As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In this digital era, online newspapers are gaining popularity among individuals. The majority believe that as the Internet becomes more common, newspapers are dying out. In contrast, some argue that newspapers would still be a reliable source of information besides the Internet. I contend that the popularity of the Internet will soon replace physical newspapers. This essay will discuss the claim, accompanied by supportive evidence.
It is undeniable that online newspapers are gaining popularity because of several advantages. First of all, the digital newspaper provides individuals with convenience. In other words, there are numerous sources of information and digital websites that individuals can access in various circumstances. For instance, it is now possible to update the latest news via digital news channels through smart devices. In addition to this, the popularity of the digital form of newspaper is environmentally friendly. Specifically, when people stop consuming physical newspapers, the number of wood that is cut down to make paper will be decreased.
However, it may be argued that the diversity and convenience of digital information can be unreliable. It is undeniable that an excessive amount of information provided can result in a misunderstanding between different sources. For example, in the COVID-19 pandemic, the information regarding vaccination is reported inaccurately, which leads to a doubtful attitude and rage among the public.
Despite the demerits mentioned, I believe that there are feasible solutions. First of all, deciding the right source to attain information from is crucial. In other words, individuals need to be careful when they browse websites and make sure to check the validation of information. In addition to this, individuals are advised to read from official resources.
Even though the disadvantages of the popularity of the Internet might be detrimental, I believe that it is pale compared to the benefits it brings.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "the majority believe" -> "the majority opine"
   Explanation: "Believe" is a common verb but can be considered slightly informal in academic writing. "Opine" is a more formal synonym that conveys the idea of holding an opinion or viewpoint.

2. "some argue" -> "some contend"
   Explanation: While "argue" is suitable, "contend" adds a touch of formality and conveys a stronger sense of debate or assertion.

3. "I contend that" -> "I maintain that"
   Explanation: "Contend" is appropriate, but "maintain" provides a slightly more formal and assertive tone in academic writing.

4. "This essay will discuss" -> "This essay aims to examine"
   Explanation: "Discuss" is fine but can be replaced with "examine" for a more formal tone, indicating a thorough investigation of the claim.

5. "First of all" -> "Primarily"
   Explanation: "First of all" is somewhat informal. "Primarily" serves as a more sophisticated transition, aligning better with academic style.

6. "In other words" -> "Moreover"
   Explanation: "In other words" can be seen as redundant in this context. "Moreover" transitions more smoothly between points and maintains formality.

7. "However, it may be argued that" -> "Nevertheless, it could be contended that"
   Explanation: "However, it may be argued that" is acceptable, but "Nevertheless, it could be contended that" adds formality and variation in expression.

8. "excessive amount of information" -> "profusion of information"
   Explanation: "Excessive amount of information" is slightly wordy. "Profusion of information" is more concise and formal.

9. "information provided can result in a misunderstanding" -> "information provided may lead to misinterpretation"
   Explanation: "Can result in a misunderstanding" is slightly informal. "May lead to misinterpretation" maintains formality while expressing the same idea.

