1. Some people think the government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some people believe that more national funding should be allocated to the teaching of science subjects rather than other subjects because these disciplines could facilitate the growth of a country. This essay partly agrees with this opinion which will be discussed in this essay
On the one hand, a nation’s priorities should be given to social science or humanities subjects, without those subjects it will significantly cause a national loss. Indeed, Social science or humanities mainly study humans and past events, subjects such as literature, philosophy, and history foster people's critical thinking, empathy, and ethical reasoning, and in some cases, it could prevent us from critical mistakes. For instance, investing in history and economics will help people to understand more about the conflict that drives war; therefore, people could value and learn to prevent from. Another example of investing in economic subjects is in 2009 when the financial and economic crisis occurred. If this phenomenon was not studied by the economist, it would likely reappear in the future. From those aforementioned reasons, the government should not disregard the impact of humanities subjects.
However, there are several reasons why national authorities should advocate for investing in science subjects. In the modern era, when almost nations prioritize for investing in science since it will pave the way for better development which drives several advancements and breakthroughs in technology. Indeed, investing in STEM will provide significant knowledge to develop national well-being. For example, America is well-known for its huge Silicon Valley which is home to numerous teach giants such as Apple, Google, and Amazon. Such Achievements are largely the result of massive investments in science and technology fields. As a result, this action not only enhances the whole nation’s well-being but also better living standards.
In conclusion, both science and humanities subjects are indeed vital for a country’s development, this essay argues that educational funding should not be prioritized or gravitated into one subject only. A balanced approach that values both scientific and social subjects is crucial for well-rounded development.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people believe" -> "It is believed by some"
Explanation: Using "It is believed by some" shifts the passive voice to a more formal and impersonal tone, which is preferred in academic writing.
"more national funding should be allocated" -> "additional national funding should be allocated"
Explanation: "Additional" is more precise and formal than "more," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"these disciplines could facilitate" -> "these disciplines can facilitate"
Explanation: "Can" is more assertive and formal than "could," which is often used for hypothetical or uncertain situations, making it more suitable for academic arguments.
"partly agrees with this opinion" -> "partially supports this view"
Explanation: "Partially supports" is a more precise and formal expression than "partly agrees," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"without those subjects it will significantly cause a national loss" -> "without these subjects, it would significantly result in a national loss"
Explanation: "It would significantly result in" is more formal and precise than "it will significantly cause," which is less formal and slightly ambiguous.
"Social science or humanities mainly study humans and past events" -> "Social sciences and humanities primarily focus on human behavior and historical events"
Explanation: "Primarily focus on" is more specific and academically precise than "mainly study," and "human behavior" is a more formal term than "humans and past events."
"foster people’s critical thinking, empathy, and ethical reasoning" -> "enhance critical thinking, empathy, and ethical reasoning among individuals"
Explanation: "Enhance" is more formal than "foster," and "among individuals" is more precise than "people’s," aligning better with academic style.
"it could prevent us from critical mistakes" -> "it could prevent critical mistakes"
Explanation: Removing "us" avoids the informal and unnecessary pronoun, making the sentence more formal and concise.
"investing in history and economics will help people to understand more about the conflict that drives war" -> "investing in history and economics can help individuals better comprehend the conflicts that drive war"
Explanation: "Can help individuals better comprehend" is more formal and precise than "will help people to understand more about," and "conflicts" is a more specific term than "the conflict that drives war."
"learn to prevent from" -> "learn to prevent"
Explanation: "Learn to prevent from" is grammatically incorrect; "learn to prevent" is the correct form.
"If this phenomenon was not studied by the economist" -> "If this phenomenon had not been studied by economists"
Explanation: "Had not been studied by economists" corrects the tense and pluralizes "economist" to reflect the general profession, enhancing clarity and formality.
"almost nations prioritize for investing in science" -> "many nations prioritize investing in science"
Explanation: "Many nations" is more precise and formal than "almost nations," and removing "for" corrects the grammatical structure.
