You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The chart below shows the annual pay (thousands of US dollars) for doctors and other workers in seven countries in 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The chart below shows the annual pay (thousands of US dollars) for doctors and other workers in seven countries in 2004.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The provided bar chart delineates the comparison of annual pay for doctors and other workers, measured in thousand of US dollars in seven different countries, in 2004.
Overall, it is evident that doctors generally received a higher remuneration compared to those who worked in other fields. In addition, the US took the lead in total annual payment, whereas Finland was recorded as the country paid the least salaries to surveyed jobs.
Examining the high-paying countries, the US’s doctors earned 120,000 dollars a year, was almost three time higher than which other workers in this country garnering. Meanwhile, both France and Switzerland ranked second in doctor’s wages, each country paying approximately 70,000 dollars to this occupation, however, others workers in France garnered exactly 40,000 dollars annually, while their counterparts in France received lower wages, at roughly 28,000 dollars.
Regarding other low-paying countries, doctors in Czech public received just over 60,000 dollars a year, closely followed by Germany and Italy, however the salary disparities among these three countries were insignificant, whereas Finland was the country paid the lowest compensation to doctors, at approximately 45,000 dollars. Conversely, those who worked in other fields in Finland were recorded to receive a marked higher salary, reaching about 24,000 dollars, was almost 5,000 dollars higher than the payments of three remaining countries: Germany, Italy and Czech public.

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Errors and Improvements:

"delineates" -> "illustrates"
Explanation: "Delineates" is less commonly used in this context compared to "illustrates," which is more appropriate for describing the presentation of data in a chart or graph.
"remuneration" -> "compensation"
Explanation: "Remuneration" is a formal term for payment, but "compensation" is more commonly used in this context, especially when referring to salary comparisons.
"garnering" -> "earning"
Explanation: "Garnering" implies accumulating or gathering, while "earning" specifically refers to the money received for work done, which is more suitable in this context.
"ranked second in doctor’s wages" -> "ranked second in terms of doctors’ salaries"
Explanation: Using "in terms of" clarifies the comparison being made, making the sentence clearer and more precise.
"however, others workers" -> "however, other workers"
Explanation: The word "others" should be "other" to maintain grammatical correctness.
"others workers in France garnered" -> "other workers in France earned"
Explanation: "Earned" is a more direct and appropriate term for describing salary or income compared to "garnered."
"Conversely, those who worked in other fields in Finland were recorded to receive a marked higher salary" -> "Conversely, those employed in other sectors in Finland received significantly higher salaries"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and using "employed" instead of "worked" enhances formality and precision. Additionally, "significantly" provides a stronger emphasis than "marked."
"Czech public" -> "the Czech Republic"
Explanation: "Czech public" is incorrect and ambiguous. "The Czech Republic" is the proper term for the country.
"payments of three remaining countries" -> "payments in the three other countries"
Explanation: "Payments of three remaining countries" is awkward phrasing. "Payments in the three other countries" is clearer and more concise.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in annual pay for doctors and other workers in seven countries in 2004. It presents and highlights key features such as the comparison between doctor’s salaries and other workers’ salaries in each country. However, the response could be more fully developed and extended to provide deeper insights into the data.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could include more detailed comparisons between countries and provide additional analysis of the data to support the overview presented. Additionally, ensuring clarity and coherence in the presentation of information would further enhance the response. Consider expanding on the significance of the salary disparities and exploring any potential factors influencing these differences. Ensure that all key points are fully elaborated upon to provide a comprehensive analysis.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, with a clear introduction and conclusion. The essay progresses logically through the comparison of countries and their respective pay for doctors and other workers. Cohesive devices are used effectively to connect ideas and comparisons, although there are some instances of mechanical cohesion. Paragraphing is used, but some transitions between paragraphs could be smoother.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, with clear topic sentences and transitions between paragraphs. Pay attention to the use of cohesive devices to ensure they are used seamlessly throughout the essay. Additionally, strive for more consistent paragraphing to further improve the organization of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task. It effectively describes the main features of the chart and makes comparisons between countries and professions. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "remuneration," "garnering," and "disparities," although some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation are noticeable, such as "the country paid the least salaries" instead of "the country paid the lowest salaries." Additionally, there are minor errors in word formation and spelling, such as "France received lower wages, at roughly 28,000 dollars" where "received" should be "receiving." These errors, however, do not impede communication significantly.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on using more precise and accurate vocabulary throughout the essay. Pay attention to word choice and collocation to ensure clarity and fluency. Additionally, proofread carefully to minimize errors in spelling and word formation, which can enhance the overall coherence and effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, including compound and complex sentences, contributing to its coherence. There is a clear attempt to use a variety of sentence forms to convey the information effectively. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout the essay, which occasionally impede communication. For example, "compared to those who worked in other fields" could be more smoothly expressed as "compared to other workers." Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors and issues with subject-verb agreement in some sentences.

How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim for greater grammatical accuracy and clarity. Careful proofreading and editing to correct errors in subject-verb agreement, awkward phrasings, and punctuation would enhance the overall readability and effectiveness of the essay. Additionally, striving for more sophisticated sentence structures while maintaining accuracy would further elevate the essay’s quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

The presented bar chart illustrates a comparison of annual salaries for doctors and other professions, measured in thousands of US dollars, across seven different countries in 2004.

In general, it is apparent that doctors commanded higher salaries compared to workers in other fields. The United States stood out with the highest total annual remuneration, while Finland recorded the lowest salaries across the surveyed occupations.

Examining the countries with higher pay scales, doctors in the United States earned $120,000 annually, nearly three times the income of other workers in the same country. Meanwhile, both France and Switzerland ranked second in terms of doctor’s wages, each paying approximately $70,000 per year. However, other workers in France earned exactly $40,000 annually, whereas their counterparts in Switzerland received lower wages, at roughly $28,000.

Moving to the countries with lower pay scales, doctors in the Czech Republic received just over $60,000 per year, followed closely by Germany and Italy. However, the salary differences among these three countries were negligible. Finland had the lowest compensation for doctors, at approximately $45,000. Conversely, workers in other fields in Finland earned significantly higher salaries, reaching about $24,000, which was approximately $5,000 higher than the earnings in Germany, Italy, and the Czech Republic.