Parents should encourage their teenagers to get a part-time job in their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Parents should encourage their teenagers to get a part-time job in their free time.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In contemporary society, an array of employment opportunities is accessible to teenagers, igniting a debate regarding whether parents should encourage their adolescents to engage in part-time work during their leisure time. From my perspective, provided that a harmonious balance between work and other activities is maintained, teenagers should indeed be encouraged to undertake such employment.

Primarily, part-time jobs furnish teenagers with invaluable life lessons and essential skills for their future. Employment inculcates the value of money and the significance of prudent spending. By earning their own income, teenagers come to appreciate the effort required to accumulate wealth and develop financial discipline. Additionally, part-time jobs cultivate critical skills such as time management, teamwork, and communication. Adolescents learn to juggle their work responsibilities with their academic studies and other commitments, fostering a sense of organization and discipline. Moreover, working in a professional environment exposes them to diverse work ethics, interpersonal dynamics, and real-world experiences, which are indispensable for future career opportunities.

However, it is imperative to acknowledge the potential drawbacks of teenagers partaking in part-time jobs. Overworking can have deleterious effects on their physical and mental well-being. Teenagers, whose bodies and minds are still developing, may be vulnerable to exhaustion, stress, and neglect of their health if they allocate excessive time to work. Furthermore, extended work hours can adversely affect academic performance, as teenagers may have limited time to concentrate on their studies. Consequently, parental guidance and oversight are crucial in ensuring that their children maintain a healthy equilibrium between work and other activities.

To mitigate these potential drawbacks, parents should assume an active role in guiding their teenagers. They should encourage their children to select jobs that align with their interests and aptitudes, ensuring a positive and gratifying experience. Open communication about appropriate work hours and the importance of prioritizing education is vital. Parents can also assist their teenagers in establishing realistic work schedules that allow ample time for rest, relaxation, and academic pursuits. By setting clear boundaries and fostering responsible work habits, parents can ensure that their teenagers reap the benefits of part-time work while safeguarding their well-being and academic success.

