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Writing Task 2 Nowadays, the traditions and customs relating to the food we eat and the way we eat are changing. Why is this happening? Do you think this kind of change is positive or negative?

Writing Task 2
Nowadays, the traditions and customs relating to the food we eat and the way we eat are changing. Why is this happening? Do you think this kind of change is positive or negative?

In the contemporary era, culinary practices have become a topic of discussion, with some asserting that traditional food and dietary habits have undergone modifications. From my perspective, this matter, rooted in various factors, yields significant adverse consequences.

Primarily, the substantial impact of social media is a key factor that markedly transforms our daily dietary habits. Technological advancements have facilitated the widespread dissemination of diverse culinary techniques. For example, sushi, originating in Japan, has garnered immense popularity worldwide through social media, captivating non-Japanese individuals and enticing them to experience its exceptional flavors and aroma. As a result, this issue has implications, encompassing both advantages and disadvantages for all nations.

Specifically, the globalization of culinary practices has provided a diverse array of food choices for individuals. Owing to the availability of recipes on the internet, individuals can now access information about dishes from every corner of the world. Conversely, this phenomenon poses a threat to the preservation of certain traditional cuisines. For instance, in Vietnam, the increasing enthusiasm among the younger generation for foreign cuisines like Korean and Japanese has led to the potential fading of its culinary heritage, exemplified by dishes like Banh Gio, thereby impacting the nation's distinctive identity.

In conclusion, technology is the primary cause of the alteration of traditional food and eating habits. Consequently, while this transformation leads to some advantages, its drawbacks are far more such as the diminishing of authentic flavors of traditional dishes, resulting in the loss of conventional identity.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "culinary practices" -> "culinary traditions"
    Explanation: Replacing "culinary practices" with "culinary traditions" provides a more specific and formal term, emphasizing the cultural and historical aspects of food.

  2. "some asserting" -> "some argue"
    Explanation: Changing "some asserting" to "some argue" introduces a more formal and precise verb choice, aligning with academic language.

  3. "modifications" -> "alterations"
    Explanation: Substituting "modifications" with "alterations" adds a touch of formality and specificity, conveying a more nuanced understanding of changes in traditional food and dietary habits.

  4. "From my perspective" -> "In my view"
    Explanation: "From my perspective" is slightly informal; replacing it with "In my view" maintains the personal aspect while adhering to a more academic tone.

  5. "yield significant adverse consequences" -> "have significant adverse implications"
    Explanation: Changing "yield significant adverse consequences" to "have significant adverse implications" retains the emphasis on negative outcomes in a more formal manner.

  6. "key factor that markedly transforms" -> "primary factor that substantially transforms"
    Explanation: Substituting "key" with "primary" and "markedly" with "substantially" enhances precision and formality, contributing to a more academically suitable expression.

  7. "Technological advancements" -> "Technological progress"
    Explanation: "Technological advancements" is slightly informal; "Technological progress" is a more academically appropriate alternative that maintains clarity.

  8. "dissemination of diverse culinary techniques" -> "spread of varied culinary techniques"
    Explanation: Replacing "dissemination" with "spread" and "diverse" with "varied" offers a more straightforward and formal expression.

  9. "captivating non-Japanese individuals" -> "capturing the interest of non-Japanese individuals"
    Explanation: Changing "captivating" to "capturing the interest of" provides a more precise and formal expression.

  10. "enticing them to experience its exceptional flavors and aroma" -> "prompting them to explore its distinctive flavors and aroma"
    Explanation: The replacement adds formality and precision by using "prompting" and "explore its distinctive," offering a more refined description.

  11. "encompassing both advantages and disadvantages" -> "entailing both benefits and drawbacks"
    Explanation: Substituting "encompassing" with "entailing" and "advantages and disadvantages" with "benefits and drawbacks" maintains clarity while using more formal language.

  12. "Specifically" -> "In particular"
    Explanation: "Specifically" is slightly informal; "In particular" is a more formal alternative, aligning better with academic style.

  13. "diverse array of food choices" -> "wide array of culinary options"
    Explanation: Replacing "diverse array of food choices" with "wide array of culinary options" provides a more sophisticated and precise expression.

  14. "phenomenon poses a threat" -> "phenomenon poses a challenge"
    Explanation: Changing "threat" to "challenge" maintains the seriousness of the issue while using a more formal term.

  15. "increasing enthusiasm among the younger generation" -> "growing interest among the younger generation"
    Explanation: "Increasing enthusiasm" is slightly informal; replacing it with "growing interest" maintains the formal tone while conveying the same idea.

  16. "has led to the potential fading" -> "has led to the potential erosion"
    Explanation: Substituting "fading" with "erosion" adds a more nuanced and formal touch to the sentence.

