You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
Public concern has arisen around whether a number of citizens in a nation should be allowed to earn incomes that are much higher than the average level to boost the proliferation of this country or the governments should restrict this situation for some potential problems. Although both schools of thought hold merit, I agree more with the latter as the intense salaries can easily widen the social gap related to the rich and the poor, which potentially result in social unrest.
On the one hand, there are some major reasons that explain why some people who endorse the extremely high level of incomes should be allowed to earn by individuals in a nation. The principal one would be, in many countries now, citizens have to pay a tax for their incomes, this means when a number of employees is paid with highly competitive wages, the volume of the national budget can be increased, the received money then allocated to other underdeveloped fields, as a result, enhance the holistic proliferation of a country. For instance, in Vietnam the tax law has always been stricter than other laws, this means that the higher salaries the resident here can earn, the more tax they have to pay for the government, since it is invested into education in rural areas, as a way to foster the development of this country.
On the other hand, I strongly advocate for those who argue that the amount of incomes should be limited at an optimal level by the governments, avoiding the situation when an individual is paid with an extremely intense wage. The most compelling ground is that in today's modern society, the social gap is inherently wide, which combined with the extremely dream incomes of some people can be easily broadened, while the optimal success of a country is only recorded when every citizens can equally access amenities and given equal opportunities, however, with the much higher incomes, these people could impose burden in the general market, hinder the availability of fundamental life services for those with lower incomes. Moreover, when the salaries can not be controlled in a certain level, this potentially leads to inflation in countries, typically in Venezuela, a country where citizens are recorded with the highest annually average incomes, however, this trend bringing about the heavy inflation in this African countries, although possessing a lot of money, but they can not buy any food for their meals.
In conclusion, both perspectives on the level of incomes in modern society have validity. I believe that the government should control the average incomes of its residents at an optimal rate, avoiding further serious consequences such as inflation and the widened social gap between the rich and the poor. This approach can be considered as a more practical approach in fostering national prosperity rather than encouraging some people earning extremely competitive incomes.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Public concern has arisen" -> "Public concern has emerged"
Explanation: "Emerged" is a more precise term in academic writing, indicating the gradual development of a concern rather than the more colloquial "arisen." -
"a number of citizens in a nation" -> "certain citizens in a nation"
Explanation: "A number of" is vague and informal; "certain" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone. -
"boost the proliferation of this country" -> "enhance the development of this nation"
Explanation: "Proliferation" is typically used in biological contexts; "development" is more appropriate for discussing national growth and progress. -
"the governments should restrict this situation" -> "governments should regulate this phenomenon"
Explanation: "Regulate" is more precise and formal than "restrict," which can imply a more absolute control. -
"intense salaries" -> "high salaries"
Explanation: "Intense" is not typically used to describe salaries; "high" is the standard term in this context. -
"social gap related to the rich and the poor" -> "social divide between the affluent and the disadvantaged"
Explanation: "Social divide" is a more precise term than "social gap," and "affluent" and "disadvantaged" are more formal and accurate than "rich" and "poor." -
"which potentially result in" -> "which may lead to"
Explanation: "May lead to" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "potentially result in." -
"major reasons that explain why" -> "principal reasons that justify"
Explanation: "Justify" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "explain why," which is somewhat informal. -
"citizens have to pay a tax for their incomes" -> "citizens are required to pay taxes on their income"
Explanation: "Are required to pay taxes on their income" is more precise and formal, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "pay a tax for their incomes." -
"the volume of the national budget can be increased" -> "the national budget can be augmented"
Explanation: "Augmented" is a more formal and precise term than "increased" in this context. -
"the received money then allocated" -> "the funds thus allocated"
Explanation: "Funds" is a more formal term than "money," and "thus" is more appropriate than "then" in this context. -
"enhance the holistic proliferation of a country" -> "promote the overall development of the nation"
Explanation: "Promote the overall development" is a clearer and more formal expression than "enhance the holistic proliferation." -
"the tax law has always been stricter than other laws" -> "tax laws have consistently been more stringent than other regulations"
Explanation: "Consistently been more stringent" is more precise and formal than "always been stricter," and "regulations" is more appropriate than "laws" in this context. -
"the higher salaries the resident here can earn" -> "the higher salaries residents here earn"
Explanation: "Residents here earn" is grammatically correct and more formal than "the resident here can earn." -
"the more tax they have to pay for the government" -> "the greater the tax burden on the government"
Explanation: "The greater the tax burden on the government" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea. -
"the social gap is inherently wide" -> "the social divide is inherently significant"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more formal and precise term than "wide" in this context. -
"the optimal success of a country is only recorded when every citizens can equally access" -> "a country’s optimal success is only achieved when all citizens have equal access"
Explanation: "Achieved" is more formal than "recorded," and "all citizens have equal access" is grammatically correct and clearer than "every citizens can equally access." -
"impose burden in the general market" -> "exert pressure on the market"
Explanation: "Exert pressure" is a more precise and formal expression than "impose burden." -
"hinder the availability of fundamental life services" -> "impede access to essential services"
