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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

It is inevitable that science and its applications play an integral part in enhancing the human beings’ living standards. From my perspective, I comprehensively advocate for this statement. In this essay, the justifications will be mentioned elaborately and thoroughly.
To begin with, the improvement of people’s health is obviously attributed to science. To be specific, efficient treatments to devastating diseases are invented by scientific experiments. For instance, in the explosion of Covid 19 pandemic several years ago, global scientists exerted themselves to produce various types of vaccine, and this was a significant intervention for the cease of the vicious epidemic. In addition, scientific research also promotes the introductions of various supplementing products, such as functional foods or pills that boost individuals’ immune systems. This results in the strong resistant ability against common illnesses, including flu, cold or fever and so on …
Additionally, science is extremely productive in mitigating the adverse impacts of global warming, caused by the intensive operations of industrial areas, transport and human activities. Specifically, scientists all over the world have conducted countless investigations and research to assure the efficiency of exploiting sustainable energy. This is a considerable contribution to counteract the harm of carbon dioxide emission.
In conclusion, science has always been a pinnacle in the survival of the world because not only it prioritizes people’s health, but also buffers human’s environment.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "It is inevitable that" -> "It is undeniable that"
    Explanation: "Undeniable" conveys a stronger, more academic tone than "inevitable," which can sometimes imply a sense of inevitability that is not necessarily supported by evidence. "Undeniable" emphasizes the certainty of the statement without implying a lack of choice or agency.

  2. "enhancing the human beings’ living standards" -> "enhancing human living standards"
    Explanation: Removing "the" before "human beings’" corrects a grammatical error and simplifies the phrase, making it more direct and formal. "Human living standards" is a more concise and appropriate term in academic writing.

  3. "I comprehensively advocate for this statement" -> "I strongly support this assertion"
    Explanation: "Support" is more precise and formal than "advocate for," which can imply a more active role than is intended here. "Assertion" is also more formal than "statement," fitting better in an academic context.

  4. "the justifications will be mentioned elaborately and thoroughly" -> "the justifications will be elaborated upon thoroughly"
    Explanation: "Elaborated upon" is a more formal and precise way to indicate detailed explanation, replacing the less formal "mentioned elaborately and thoroughly."

  5. "obviously attributed to science" -> "clearly attributed to scientific advancements"
    Explanation: "Clearly" is more academically appropriate than "obviously," which can sound too informal. "Scientific advancements" is a more specific term than "science," which is broader and less precise.

  6. "efficient treatments to devastating diseases" -> "effective treatments for severe diseases"
    Explanation: "Effective" is more precise than "efficient" in this context, as it directly relates to the outcome of treatments. "Severe" is also more specific than "devastating," which can be overly dramatic for academic writing.

  7. "in the explosion of Covid 19 pandemic" -> "during the COVID-19 pandemic"
    Explanation: "During" is the correct temporal preposition for describing an ongoing event, and "COVID-19" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun. "Explosion" is metaphorically incorrect and too informal for this context.

  8. "the cease of the vicious epidemic" -> "the containment of the severe epidemic"
    Explanation: "Containment" is the correct term for describing the management of an epidemic, whereas "cease" is incorrect and informal. "Severe" is also more appropriate than "vicious," which carries a negative connotation that is not necessary in this context.

  9. "scientific research also promotes the introductions of various supplementing products" -> "scientific research also introduces various supplementary products"
    Explanation: "Introduces" is the correct verb form for the action of bringing into use or discussion, and "supplementary" is the correct adjective form for products that enhance or support something else.

  10. "boost individuals’ immune systems" -> "enhance individuals’ immune systems"
    Explanation: "Enhance" is a more precise and formal term than "boost" in this context, fitting better in academic writing.

  11. "strong resistant ability" -> "stronger resistance"
    Explanation: "Resistance" is the correct noun form, and "stronger" is the comparative form needed to describe the increased ability, making the phrase grammatically correct and more formal.

  12. "mitigating the adverse impacts of global warming" -> "mitigating the adverse effects of global warming"
    Explanation: "Effects" is the correct term for the consequences of an action or condition, whereas "impacts" is more commonly used in the context of physical forces or influences.

  13. "countless investigations and research" -> "numerous investigations and studies"
    Explanation: "Numerous" is a more precise and formal adjective than "countless," which can imply an imprecise or exaggerated number. "Studies" is a more specific term than "research," which is broader and less precise.

  14. "buffers human’s environment" -> "protects the environment"
    Explanation: "Protects" is a more direct and formal verb than "buffers," which is less commonly used in this context and sounds informal. "The environment" is also more appropriate than "human’s environment," which is awkward and unclear.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the role of science in improving people’s health and mitigating global warming. However, it fails to explicitly state the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The phrase "I comprehensively advocate for this statement" is vague and does not clarify whether the author fully agrees, partially agrees, or disagrees. The essay lacks a thorough exploration of the nuances of the argument, which is essential for a complete response.
    • How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the author should clearly articulate their position in the introduction and provide a more nuanced discussion throughout the essay. For example, they could explore counterarguments or acknowledge that while science has significant benefits, it may also have drawbacks that need consideration.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: While the author expresses a supportive stance towards the role of science, the position is not consistently clear throughout the essay. The introduction states agreement, but the lack of explicit acknowledgment of opposing views or a more balanced discussion leads to ambiguity in the author’s position.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should restate their viewpoint in the conclusion and ensure that each paragraph reinforces this stance. Additionally, addressing potential counterarguments can strengthen the overall position by demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as health improvements due to scientific advancements and the role of science in combating global warming. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited and lacks depth. For instance, while the example of COVID-19 vaccines is relevant, it could be elaborated further to illustrate the broader implications of scientific advancements.
    • How to improve: The author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. This could include discussing specific scientific innovations or studies that have had a significant impact on health or the environment. Additionally, integrating personal experiences or observations could enhance the essay’s relatability and depth.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the role of science in improving lives. However, some sentences, such as those discussing "functional foods or pills," could be seen as slightly off-topic if they do not directly relate to the main argument about the primary aim of science.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly supports the main argument. They could also consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly indicate how each point relates back to the central thesis.