10. "Even though" -> "Despite"
    Explanation: "Even though" is informal compared to "Despite" which is more commonly used in academic writing to introduce contrasting ideas.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt. It acknowledges the statement about newspapers becoming obsolete due to the internet’s popularity and presents a clear stance agreeing with this notion. The essay discusses the advantages of online newspapers over traditional ones and acknowledges potential drawbacks of digital information.
  • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, the essay could delve deeper into the reasons why the internet’s popularity might lead to the decline of physical newspapers. Additionally, exploring potential counterarguments more thoroughly could strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by asserting that the popularity of the internet will replace physical newspapers. This stance is consistently supported throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly state the position in the introduction and conclude by restating the stance and summarizing supporting points.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and supports ideas with relevant examples. It discusses the convenience and environmental benefits of online newspapers, along with acknowledging potential drawbacks of digital information.
  • How to improve: To extend ideas further, the essay could explore additional advantages and disadvantages of online newspapers, providing more comprehensive evidence to support the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the impact of the internet on the relevance of newspapers. It briefly mentions potential drawbacks of digital information but maintains focus on the central theme.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay could avoid tangential discussions and ensure that every point made directly relates to the central argument about the internet’s impact on newspapers.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive support for the argument and staying focused on the topic throughout. Expanding on ideas and addressing potential counterarguments would enhance the overall strength of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that presents the topic and the writer’s stance clearly. Each subsequent paragraph explores different aspects of the argument, starting with the advantages of online newspapers, followed by potential drawbacks, and finally, proposed solutions. The progression of ideas is coherent, with each paragraph building upon the previous one.
  • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider strengthening the transitions between paragraphs to ensure smoother flow between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. Each paragraph contains a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. This structure aids in readability and comprehension.
  • How to improve: While the essay effectively employs paragraphs, some paragraphs could be more focused. For instance, the paragraph discussing drawbacks of online newspapers could be split into two separate paragraphs to address each drawback individually, providing more clarity and organization.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and ensure coherence. Examples include transition phrases like "In contrast," "However," and "Despite," which signal shifts in argumentation. Additionally, pronouns such as "it" and "this" are used effectively to refer back to previously mentioned concepts.
  • How to improve: While cohesive devices are used, diversifying the range and frequency of these devices could further improve coherence. Consider incorporating a variety of linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that pronoun references are clear and unambiguous to avoid confusion for the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with varied word choices and expressions throughout. For example, terms such as "undeniable," "excessive," "merits," and "demerits" showcase a sophisticated lexicon. Additionally, phrases like "reliable source of information," "supported by evidence," and "attain information from" contribute to the depth and richness of the vocabulary used.
  • How to improve: While the essay displays a strong vocabulary range, enhancing it further could be beneficial. Introducing more specialized terminology related to media, journalism, or technological advancements could add depth and specificity to the arguments presented. Additionally, incorporating idiomatic expressions or figurative language where appropriate could elevate the language use even more.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "an excessive amount of information" could be refined to specify the nature of the information overload, such as "a plethora of information." Similarly, instead of using "validation of information," employing "verification" or "fact-checking" could enhance precision.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, consider substituting general terms with more specific vocabulary where possible. Utilize synonyms or terms that precisely capture the intended meaning, avoiding vague or overly general language. Reviewing each word choice critically to ensure it aligns precisely with the intended message will contribute to a more nuanced and refined expression.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally proficient, with few errors detracting from overall readability. However, there are a couple of instances where minor spelling errors are present. For example, "rage" should be "rampant," and "pale" could be "paled" for grammatical accuracy.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy further, consider employing spelling and grammar check tools during the writing process. Additionally, proofreading the essay meticulously after completion can help catch any overlooked errors. Developing a habit of reviewing written work systematically for spelling accuracy will contribute to consistently polished writing.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong lexical resource, showcasing a wide vocabulary range with generally precise usage and proficient spelling. By incorporating targeted improvements to enhance precision and accuracy, the essay can further elevate its linguistic sophistication and clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures. There’s a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout the essay. For instance, there are simple declarative sentences ("It is undeniable that online newspapers are gaining popularity because of several advantages."), compound sentences with coordinating conjunctions ("However, it may be argued that the diversity and convenience of digital information can be unreliable."), and complex sentences with subordinating conjunctions ("For example, in the COVID-19 pandemic, the information regarding vaccination is reported inaccurately, which leads to a doubtful attitude and rage among the public."). This variety enhances readability and engagement.
  • How to improve: While the essay already employs various sentence structures effectively, further enhancement can be achieved by integrating more complex sentence structures, such as using relative clauses or participial phrases to provide additional detail and depth to the arguments presented. Additionally, incorporating rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion can add flair and sophistication to the writing, further elevating the quality of expression.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good grasp of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances of minor grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies. For example, in the sentence "In contrast, some argue that newspapers would still be a reliable source of information besides the Internet," a comma after "In contrast" would enhance clarity. Additionally, in the sentence "First of all, the digital newspaper provides individuals with convenience," using an article ("a") before "digital newspaper" would improve grammatical accuracy.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, proofreading for minor errors like missing articles or punctuation inconsistencies is essential. Additionally, paying attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and pronoun antecedent agreement can further refine the overall clarity and coherence of the essay. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can aid in identifying and rectifying such errors effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary digital age, online newspapers are garnering increasing favor among individuals. Some contend that with the rise of the Internet, traditional newspapers are dwindling into obscurity. I maintain that the widespread adoption of the Internet will inevitably supplant physical newspapers. This essay aims to examine this assertion, bolstered by supportive evidence.

Primarily, it is evident that online newspapers are gaining traction due to their myriad advantages. Firstly, digital newspapers offer unparalleled convenience. Essentially, there exists a profusion of information sources and digital platforms accessible to individuals in various circumstances. For instance, one can easily access the latest news updates through digital news channels via smart devices. Furthermore, the popularity of digital newspapers contributes to environmental conservation. Specifically, the reduction in physical newspaper consumption translates to a decrease in the felling of trees for paper production.

Nevertheless, it could be contended that the abundance and accessibility of digital information may lead to misinterpretation. It is undeniable that an excess of information provided may result in confusion and discrepancies between various sources. For instance, during the COVID-19 pandemic, inaccuracies in vaccination information have sparked skepticism and frustration among the public.

Despite these drawbacks, I maintain that viable solutions exist. Foremost, discerning the credibility of information sources is paramount. In other words, individuals must exercise caution when perusing websites and ensure the validation of information. Additionally, it is advisable for individuals to rely on official resources for accurate information.

In conclusion, while the popularity of the Internet may pose challenges, I maintain that its benefits far outweigh the drawbacks. As digital platforms continue to evolve and improve, they are poised to become the predominant medium for accessing news and information in the future.