  17. "resulting in the loss of conventional identity" -> "resulting in the erosion of cultural identity"
    Explanation: Replacing "loss of conventional identity" with "erosion of cultural identity" adds precision and formality, emphasizing the cultural aspect of the impact.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing why changes in food traditions are occurring and expressing a view on whether these changes are positive or negative. However, the explanation of why these changes are happening could be more comprehensive. The essay primarily focuses on the impact of social media, neglecting other potential factors such as globalization, urbanization, or lifestyle changes.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider exploring a broader range of factors contributing to changes in food traditions. This could involve discussing how globalization, increased travel, and cultural exchange contribute to the evolution of culinary practices.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay takes a clear position that the changes in food traditions have significant adverse consequences. This stance is maintained consistently throughout the essay, contributing to clarity.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating your viewpoint in the introduction and conclusion. This helps the reader immediately understand your perspective and reinforces the consistency of your argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with clarity and elaborates on the impact of social media on culinary practices. However, the development of supporting ideas could be enhanced by providing more specific examples and evidence. The mention of sushi as an example is effective, but additional instances could be included for a more robust argument.
    • How to improve: To bolster the argument, incorporate more specific examples and evidence. Discuss how the accessibility of diverse recipes has led to the fusion of culinary traditions or the rise of fusion cuisines. This will add depth to your analysis and strengthen your overall argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the impact of social media on changing food habits. However, there is a brief mention of technology as the primary cause without a clear elaboration on how technology, beyond social media, contributes to this change.
    • How to improve: Ensure that your discussion of technology is more comprehensive. Elaborate on how technological advancements in transportation, communication, and food production contribute to the global exchange of culinary practices. This will provide a more well-rounded view of the topic.

In summary, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt, there is room for improvement in providing a more comprehensive explanation, strengthening the clarity of your position, incorporating additional examples for support, and ensuring a more thorough discussion of technology’s role in changing food traditions.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically. It begins with a clear introduction that introduces the topic and the writer’s perspective. The body paragraphs follow a logical progression, discussing the impact of social media on dietary habits and then presenting both advantages and disadvantages. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. However, there is a slight imbalance in the depth of discussion between the advantages and disadvantages, with more emphasis on the disadvantages.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider allocating more equal attention to advantages and disadvantages. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a balanced structure.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, contributing to the overall coherence. However, there is room for improvement in the development of ideas within paragraphs. Some ideas are presented briefly and could benefit from more elaboration and supporting details.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the content within each paragraph by providing more examples and explanations. This will contribute to a more comprehensive and nuanced discussion. Additionally, consider varying sentence structures for improved readability.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Primarily," "Specifically," "Conversely," "In conclusion"), to connect ideas and guide the reader through the essay. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied for a smoother flow. Additionally, there are instances where the connection between sentences could be strengthened for better coherence.
    • How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used, incorporating a mix of conjunctions, transitional words, and pronouns. Ensure that the relationship between sentences is clear, providing a seamless transition between ideas. Consider using more parallel structures to enhance the overall cohesiveness of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid level of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 6. To improve, focus on maintaining balance in discussing advantages and disadvantages, enhancing the development of ideas within paragraphs, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices for a more polished and interconnected essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. It effectively incorporates terms such as "culinary practices," "technological advancements," "globalization," and "enthusiasm." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further to enhance lexical variety and sophistication. For instance, alternative phrases and synonyms could be employed to avoid repetition and add nuance.
    • How to improve: To broaden the range of vocabulary, consider introducing more specialized terminology related to the topic. Instead of frequently using general terms like "culinary practices," explore specific vocabulary such as "gastronomic traditions" or "dietary customs." Additionally, aim for greater precision by choosing words that capture subtle distinctions in meaning.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately but occasionally lacks precision. For instance, the phrase "yield significant adverse consequences" could be refined to convey a more specific idea. On the positive side, the term "globalization of culinary practices" is precise and aptly captures the essence of the argument.
    • How to improve: Focus on refining expressions for precision. Instead of using broad terms like "significant adverse consequences," specify the negative outcomes in more detail. For example, mention specific impacts on cultural heritage or individual well-being. Emphasize the importance of choosing words that convey the intended meaning precisely, avoiding vague or overly general language.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally maintained throughout the essay. There are no glaring spelling errors that significantly detract from the overall quality. However, it’s essential to remain vigilant and ensure consistency in maintaining this level of accuracy.
    • How to improve: To sustain correct spelling, consider proofreading the essay thoroughly before submission. Pay particular attention to words that may have multiple acceptable spellings or those with challenging spellings. Utilize spell-check tools and, if possible, seek feedback from others to identify any overlooked errors. Establishing a routine of careful proofreading will contribute to sustained spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng:

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