You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country, while some people think it is bad. Discuss both views and state your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country, while some people think it is bad. Discuss both views and state your opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
You should write at least 250 words.
Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country, while some people think it is bad. In my opinion, I agree that having a world-scale sports event is beneficial to the country.
One of the reasons that I think hosting an international sports event is good for the country is that the country's economic would be boosted due to the increasing number of tourists visiting the country for the event. This would also help promoting the country's image and cultures to the world. This can be clearly seen through the 2008 Summer Olympics held in Beijing, China. After the grand opening performace at the Olympics, the images of the country was noticed positively and applauded for the impressive performances.
Another reason is by hosting the event and offering its best, the country could maintain or improve the relationship with the participating nations. One example is the provision of accomodations and traditional food in the Olympics atheletes village, as well as the friendly practice of exchanging pins during the event period.
However, besides the reasons that I believe would be a good idea to host an international sports event, there are also valid points that it would be a bad idea to do so. One of them is the image of the host country would be negatively affected if the execution is not planned well. This could potentially lead to the bad impressions of tourists who might be considering to visit to country. One example can be the 2024 Summer Olympics held in Paris, France. Due to the poor planning of the organizing committee, the news about the health concerns of athletes when participating the competitions in the Seine River were well-spread around the world. This led to a huge number of negative comments from the netizens regarding the issue as well as the country itself.
In conclusion, my take on this is still that hosting an international sports event would be beneficial for the country as the risk of damaging the country's image is not concerning if the committee take the planning seriously and come out with effective back-up plans.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
-
"Some people think" -> "Some individuals believe"
Explanation: Replacing "Some people think" with "Some individuals believe" elevates the formality and specificity of the language, aligning better with academic style. -
"is good for the country" -> "is advantageous for the nation"
Explanation: "Is advantageous for the nation" is more precise and formal than "is good for the country," which is somewhat vague and informal. -
"the country’s economic would be boosted" -> "the country’s economy would be stimulated"
Explanation: "The country’s economy would be stimulated" is more accurate and formal than "the country’s economic would be boosted," which contains a grammatical error and is less precise. -
"help promoting" -> "help promote"
Explanation: "Help promote" is grammatically correct and more direct, improving the sentence structure and clarity. -
"the images of the country was noticed positively" -> "the country’s image was positively received"
Explanation: "The country’s image was positively received" corrects the grammatical error and uses more precise language, enhancing the formality and clarity of the statement. -
"offering its best" -> "offering its best efforts"
Explanation: "Offering its best efforts" specifies the type of effort being referred to, enhancing clarity and formality. -
"accomodations" -> "accommodations"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the text adheres to standard English spelling rules. -
"friendly practice of exchanging pins" -> "courteous practice of exchanging pins"
Explanation: "Courteous" is a more precise and formal adjective than "friendly" in this context, fitting better in an academic essay. -
"would be a bad idea to do so" -> "would be detrimental to do so"
Explanation: "Would be detrimental to do so" uses more formal and precise language, enhancing the academic tone. -
"would be negatively affected" -> "could be negatively impacted"
Explanation: "Could be negatively impacted" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "would be negatively affected," which is somewhat definitive and less precise. -
"the bad impressions of tourists" -> "negative impressions of tourists"
Explanation: "Negative impressions" is a more formal and precise term than "bad impressions," aligning better with academic style. -
"considering to visit to country" -> "considering visiting the country"
Explanation: Corrects a grammatical error and improves the flow of the sentence, making it more formal and correct. -
"the health concerns of athletes when participating the competitions" -> "health concerns among athletes participating in the competitions"
Explanation: "Health concerns among athletes participating in the competitions" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances clarity and formality. -
"well-spread around the world" -> "widely disseminated globally"
Explanation: "Widely disseminated globally" is more formal and precise than "well-spread around the world," which is somewhat colloquial. -
"the netizens" -> "online commentators"
Explanation: "Online commentators" is a more specific and formal term than "netizens," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context. -
"my take on this" -> "my perspective on this"
Explanation: "My perspective on this" is a more formal expression than "my take on this," which is colloquial and less suitable for academic writing. -
"the committee take the planning seriously" -> "the committee takes the planning seriously"
Explanation: Corrects a grammatical error, ensuring subject-verb agreement and maintaining formal tone. -
"come out with effective back-up plans" -> "develop effective contingency plans"
Explanation: "Develop effective contingency plans" is a more formal and precise phrase than "come out with effective back-up plans," which is informal and vague.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
-
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the prompt by discussing the benefits of hosting international sports events, such as economic boosts and improved international relations, as well as the potential drawbacks, including negative impacts on the host country’s image due to poor execution. The examples provided, such as the 2008 Beijing Olympics and the upcoming 2024 Paris Olympics, illustrate these points well. However, the discussion of the negative aspects could be more balanced and detailed.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include more specific examples or statistics to support the negative impacts of hosting such events. Additionally, a more thorough exploration of the opposing viewpoint would provide a more balanced discussion, which is crucial for achieving a higher score.
