You have recently gone to live in a new city. Write a letter to your English-speaking friend. In your letter: · Explain why you have gone to live in the new city · Describe the place where you are living · Invite your friend to come and see you · You do NOT need to write any addresses. Write a letter about 80-100 words. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Anna, and use your name and address as Hannah.
You have recently gone to live in a new city.
Write a letter to your English-speaking friend. In your letter:
· Explain why you have gone to live in the new city
· Describe the place where you are living
· Invite your friend to come and see you
· You do NOT need to write any addresses.
Write a letter about 80-100 words. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Anna, and use your name and address as Hannah.
Dear Anna,
How have you been? I hope everything goes well. I have recently made a decision on living in a new city and I find it interesting to share you in this letter.
As you know, I lived in a peaceful countryside that allowed me to cheer myself up with friendly neighborhoods and nutura(natural)l sceneries. Cô sửa câu nàyHowever, it has no advantages to develop my life and materialize my dreams. That is the primary reason for altering my daily space.
I have moved to a studio apartment near the capital(capital) centre. It provides sufficient space and amenities for new inhabitants like me to stay and function in a place surrounded by a lot of skyscrapers and green trees. I believe you will enjoy my current house because of an array of coffee houses and European restaurants you love. It would be amazing if you could travel and explore here with me. Cô sửa câu này
That is all for now. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Have a nice day! Best regards,
Hannah.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"How have you been?" -> "I hope this letter finds you well."
Explanation: The phrase "I hope this letter finds you well" is a more formal and conventional greeting in academic and professional correspondence, replacing the informal "How have you been?" -
"I find it interesting to share you in this letter." -> "I would like to share this news with you in this letter."
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The suggested revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the intention of sharing information. -
"I lived in a peaceful countryside" -> "I resided in a peaceful rural area"
Explanation: "Resided" is more formal than "lived," and "rural area" is a more precise term than "countryside," which can be vague. -
"cheer myself up" -> "relax and unwind"
Explanation: "Relax and unwind" is a more formal and precise way to describe finding comfort and leisure in a peaceful environment. -
"nutura(natural)l sceneries" -> "natural landscapes"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error and uses "landscapes" which is more formal and appropriate in academic writing. -
"it has no advantages to develop my life" -> "it lacks opportunities for personal development"
Explanation: "Lacks opportunities for personal development" is a more precise and formal way to express the lack of advantages in a personal context. -
"materialize my dreams" -> "pursue my aspirations"
Explanation: "Pursue my aspirations" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "materialize my dreams," which can sound overly dramatic and informal. -
"altering my daily space" -> "changing my living arrangements"
Explanation: "Changing my living arrangements" is a clearer and more formal expression than "altering my daily space." -
"a studio apartment near the capital(capital) centre" -> "a studio apartment in the city center"
Explanation: Corrects the redundancy of "capital(capital)" and uses "city center" which is more commonly used in formal writing. -
"It provides sufficient space and amenities for new inhabitants like me" -> "It offers ample space and amenities suitable for new residents"
Explanation: "Offers ample space and amenities suitable for new residents" is more formal and precise, avoiding the informal "like me." -
"an array of coffee houses and European restaurants" -> "a variety of coffee shops and European eateries"
Explanation: "A variety of" is more formal than "an array of," and "eateries" is a more precise term than "restaurants" in this context. -
"It would be amazing if you could travel and explore here with me." -> "I would be delighted if you could visit and explore this area with me."
Explanation: "I would be delighted" is more formal than "It would be amazing," and "visit and explore this area" is clearer and more specific than "travel and explore here."
These changes enhance the formality, clarity, and precision of the language used in the letter, aligning it more closely with academic and professional standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by explaining the reason for moving, describing the new living situation, and inviting the friend to visit. However, the explanation of why the writer moved lacks depth and clarity. The phrase "it has no advantages to develop my life and materialize my dreams" is vague and could be elaborated upon to provide a clearer rationale. Additionally, while the description of the new city mentions "skyscrapers and green trees," it does not provide sufficient detail about the city itself or the specific aspects that make it appealing.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide more specific reasons for the move, such as job opportunities or lifestyle changes. Additionally, including more vivid descriptions of the new city—such as cultural attractions, local events, or personal experiences—would help paint a clearer picture for the reader.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position of excitement about the new city, but this position is somewhat muddled by the lack of clarity in the reasons for moving. The phrase "I find it interesting to share you in this letter" is awkward and does not effectively convey the writer’s enthusiasm. The overall tone fluctuates between casual and formal, which can confuse the reader about the writer’s intent.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should focus on a consistent tone throughout the letter. Starting with a more engaging opening that clearly expresses excitement about the new city would help set the tone. Additionally, reinforcing the positive aspects of the new living situation throughout the letter would help solidify the writer’s position.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the benefits of the new apartment and the appeal of the city, but these ideas are not well-developed. The mention of "an array of coffee houses and European restaurants" is a good start, but it lacks elaboration on why these aspects are appealing or how they relate to the friend’s interests. The use of vague language and incomplete thoughts detracts from the effectiveness of the ideas presented.
