Nowadays young people mostly learn by reading books or watching movies and TV shows, rather than by personal experience. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In the world of advanced information and technology, juveniles spend most of their time watching videos on various platforms or reading books . They tend to participate less in hand -on activities . In my perspective , books and media platforms provide more information and knowledge than activities which are not efficient by wasting more time so i agree with this statement

First of all, today's generation has access to information through their electronic devices, which helps them to gather information in a second and more convenient way . Moreover , it is challenging for the youth to learn new ideas from their own understanding as there is inadequate space available for them to practice. For example , if they want to learn cooking , they tend to watch it on Youtube or Facebook rather than going to a kitchen academy or cooking class because it costs no money and less time to learn . This clearing shows how they master various knowledge with books and online videos without practical exercise .

Secondly, there are numerous books, magazines and various online platforms available for the current generations, which explains all their needs without complications and stress. This makes it easy for them not to go through personal experiences to learn from their mistakes and correct their problems . Moreover, some practices can not be learned by the serious and dangerous causes they make . For instance, a video about smoking which explains the harmful effects of it in detail with realistic animation is safer and better than trying smoking by yourself .

Even though it is undeniable that practical activities are crucial for arranging knowledge after learning formal lessons , the consequences it brings to us outweigh its benefits such as time and cash . I would like to choose to study on media platforms and books by its efficiency and the convenience it brings.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"juveniles" -> "young individuals"
Explanation: "Juveniles" can carry a slightly negative connotation and is often used in legal contexts. "Young individuals" is neutral and more appropriate for an academic essay.
"hand -on activities" -> "hands-on activities"
Explanation: Correcting the typo and spacing improves readability and maintains a professional tone.
"In my perspective" -> "From my perspective"
Explanation: "From my perspective" is the correct idiomatic expression, enhancing the formal tone of the essay.
"which are not efficient by wasting more time so i agree with this statement" -> "which I perceive as less efficient due to their greater time consumption"
Explanation: This revision removes the informal "so" and corrects the sentence structure to be more formal and clear.
"in a second and more convenient way" -> "instantaneously and in a more convenient manner"
Explanation: "Instantaneously" and "in a more convenient manner" are more precise and academically appropriate terms.
"it is challenging for the youth" -> "it poses a challenge for young individuals"
Explanation: "Poses a challenge" is a more formal expression, and "young individuals" is preferred over "the youth" for consistency and formality.
"from their own understanding" -> "through independent learning"
Explanation: "Through independent learning" is a clearer and more academic way to express the concept of learning on one’s own.
"because it costs no money and less time to learn" -> "owing to its cost-effectiveness and time efficiency"
Explanation: "Owing to its cost-effectiveness and time efficiency" is a more formal and concise way to express the advantages mentioned.
"This clearing shows" -> "This clearly demonstrates"
Explanation: "This clearly demonstrates" corrects the typo and uses a more formal term, enhancing the academic tone.
"without practical exercise" -> "without engaging in practical exercises"
Explanation: Adding "engaging in" makes the phrase more active and precise, fitting the academic style better.
"explains all their needs without complications and stress" -> "addresses all their requirements straightforwardly and without inducing stress"
Explanation: "Addresses all their requirements straightforwardly and without inducing stress" is more formal and precise.
"not to go through personal experiences to learn from their mistakes and correct their problems" -> "to avoid learning through personal experiences, thereby bypassing the need to learn from mistakes and rectify issues"
Explanation: The revision clarifies the idea and uses more formal language to describe the avoidance of learning from personal experiences.
"some practices can not be learned by the serious and dangerous causes they make" -> "certain practices cannot be learned due to the serious and dangerous consequences they entail"
Explanation: The revision corrects grammatical errors and employs more formal vocabulary to describe the risks associated with certain practices.
"trying smoking by yourself" -> "experimenting with smoking independently"
Explanation: "Experimenting with smoking independently" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of trying smoking on one’s own.
"arranging knowledge after learning formal lessons" -> "integrating knowledge following formal instruction"
Explanation: "Integrating knowledge following formal instruction" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase.
"the consequences it brings to us outweigh its benefits such as time and cash" -> "the consequences it presents outweigh its advantages, such as time and financial savings"
Explanation: "Presents" is more formal than "brings," and "financial savings" is a more precise term than "cash," enhancing the academic tone.
"I would like to choose to study on media platforms and books by its efficiency and the convenience it brings" -> "I prefer to study through media platforms and books due to their efficiency and the convenience they offer"
Explanation: "I prefer to study through media platforms and books due to their efficiency and the convenience they offer" is more direct, formal, and corrects the pronoun agreement ("its" to "their").