In conclusion, while it is essential to recognize the potential downsides of part-time jobs for teenagers, the benefits significantly outweigh the risks. Parental guidance and responsible work habits are indispensable in ensuring a positive and balanced experience. With adequate support and supervision, teenagers can acquire invaluable life skills, financial responsibility, and work experience that will equip them for future success.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"an array of employment opportunities is accessible" -> "a range of employment opportunities is available"
Explanation: Replacing "an array" with "a range" provides a more precise and commonly used term in academic contexts, and "is available" is more formal than "is accessible."
"igniting a debate" -> "stimulating a debate"
Explanation: "Stimulating" is a more formal and precise term than "igniting," which can carry a slightly informal connotation.
"provided that a harmonious balance" -> "assuming a harmonious balance"
Explanation: "Assuming" is more direct and academically appropriate than "provided that," which can sound conditional and less formal.
"invaluable life lessons" -> "valuable life lessons"
Explanation: "Invaluable" can imply something that has no value, which is incorrect in this context. "Valuable" correctly conveys that the lessons have significant worth.
"the significance of prudent spending" -> "the importance of prudent spending"
Explanation: "Importance" is more commonly used in academic writing than "significance" in this context, enhancing the formality and clarity of the statement.
"come to appreciate" -> "develop an appreciation for"
Explanation: "Develop an appreciation for" is a more formal and precise way to describe the process of gaining understanding or value.
"furnish" -> "provide"
Explanation: "Furnish" can be seen as slightly archaic or less commonly used in modern academic writing; "provide" is more straightforward and universally understood.
"Overworking can have deleterious effects" -> "Overwork can have adverse effects"
Explanation: "Adverse" is a more precise term than "deleterious" in this context, and "overwork" is a more commonly used term than "overworking."
"neglect of their health" -> "neglect of their health and well-being"
Explanation: Adding "and well-being" provides a clearer and more comprehensive description of the potential consequences of overwork.
"extended work hours can adversely affect" -> "extended work hours may negatively impact"
Explanation: "May negatively impact" is a more formal and cautious expression than "can adversely affect," which is slightly less precise.
"Open communication" -> "Open dialogue"
Explanation: "Dialogue" is a more formal term than "communication" in academic contexts, emphasizing the interactive and conversational aspect.
"gratifying experience" -> "satisfying experience"
Explanation: "Satisfying" is a more commonly used adjective in formal writing than "gratifying," which can be less precise in this context.
"establishing realistic work schedules" -> "establishing realistic work schedules"
Explanation: This is a minor correction to ensure parallel structure and maintain the formal tone of the essay.
"safeguarding their well-being and academic success" -> "protecting their well-being and academic success"
Explanation: "Protecting" is a more formal synonym for "safeguarding," enhancing the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of teenagers having part-time jobs. The introduction clearly states the author’s position, which is that parents should encourage part-time work as long as a balance is maintained. The body paragraphs provide a thorough exploration of the benefits (life skills, financial discipline) and the potential drawbacks (health issues, academic performance) of part-time employment. This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could explicitly state the extent of their agreement or disagreement in the introduction. For example, they could specify if they fully agree, partially agree, or have reservations, which would provide clearer guidance on their stance throughout the essay.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that supports part-time jobs for teenagers, provided there is parental guidance. This position is consistently reflected in the arguments presented, particularly in the discussion of the benefits and the emphasis on parental oversight. However, the conclusion could be stronger by reiterating the extent of agreement more emphatically.
- How to improve: To reinforce the clarity of the position, the author could use phrases such as "I strongly believe" or "I fully support" in the introduction and conclusion. This would help to solidify their stance and ensure that readers understand the degree of their agreement throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents well-developed ideas supported by relevant examples. For instance, the discussion on financial discipline and the development of life skills is effectively extended with explanations of how these skills are beneficial in the long term. The mention of parental guidance adds depth to the argument, showing an understanding of the complexities involved.
- How to improve: To further enhance the support for ideas, the author could include specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the benefits of part-time work or the consequences of neglecting academic responsibilities. This would provide a more vivid picture and strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the implications of part-time work for teenagers and the role of parents. There are no significant deviations from the main topic, and each paragraph contributes to the overall argument.
- How to improve: While the essay is generally on topic, the author should ensure that every point made is directly tied back to the prompt. For instance, reinforcing how parental involvement specifically mitigates the drawbacks could further enhance focus and relevance.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic with a clear position and well-supported ideas. To achieve an even higher band score, the author could refine their position statement, include specific examples, and ensure that every point directly ties back to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of logical organization throughout. It begins with a clear introduction that sets up the debate, followed by well-developed body paragraphs that systematically present arguments for and against teenagers taking part-time jobs. Each paragraph maintains a coherent focus on its respective point (benefits and drawbacks), and the conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion without introducing new ideas.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical flow, consider ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, reinforcing the relationship between ideas more explicitly. For instance, using transitional phrases like "In addition," "However," and "Consequently" can help clarify the progression of arguments.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is well-structured into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that previews the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples that substantiate the argument. The paragraphs are balanced in length and effectively contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph maintains a unified focus on its main idea throughout. Consider expanding on examples to further illustrate points where necessary, ensuring that each paragraph contributes fully to the development of the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a variety of cohesive devices proficiently. Examples include transitional phrases (e.g., "Primarily," "Additionally," "Furthermore," "In conclusion"), referencing (e.g., "such employment"), and pronouns (e.g., "their," "they," "them") that connect ideas and maintain coherence. These devices effectively guide the reader through the argumentative structure of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices further, consider incorporating more advanced linking words and phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "Nevertheless," "Conversely") to add nuance and complexity to the relationships between ideas. Additionally, vary sentence structures occasionally to maintain reader engagement and enhance clarity.