- How to improve: To improve this area, the writer should aim to elaborate on each idea presented. For instance, instead of simply stating that there are coffee houses and restaurants, the writer could describe a favorite café or a dish that the friend would enjoy. Providing personal anecdotes or specific examples would help to support and extend the ideas more effectively.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s requirements. However, there are moments where the language becomes convoluted, such as in the phrase "I find it interesting to share you in this letter," which distracts from the main purpose of the letter. Additionally, the sentence structure is sometimes awkward, which can lead to confusion about the main points being made.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should aim for clearer and more straightforward language. Ensuring that each sentence directly contributes to the overall message of the letter will help keep the reader engaged and focused on the main points. Simplifying complex sentences and avoiding unnecessary phrases will enhance clarity and coherence.
Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements of the prompt, it falls short in depth, clarity, and coherence. By addressing these areas, the writer can significantly improve the quality of their response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with a greeting and inquiry about the friend’s well-being, followed by the reasons for moving, a description of the new living situation, and an invitation to visit. Each section logically flows into the next, making it easy for the reader to follow the writer’s thoughts. However, the transition between the first and second paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the countryside to the new city feels abrupt, which slightly disrupts the overall flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that connect ideas more fluidly. For example, after discussing the countryside, you could add a sentence like, "While the countryside had its charms, I felt it was time for a change that would better support my aspirations." This would create a more cohesive link between the two ideas.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the reason for the move, while the second paragraph describes the new living situation and extends an invitation. However, the first paragraph could be further refined to focus solely on the reasons for the move, while the second paragraph could concentrate on the description of the new city and the invitation.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea. You might consider breaking the first paragraph into two: one focusing on the reasons for moving and the other on the description of the new city. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and enhance readability.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "However" and "That is all for now," which help to connect ideas. Nonetheless, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "I have moved to a studio apartment" could be better connected to the previous sentence by using a cohesive device like "In contrast" to emphasize the change from the countryside to the city.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. Consider using devices such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "On the other hand" to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, varying the types of cohesive devices used—such as referencing back to previous points or using synonyms—can enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, focusing on smoother transitions, clearer paragraphing, and a broader range of cohesive devices will help elevate the writing to an even higher standard.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some effective expressions such as "peaceful countryside," "friendly neighborhoods," and "sufficient space and amenities." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety in certain areas. For instance, the phrase "new city" is used without any synonyms or alternative descriptions, which could enhance the richness of the text.
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, consider incorporating synonyms and more descriptive phrases. For example, instead of repeating "new city," you could use "urban environment" or "metropolitan area." Additionally, try to include more varied adjectives and adverbs to describe your experiences and surroundings, such as "vibrant," "bustling," or "serene."
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "materialize my dreams," which may confuse the reader. The phrase suggests a more abstract concept than intended. Additionally, the use of "altering my daily space" could be clearer; "changing my living environment" would be more straightforward.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. For example, instead of "materialize my dreams," you could say "pursue my aspirations." Ensure that the words you choose fit the context and clearly express your thoughts. Reading more English texts can help you see how words are used in context, aiding in your precision.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "nutura" (should be "natural") and "capital(capital)" (should be "capital"). These mistakes can detract from the overall quality of the writing and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a moment to read through your work carefully, looking specifically for spelling errors. You might also benefit from using spell-check tools or apps that can help identify mistakes. Additionally, practicing spelling common words and phrases can build your confidence and accuracy in writing.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and some effective vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding your vocabulary, choosing words more carefully, and focusing on spelling accuracy, you can enhance the overall quality of your writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "I have recently made a decision on living in a new city" showcases a complex structure with a present perfect tense. However, some sentences are somewhat awkwardly phrased, such as "I find it interesting to share you in this letter," which could be more effectively expressed as "I find it interesting to share my experiences with you in this letter." This indicates a need for more fluidity and naturalness in sentence construction.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses effectively. For example, instead of saying, "I have moved to a studio apartment near the capital centre," you could say, "Having moved to a studio apartment near the capital centre, I now enjoy a vibrant urban lifestyle." Additionally, practice using different sentence starters and varying the lengths of sentences to create a more engaging flow.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "I have recently made a decision on living in a new city" is slightly awkward; a more natural phrasing would be "I have recently decided to live in a new city." There are also instances of incorrect punctuation, such as the unnecessary capitalization of "capital" in "capital centre" and the absence of commas in compound sentences. Furthermore, the phrase "nutura(natural)l sceneries" contains a typographical error and should be corrected to "natural scenery" for grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully for common errors such as subject-verb agreement and punctuation. Practicing writing sentences with correct punctuation, such as using commas before conjunctions in compound sentences, will also help. Additionally, consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct errors before finalizing your writing. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common mistakes can also enhance your overall accuracy.
By addressing these areas, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy in future IELTS writing tasks.
Bài sửa mẫu
Dear Anna,
How have you been? I hope everything is going well. I have recently made the decision to live in a new city, and I would like to share this news with you in this letter. As you know, I resided in a peaceful rural area that allowed me to relax and unwind with friendly neighbors and beautiful natural landscapes. However, it lacks opportunities for personal development and to materialize my dreams. That is the primary reason for changing my living arrangements.
I have moved to a studio apartment in the city center. It offers ample space and amenities suitable for new residents like me, surrounded by many skyscrapers and green trees. I believe you will enjoy my current home because of the variety of coffee shops and European eateries you love. I would be delighted if you could visit and explore this area with me.
That is all for now. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Have a nice day! Best regards,
Hannah.