-
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their opinion in the introduction and maintains this stance throughout the essay. Phrases like "In my opinion" and "my take on this is still that" reinforce the writer’s position. However, the conclusion could be more assertive in restating the position, as it somewhat dilutes the strength of the argument by focusing on the risks rather than the benefits.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer should ensure that the conclusion not only summarizes the main points but also firmly reiterates the advantages of hosting international sports events. Using stronger language to emphasize the benefits could enhance the overall impact.
-
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits and drawbacks of hosting international sports events. The examples provided, such as the Beijing Olympics and the Paris Olympics, serve to support the arguments. However, some ideas, particularly regarding the negative aspects, are not as fully developed or supported with sufficient detail.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to elaborate more on each point made, perhaps by including additional examples or discussing the implications of the points raised. For instance, explaining how tourism directly translates into economic benefits or detailing the consequences of negative publicity could provide a fuller picture.
-
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay stays largely on topic, focusing on the pros and cons of hosting international sports events. However, there are moments where the discussion could veer slightly off course, particularly when discussing the negative impacts without sufficient context or connection to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether hosting international sports events is beneficial or detrimental. This can be achieved by consistently linking back to the main thesis in each paragraph and ensuring that all examples are relevant to the argument being made.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some enhancements in the areas of balance, clarity, support, and focus, the essay could achieve an even higher score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
-
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with a logical progression of ideas. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion by presenting both sides of the argument and clearly stating the writer’s opinion. Each paragraph addresses a specific point, with the first two paragraphs focusing on the advantages of hosting international sports events and the third paragraph discussing the potential drawbacks. For example, the mention of the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing serves as a strong supporting example for the benefits discussed. However, the transition between the positive and negative aspects could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To improve the logical flow, consider using clearer transition phrases when moving from one argument to another. For instance, after discussing the benefits, a phrase like "On the other hand" could be used to signal the shift to the drawbacks. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can help reinforce the main idea of that section.
-
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph contains a distinct point, and the use of examples supports these points well. However, the paragraph discussing the negative aspects could be more balanced in terms of length and depth compared to the paragraphs discussing the positive aspects. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the writer’s stance but could be more developed to reinforce the arguments made.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, consider expanding the paragraph on the negative aspects to provide a more balanced view. This could involve adding another example or elaborating further on the potential consequences of poor planning. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion not only restates the opinion but also briefly summarizes the key points made in the essay.