Overall, the essay exhibits strong coherence and cohesion with a clear structure and effective use of cohesive devices. By refining transitions between paragraphs and exploring more advanced cohesive strategies, the essay could achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary, utilizing a variety of terms and expressions that effectively convey the writer’s arguments. For instance, phrases like "an array of employment opportunities," "invaluable life lessons," and "harmonious balance" showcase a sophisticated range of vocabulary. The use of synonyms and varied expressions enhances the overall quality of the writing, making it engaging and informative.
- How to improve: While the vocabulary range is impressive, further improvement could be achieved by incorporating even more nuanced terms or idiomatic expressions. For example, instead of repeating "teenagers" multiple times, consider using synonyms like "youths" or "adolescents" to add variety. Additionally, employing more academic or field-specific terminology related to employment or education could elevate the essay further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, with terms like "prudent spending" and "financial discipline" used correctly in context. However, there are moments where the precision could be enhanced. For instance, the phrase "debilitating effects" could replace "deleterious effects" to convey a clearer meaning of severe consequences.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that every term used conveys the intended meaning without ambiguity. This can be achieved by reviewing vocabulary choices and considering whether simpler, more direct words might better express the idea. Additionally, using context clues to clarify meanings can help ensure that the reader fully understands the intended message.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors present throughout the text. Words like "contemporary," "significance," and "exhaustion" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and further enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or writing software can help catch any inadvertent errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards for commonly misspelled words can reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on further expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can continue to improve their writing skills.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "provided that a harmonious balance between work and other activities is maintained" and "by earning their own income, teenagers come to appreciate the effort required to accumulate wealth" showcase a strong command of grammatical structures. The use of conditional clauses and participial phrases adds depth to the writing. However, there are instances of more straightforward sentence constructions that could be enhanced for greater sophistication, such as the repeated use of "teenagers" at the beginning of several sentences.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases or clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Teenagers," you might use phrases like "In their pursuit of independence," or "As young adults begin to navigate their responsibilities," to create more engaging openings. Additionally, experimenting with inversion or more complex subordinate clauses can enhance the overall complexity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with very few errors present. Punctuation is used effectively to clarify meaning and enhance readability. For example, commas are appropriately placed in complex sentences, such as "However, it is imperative to acknowledge the potential drawbacks of teenagers partaking in part-time jobs." This demonstrates a strong understanding of punctuation rules. Nevertheless, there are minor instances where punctuation could be improved, such as the potential for more varied use of semicolons to connect closely related independent clauses.
- How to improve: To further improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, focus on refining the use of punctuation marks like semicolons and colons. For example, in the sentence "Consequently, parental guidance and oversight are crucial in ensuring that their children maintain a healthy equilibrium between work and other activities," consider using a semicolon to link closely related ideas, which can add sophistication to your writing. Additionally, reviewing common grammatical pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and tense consistency, can help maintain high accuracy throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can further enhance their writing quality and potentially achieve an even higher score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, a range of employment opportunities is accessible to teenagers, stimulating a debate regarding whether parents should encourage their adolescents to engage in part-time work during their leisure time. From my perspective, provided that a harmonious balance between work and other activities is maintained, teenagers should indeed be encouraged to undertake such employment.

Primarily, part-time jobs provide teenagers with valuable life lessons and essential skills for their future. Employment inculcates the value of money and the importance of prudent spending. By earning their own income, teenagers come to appreciate the effort required to accumulate wealth and develop financial discipline. Additionally, part-time jobs cultivate critical skills such as time management, teamwork, and communication. Adolescents learn to juggle their work responsibilities with their academic studies and other commitments, fostering a sense of organization and discipline. Moreover, working in a professional environment exposes them to diverse work ethics, interpersonal dynamics, and real-world experiences, which are indispensable for future career opportunities.

However, it is imperative to acknowledge the potential drawbacks of teenagers partaking in part-time jobs. Overwork can have adverse effects on their physical and mental well-being. Teenagers, whose bodies and minds are still developing, may be vulnerable to exhaustion, stress, and neglect of their health if they allocate excessive time to work. Furthermore, extended work hours may negatively impact academic performance, as teenagers may have limited time to concentrate on their studies. Consequently, parental guidance and oversight are crucial in ensuring that their children maintain a healthy equilibrium between work and other activities.

To mitigate these potential drawbacks, parents should assume an active role in guiding their teenagers. They should encourage their children to select jobs that align with their interests and aptitudes, ensuring a positive and satisfying experience. Open dialogue about appropriate work hours and the importance of prioritizing education is vital. Parents can also assist their teenagers in establishing realistic work schedules that allow ample time for rest, relaxation, and academic pursuits. By setting clear boundaries and fostering responsible work habits, parents can ensure that their teenagers reap the benefits of part-time work while protecting their well-being and academic success.