With more people choosing to watch travel programs on TV and social media, fewer people will be willing to pay the costs of traveling abroad. To what extent do you agree?

With more people choosing to watch travel programs on TV and social
media, fewer people will be willing to pay the costs of traveling abroad. To what
extent do you agree?

It is a common belief that people nowadays take priority to gain travel experiences through programs on TV and social networking sites rather than hitting a road to travel abroad. However, I claim that people recently get interested in going on a trip due to good conditions.
To begin with, thanks to the development of advanced technology, travelling abroad become more accessible and easier. In the past, it is obvious that having a trip to another countries was extremely expensive and possible with people who have high social status. However, in recent years, life conditions become more convenient and modern and people can affordably pay for a trip to travel abroad so they can make a plan to visit their favourite countries in the world in some holidays. In addition, flight tickets can be easily booked through some apps in the smartphone, which safe the number of time for check-in at the aiport.
On top of that, practical experiences will create more excitement for people than staying at home and watching programs on TV and social media. When people have a chance to strike up conservations with indigenous people, they can obtain knowledges more precisely and fundamentally than surfing the internet, they can also broaden their horizon and have hands-on experience. Enjoying directly the specific atmosphere of each contries, trying some delicious specialities, taking part in local activities will be an unforgettable moments in their life that are only experienced through real trips. Moreover, making vlogs about travelling is all the rage so many people go on a trip to another countries in order to post their vlogs and images in their social media.
To sum up, although watching travel programs on TV and social media is more economical, people still choose to travel abroad to sastify their demand to experience and enjoy practically.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "people nowadays take priority to gain travel experiences" -> "individuals currently prioritize gaining travel experiences"
   Explanation: Replacing "people nowadays take priority to gain travel experiences" with "individuals currently prioritize gaining travel experiences" uses more formal vocabulary and corrects the grammatical error in "take priority to."

2. "hitting a road to travel abroad" -> "embarking on a journey abroad"
   Explanation: "Hitting a road" is an informal idiom; "embarking on a journey" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.

3. "people recently get interested in going on a trip" -> "individuals have recently become interested in traveling"
   Explanation: "Get interested" is somewhat informal; "have become interested" is more precise and formal. Also, "going on a trip" is less formal than "traveling."

4. "thanks to the development of advanced technology, travelling abroad become more accessible and easier" -> "thanks to the advancement of technology, traveling abroad has become more accessible and easier"
   Explanation: "Development" should be "advancement" for a more precise term in this context. Also, "travelling" should be "traveling" for consistency in American English usage, and "become" should be "has become" for correct verb tense.

5. "having a trip to another countries" -> "traveling to other countries"
   Explanation: "Having a trip" is informal and vague; "traveling" is more direct and formal. Also, "another countries" should be "other countries" for grammatical correctness.

6. "life conditions become more convenient and modern" -> "living conditions have become more convenient and modern"
   Explanation: "Life conditions" is vague; "living conditions" is more specific and appropriate. "Become" should be "have become" for correct verb tense.

7. "people can affordably pay for a trip" -> "individuals can afford to travel"
   Explanation: "Pay for a trip" is redundant; "travel" is sufficient. Also, "affordably" is not a standard adverb; "afford" is the correct verb form.

8. "safe the number of time for check-in at the aiport" -> "save time for check-in at the airport"
   Explanation: "Safe" is incorrect; "save" is the correct verb. Also, "aiport" should be "airport" for spelling correction.

9. "practical experiences will create more excitement" -> "practical experiences create more excitement"
   Explanation: "Will create" is unnecessary in this context as the sentence is describing a general truth; "create" is sufficient.

10. "surfing the internet" -> "surfing the internet"
    Explanation: This phrase is correct and idiomatic, but it could be replaced with "researching online" for a more formal tone.

11. "Enjoying directly the specific atmosphere of each contries" -> "directly experiencing the unique atmosphere of each country"
    Explanation: "Enjoying directly" is awkward and informal; "directly experiencing" is more precise and formal. "Contries" should be "countries."