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address all parts of the question by discussing the preference of young people for learning through books and media rather than personal experience. It acknowledges the trend and presents a clear opinion in agreement with the statement.
- How to improve: While the essay broadly covers the main aspects of the prompt, it could benefit from a more nuanced discussion that explores potential drawbacks or limitations of relying solely on books and media for learning. Additionally, providing specific examples related to personal experiences versus media consumption could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position supporting the idea that young people primarily learn through books and media rather than personal experience. The stance is evident from the introduction through the conclusion.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph reinforces the central argument and avoids any ambiguity. Additionally, consider refining the thesis statement to explicitly state the position taken and preview the main points to be discussed.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in elaboration and support. While it mentions examples, they are not fully developed to extend the discussion or provide strong evidence.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, provide more detailed examples that illustrate the impact of learning through books and media versus personal experience. Additionally, incorporate relevant statistics or studies to support the claims made and add credibility to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the preference of young people for learning through books and media. However, there are instances where the focus could be sharper, especially in providing specific examples.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to addressing the prompt. Avoid tangents or irrelevant information that may distract from the main argument. Additionally, tie examples back to the central theme to reinforce the relevance of each point.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents a coherent argument in support of learning through books and media, it would benefit from deeper analysis, stronger examples, and tighter focus to enhance its persuasiveness and clarity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to organize information logically but struggles with coherence in several areas. While it presents a clear thesis statement and follows a basic introduction-body-conclusion structure, there are instances where ideas are not developed cohesively. For example, the transition between discussing access to information through electronic devices and the preference for learning through books and media platforms is abrupt, lacking a smooth segue. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing key points more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on creating smoother transitions between ideas. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the progression of arguments. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contributes directly to the main argument, avoiding tangential or repetitive points. In the conclusion, restate the thesis and briefly recap the main supporting points to reinforce the essay’s coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different points, but the structure and coherence within paragraphs could be improved. Paragraphs lack consistent topic sentences to introduce main ideas, leading to a disjointed flow of information within some sections. Additionally, paragraph length varies, with some paragraphs containing multiple ideas while others are underdeveloped.
- How to improve: Work on creating clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea to the reader. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single coherent point and provides sufficient elaboration and evidence to support it. Aim for a balanced paragraph length, with each paragraph containing a similar amount of information to maintain consistency and readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "First of all" and "Secondly," to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the usage is limited and somewhat repetitive, leading to a lack of variety and sophistication. Additionally, the essay could benefit from the integration of cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and synonyms to create smoother transitions and enhance coherence.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay to create more varied and seamless connections between ideas. Experiment with different transition words and phrases to avoid repetition and maintain reader engagement. Additionally, pay attention to pronoun consistency and use parallel structure to strengthen the coherence of sentences and paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of vocabulary, although some phrases are repetitively used ("books and media platforms," "today’s generation," "practical activities"). There’s a mix of informal and formal language, which provides some diversity but could be further enriched with more nuanced vocabulary choices.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, strive for greater diversity in vocabulary. Instead of repeating phrases like "books and media platforms," consider alternatives such as "literature and multimedia resources" or "printed materials and digital platforms." Additionally, integrate more academic vocabulary to elevate the formal tone of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally employs imprecise vocabulary or expressions that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "it is challenging for the youth to learn new ideas from their own understanding" could be more precisely stated to avoid ambiguity. Similarly, phrases like "serious and dangerous causes" lack specificity, leading to potential confusion.
- How to improve: Aim for precision in vocabulary usage to convey ideas more effectively. Instead of vague phrases like "it is challenging," specify the obstacles faced by young people in acquiring knowledge independently. Similarly, replace ambiguous expressions like "serious and dangerous causes" with precise terms that accurately convey the intended meaning, such as "hazards" or "risks."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate level of spelling accuracy, with some errors scattered throughout the text. For example, "juveniles" is spelled correctly, but there are issues with punctuation ("hand -on"), word choice ("clearing" instead of "clearly"), and misspelled words ("plausible" instead of "practices").
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading carefully before submission, utilizing spell-checking tools, and expanding vocabulary to reduce reliance on common misspellings. Additionally, familiarize yourself with spelling patterns and rules to minimize errors in future writing endeavors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates proficiency in lexical resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary diversity, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, using terminology more precisely, and refining spelling skills, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a decent variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, it utilizes simple sentences like "In the world of advanced information and technology," compound sentences such as "Moreover, it is challenging for the youth to learn new ideas from their own understanding," and complex sentences like "Moreover, some practices cannot be learned by the serious and dangerous causes they make."
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a variety of structures, there is room to further diversify by incorporating more complex sentence structures such as parallelism, conditional sentences, and relative clauses. This could elevate the sophistication of the writing and demonstrate a higher level of grammatical proficiency.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a fair level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are several instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies throughout. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("This clearing shows how they master various knowledge"), missing articles ("it costs no money and less time to learn"), and punctuation errors ("Even though it is undeniable that practical activities are crucial for arranging knowledge after learning formal lessons , the consequences it brings to us outweigh its benefits").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it’s essential to review and revise sentences for subject-verb agreement, article usage, and punctuation errors. Additionally, proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help catch and correct these issues. Seeking feedback from peers or tutors on specific grammar points can also be beneficial in identifying areas for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s technologically advanced world, many young individuals predominantly engage in passive learning activities such as watching videos on various platforms or reading books, rather than participating in hands-on experiences. From my perspective, while these resources do offer a wealth of information, they may not always be the most effective way to learn due to their tendency to consume more time. Therefore, I largely concur with the notion that young people lean towards passive learning methods.

Firstly, the accessibility of information through electronic devices enables instant access to a plethora of knowledge in a more convenient manner. However, this poses a challenge for young individuals, as they may not engage in practical exercises to reinforce their understanding. For instance, instead of attending cooking classes, many opt to watch tutorials on platforms like YouTube or Facebook. This preference is largely driven by the cost-effectiveness and time efficiency of online resources. Consequently, they may miss out on valuable hands-on experience.

Furthermore, the abundance of books, magazines, and online platforms caters to the diverse needs of today’s youth, providing comprehensive explanations without inducing stress or complications. Consequently, there is a tendency to avoid learning through personal experiences, bypassing the need to rectify mistakes and learn from them. Additionally, certain practices, such as experimenting with smoking, are better understood through formal instruction and educational videos that illustrate the serious and dangerous consequences involved.

While practical activities are undoubtedly essential for reinforcing knowledge acquired through formal education, the time and financial savings offered by passive learning methods often outweigh their benefits. Personally, I find studying through media platforms and books preferable due to their efficiency and convenience.

In conclusion, while passive learning methods like reading books and watching videos offer convenience and accessibility, they may not always provide the hands-on experience necessary for comprehensive learning. Balancing both passive and active learning approaches is crucial to acquiring a well-rounded education.