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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Many employees can now do their work from home using modern technology. However, this change may only benefit workers, not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Many employees can now do their work from home using modern technology. However, this change may only benefit workers, not the employers.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In today's contemporary landscape, the proliferation of technology has provided people with a significant advantage, particularly in the ability to work remotely. While some argue that this primarily benefits employees rather than employers, I firmly believe that this change is mutually beneficial for both employees and employers.

For employees, The significant benefit is the elimination of commuting time for their workforce. This absence of travel-related stressors translates into punctual commencement of work, reducing the likelihood of tardiness due to traffic issues. Employees, starting their work on time, can manage their tasks efficiently without unnecessary delays. This, in turn, enhances overall work productivity, as evidenced by a survey conducted by Tatvsoft, an IT industry player. The results of the survey demonstrated an increase in both logged work hours and timely completion of projects compared to the previous year, showcasing the positive impact of remote work on employee efficiency. Such improvements not only ensure timely project delivery but also provide sufficient time for thorough testing before product delivery, ultimately contributing to increased profitability for businesses.

Employers, on the other hand, digitally mediated work may offer unique advantages,. A primary benefit is cost reduction, as companies save on expenses related to maintaining traditional office-based setups. This financial saving can be substantial, improving the company's overall budget. Additionally, remote working enables access to a broader global talent repository. By harnessing such unrestricted access, regardless of geographical limitations, corporations can facilitate international collaboration across skilled individuals, improving the quality of their workforce.

In conclusion, the shift towards remote working facilitated by modern technology is a win-win situation, benefitting both employees and employers. Employees enjoy greater flexibility and a better work-life balance, leading to enhanced productivity and well-being, while employers benefit from reduced costs, access to a broader talent pool, and improved employee retention.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "contemporary landscape" -> "contemporary context"
    Explanation: Replacing "contemporary landscape" with "contemporary context" maintains formality and is more commonly used in academic writing, offering a nuanced way to refer to the present situation.

  2. "particularly in the ability to work remotely" -> "especially in the capacity for remote work"
    Explanation: "particularly in the ability to work remotely" is somewhat informal; replacing it with "especially in the capacity for remote work" maintains the emphasis while adopting a more formal tone.

  3. "firmly believe" -> "assert"
    Explanation: "firmly believe" has a slightly informal tone; replacing it with "assert" adds a touch of formality to the expression of the author’s opinion.

  4. "The significant benefit is" -> "One notable advantage is"
    Explanation: "The significant benefit is" is less formal; changing it to "One notable advantage is" adds formality while maintaining clarity.

  5. "elimination of commuting time for their workforce" -> "elimination of commuting time for employees"
    Explanation: "elimination of commuting time for their workforce" is less precise; changing it to "elimination of commuting time for employees" adds clarity by specifying whose commuting time is being referred to.

  6. "travel-related stressors" -> "stress associated with commuting"
    Explanation: "travel-related stressors" is slightly informal; replacing it with "stress associated with commuting" is more formal and precise.

  7. "punctual commencement of work" -> "timely initiation of work"
    Explanation: "punctual commencement of work" is somewhat informal; changing it to "timely initiation of work" maintains formality and precision.

  8. "Employees, starting their work on time" -> "Employees who start their work on time"
    Explanation: Adding "who" after "Employees" makes the sentence grammatically correct and enhances formality.

  9. "unnecessary delays" -> "avoidable delays"
    Explanation: "unnecessary delays" is less formal; changing it to "avoidable delays" maintains formality and emphasizes the preventability of the delays.

  10. "logged work hours" -> "recorded work hours"
    Explanation: "logged work hours" is informal; replacing it with "recorded work hours" is more formal and commonly used in professional contexts.

  11. "positive impact of remote work" -> "positive influence of remote work"
    Explanation: "positive impact of remote work" is slightly informal; changing it to "positive influence of remote work" maintains formality and precision.

  12. "digitally mediated work may offer unique advantages" -> "digitally mediated work offers distinctive advantages"
    Explanation: "digitally mediated work may offer unique advantages" is less direct; changing it to "digitally mediated work offers distinctive advantages" adds clarity and formality.

  13. "financial saving" -> "financial savings"
    Explanation: "financial saving" is singular; changing it to "financial savings" is grammatically correct and more suitable in an academic context.

  14. "collaboration across skilled individuals" -> "collaboration among skilled individuals"
    Explanation: "collaboration across skilled individuals" is less conventional; changing it to "collaboration among skilled individuals" is more formal and grammatically appropriate.

  15. "In conclusion" -> "To conclude"
    Explanation: "In conclusion" is commonly used but slightly informal; changing it to "To conclude" is a more formal and academically appropriate transition phrase.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all components of the prompt. It discusses the advantages of remote work for both employees and employers, supporting the stance that it is mutually beneficial. The reasons provided are clear and relevant to the prompt.
    • How to improve: To further enhance, consider incorporating a counterargument to demonstrate a more nuanced understanding. This could involve addressing potential drawbacks or limitations of remote work to provide a balanced perspective.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The thesis statement in the introduction clearly states the author’s belief in the mutual benefit of remote work, and each subsequent paragraph reinforces this stance.
    • How to improve: No specific improvements are needed in this area. The essay effectively communicates its position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents, extends, and supports ideas effectively. Specific examples, such as the elimination of commuting time and the cost reduction for employers, are provided and elaborated upon. The reference to the Tatvsoft survey adds credibility and depth to the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance, consider providing additional real-world examples or data to further bolster the argument and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay consistently stays on topic and does not deviate from the main focus of discussing the benefits of remote work for both employees and employers.
    • How to improve: No specific improvements are needed in this area. The essay effectively maintains focus and relevance to the given topic.

