You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
You should write at least 250 words.
Public concern has arisen around whether economic support or other kinds of aids from developed countries would be more beneficial for undeverloped ones to tackle the impoverishment. Although there are a few reasons why receiving finacial help from affluent countries can help the poorer countries mitigate the condition of poverty, it is just a contemporary strategy, there are much more efficent methods to eleminate this problem for good.
On the one hand, investing currency into under-developing country is a effective solution to ameliorate the poverty in particular extents. The principal reason is that becoming a weathy countries required people in poorer ones can easily access healthcare and education, which are the fundamental basis to foster the lives and knowledge of residences, so that they can make more contribution to the development of these nations. While having funded from foreign can create more chance to establish these infrastructures. However, this is not a measure could address this problem permanently, when these countries run out of grant from other countries, meaning that the advancement might be postponed simultaneously.
On the other hand,there are more valuable way that a rich country can boost the development of impoverished ones without monetary support. One of the most viable resolutions is that positively exchanging the labours, offering more opportunities for people to learn from people who are full with experience and knowledge from developed countries as the prosperity of one country depriving from the high knowledge of residence, while allocating money to set up new educational site is good but it may not ensuring that people can learn accurate knowledge and skill. Specifically, as we are living in a community where are witnessed the ongoing revolution of technology, If developing country can be transmitted the understanding of new techniques from the developed, it would be a great chance to these country eleminate the impoverishment by developing science and AI, which are the fields that all the countries need to be imported goods anually.
Although both views have some validity, it seems to me that monetary assistance is not always the only way for prosperous countries to save the poorer ones, it is just a short-term remedy, to tackle the impoverishment, it would be better to focusiworkforce and developing technology, which serve more likely as potential keys to contribute to the prosperity of a nation.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Public concern has arisen" -> "Public concern has emerged"
Explanation: "Emerged" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "arisen," which can sound slightly informal and vague in this context. -
"undeverloped ones" -> "underdeveloped countries"
Explanation: "Underdeveloped" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic discourse than "undeverloped," which is a typographical error. -
"finacial" -> "financial"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error to ensure accuracy and professionalism. -
"it is just a contemporary strategy" -> "it is merely a contemporary strategy"
Explanation: "Merely" is more formal and precise than "just," aligning better with academic style. -
"there are much more efficent methods" -> "there are many more efficient methods"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error "much more efficent" to "many more efficient" for proper usage and clarity. -
"eleminate" -> "eliminate"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error to ensure accuracy and professionalism. -
"becoming a weathy countries" -> "becoming wealthy countries"
Explanation: Corrects a grammatical error and awkward phrasing to improve clarity and formality. -
"foster the lives and knowledge of residences" -> "enhance the lives and knowledge of residents"
Explanation: "Enhance" is more precise than "foster" in this context, and "residents" is the correct term instead of "residences." -
"having funded from foreign" -> "receiving funding from foreign countries"
Explanation: "Receiving funding from foreign countries" is more specific and grammatically correct than the vague and awkward "having funded from foreign." -
"this is not a measure could address" -> "this is not a measure that could address"
Explanation: Adds the necessary article "that" for grammatical correctness and clarity. -
"run out of grant" -> "run out of grants"
Explanation: "Grants" should be plural to match the context of ongoing financial support. -
"more valuable way" -> "more valuable ways"
Explanation: "Ways" should be plural to reflect the variety of methods discussed. -
"labours" -> "labor"
Explanation: "Labor" is the correct term in American English, while "labours" is more commonly used in British English. -
"full with experience and knowledge" -> "full of experience and knowledge"
Explanation: Corrects the preposition "with" to "of" for grammatical accuracy. -
"allocating money to set up new educational site" -> "allocating funds to establish new educational facilities"
Explanation: "Funds" is more precise than "money," and "establish" is more formal than "set up," and "facilities" is more appropriate than "site." -
"ensuring that people can learn accurate knowledge and skill" -> "ensuring that people can acquire accurate knowledge and skills"
Explanation: "Acquire" is more precise than "learn" in this context, and "skills" should be plural to match the generalization. -
"imported goods anually" -> "import goods annually"
Explanation: "Import" should not be plural, and "annually" is the correct adverbial form. -
"focusiworkforce" -> "focus on the workforce"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error and adds the necessary preposition "on" for grammatical correctness. -
"developing technology, which serve more likely as potential keys" -> "developing technology, which serves more likely as potential keys"
Explanation: Corrects the verb tense to match the subject, and "keys" should be plural to reflect the multiple aspects of technology contributing to development.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both financial aid and alternative forms of assistance. It acknowledges the potential benefits of monetary support while arguing that it is not a long-term solution. The essay presents a balanced view, indicating an understanding of the complexity of the issue. However, the discussion could be more nuanced, as it briefly mentions the drawbacks of financial aid without fully exploring the implications of these points.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly outline the specific types of non-financial assistance that could be provided, such as technology transfer, education, and skills training. This would demonstrate a deeper engagement with the prompt and provide a more comprehensive answer.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that financial aid is insufficient for addressing poverty in the long term. However, the phrasing is somewhat convoluted, which may lead to confusion about the writer’s stance. For instance, the phrase "it is just a contemporary strategy" could be clearer if rephrased to indicate that it is a temporary measure.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should use straightforward language and ensure that the thesis statement is unequivocal. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument in the conclusion would help solidify the position throughout the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the importance of education and technology transfer, but these ideas are not always fully developed. For example, the mention of "exchanging the labours" lacks specific examples or explanations of how this would work in practice. The argument about technology transfer is also introduced but not sufficiently elaborated upon.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should provide concrete examples or case studies that illustrate how non-financial assistance has been successful in alleviating poverty. This would not only support the claims made but also demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate between financial aid and other forms of assistance. However, there are instances where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing the "ongoing revolution of technology" without directly linking it back to the main argument about poverty alleviation.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central argument of the essay. Using topic sentences that clearly connect back to the thesis can help keep the discussion relevant and on track. Additionally, avoiding overly broad statements that stray from the prompt will help maintain coherence.