more explicit references to the data in the conclusion could reinforce the overall coherence of the essay. Lastly, ensuring that paragraphing is consistently logical and clearly defined would further improve the organization of ideas.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for flexibility and precision in conveying the information from the graph. The use of terms such as "delineates," "distinctive types," and "dramatic plunge" indicates an awareness of less common lexical items. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice, such as "the robbery rate consistently remained the lowest," which could be more effectively expressed. The spelling and word formation are generally accurate, but there are minor errors that do not impede communication.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of sophisticated vocabulary and ensure precise word choices. Additionally, minimizing any inaccuracies in collocation and enhancing the overall fluency of the essay would contribute to a stronger lexical resource. Focusing on using uncommon lexical items more skillfully, while ensuring they are contextually appropriate, would also help in achieving a higher score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors present. For example, the phrase "the robbery rate did not oscillate much" is clear and correctly structured, but there are minor issues with word choice and phrasing that could be improved for greater clarity. Overall, the grammatical range is satisfactory, but there are occasional errors that prevent a higher score.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the accuracy of complex structures and reducing minor errors. This could involve proofreading for grammatical mistakes and refining sentence structures to ensure clarity and precision. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and varying sentence lengths could further demonstrate grammatical flexibility and sophistication.
Bài sửa mẫu
The line graph illustrates the number of three distinct types of crime that occurred in downtown Newport City between 2003 and 2012. Overall, it is evident that burglary-related incidents experienced a significant decline over the period, while car theft and robbery remained relatively stable despite some fluctuations. Additionally, the robbery rate consistently remained the lowest among the three categories.
In 2003, approximately 3,500 burglaries were reported, exceeding car thefts by nearly 500 incidents. In contrast, just over 500 instances of robbery were recorded during this initial period. Over the following year, the burglary rate peaked at about 3,750 cases before experiencing a dramatic drop to around 1,000 reports by 2008. This rate subsequently increased to approximately 1,500 and remained constant until 2011, before slightly decreasing to around 900 in 2012.
Conversely, the other two types of crime followed a different trend. After stabilizing at about 2,800 cases, the car theft rate declined to 2,000 by 2006. From 2006 to 2011, it gradually rebounded to reach 2,750 in 2012. However, the robbery rate did not fluctuate significantly, ranging from 500 to 1,000 throughout the period, and ending with just under 750 in 2012.
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