You should spend 20 minutes on this task. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information in the graph below. You should write at least 150 words

From the two provided charts, it can be observed that Someland allocated medical research funding towards various diseases to minimize human losses in 1990. It is noteworthy that AIDS received the highest investment and had the lowest mortality rate, whereas tuberculosis (TB) exhibited the opposite trend.
Based on the provided data, it can be observed that the group of diseases including AIDS, Leprosy, and Tropical Disease received the highest funding. Specifically, the amount allocated for medical research on AIDS reached nearly 200 million, inversely proportional to the mortality rate attributed to the disease. Similarly, the funds allocated for researching Tropical Diseases and Leprosy corresponded to relatively low mortality rates, with the latter having the lowest death toll among the six diseases.
TB is the only disease to surpass the threshold of 0.5 million deaths, reaching nearly 2 million fatalities with the lowest investment of just under 50 million for medical treatment. Both Diarrhea and Malaria received approximately equal funding around 50 million, correlating with mortality rates hovering around 0.5 million deaths.
In summary, diseases that receive higher funding tend to have an inverse relationship with their mortality rates. From the analysis, it is evident that Someland needs to address the need for increased investment in TB to reduce the number of deaths.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"minimize human losses" -> "minimize mortality"
Explanation: "Human losses" is a vague term and doesn’t precisely convey the idea of reducing deaths. "Mortality" is a more specific and appropriate term in this context, referring to the number of deaths caused by diseases.
"had the lowest mortality rate" -> "exhibited the lowest mortality rate"
Explanation: "Had" is a simple past tense verb that doesn’t add much emphasis or sophistication. "Exhibited" is a more formal and precise verb choice here, indicating that tuberculosis displayed the lowest mortality rate.
"Based on the provided data" -> "According to the provided data"
Explanation: "Based on" is a common phrase, but "According to" is more formal and fitting for academic or analytical writing contexts.
"inversely proportional" -> "negatively correlated"
Explanation: "Inversely proportional" is technically accurate but might be overly technical for some readers. "Negatively correlated" is a simpler and clearer way to express the relationship between funding and mortality rates.
"corresponded to relatively low mortality rates" -> "were associated with relatively low mortality rates"
Explanation: "Corresponded to" is accurate but slightly passive. "Were associated with" is a more active and direct way to express the relationship between funding and mortality rates.
"TB is the only disease to surpass the threshold of 0.5 million deaths" -> "TB is the only disease to exceed the threshold of 0.5 million deaths"
Explanation: "Surpass" suggests outperforming or excelling, which might not be the intended meaning here. "Exceed" is a more appropriate term for surpassing a threshold or limit.
"hovering around 0.5 million deaths" -> "hovering around half a million deaths"
Explanation: Using "half a million" is more precise and formal than "0.5 million." It enhances readability and clarity in the context of mortality rates.
"From the analysis" -> "Based on the analysis"
Explanation: "From" is a bit vague and informal here. "Based on" is a clearer and more precise phrase to introduce the conclusions drawn from the analysis.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in medical research funding allocation and mortality rates for various diseases in Someland in 1990. It presents and highlights key features such as the allocation of funds and mortality rates for AIDS, tuberculosis, leprosy, diarrhea, and malaria. However, the response could be more fully developed and extended, providing deeper analysis and insights into the data.

How to improve: To improve the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score, consider providing more detailed analysis and explanation of the trends observed in the data. Expand on the implications of the funding allocation and mortality rates for each disease, and offer suggestions for addressing any discrepancies or areas needing attention, such as the need for increased investment in tuberculosis research. Additionally, ensure that all information presented is accurate and relevant to the task.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information by starting with a general overview and then delving into specific details. There is clear progression from discussing funding allocation to each disease and their corresponding mortality rates. Cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect ideas, such as "It is noteworthy that" and "Similarly, the funds allocated". Paragraphing is sufficient and logical, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the data.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and sentences. Consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices to further connect ideas seamlessly. Additionally, pay attention to maintaining consistency in referencing throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

[Band Score: 8
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary and conveys precise meanings. There is flexibility in word choice, and some less common lexical items are used, such as "inversely proportional" and "correlating." There are occasional inaccuracies, such as "the group of diseases including AIDS" instead of "the group of diseases that includes AIDS." Some minor spelling and word choice errors occur, like "the opposite trend" (instead of "the highest mortality rate") and "hovering around" instead of "approximately." However, these errors do not impede overall comprehension, reflecting a strong command of vocabulary.

How to improve: To achieve a Band 9, the essay could exhibit a more sophisticated control of lexical features with fewer minor errors or "slips." The use of collocations could be more precise, and idiomatic expressions could be added for more natural language flow. Using a wider variety of synonyms and reducing repeated phrases would also help achieve a higher band score. Furthermore, double-checking word choice and spelling could eliminate minor inaccuracies. ]

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex constructions such as "Based on the provided data" and "In summary". There is a consistent attempt to use a mix of simple and complex sentences throughout the essay, which contributes to a sense of coherence and clarity. The majority of sentences are error-free, with occasional minor errors or inaccuracies, such as "received approximately equal funding" where the word "equal" could be redundant. However, these errors do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To further improve grammatical range and accuracy, strive for greater precision in vocabulary usage and sentence structure. Additionally, pay close attention to articles, prepositions, and word order to minimize minor errors. Revising sentences for clarity and conciseness can also enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

From the data provided in the two charts, it is evident that Someland directed its medical research funding toward combating various diseases in 1990, aiming to mitigate human casualties. Notably, AIDS received the most substantial investment, despite having the lowest mortality rate, while tuberculosis (TB) displayed the opposite trend.

Analyzing the data further reveals that the cluster of diseases comprising AIDS, Leprosy, and Tropical Disease received the highest funding allocation. Specifically, the research funds allocated for AIDS amounted to nearly 200 million, showing an inverse relationship with its mortality rate. Similarly, funding for Tropical Diseases and Leprosy corresponded to relatively low mortality rates, with Leprosy recording the fewest deaths among the six diseases.

TB stands out as the disease with the highest mortality, nearing 2 million fatalities, despite receiving the lowest investment of just under 50 million for medical research. Diarrhea and Malaria both received approximately equal funding, around 50 million each, correlating with mortality rates around 0.5 million deaths.

In summary, diseases with higher funding generally exhibit an inverse relationship with their mortality rates. This analysis underscores the necessity for increased investment in addressing TB to reduce the number of deaths in Someland.