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the effectiveness of financial aid versus other forms of assistance. The introduction sets up the debate well, and the two main body paragraphs address distinct viewpoints. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by unclear transitions between ideas. For example, the transition from discussing financial aid to alternative methods of support could be smoother to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point logically follows from the previous one. For instance, after discussing financial aid, explicitly state how this leads into the discussion of alternative support methods. Using transitional phrases such as "In contrast" or "Furthermore" can help guide the reader through the argument.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs could be better structured. For instance, the first body paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be more effectively separated into distinct sentences or even sub-paragraphs to enhance readability. The second body paragraph also lacks a clear conclusion or summary of the points made.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea, supported by relevant examples or explanations. Aim for a consistent format: start with a topic sentence, followed by supporting details, and conclude with a sentence that summarizes the paragraph’s main point. This will help reinforce the argument and improve overall coherence.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be strengthened. For example, phrases like "However" and "Although" are used, but there is a lack of variety in the types of cohesive devices employed.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Consequently," "In addition," and "For instance." This will not only enhance the flow of ideas but also make the writing more engaging. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas, rather than merely as fillers.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices can elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher level.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "economic support," "impoverishment," and "ameliorate." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice, such as the repeated use of "countries" and "poverty." Additionally, phrases like "investing currency" could be expressed more naturally as "investing money" or "providing financial support."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to use synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "countries," alternatives like "nations," "states," or "regions" could be employed. Engaging with a thesaurus and practicing paraphrasing sentences can also help broaden vocabulary usage.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "undeverloped" (which should be "undeveloped") and "finacial" (which should be "financial"). The phrase "becoming a weathy countries required people in poorer ones" is awkward and unclear, suggesting a lack of precision in conveying the intended meaning. The term "positively exchanging the labours" is also vague and could be articulated more clearly.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This includes ensuring that adjectives and nouns agree in number and form. For example, "wealthy countries" instead of "weathy countries," and "labor exchange" instead of "exchanging the labours." Reading more academic texts can help familiarize the writer with precise vocabulary in context.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "undeverloped," "finacial," "efficent," "eleminate," and "focusiworkforce." These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. The misspellings indicate a need for more careful proofreading and attention to detail.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a systematic proofreading process after completing the essay. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Regular writing practice, coupled with feedback, will also help reinforce correct spelling habits.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS assessments.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "Although there are a few reasons why receiving financial help from affluent countries can help the poorer countries mitigate the condition of poverty" show an effort to incorporate subordinate clauses. However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed, such as "On the one hand, investing currency into under-developing country is a effective solution." This sentence lacks complexity and contains grammatical errors.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using more complex sentences and varying sentence beginnings. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "On the one hand" or "On the other hand," the writer could begin with a dependent clause or an introductory phrase. Additionally, incorporating more relative clauses and participial phrases could add depth and complexity to the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that hinder clarity and coherence. For example, "undeverloped" should be "underdeveloped," "finacial" should be "financial," and "efficent" should be "efficient." Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as missing commas, which can lead to confusion in sentence structure. For instance, "On the other hand,there are more valuable way" lacks a space after the comma and should be "On the other hand, there are more valuable ways." The misuse of articles, as seen in "a effective solution," also detracts from the overall grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for spelling and punctuation errors. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify recurring mistakes. Additionally, practicing specific grammar rules, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage, can enhance overall writing quality. Engaging in exercises that focus on common grammatical pitfalls may also be beneficial.
In summary, while the essay presents some relevant ideas, the grammatical range and accuracy need significant improvement to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy through practice and revision will be essential steps for the writer’s development.
Bài sửa mẫu
Public concern has arisen around whether economic support or other kinds of aid from developed countries would be more beneficial for underdeveloped ones to tackle impoverishment. Although there are a few reasons why receiving financial help from affluent countries can assist poorer countries in mitigating poverty, it is merely a contemporary strategy; there are many more efficient methods to eliminate this problem for good.
On the one hand, investing money into underdeveloping countries is an effective solution to ameliorate poverty to a certain extent. The principal reason is that becoming wealthy countries requires people in poorer nations to easily access healthcare and education, which are the fundamental bases to enhance the lives and knowledge of residents, allowing them to contribute more to the development of these nations. While receiving funding from foreign countries can create more opportunities to establish these infrastructures, this is not a measure that could address the problem permanently. When these countries run out of grants from other nations, the advancement might be postponed.
On the other hand, there are more valuable ways that a rich country can boost the development of impoverished ones without monetary support. One of the most viable solutions is positively exchanging labor, offering more opportunities for people to learn from those who are full of experience and knowledge from developed countries. The prosperity of one country derives from the high knowledge of its residents. While allocating funds to establish new educational facilities is beneficial, it may not ensure that people can acquire accurate knowledge and skills. Specifically, as we live in a community witnessing the ongoing revolution in technology, if developing countries can gain an understanding of new techniques from the developed world, it would provide a great opportunity for these countries to eliminate poverty by advancing in science and AI, which are fields that all countries need to import goods from annually.
Although both views have some validity, it seems to me that monetary assistance is not always the only way for prosperous countries to help poorer ones. It is merely a short-term remedy. To tackle poverty, it would be better to focus on the workforce and developing technology, which serve more likely as potential keys to contribute to the prosperity of a nation.
