🚀 Đề bài The pie charts below show the percentage of five kinds of books sold by a bookseller between 1972 and 2012

🚀 Đề bài
The pie charts below show the percentage of five kinds of books sold by a bookseller between 1972 and 2012

The pie charts depict the proportion of five different genres of books which are sold by a bookseller from 1972 to 2012.
Overall, it can be seen that the sales of five types of books were relatively balanced in 1972. However, from 1992 onwards, adults’ fiction and children’s fiction witnessed a growth in sales, with adults’ fiction were best-selling throughout the period. Meanwhile, other genres gained decreasing popularity.
In particular, the share of children fiction stood at 20%, equal to the figure for adult fictions and biographies, which made up 20% as well. Additionally, the percent of travel book closely followed behind, accounting for 15% of total sales, while the remaining 25% were distributed among other genres.
Over the next 40 years, the proportion of adult fiction registered an over twofold to 45%, making it became the most common book. Similar change, but it a lesser extent, the sales of children fictions increased modestly to 25%. Furthermore, the sales of travel genres rose gently 18% in 1992, after which it dropped to 10 at the end of the period. Biographies and other genres witnessed substantial declines, with the former halving to 8% and the latter dropping to 12%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the proportion of five different genres of books which are sold by a bookseller" -> "the proportion of five distinct genres of books sold by a bookseller"
Explanation: "Distinct" is more precise than "different," and removing "which are" streamlines the phrase, enhancing clarity and formality.
"it can be seen that the sales of five types of books were relatively balanced" -> "the sales of five genres of books were relatively balanced"
Explanation: "Genres" is a more specific term than "types," aligning better with the context of discussing book categories.
"adults’ fiction and children’s fiction witnessed a growth in sales" -> "adult fiction and children’s fiction experienced an increase in sales"
Explanation: "Experienced an increase" is a more formal and precise expression than "witnessed a growth," which can sound informal.
"with adults’ fiction were best-selling throughout the period" -> "with adult fiction being the best-selling genre throughout the period"
Explanation: "Being" correctly aligns the verb form with the subject, and "genre" clarifies the context.
"gained decreasing popularity" -> "experienced a decline in popularity"
Explanation: "Experienced a decline" is more precise and formal than "gained decreasing popularity," which is somewhat awkward.
"the share of children fiction stood at 20%, equal to the figure for adult fictions and biographies, which made up 20% as well" -> "the share of children’s fiction stood at 20%, equal to that of adult fiction and biographies, which also constituted 20%"
Explanation: "Children’s fiction" is the correct possessive form, and "that of" improves clarity. "Constituted" is a more formal term than "made up."
"the percent of travel book closely followed behind" -> "the percentage of travel books closely followed"
Explanation: "Percentage" is more formal than "percent," and "books" should be plural for grammatical accuracy.
"the remaining 25% were distributed among other genres" -> "the remaining 25% was distributed among other genres"
Explanation: "25%" is treated as a singular entity, so "was" is the correct verb form.
"registered an over twofold to 45%" -> "registered an increase of over twofold to 45%"
Explanation: "Increase of" clarifies the nature of the change, making the sentence more precise.
"making it became the most common book" -> "making it the most common genre"
Explanation: "Genre" is more contextually appropriate than "book," and "became" is incorrect in this construction.
"Similar change, but it a lesser extent" -> "A similar change occurred, but to a lesser extent"
Explanation: This revision corrects grammatical errors and improves clarity.
"the sales of children fictions increased modestly to 25%" -> "the sales of children’s fiction increased modestly to 25%"
Explanation: "Children’s fiction" is the correct possessive form, and "fiction" is typically used in the singular when referring to a genre.
"the sales of travel genres rose gently 18% in 1992" -> "the sales of travel genres rose gently to 18% in 1992"
Explanation: Adding "to" clarifies the meaning of the increase.
"after which it dropped to 10 at the end of the period" -> "after which it dropped to 10% by the end of the period"
Explanation: Adding "%" clarifies the measurement being referred to, ensuring precision.
"witnessed substantial declines, with the former halving to 8% and the latter dropping to 12%" -> "experienced substantial declines, with the former halving to 8% and the latter decreasing to 12%"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more formal than "witnessed," and "decreasing" maintains consistency in terminology.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but the information is not always presented in a clear and concise way. For example, the essay states that "the sales of five types of books were relatively balanced in 1972," but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also includes some irrelevant details, such as the statement that "adults’ fiction were best-selling throughout the period." This statement is not relevant to the task, which is to describe the trends in the data.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific data to support the overview. The essay could also be made more concise by removing irrelevant details. For example, the essay could be improved by stating that "the sales of adult fiction increased from 20% in 1972 to 45% in 2012, while the sales of children’s fiction increased from 20% to 25%." This would provide a more concise and accurate overview of the data.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression. The introduction effectively sets the context, and the overview summarizes the main trends. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that hinder clarity, such as "making it became" and "the percent of travel book closely followed behind." While cohesive devices are used, their effectiveness is inconsistent, leading to some mechanical transitions. Paragraphing is present but could be improved for better logical flow.

How to improve:

Enhance Clarity: Focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity in phrasing. For example, revise sentences to avoid awkward constructions.
Improve Cohesion: Use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs. Ensure that transitions are smooth and logical.
Refine Paragraphing: Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and that ideas within paragraphs are logically connected. Consider separating distinct ideas into their own paragraphs for better organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "proportion," "genres," and "registered," but there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "making it became" instead of "making it become." Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "children fiction" (should be "children’s fiction") and "10 at the end of the period" (should specify "10%"). While these errors do not completely impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the writing.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and ensuring correct collocations. It would be beneficial to proofread for spelling and grammatical errors. Expanding the range of vocabulary by incorporating synonyms and varying sentence structures can also improve the sophistication of the essay. Additionally, using more complex phrases and ensuring that all terms are used in their correct forms will help achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While it conveys the main ideas and comparisons effectively, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that detract from clarity. For instance, phrases like "making it became the most common book" and "but it a lesser extent" indicate issues with grammatical accuracy. Additionally, the use of punctuation is inconsistent, which can lead to confusion for the reader. Overall, while the communication is generally effective, the errors are noticeable and occasionally hinder understanding.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for common errors and refining sentence structures. Incorporating a wider variety of complex sentences while ensuring they are grammatically correct will also enhance the overall quality. Additionally, paying closer attention to punctuation and ensuring that all sentences are complete and clear will improve the essay’s readability.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie charts depict the proportion of five different genres of books sold by a bookseller from 1972 to 2012. Overall, it can be seen that the sales of five types of books were relatively balanced in 1972. However, from 1992 onwards, adults’ fiction and children’s fiction experienced growth in sales, with adults’ fiction being the best-selling genre throughout the period. Meanwhile, other genres saw a decline in popularity.

In particular, the share of children’s fiction stood at 20%, which was equal to the figures for adult fiction and biographies, both also comprising 20% of total sales. Additionally, the percentage of travel books closely followed, accounting for 15% of total sales, while the remaining 25% were distributed among other genres.

Over the next 40 years, the proportion of adult fiction more than doubled to 45%, making it the most common book genre. A similar change, albeit to a lesser extent, occurred with the sales of children’s fiction, which increased modestly to 25%. Furthermore, the sales of travel genres rose gently to 18% in 1992, after which they dropped to 10% by the end of the period. Biographies and other genres witnessed substantial declines, with the former halving to 8% and the latter dropping to 12%.