"which drives several advancements and breakthroughs in technology" -> "which drives numerous advancements and breakthroughs in technology"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise and formal than "several," fitting better in academic contexts.
"teach giants" -> "tech giants"
Explanation: "Tech giants" is the correct term, as "teach" is a typo and not the intended word.
"Such Achievements are largely the result of massive investments" -> "Such achievements are largely the result of substantial investments"
Explanation: "Substantial" is more formal and precise than "massive," and "achievements" should not be capitalized unless it begins a sentence.
"better living standards" -> "improved living standards"
Explanation: "Improved" is a more formal and precise term than "better" in academic writing.
"gravitated into one subject only" -> "focused solely on one subject"
Explanation: "Focused solely on" is more formal and precise than "gravitated into," which is not commonly used in this context.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of both science and humanities in national development. It acknowledges the argument for prioritizing science while also presenting a counterargument for the significance of humanities. However, the phrase "this essay partly agrees with this opinion" could be clearer in defining the extent of agreement. The essay does not explicitly state whether it leans more towards science, humanities, or a balanced view, which could confuse the reader about the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and ensure that this position is consistently reflected throughout the essay. A clear thesis statement indicating the extent of agreement or disagreement would help guide the reader.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position, arguing for the importance of both subjects. However, the use of "partly agrees" introduces ambiguity about the writer’s overall stance. The conclusion reiterates the need for balance but does not reinforce a strong position, which may leave the reader uncertain about the writer’s viewpoint.
- How to improve: The writer should maintain a more decisive tone throughout the essay. Instead of stating "partly agrees," they could specify the extent of their agreement (e.g., "I strongly believe that both subjects are equally important"). This clarity should be reflected in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas and supports them with examples, such as the importance of humanities in understanding historical conflicts and the role of science in technological advancements. However, some points could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, the example of Silicon Valley could include more detail about how specific scientific advancements have contributed to economic growth.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. This could involve elaborating on how specific scientific investments lead to tangible benefits for society or providing additional examples from different countries to illustrate the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the importance of both science and humanities in national development. However, some sentences could be more focused. For example, the mention of the 2009 financial crisis, while relevant, could be better connected to the overall argument about the importance of studying economics within the humanities context.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that every point made directly supports their main argument. They could achieve this by linking examples more explicitly to the thesis and avoiding tangential discussions that do not contribute to the central argument. A clear outline before writing could help maintain focus on the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that acknowledges both sides of the debate regarding government investment in science versus humanities. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs are structured to discuss each viewpoint separately. However, the transition between the two main points could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" introduces the first argument well, but the subsequent transition to the second argument lacks a clear connective phrase that would signal a shift in focus.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift in perspective, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely." Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea will help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow the writer’s line of reasoning. However, the conclusion could be more distinct from the preceding paragraphs, as it currently feels somewhat abrupt and lacks a strong summary of the key points discussed.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion not only summarizes the main arguments but also reinforces the writer’s position. A clear restatement of the thesis and a brief overview of the key points discussed in the body paragraphs will enhance the effectiveness of the conclusion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Indeed," "For example," and "However," which help to connect ideas and provide clarity. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the flow could be improved with additional linking words or phrases. For example, the phrase "from those aforementioned reasons" is somewhat awkward and could be replaced with a more straightforward transition.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Consequently." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a greater command of language. Additionally, varying sentence structures and lengths can create a more engaging reading experience.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced argument. By focusing on improving transitions, enhancing the conclusion, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can elevate the coherence and cohesion of the essay further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "national funding," "critical thinking," "economic crisis," and "advancements." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly in the discussion of the importance of humanities and science. For instance, the phrase "investing in" appears multiple times without variation, which could limit the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "investing in," alternatives like "allocating resources to," "funding," or "supporting" could be utilized. Additionally, introducing more sophisticated vocabulary related to the topic, such as "interdisciplinary," "innovation," or "socioeconomic," would elevate the lexical variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "prevent from" is incomplete and should be "prevent mistakes" or "prevent similar occurrences." Furthermore, the term "teach giants" appears to be a typographical error, likely intended to be "tech giants." Such inaccuracies can lead to confusion and detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should carefully proofread their work to identify and correct errors. Additionally, using context-appropriate vocabulary is crucial; for instance, ensuring that phrases are complete and convey the intended meaning accurately. Engaging in exercises that focus on collocations and context-specific vocabulary can also help improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, but there are notable errors, such as "teach giants" instead of "tech giants." Additionally, the phrase "prevent from" lacks clarity due to its incomplete nature, which may also reflect a spelling or grammatical oversight.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should consider implementing a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using digital tools that check for spelling and grammar errors. Regular practice with vocabulary lists and spelling exercises can also reinforce correct spelling habits. Furthermore, familiarizing oneself with common spelling patterns in academic writing will aid in avoiding such mistakes in the future.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will enhance the overall quality and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For example, phrases such as "Indeed, Social science or humanities mainly study humans and past events" and "In the modern era, when almost nations prioritize for investing in science" show an attempt to use more sophisticated grammatical forms. However, there are instances where sentence structure could be improved for clarity and flow, such as "it could prevent us from critical mistakes," which is somewhat vague and could be more specific.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, using participial phrases or conditional clauses can add complexity. Additionally, ensure that sentences are not overly long or convoluted, as this can hinder readability. Practicing the use of different sentence starters and ensuring that each sentence clearly conveys its intended meaning will help improve this aspect.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several errors that detract from its overall quality. For example, the phrase "prioritize for investing in science" should be corrected to "prioritize investing in science." Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as the lack of a comma before "which will be discussed in this essay," which can lead to confusion. The phrase "to understand more about the conflict that drives war; therefore, people could value and learn to prevent from" is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as preposition use and punctuation placement. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also help identify mistakes. Furthermore, practicing writing shorter, clearer sentences can reduce the likelihood of grammatical errors. Focusing on the correct use of conjunctions and ensuring that clauses are properly connected will enhance clarity and coherence in writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the identified weaknesses will help elevate the score further. Regular practice and revision are key to mastering these aspects.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people believe that more national funding should be allocated to the teaching of science subjects rather than other subjects because these disciplines can facilitate the growth of a country. This essay partially supports this view, which will be discussed in this essay.

On the one hand, a nation’s priorities should be given to social sciences or humanities subjects; without these subjects, it would significantly result in a national loss. Indeed, social sciences or humanities primarily focus on human behavior and historical events. Subjects such as literature, philosophy, and history foster people’s critical thinking, empathy, and ethical reasoning, and in some cases, it could prevent critical mistakes. For instance, investing in history and economics can help people better comprehend the conflicts that drive war; therefore, people could learn to prevent them. Another example of investing in economic subjects is in 2009 when the financial and economic crisis occurred. If this phenomenon had not been studied by economists, it would likely reappear in the future. For these reasons, the government should not disregard the impact of humanities subjects.

However, there are several reasons why national authorities should advocate for investing in science subjects. In the modern era, many nations prioritize investing in science since it will pave the way for better development, which drives numerous advancements and breakthroughs in technology. Indeed, investing in STEM will provide significant knowledge to develop national well-being. For example, America is well-known for its huge Silicon Valley, which is home to numerous tech giants such as Apple, Google, and Amazon. Such achievements are largely the result of substantial investments in science and technology fields. As a result, this action not only enhances the whole nation’s well-being but also improves living standards.

In conclusion, both science and humanities subjects are indeed vital for a country’s development. This essay argues that educational funding should not be prioritized or focused solely on one subject. A balanced approach that values both scientific and social subjects is crucial for well-rounded development.