You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The chart below gives information about global population percentages and distribution of wealth by region. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The chart below gives information about global population percentages and distribution of wealth by region.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
You should write at least 150 words.
The bar chart indicates information about the proportion of the global population and distribution of wealth by the region in North America, China, India, Europe, Africa, Latin America and the Caribbean, rich Asia Pacific, and the other Asia Pacific.
Overall, it is evident that North America, Europe, and the rich nations in Asia have a low percentage population, but they account for a significant proportion of the distribution of worldwide riches. Meanwhile, it is the opposite pattern with China, India, and the other regions in this question by the populace shares more than global wealth.
Looking at the graph more clearly, one can see that even though North America has 6% of the population, it accounts for more than one-third of the global economy. Europe and the rich Asia Pacific followed a similar pattern that 15% and 6% of the populace but 30% and 24% of the global income, respectively.
Conversely, China comprises a population of 15% but only accounts for 4% of global wealth, partly due to its large rural population and income inequality. Similarly, India and Africa where have 2% of the global wealth, and their population accounts for 15% and 10%, correspondingly. Finally, the other Asia Pacific which has only nearly 5% of the global wealth, the populace makes up 15%, faces challenges such as political instability and lack of access to education and healthcare.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
-
"indicates information" -> "depicts data"
Explanation: "Indicates information" is redundant. "Depicts data" is a more concise and formal way to describe what the bar chart does. -
"proportion of the global population and distribution of wealth by the region" -> "distribution of global population and wealth by region"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "distribution of global population and wealth by region" improves clarity and conciseness. -
"populace shares more than global wealth" -> "population holds a larger share of global wealth"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured. "Population holds a larger share of global wealth" is clearer and more grammatically correct. -
"Looking at the graph more clearly" -> "Upon closer examination of the graph"
Explanation: "Looking at the graph more clearly" is informal. "Upon closer examination of the graph" is more sophisticated and formal. -
"but only accounts for" -> "yet only represents"
Explanation: "Accounts for" is not the most suitable verb here. "Yet only represents" provides a clearer expression of the relationship between China’s population and its share of global wealth. -
"where have 2% of the global wealth" -> "which holds 2% of global wealth"
Explanation: "Where have 2% of the global wealth" is grammatically incorrect. "Which holds 2% of global wealth" is a clearer and more grammatically correct alternative. -
"correspondingly" -> "respectively"
Explanation: "Correspondingly" is used incorrectly here. "Respectively" indicates a one-to-one correspondence between elements in two sequences, which is what the sentence requires. -
"which has only nearly 5%" -> "which holds just under 5%"
Explanation: "Only nearly" is redundant. "Just under" is a more precise and concise alternative.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the provided bar chart, including the proportions of global population and wealth distribution across different regions. It presents an overview with information appropriately selected, such as highlighting the disparity between population percentages and distribution of wealth in various regions. Key features, such as the disproportionate distribution of wealth in North America, Europe, and rich Asia, as well as the challenges faced by other regions like China, India, Africa, and the other Asia Pacific, are adequately highlighted.
How to improve:
To improve the essay, ensure that details provided are accurate and relevant. Additionally, extend the discussion of key features to provide a more comprehensive analysis without being repetitive or irrelevant. Avoid making assumptions or providing speculative explanations beyond the factual information presented in the chart. Finally, refine the language for clarity and precision to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7
Explanation:
The essay presents a clear organizational structure, indicating a logical arrangement of information and ideas as outlined by the Band 7 descriptor. It exhibits a progression through the introduction, overview, and detailed analysis of the data. Cohesive devices such as transitions ("Overall," "Meanwhile," "Looking at the graph more clearly," "Conversely") are used effectively to create a connection between the different sections and ideas presented. Each paragraph focuses on a clear central topic, which aligns with the requirements for a Band 7.
However, the essay occasionally shows signs of under-use of cohesive devices, which could make some parts of the text feel slightly disjointed. For instance, transitions between comparisons of different regions could be smoother to enhance readability and coherence. Additionally, while the essay generally follows logical paragraphing, the integration of information within paragraphs could be improved to ensure that each paragraph uniformly supports a single main idea without ambiguity.
How to improve:
- Enhance cohesive device usage: Introduce a wider variety of cohesive devices to smoothly connect ideas and paragraphs, ensuring transitions are not only clear but also enrich the text’s coherence.
- Refine paragraph development: Ensure that each paragraph distinctly supports one main idea. This might involve expanding on certain points with more detailed comparisons or integrating data more seamlessly.
- Clarify comparisons and contrasts: Make direct comparisons and the resulting contrasts clearer, ensuring that the reader can effortlessly follow the logic behind how data from different regions relates and differs.
- Review and revise for cohesion and clarity: Regularly review sentences and paragraphs to assess whether the flow from one to the other is logical and maintains the reader’s focus, adjusting as necessary to maintain a high level of coherence throughout the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering various aspects of global population percentages and wealth distribution. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "populace" and "economy," but with some inaccuracies and inconsistencies in word choice and collocation. There are occasional errors in word formation and spelling, such as "by the populace shares" (should be "by population, which shares"). However, these errors do not significantly impede communication.
How to improve: To improve lexical resource, the writer should focus on using vocabulary more precisely and consistently. They could benefit from enhancing their understanding of word choice and collocation to avoid occasional inaccuracies. Additionally, paying closer attention to word formation and spelling would help reduce errors and enhance clarity.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, with a variety of complex structures used throughout. There are frequent error-free sentences, and overall, the essay displays good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some minor errors and inaccuracies present, such as missing articles and inconsistencies in verb tense usage.
How to improve: To improve the grammatical accuracy further, ensure consistency in verb tense usage and pay attention to articles (e.g., "a low percentage population" should be "a low percentage of the population"). Additionally, revise for minor errors such as subject-verb agreement and sentence structure coherence. Further expanding the range of complex structures used and ensuring their accuracy will enhance the overall score.
Bài sửa mẫu
The provided bar chart illustrates data concerning the global population distribution and the allocation of wealth across different regions, namely North America, China, India, Europe, Africa, Latin America and the Caribbean, affluent Asia Pacific, and other Asia Pacific nations.
Overall, North America, Europe, and affluent Asia Pacific exhibit a notable discrepancy between their population shares and wealth distribution, with relatively low population percentages but substantial contributions to global wealth. Conversely, China, India, and other regions display a contrasting trend, wherein their population shares exceed their wealth distribution proportions.
Upon closer examination, North America, with a mere 6% of the global population, commands over one-third of the worldwide wealth. Similarly, Europe and affluent Asia Pacific exhibit similar patterns, comprising 15% and 6% of the populace but contributing 30% and 24% to the global wealth, respectively.
In contrast, despite China’s sizable population share of 15%, its contribution to global wealth remains modest at 4%, attributed in part to its significant rural population and income inequality. Likewise, India and Africa, with only 2% of global wealth, represent 15% and 10% of the population, respectively. Lastly, other Asia Pacific nations, holding nearly 5% of global wealth, account for 15% of the population, facing challenges such as political instability and limited access to education and healthcare.
Phản hồi