You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The chart shows British Emigration to selected destinations between 2004 and 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The chart shows British Emigration to selected destinations between 2004 and 2007.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

Overall, out of the five countries examined, only Australia witnessed growth in immigrants from the UK. Additionally, Australia and Spain generally received more British immigrants than New Zealand, the US and France throughout.

Looking first at countries with significant changes, Australia was easily the most popular destination for British emigrants in 2004, with a figure of 40,000. This number declined slightly after the first year and then spiked to reach a peak of about 52,000 in 2006, which was by far the largest figure on the whole chart. However, this peak was not maintained as Australia's British migrant numbers then showed a significant fall, ending the period at approximately 44,000 in 2007. The most significant change was seen in the number of British moving to France, with immigration rising to a high of about 33,000 in 2005, after which it dropped considerably to just under 20,000 in 2007. This was the lowest point on the chart, slightly lower than the figures for the US and New Zealand in the same year.

Moving on to Spain and New Zealand, the numbers of British people emigrating to these countries both recorded a steady fall, decreasing from 35,000 and 23.000 in 2004 to 28,000 and 20,000 in 2007 respectively.

Turning finally to the US, it was among the least popular destinations, with its figure matching those of New Zealand and France at 23,000 in the first year. British immigration to the US then hovered around the 20,000 mark and ended the period at this level, along with New Zealand.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "witnessed growth in immigrants" -> "experienced an increase in immigration"
   Explanation: "Witnessed growth in immigrants" is somewhat informal and vague. "Experienced an increase in immigration" is more precise and aligns better with academic language.

2. "generally received more British immigrants" -> "typically attracted a higher number of British immigrants"
   Explanation: "Generally received" is too informal; "typically attracted a higher number" conveys a clearer and more formal tone.

3. "easily the most popular destination" -> "clearly the most favored destination"
   Explanation: "Easily" is informal and subjective. "Clearly" provides a more objective assessment, while "favored" is a more precise term in this context.

4. "with a figure of 40,000" -> "with a total of 40,000"
   Explanation: "Figure" is vague; "total" specifies that this is a cumulative count, enhancing clarity.

5. "which was by far the largest figure on the whole chart" -> "representing the highest value on the chart"
   Explanation: "By far the largest figure on the whole chart" is informal and somewhat redundant. "Representing the highest value on the chart" is more concise and formal.

6. "not maintained" -> "not sustained"
   Explanation: "Not maintained" is less precise in this context. "Not sustained" better conveys the idea of a decline after a peak.

7. "showed a significant fall" -> "experienced a notable decline"
   Explanation: "Showed a significant fall" is informal; "experienced a notable decline" is more academically appropriate and precise.

8. "the most significant change was seen in" -> "the most substantial change occurred in"
   Explanation: "Was seen in" is passive and less direct. "Occurred in" is more active and formal, improving the overall tone.

9. "dropped considerably" -> "decreased significantly"
   Explanation: "Dropped considerably" is informal; "decreased significantly" is more precise and aligns with academic language.

10. "the lowest point on the chart" -> "the lowest recorded figure on the chart"
    Explanation: "Lowest point" is vague; "lowest recorded figure" provides clarity and precision.

11. "the numbers of British people emigrating" -> "the number of British emigrants"
    Explanation: "The numbers of British people emigrating" is overly wordy. "The number of British emigrants" is more concise and formal.

12. "both recorded a steady fall" -> "both exhibited a consistent decline"
    Explanation: "Recorded a steady fall" is informal; "exhibited a consistent decline" is more precise and formal.

13. "decreasing from 35,000 and 23.000" -> "decreasing from 35,000 and 23,000"
    Explanation: The period in "23.000" should be corrected to "23,000" for consistency in numerical formatting.

14. "it was among the least popular destinations" -> "it ranked among the least favored destinations"
    Explanation: "It was among" is vague; "it ranked among" provides a clearer, more formal assessment.

15. "matching those of New Zealand and France" -> "equivalent to those of New Zealand and France"
    Explanation: "Matching" is informal; "equivalent to" is more precise and formal.

