There are those who consider work to be the paramount aspect of life, suggesting that without career success, life loses its meaning. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is a fact that a career has an essential role in their lives not only in the past but also in the present. There is an argument that life will lose its meaning if people do not obtain success in their career. I am strongly inclined to stand with the statement. This essay will explain my opinion in more detail.

One reason that I believe a successful career brings a meaningful life for humans is that people should have ambition for their lives. This means that as they have goals to achieve, they attempt hard to achieve a sense of accomplishment from jobs. Otherwise, life will become dull if people do not have objectives for their lives. According to research experts in London, approximately 60 percent of elderly people in this country always say that their life is boring in the light of retirement resulting in accelerated aging.

Another reason to support the vital role of a human's career is that people will feel more confident when they are recognised for their contribution in their jobs. In other words, people can get high positions in their company due to a lot of important contributions, as a result, living standards are significantly improved. For instance, a fresh audit in an auditing firm takes at least from three to four years to become a senior staff. To get this high position, they set up goals and implement in a long time.

Having said that, there are those who argue that they have a peaceful life although without career success. In other words, they do not choose a hustle and bustle life to avoid stressful feelings resulting in not being the status in society. Moreover, they can become a burden for other people.

In conclusion, having looked at this topic in detail, although it is true that life is meaningful when people have objectives for themselves, on balance I am of the opinion that everyone should have goals and plans for their career. The main reason is that a successful career is a magnificent motivation for humans to get better.

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Errors and Improvements:

"It is a fact that" -> "It is widely acknowledged that"
Explanation: The phrase "It is widely acknowledged that" is more formal and academically appropriate, avoiding the simplistic tone of "It is a fact that".
"essential role in their lives" -> "pivotal role in individuals’ lives"
Explanation: "Pivotal role in individuals’ lives" elevates the formality of the statement and avoids the vague pronoun "their".
"I am strongly inclined to stand with the statement." -> "I strongly concur with this assertion."
Explanation: "I strongly concur with this assertion." is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better than the original phrase.
"people should have ambition for their lives" -> "individuals ought to harbor ambitions for their lives"
Explanation: "Individuals ought to harbor ambitions for their lives" is more formal and provides a clearer, more sophisticated expression of the idea.
"attempt hard to achieve" -> "strive diligently to attain"
Explanation: "Strive diligently to attain" is a more formal and academically suitable phrase than "attempt hard to achieve".
"life will become dull" -> "life may become monotonous"
Explanation: "Life may become monotonous" uses more precise vocabulary ("monotonous" instead of "dull") and a conditional mood to suggest a possibility rather than a certainty.
"According to research experts in London" -> "According to a study conducted by researchers in London"
Explanation: "According to a study conducted by researchers in London" specifies the source of information more formally and accurately.
"people will feel more confident" -> "individuals may experience enhanced confidence"
Explanation: "Individuals may experience enhanced confidence" is more formal and avoids the definitive tone of "will feel more confident".
"recognised for their contribution in their jobs" -> "acknowledged for their contributions in their respective fields"
Explanation: "Acknowledged for their contributions in their respective fields" is more formal and specific, improving the academic tone.
"a lot of important contributions" -> "numerous significant contributions"
Explanation: "Numerous significant contributions" is more precise and formal than "a lot of important contributions".
"a fresh audit" -> "a novice auditor"
Explanation: "A novice auditor" is more specific and academically appropriate than the colloquial "a fresh audit".
"hustle and bustle life" -> "hectic lifestyle"
Explanation: "Hectic lifestyle" is more formal and succinct, replacing the idiomatic "hustle and bustle life".
"avoid stressful feelings resulting in not being the status in society" -> "avoid stress, thereby not prioritizing societal status"
Explanation: "Avoid stress, thereby not prioritizing societal status" clarifies and formalizes the original awkward and unclear phrase.
"a burden for other people" -> "a burden on others"
Explanation: "A burden on others" is more concise and maintains the formal tone of academic writing.
"magnificent motivation" -> "substantial motivation"
Explanation: "Substantial motivation" is more academically appropriate, avoiding the emotional connotation of "magnificent".

