You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2005. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. Make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2005.

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. Make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

The diagram demonstrates the proportion of consumption on various items in five representative nations in 2005. At first glance, it is undeniable that almost countries intended to use products such as food , drinks, tobacco nearly 20 years ago. Likewise, it was noted that both clothing/footwear and leisure/education were in a disadvantageous position.
Looking in greater detail, it can be observed that 32 percent was recorded as the highest number for Turkey in food/drinks/tobacco in selected countries in 2005. Following Turkey was Ireland which nation contained 28 percent. Italy, Spain and Sweden had approximately comparative figure, 16%, 18%, 15%, respectively. Moving onto the lower group including clothing and footwear, Italy was the country that accounted for 9 percent in proportion and stayed at top 1 at that time while Spain stopped at rank two and made up 7 percent. Ireland as well as Turkey hold the same data with 6 percent for each other. Sweden was indicated to be the lowest consumption in the field of clothing/footwear.
According to the table, Turkey was estimated to be the top country consumes most in leisure and education. Following were Italy and Ireland, 3% and 2%, respectively. Sweden was noted that owing the number was half lower than Ireland. And 1% was recorded as the modest data for Spain in the field of leisure/education during the surveyed timeframe.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"At first glance" -> "Initially"
Explanation: "Initially" is a more formal and precise term that enhances the academic tone of the introduction, replacing the colloquial "At first glance."
"almost countries" -> "most countries"
Explanation: "Most countries" is grammatically correct and more precise, whereas "almost countries" is grammatically incorrect and awkward.
"intended to use products" -> "consumed products"
Explanation: "Consumed products" is a more direct and accurate term in this context, replacing the vague and less formal "intended to use."
"disadvantageous position" -> "lower positions"
Explanation: "Lower positions" is more specific and appropriate in this context, as it directly refers to the ranking or proportion of consumption, whereas "disadvantageous position" is too vague and could imply a negative connotation.
"Looking in greater detail" -> "Examining more closely"
Explanation: "Examining more closely" is a more formal and precise phrase, suitable for academic writing, compared to the less formal "Looking in greater detail."
"was recorded as the highest number" -> "represented the highest proportion"
Explanation: "Represented the highest proportion" is more precise and formal, as it directly relates to the data being discussed, whereas "was recorded as the highest number" is somewhat vague.
"contained" -> "had"
Explanation: "Had" is a more straightforward and formal verb choice than "contained," which is less commonly used in this context.
"approximately comparative figure" -> "comparable figures"
Explanation: "Comparable figures" is a more precise and formal way to describe similarities in data, replacing the awkward and unclear "approximately comparative figure."
"stayed at top 1" -> "ranked first"
Explanation: "Ranked first" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than the colloquial "stayed at top 1."
"hold the same data" -> "shared the same data"
Explanation: "Shared the same data" is a clearer and more formal expression, replacing the less precise "hold the same data."
"was indicated to be the top country consumes most" -> "was found to be the country with the highest consumption"
Explanation: "Was found to be the country with the highest consumption" is more formal and precise, replacing the awkward and informal "was indicated to be the top country consumes most."
"owing the number was half lower than" -> "with a consumption level half that of"
Explanation: "With a consumption level half that of" is more formal and clearer, replacing the awkward and grammatically incorrect "owing the number was half lower than."
"modest data" -> "minimal data"
Explanation: "Minimal data" is a more precise and formal term than "modest data," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in consumer spending. Instead, it recounts details mechanically, focusing on individual countries and specific figures. There is no clear comparison between the countries, and the essay does not highlight the key features of the data.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in consumer spending. For example, the essay could state that consumer spending on food, drinks, and tobacco was generally higher than spending on other items. The essay could also highlight the fact that Turkey had the highest proportion of consumer spending on food, drinks, and tobacco, while Sweden had the lowest proportion of consumer spending on clothing and footwear. The essay should also make clear comparisons between the countries, highlighting the similarities and differences in their spending patterns.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information on consumer spending in a somewhat organized manner, but it lacks overall progression and clarity. While there are attempts to categorize the data into different sections (food/drinks/tobacco, clothing/footwear, leisure/education), the transitions between ideas are not smooth, leading to a disjointed reading experience. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, with some phrases feeling mechanical or repetitive. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not effectively utilized, as the ideas within paragraphs do not always connect logically.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating clearer topic sentences for each paragraph and ensuring that all sentences within a paragraph relate directly to that topic. Improving the use of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, will help create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, organizing the information more logically, perhaps by grouping similar data together and clearly indicating comparisons, would improve the overall flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While some relevant terms related to consumer spending are used, the vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks variety. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "disadvantageous position" and "top 1," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, there are issues with spelling and punctuation, such as the incorrect spacing before commas and inconsistent use of terms (e.g., "clothing/footwear" vs. "clothing and footwear"). Overall, while the essay conveys some information, the lexical resource does not meet the higher band criteria due to these limitations.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating a wider range of synonyms and less common lexical items. This could involve using terms like "expenditure" instead of "consumption" and "significant" instead of "highest number." Additionally, improving collocation and ensuring accurate word formation will help avoid errors that impede clarity. Practicing the use of varied sentence structures and refining spelling and punctuation will also contribute to a more sophisticated lexical presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with attempts at complex sentences that are often inaccurate. While there are some correct simple sentences, frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing can cause difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "both clothing/footwear and leisure/education were in a disadvantageous position" and "Turkey was estimated to be the top country consumes most in leisure and education" lack clarity and grammatical correctness. Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as the inconsistent use of commas and slashes, which detracts from the overall readability of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Practice using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences that are grammatically correct.
Grammar and Punctuation: Review basic grammar rules and punctuation usage to reduce errors and improve clarity.
Clarity and Cohesion: Ensure that ideas are expressed clearly and logically, using appropriate linking words and phrases to connect thoughts.
Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay for any grammatical or punctuation errors before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram demonstrates the proportion of consumption on various items in five representative nations in 2005. At first glance, it is undeniable that almost all countries intended to use products such as food, drinks, and tobacco nearly 20 years ago. Likewise, it was noted that both clothing/footwear and leisure/education were in a disadvantageous position.

Looking in greater detail, it can be observed that 32 percent was recorded as the highest figure for Turkey in food/drinks/tobacco among the selected countries in 2005. Following Turkey was Ireland, which accounted for 28 percent. Italy, Spain, and Sweden had approximately comparable figures of 16%, 18%, and 15%, respectively. Moving on to the lower group, including clothing and footwear, Italy was the country that accounted for 9 percent, ranking first at that time, while Spain ranked second with 7 percent. Ireland and Turkey each held the same data of 6 percent. Sweden was indicated to have the lowest consumption in the field of clothing/footwear.

According to the table, Turkey was estimated to be the top country in leisure and education spending, followed by Italy and Ireland, with 3% and 2%, respectively. Sweden was noted to have a figure that was half that of Ireland, while 1% was recorded as the lowest data for Spain in the field of leisure/education during the surveyed timeframe.