Explanation: "Impede access to essential services" is more formal and specific than "hinder the availability of fundamental life services." -
"salaries can not be controlled in a certain level" -> "salaries cannot be regulated at a certain level"
Explanation: "Cannot be regulated" is more precise and formal than "can not be controlled," and "at a certain level" is grammatically correct. -
"this potentially leads to inflation in countries" -> "this may lead to inflation in countries"
Explanation: "May lead to" is more cautious and formal than "potentially leads to," fitting better in academic writing. -
"a country where citizens are recorded with the highest annually average incomes" -> "a country where citizens have the highest average annual incomes"
Explanation: "Have the highest average annual incomes" is grammatically correct and more formal than "are recorded with the highest annually average incomes." -
"heavy inflation in this African countries" -> "severe inflation in this African country"
Explanation: "Severe" is more precise than "heavy," and "country" should be singular to match the singular subject "Venezuela."
These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding high salaries, presenting arguments for and against allowing extremely high incomes. The first body paragraph outlines the benefits of high salaries, such as increased tax revenue that can be reinvested into the country, using Vietnam as a relevant example. The second body paragraph argues against high salaries, emphasizing the potential for widening social gaps and inflation, with Venezuela cited as an example. This balanced discussion fulfills the prompt’s requirement to discuss both perspectives.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could provide a more nuanced exploration of the implications of high salaries on different sectors of society. Including additional examples or statistics could strengthen the arguments and provide a more comprehensive view of the topic.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is clear from the outset, stating a preference for limiting high salaries due to concerns about social inequality and inflation. This stance is consistently maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion, where the writer reiterates their belief in government regulation of salaries. The use of phrases like "I strongly advocate" reinforces the clarity of the position.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could benefit from a more explicit transition between the discussion of both views and the writer’s opinion. Adding a sentence that clearly states the writer’s stance after presenting both sides would enhance the overall coherence.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of high salaries, while the second paragraph presents counterarguments. However, some ideas could be more fully developed. For instance, the mention of inflation in Venezuela is a strong point but could be elaborated upon to explain the connection between high salaries and inflation more clearly.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on key points with more detailed examples or explanations. For instance, discussing how high salaries might affect the economy in more depth or providing specific statistics could enhance the persuasiveness of the arguments.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the implications of high salaries and the potential need for government regulation. The arguments presented are relevant to the prompt, and the writer does not deviate from the main topic. The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and reiterates the writer’s opinion.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, ensuring that each point directly ties back to the central question can further enhance focus. The writer could explicitly link each argument back to the prompt to reinforce relevance, especially in the concluding remarks.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task requirements and presents a well-structured argument. With some refinements in elaboration and clarity of transitions, it could achieve an even higher score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The introduction outlines the topic and states the writer’s opinion, which is a strong start. The first body paragraph effectively presents the argument in favor of high salaries, using a relevant example from Vietnam to support the point. The second body paragraph discusses the opposing view, highlighting the potential negative effects of high salaries on social equality and inflation. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of high salaries to the drawbacks could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly connect back to the thesis statement. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases between ideas and paragraphs can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly. For example, phrases like "Conversely," or "On the other hand," can be used to signal shifts in perspective.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of high salaries, while the second addresses the drawbacks. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For instance, the first body paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better organized into separate sentences for clarity. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the main points but could be more concise and impactful.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. Avoid combining too many ideas in one sentence, as this can confuse the reader. In the conclusion, aim for a succinct summary of the main points and a strong final statement that reinforces your opinion.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "although," "however," and "moreover," which help to connect ideas and show contrast. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices feels repetitive or could be more varied. For example, the phrase "the amount of incomes should be limited at an optimal level by the governments" could be rephrased for variety and clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "in addition," "furthermore," or "on the contrary" to introduce new points or counterarguments. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to enhance clarity rather than complicate the sentence structure. Practicing with different sentence structures can also help in achieving a more fluid and engaging writing style.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced discussion. By focusing on improving logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can enhance the coherence and cohesion of their writing, potentially achieving a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with terms like "proliferation," "holistic," "advocate," and "amenities." These words enhance the sophistication of the writing. However, some phrases are repetitive or lack variety, such as "extremely high salaries" and "highly competitive wages," which could be expressed using synonyms or alternative phrases to demonstrate greater lexical flexibility.