-
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "one of the reasons," and "in conclusion." These devices help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. For instance, the essay relies heavily on basic connectors and could benefit from more varied expressions to indicate contrast, addition, and exemplification.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating phrases such as "in addition," "furthermore," or "conversely" to enhance the connections between ideas. Additionally, using synonyms or rephrasing to avoid repetition can improve the overall cohesion of the essay. For example, instead of repeatedly using "hosting an international sports event," consider alternatives like "organizing such events" or "hosting global competitions" to maintain reader engagement.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs. By refining transitions, balancing paragraph lengths, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further enhance the clarity and impact of their arguments.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
-
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary appropriate for the topic. Phrases such as "boosted due to the increasing number of tourists" and "maintain or improve the relationship" show an attempt to use varied expressions. However, there are instances of repetition and limited synonyms, such as the repeated use of "country" and "event." This limits the overall lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "country," alternatives like "nation," "state," or "host nation" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "international sporting events" instead of "sports event" can add variety.
-
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the country’s economic would be boosted" is grammatically incorrect and should read "the country’s economy would be boosted." Furthermore, the term "performace" is a misspelling that detracts from the precision of the writing. The phrase "bad impressions of tourists" is also vague; it would be more effective to specify what kind of impressions (e.g., "negative perceptions" or "unfavorable experiences").
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and choose words that convey specific meanings. Proofreading for grammatical errors and ensuring that terms are used correctly will enhance clarity. Additionally, replacing vague terms with more specific language can strengthen arguments.
-
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "performace" instead of "performance," "accomodations" instead of "accommodations," and "atheletes" instead of "athletes." These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can detract from the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize tools such as spell checkers. Reading more extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times before submission can help catch and correct spelling errors.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
-
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of conditional structures ("if the execution is not planned well") and relative clauses ("that hosting an international sports event is good for the country") indicates a solid understanding of grammatical variety. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence beginnings and the use of more sophisticated structures, such as inversion or more complex clauses, to enhance the overall fluency and coherence of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could practice using introductory phrases or clauses to begin sentences, such as "In addition to economic benefits, hosting international events can also…" or "Despite the potential drawbacks, many countries find that…". Incorporating more varied conjunctions and transitional phrases can also help in creating more complex sentences that enhance the flow of ideas.
-
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, "the country’s economic would be boosted" should be "the country’s economy would be boosted," and "help promoting" should be "help promote." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences and incorrect pluralization ("accomodations" should be "accommodations"). These errors indicate a need for greater attention to detail in grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work to catch common mistakes, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect word forms. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify errors. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can enhance clarity. For example, the sentence "This could potentially lead to the bad impressions of tourists who might be considering to visit to country" could be revised for clarity and correctness to "This could potentially lead to bad impressions among tourists who might be considering visiting the country."
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the identified weaknesses will help elevate the score further.
Bài sửa mẫu
Some individuals believe that hosting an international sports event is advantageous for the country, while others argue that it is detrimental. In my perspective, I agree that having a world-scale sports event is beneficial for the nation.
One of the reasons I believe hosting an international sports event is good for the country is that the country’s economy would be stimulated due to the increasing number of tourists visiting for the event. This influx of visitors would also help promote the country’s image and culture to the world. A clear example of this can be seen in the 2008 Summer Olympics held in Beijing, China. After the grand opening performance at the Olympics, the country’s image was positively received and applauded for its impressive displays.
Another reason is that by hosting the event and offering its best efforts, the country could maintain or even improve its relationships with the participating nations. For instance, the provision of accommodations and traditional food in the Olympic athletes’ village, along with the courteous practice of exchanging pins during the event, fosters goodwill among nations.
However, alongside the reasons supporting the idea of hosting an international sports event, there are also valid concerns that it could be a negative undertaking. One significant issue is that the image of the host country could be negatively impacted if the execution is not well-planned. This could lead to negative impressions of tourists who might be considering visiting the country. A pertinent example is the upcoming 2024 Summer Olympics in Paris, France. Due to poor planning by the organizing committee, news regarding health concerns among athletes participating in the competitions in the Seine River has been widely disseminated globally. This has resulted in a substantial amount of negative commentary from online commentators regarding both the event and the country itself.
In conclusion, my perspective on this matter remains that hosting an international sports event would be beneficial for the country, as the risk of damaging the nation’s image is not a significant concern if the committee takes the planning seriously and develops effective contingency plans.