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by presenting arguments both in favor of and against the idea that career success is essential for a meaningful life. It acknowledges opposing viewpoints but ultimately asserts a clear position in agreement with the statement.
- How to improve: While the essay does acknowledge opposing viewpoints, it could further strengthen its argument by providing more nuanced counterarguments and addressing them more comprehensively. Additionally, providing specific examples or evidence to support the argument would enhance the depth of analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, consistently advocating for the importance of career success in providing meaning to life. Each paragraph reinforces this position, demonstrating coherence and clarity in argumentation.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph directly supports the main thesis and avoids any ambiguity in language or expression. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in the conclusion can reinforce the clarity of the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, offering reasons why career success is important for a meaningful life. However, some points lack elaboration and specific examples to fully develop and support the arguments.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, provide more detailed examples and evidence to support each argument. This could include statistical data, personal anecdotes, or expert opinions to bolster the credibility and persuasiveness of the points presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, addressing the importance of career success in providing meaning to life. However, there are instances where the discussion slightly deviates, such as the mention of a peaceful life without career success.
- How to improve: Ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the central theme of the essay. Avoid tangential discussions that do not contribute directly to the main argument, maintaining a tighter focus on the topic at hand.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents arguments in support of the importance of career success for a meaningful life and maintains a clear position throughout, there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive analysis, supporting ideas with specific examples, and maintaining focus on the topic. With refinement in these areas, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. Each paragraph presents a distinct argument or reason supporting the importance of a successful career in life. The introduction sets up the discussion by introducing the topic and the writer’s stance. Body paragraphs follow a clear pattern of presenting reasons followed by examples to support each point. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main arguments and restates the writer’s position.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization further, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single aspect of the argument to maintain clarity and coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to structure the discussion. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. However, some paragraphs could benefit from further development and elaboration to strengthen the argumentation.
- How to improve: Focus on expanding upon each main idea within paragraphs to provide more depth and clarity. Avoid overly short or underdeveloped paragraphs, as they may detract from the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Transition words and phrases such as "One reason," "Another reason," "Having said that," and "In conclusion" help guide the reader through the essay’s structure. Additionally, cohesive devices within sentences, such as pronouns and conjunctions, contribute to the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are used effectively overall, consider incorporating a wider range of transitional phrases and synonyms to avoid repetition and add sophistication to the writing. Additionally, pay attention to the consistency of pronoun usage to ensure clarity and coherence throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating varied expressions such as "ambition," "contribution," "recognised," and "magnificent motivation." However, there is room for improvement in terms of lexical diversity. For instance, some concepts are repeated without utilizing alternative vocabulary, such as "successful career" and "objectives for their lives."
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, strive to incorporate a broader spectrum of vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely and vividly. Synonyms or related terms could be employed to avoid repetition and enrich the expression. For example, instead of repeatedly using "career success," consider alternatives like "professional achievement," "vocational accomplishment," or "occupational fulfillment."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary appropriately, though there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "sense of accomplishment from jobs" could be refined to "fulfillment derived from one’s professional endeavors." Additionally, some phrases lack precision, such as "important contributions," which could be specified further to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision in word choice to convey ideas more accurately and effectively. Instead of using broad terms like "important contributions," specify the nature of the contributions, such as "innovative strategies," "significant projects," or "valuable insights." This precision will elevate the clarity and depth of your arguments.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate spelling throughout. However, there are a few instances of minor spelling errors, such as "recognised" instead of "recognized" and "vocational" instead of "vocation." These errors do not significantly detract from comprehension but indicate areas for improvement.
- How to improve: Continuously practice spelling accuracy by reviewing common spelling rules and frequently misspelled words. Additionally, utilizing spell-checking tools and proofreading meticulously before submission can help catch and correct errors. Developing a habit of double-checking spelling in writing tasks will contribute to greater precision and professionalism.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are utilized throughout the essay. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further to enhance coherence and engagement. For example, while there are instances of complex sentences ("For instance, a fresh audit in an auditing firm takes at least from three to four years to become a senior staff"), the essay could benefit from more variety, such as the incorporation of conditional sentences, parallel structures, or rhetorical questions to add depth and complexity to the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating different types of clauses (e.g., relative clauses, adverbial clauses) and varying sentence lengths. Additionally, experiment with different sentence beginnings and transitions to create a more dynamic and engaging flow of ideas. This will enrich the essay’s expression and demonstrate a higher level of grammatical sophistication.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. Most sentences are grammatically correct, and punctuation is generally used accurately to separate ideas and clarify meaning. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies throughout the essay that slightly detract from its overall coherence and clarity. For example, in the sentence "According to research experts in London, approximately 60 percent of elderly people in this country always say that their life is boring in the light of retirement resulting in accelerated aging," there is a lack of parallelism in structure, and the use of "resulting in accelerated aging" is somewhat awkward and could be clarified.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to sentence structure to ensure parallelism and clarity. Proofread the essay carefully to identify and correct any grammatical errors or awkward phrasings. Additionally, consider using punctuation more effectively to convey the intended meaning and to improve the overall readability of the essay. This may involve utilizing commas, semicolons, and dashes appropriately to indicate pauses, separate clauses, and emphasize key points.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that a career plays a pivotal role in individuals’ lives, not only in the past but also in the present. There is a prevalent argument suggesting that without career success, life loses its meaning. I strongly concur with this assertion. This essay will explain my opinion in more detail.

One reason that I believe a successful career brings meaning to life is that individuals ought to harbor ambitions for their lives. This means that as they have goals to achieve, they strive diligently to attain a sense of accomplishment from jobs. Otherwise, life may become monotonous if people do not have objectives. According to a study conducted by researchers in London, approximately 60 percent of elderly people in this country always say that their life is boring in light of retirement, resulting in accelerated aging.

Another reason to support the vital role of a human’s career is that individuals may experience enhanced confidence when they are acknowledged for their contributions in their respective fields. In other words, people can attain high positions in their company due to numerous significant contributions, thereby significantly improving living standards. For instance, a novice auditor in an auditing firm takes at least three to four years to become a senior staff. To attain this high position, they set up goals and implement them over a long period.

Having said that, there are those who argue that they have a peaceful life even without career success. In other words, they choose not to engage in a hectic lifestyle to avoid stress, thereby not prioritizing societal status. Moreover, they may become a burden on others.

In conclusion, having examined this topic in detail, although it is true that life is meaningful when people have objectives for themselves, on balance, I am of the opinion that everyone should have goals and plans for their career. The main reason is that a successful career serves as substantial motivation for humans to strive for improvement.