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or paraphrasing. For example, instead of repeatedly using "high salaries," you could use "elevated earnings," "substantial incomes," or "lucrative compensation." This will not only enrich the vocabulary but also showcase a broader command of language.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "intense salaries" is somewhat awkward and does not clearly convey the intended meaning. Additionally, "the amount of incomes" should be phrased as "the amount of income" or "income levels" for clarity. The term "African countries" is also misleading in the context of discussing Venezuela, which is in South America.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. For example, replace "intense salaries" with "exorbitant salaries" or "excessive wages." Additionally, ensure geographical references are correct and relevant to the discussion. This precision will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the writing.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors. However, there are minor issues such as "the much higher incomes" which could be simplified to "higher incomes" for better flow. The phrase "the highest annually average incomes" is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain spelling accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for awkward phrasing that may lead to confusion. Practicing spelling through writing exercises or using spelling and grammar checking tools can also help. Additionally, reading widely can improve familiarity with correct spelling and usage in context.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and clarity. By incorporating these suggestions, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including complex sentences and a few compound sentences. For example, phrases like "Although both schools of thought hold merit" and "the higher salaries the resident here can earn, the more tax they have to pay for the government" show an attempt to use more sophisticated structures. However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are overly long or convoluted, which can hinder clarity. For instance, the sentence "the amount of incomes should be limited at an optimal level by the governments, avoiding the situation when an individual is paid with an extremely intense wage" is quite complex and could be simplified for better readability.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Breaking down longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones can improve readability. Additionally, incorporating different sentence openings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases or dependent clauses) can add variety. For example, instead of starting with "The principal one would be," the writer might begin with "One significant reason is that…" to vary the structure.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity and professionalism. For example, the phrase "the intense salaries can easily widen the social gap related to the rich and the poor" could be more clearly expressed as "high salaries can easily widen the social gap between the rich and the poor." Additionally, there are instances of incorrect article usage, such as "the amount of incomes" instead of "the amount of income." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, also occur, which can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review basic grammar rules, particularly concerning articles, prepositions, and subject-verb agreement. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. For punctuation, the writer should focus on understanding where to place commas, especially in complex sentences. Reading more academic texts can also provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation usage. Additionally, proofreading the essay for common errors before submission can help catch mistakes that may have been overlooked during writing.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their essay, potentially leading to a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.
Bài sửa mẫu
Public concern has arisen around whether certain citizens in a nation should be allowed to earn incomes that are much higher than the average level to boost the development of this country or whether governments should restrict this situation due to potential problems. Although both schools of thought hold merit, I agree more with the latter, as extremely high salaries can easily widen the social divide between the affluent and the disadvantaged, which may lead to social unrest.
On the one hand, there are some major reasons that explain why some people endorse allowing individuals to earn extremely high incomes in a nation. The principal one is that, in many countries, citizens are required to pay taxes on their income. This means that when a number of employees are paid highly competitive wages, the national budget can be augmented, and the funds thus allocated can be directed to underdeveloped fields, thereby enhancing the overall development of a country. For instance, in Vietnam, tax laws have consistently been stricter than other regulations. This means that the higher salaries residents earn, the more tax they have to pay to the government, which is then invested into education in rural areas as a way to foster the development of this nation.
On the other hand, I strongly advocate for those who argue that the amount of income should be limited to an optimal level by the governments, avoiding situations where individuals are paid extremely high wages. The most compelling reason is that, in today’s modern society, the social divide is inherently significant. This, combined with the extremely high incomes of some people, can easily be broadened. A country’s optimal success is only achieved when all citizens have equal access to amenities and are given equal opportunities. However, with much higher incomes, these individuals could exert pressure on the market, hindering access to essential services for those with lower incomes. Moreover, when salaries cannot be regulated at a certain level, this may lead to inflation in countries. For example, in Venezuela, a country where citizens have the highest average annual incomes, this trend has resulted in severe inflation. Although they possess a lot of money, they cannot buy any food for their meals.
In conclusion, both perspectives on the level of income in modern society have validity. I believe that governments should control the average incomes of their residents at an optimal rate, avoiding further serious consequences such as inflation and the widening social gap between the rich and the poor. This approach can be considered a more practical way to promote national prosperity rather than encouraging some individuals to earn extremely high incomes.