Overall, to improve the essay’s score, the author should aim to expand on their ideas, clarify their position, and ensure that all points made are relevant to the prompt. Additionally, addressing the word count issue is crucial, as being under the required word limit can significantly impact the overall score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument supporting the idea that science should aim to improve people’s lives. The introduction sets the stage effectively, stating the writer’s position. Each body paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of science’s contributions—health improvements and environmental sustainability—demonstrating a logical progression of ideas. However, the transition between the two main points could be smoother to enhance the overall flow. For instance, the shift from health to environmental issues feels abrupt.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that link the two main ideas more clearly. For example, after discussing health improvements, a sentence like "Moreover, the benefits of scientific advancements extend beyond health to encompass environmental concerns" could serve as a bridge between paragraphs.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point. The first paragraph discusses health, while the second addresses environmental impacts. However, the conclusion is somewhat brief and could benefit from a more robust summary of the arguments presented.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs. This could involve reiterating the importance of both health and environmental contributions of science, thus reinforcing the overall argument. A more developed conclusion would provide a sense of closure and completeness to the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices effectively, such as "to begin with," "in addition," and "specifically," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to avoid repetition and enhance sophistication. For instance, phrases like "this results in" and "this is a considerable contribution" are used multiple times, which can detract from the overall quality.
    • How to improve: Diversify the range of cohesive devices by incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases. For example, instead of repeating "this is a considerable contribution," you could use "this significantly aids" or "this plays a crucial role." Additionally, consider using more complex cohesive devices, such as "consequently" or "as a result," to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, further solidifying its argument and enhancing overall readability.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "integral," "enhancing," "efficient treatments," and "mitigating." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety in expression. For example, the phrase "scientific research" appears multiple times without variation, which can detract from the overall quality of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "scientific research," alternatives like "scientific inquiry," "studies," or "investigations" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "innovative," "breakthroughs," or "interventions," would elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its intended meaning, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the strong resistant ability against common illnesses" could be more accurately expressed as "the body’s enhanced resistance to common illnesses." The term "buffer" in the conclusion is also somewhat vague in this context, as it does not clearly convey how science interacts with the environment.
    • How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "buffer," consider using "protect" or "safeguard" to clarify the role of science in environmental preservation. Additionally, ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and idiomatic, which can enhance clarity and precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "Covid 19" (should be "COVID-19") and "supplementing" (which may be better expressed as "supplemental"). These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may affect the reader’s perception of the writer’s attention to detail.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools or writing software can also help identify and correct spelling mistakes. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can reinforce correct spelling of commonly used terms in academic writing.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource category. Expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and maintaining correct spelling will contribute to a more polished and effective piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and compound sentences. For example, the phrase "efficient treatments to devastating diseases are invented by scientific experiments" showcases a passive construction, which is effective in emphasizing the action rather than the subject. Additionally, the use of phrases like "to begin with" and "in addition" helps to structure the argument clearly. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the sentence "This results in the strong resistant ability against common illnesses, including flu, cold or fever and so on …" could be rephrased to avoid redundancy and enhance clarity.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "science," try using participial phrases or adverbial clauses to create more complex sentence forms. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more engaging rhythm in your writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the human beings’ living standards" could be simplified to "human living standards" for clarity and conciseness. Additionally, the sentence "this was a significant intervention for the cease of the vicious epidemic" contains awkward phrasing; "the cessation of the vicious epidemic" would be more appropriate. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some areas where commas could enhance readability, such as in the list "including flu, cold or fever and so on …", where a comma before "and so on" would be more grammatically correct.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on simplifying complex phrases and ensuring that all expressions are idiomatic. Regularly reviewing common grammatical structures and practicing with exercises can help reinforce correct usage. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation rules, particularly with lists and clauses, to ensure clarity and coherence in your writing. Reading more academic texts can also provide examples of effective grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is undeniable that science and its applications play an integral role in enhancing human living standards. From my perspective, I strongly support this assertion. In this essay, the justifications will be elaborated upon thoroughly.

To begin with, the improvement of people’s health is clearly attributed to scientific advancements. Specifically, effective treatments for severe diseases are developed through rigorous scientific experiments. For instance, during the COVID-19 pandemic, global scientists worked tirelessly to produce various types of vaccines, which were a significant intervention for the containment of the severe epidemic. In addition, scientific research also introduces various supplementary products, such as functional foods or pills that enhance individuals’ immune systems. This results in stronger resistance against common illnesses, including flu, colds, and fevers.

Additionally, science is extremely productive in mitigating the adverse effects of global warming, which are caused by intensive industrial operations, transportation, and human activities. Specifically, scientists around the world have conducted numerous investigations and studies to ensure the efficiency of exploiting sustainable energy. This is a considerable contribution to counteracting the harm of carbon dioxide emissions and protects the environment.

In conclusion, science has always been a pinnacle in the survival of the world because it not only prioritizes people’s health but also safeguards the environment.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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