Overall Comments:

This essay is well-structured and effectively addresses the prompt, providing a comprehensive analysis of the benefits of remote work for both employees and employers. The arguments are well-supported with relevant examples, and the writing is clear and coherent. To further enhance, consider incorporating a counterargument and providing additional examples or data for a more thorough analysis. Overall, a strong essay that demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction sets the stage by introducing the topic and presenting a clear stance. Each body paragraph focuses on a specific aspect, providing examples and arguments to support the main thesis. The progression from the benefits for employees to those for employers is logical and contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining the transition between body paragraphs. While the progression is generally smooth, ensuring a more seamless flow between ideas can further strengthen the essay’s coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure the content. Each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. The division of ideas is logical, contributing to the overall readability of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a strong, clear topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis. Additionally, consider the length of paragraphs to maintain a balance between providing sufficient information and avoiding overly lengthy sections.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a range of cohesive devices, including transitional phrases and logical connectors. For instance, phrases like "on the other hand" and "in conclusion" guide the reader through the essay’s structure. Additionally, pronouns are used effectively to maintain cohesion within and between sentences.
    • How to improve: While cohesive devices are generally well-applied, consider incorporating more varied and nuanced connectors to elevate the essay’s coherence. Experiment with using a wider range of transition words and phrases to create a more sophisticated and interconnected narrative.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong coherence and cohesion, with a well-organized structure and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. To improve, focus on refining the transition between paragraphs and experimenting with a wider array of cohesive devices for a more nuanced connection between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable effort to use a wide range of vocabulary. The writer employs diverse terms such as "proliferation," "commuting time," "stressors," and "unrestricted access," contributing to the richness of the essay. Additionally, the inclusion of industry-specific terms like "Tatvsoft" adds a layer of specificity.
    • How to improve: While the essay already displays a good range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more sophisticated and nuanced terms where appropriate. For instance, instead of frequently using "benefit," explore alternatives like "advantage" or "merit" to elevate the lexical diversity further.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision. For instance, the term "financial saving" accurately conveys the idea of cost reduction. However, there are instances where word choices could be more precise. For example, the phrase "digitally mediated work" could be replaced with a more specific term, such as "remote collaboration" or "virtual work."
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, carefully choose words that precisely convey the intended meaning. In this essay, identify areas where specific terms could be substituted for general ones, refining the overall clarity of expression.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a high level of spelling accuracy, contributing to the overall professionalism of the writing. There are no noticeable spelling errors throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To sustain this accuracy, continue to proofread meticulously, paying special attention to complex or less common terms. Additionally, consider using spelling and grammar tools to catch any inadvertent errors that may be overlooked during manual proofreading.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of lexical resources, with minor areas for improvement. Enhancing precision through more specific vocabulary choices and consistently proofreading for advanced or industry-specific terms can further elevate the lexical quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable variety of sentence structures. It effectively employs complex sentences (e.g., "While some argue that this primarily benefits employees rather than employers, I firmly believe that this change is mutually beneficial for both employees and employers") and compound-complex structures (e.g., "This financial saving can be substantial, improving the company’s overall budget"). The author also skillfully uses parallel structures (e.g., "Employees enjoy greater flexibility and a better work-life balance, leading to enhanced productivity and well-being").
    • How to improve: While the essay already incorporates a diverse range of structures, enhancing the use of rhetorical devices, such as parallelism and varied clause types, can add flair to the writing. Consider experimenting with the placement of dependent and independent clauses to create a more dynamic flow.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates strong grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "The significant benefit is the elimination of commuting time for their workforce" could be refined to "A significant benefit is the elimination of commuting time for the workforce." Additionally, in the sentence "Employers, on the other hand, digitally mediated work may offer unique advantages,", a comma after "hand" would enhance clarity.
    • How to improve: To further improve grammatical accuracy, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage. Additionally, proofread carefully to catch any punctuation inconsistencies. In the given example, consider rephrasing for clarity and precision.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a wide range of sentence structures, contributing to its cohesive and coherent presentation. To further enhance the quality, the author can focus on refining minor grammatical details and experimenting with more sophisticated sentence structures.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the present-day context, the widespread use of technology has notably empowered individuals, especially in their capacity to engage in remote work. Some argue that this shift primarily favors employees over employers; however, I assert that this transformation is advantageous for both parties involved.

For employees, a notable advantage is the elimination of commuting time. This absence of travel-related stress allows for a timely initiation of work, reducing the likelihood of tardiness caused by traffic issues. Employees who commence their work promptly can manage their tasks efficiently, avoiding unnecessary delays. This, in turn, enhances overall work productivity, as evidenced by a survey conducted by Tatvsoft, a player in the IT industry. The survey results demonstrated an increase in both recorded work hours and timely completion of projects compared to the previous year, highlighting the positive influence of remote work on employee efficiency. These improvements ensure timely project delivery and provide sufficient time for thorough testing before product delivery, ultimately contributing to increased profitability for businesses.

On the employer’s side, digitally mediated work offers distinctive advantages. One primary benefit is financial savings, as companies can reduce expenses related to maintaining traditional office-based setups. This cost reduction can be substantial, positively impacting the company’s overall budget. Additionally, remote work enables access to a broader global talent pool. By harnessing such unrestricted access, regardless of geographical limitations, corporations can facilitate collaboration among skilled individuals internationally, thereby enhancing the quality of their workforce.

To conclude, the shift towards remote working, facilitated by modern technology, is a mutually beneficial situation for both employees and employers. Employees enjoy greater flexibility and a better work-life balance, leading to enhanced productivity and well-being. At the same time, employers benefit from reduced costs, access to a broader talent pool, and improved employee retention.

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