16. "hovered around the 20,000 mark" -> "remained approximately at the 20,000 level"
    Explanation: "Hovered around the 20,000 mark" is informal; "remained approximately at the 20,000 level" is more academic and precise.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main features of the chart. It presents information appropriately selected, highlighting key features such as the overall trend of British emigration to Australia and the significant decrease in emigration to France. However, the essay could be more concise and focused. It includes some irrelevant details, such as the specific figures for each year, which are not necessary for a clear overview.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the main trends and comparisons, rather than providing a detailed account of each country. For example, instead of stating that "Australia was easily the most popular destination for British emigrants in 2004," the essay could simply say that "Australia was the most popular destination for British emigrants throughout the period." This would make the essay more concise and easier to follow. Additionally, the essay could be improved by using more precise language to describe the trends. For example, instead of saying that "the numbers of British people emigrating to Spain both recorded a steady fall," the essay could say that "British emigration to Spain declined steadily throughout the period." This would make the essay more accurate and informative.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:

The essay sequences information and ideas logically, providing a clear progression of data for each country. Cohesion is managed well, with appropriate use of cohesive devices such as "overall," "looking first," "moving on to," and "turning finally." Paragraphing is sufficient and appropriate, with each paragraph focusing on specific countries or comparisons, ensuring clarity and organization.

How to improve:

To achieve a band 9, the essay could enhance the subtlety of cohesion, making transitions even more seamless and natural. Additionally, further refinement in paragraphing could ensure that each section flows effortlessly into the next without drawing attention to the structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for flexibility and precision in conveying the information from the chart. It uses less common lexical items such as "witnessed," "significant changes," and "hovered," showing some awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and spelling, such as "23.000" instead of "23,000," which detracts slightly from the overall quality. The vocabulary is adequate for the task, but it lacks the sophistication and natural control seen in higher band scores.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer could incorporate a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary and ensure accuracy in spelling and word formation. Additionally, using more varied expressions and phrases to describe trends and comparisons would demonstrate a higher level of lexical flexibility. Avoiding minor errors, such as punctuation in numerical figures, would also contribute positively to the overall impression of lexical control.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The writer effectively communicates the main features of the data and makes relevant comparisons. However, there are a few grammatical errors and minor inaccuracies, such as the use of "35,000 and 23.000" (the period should be a comma) and slight awkwardness in phrasing that detracts from overall clarity. The control of grammar and punctuation is generally good, but the presence of these errors prevents a higher score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for minor errors and ensuring consistent punctuation. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of sentence structures and varying sentence lengths could improve the overall complexity and fluidity of the writing. Lastly, ensuring that all numerical data is presented clearly and correctly will enhance precision in communication.

Bài sửa mẫu

Overall, among the five countries examined, only Australia experienced an increase in immigrants from the UK. Additionally, Australia and Spain consistently attracted more British emigrants than New Zealand, the US, and France throughout the period.

Focusing first on countries with significant changes, Australia was clearly the most popular destination for British emigrants in 2004, with a figure of 40,000. This number declined slightly after the first year but then surged to reach a peak of approximately 52,000 in 2006, which was by far the highest figure on the entire chart. However, this peak was not sustained, as the number of British migrants to Australia then experienced a significant decline, ending the period at around 44,000 in 2007. The most notable change occurred in the number of British moving to France, where immigration rose to a high of about 33,000 in 2005, before dropping considerably to just under 20,000 in 2007. This represented the lowest point on the chart, slightly below the figures for the US and New Zealand in the same year.

Turning to Spain and New Zealand, the numbers of British emigrating to these countries both recorded a steady decline, decreasing from 35,000 and 23,000 in 2004 to 28,000 and 20,000 in 2007, respectively.

Finally, regarding the US, it was among the least popular destinations, with its figure matching those of New Zealand and France at 23,000 in the first year. British immigration to the US then fluctuated around the 20,000 mark and concluded the period at this level, alongside New Zealand.