12. "making vlogs about travelling is all the rage" -> "creating vlogs about travel is currently popular"
    Explanation: "Making vlogs about travelling" is informal; "creating vlogs about travel" is more formal. "Is all the rage" is an idiom; "is currently popular" is more formal and precise.

13. "to sastify their demand to experience and enjoy practically" -> "to satisfy their desire to experience and enjoy practically"
    Explanation: "Sastify" is a typographical error; "satisfy" is the correct word. "Demand" is less appropriate here; "desire" is more suitable for expressing personal preferences.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the trend of preferring travel programs over actual travel due to costs but focuses more on the affordability and accessibility of travel today.

  • The introduction acknowledges the trend but does not clearly state the extent of agreement with the statement.

  • The body paragraphs discuss advancements in technology making travel easier and the unique experiences gained through travel, rather than focusing on whether fewer people will travel due to watching travel programs.

  • The conclusion reiterates the benefits of practical travel experiences but does not directly address the extent of agreement.

  • How to improve: To comprehensively address the question, the essay should clearly state the position on whether it agrees or disagrees with the statement and provide arguments that directly relate to the choice between watching travel programs and traveling abroad. Focus more on analyzing the impact of travel media on travel behavior rather than justifying the benefits of travel.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay’s position is somewhat clear but tends to sway towards the benefits of travel rather than directly addressing the impact of media on travel decisions.

  • The introduction and conclusion suggest a preference for real travel experiences.

  • However, the body paragraphs also emphasize the accessibility of travel today and the unique experiences gained from it.

  • How to improve: Maintain a consistent stance throughout the essay by clearly defining whether the author agrees or disagrees with the prompt. Ensure that each paragraph reinforces this position with relevant examples and arguments.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas but lacks in-depth development and specific supporting details.

  • It discusses advancements in technology making travel easier and the value of practical experiences but lacks concrete examples or statistics.

  • Ideas are presented but not extended or explored in sufficient depth.

  • How to improve: Extend ideas with specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes to support arguments. Develop each point further to provide a richer understanding of the topic and its implications.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but occasionally veers into general discussions about travel experiences rather than directly addressing the prompt.

  • It focuses on the benefits of travel and technology’s role in making it more accessible, which relates to the prompt.

  • However, it could better address the direct comparison between watching travel programs and traveling abroad.

  • How to improve: Maintain a clear focus on directly comparing the influence of travel media on travel decisions versus actual travel experiences. Avoid tangential discussions that do not directly address the prompt.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, there is room for improvement in addressing all parts of the prompt, maintaining a clear position throughout, providing more developed ideas with supporting details, and consistently staying on topic. Focus on directly analyzing the impact of travel media on travel decisions and ensure that each paragraph contributes directly to the overall argumentation.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It follows a typical introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion structure. Each paragraph focuses on a different aspect: the accessibility of travel, the benefits of practical experiences, and a summary. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother, as shifts between paragraphs sometimes feel abrupt (e.g., from discussing accessibility to practical experiences).
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more transitional phrases between paragraphs (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition to," "On the other hand"). This will help create a clearer connection between ideas and improve coherence throughout the essay.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different points of discussion. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and develops its main idea with supporting details. However, some paragraphs could be more tightly focused, particularly in the second body paragraph where the discussion shifts from practical experiences to the trend of making vlogs.
  • How to improve: Aim for more cohesion within paragraphs by ensuring all sentences directly relate to the main idea presented in the topic sentence. For example, the paragraph about practical experiences could delve deeper into specific examples rather than transitioning abruptly to the topic of vlogs.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates a variety of cohesive devices such as transition words ("however," "in addition"), pronouns ("they," "their"), and demonstrative phrases ("for example," "to sum up"). These devices generally contribute to coherence by connecting ideas within and between sentences.
  • How to improve: To further enhance cohesion, aim to diversify the types of cohesive devices used. Consider using more advanced linking words and phrases (e.g., "consequently," "nevertheless," "moreover") to strengthen logical connections and improve the overall flow of ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, evidenced by its clear paragraph structure and use of cohesive devices. To achieve a higher band score, focus on refining transitions between paragraphs, ensuring each paragraph remains focused on its central idea, and diversifying the range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide vocabulary with varied expressions such as "travelling abroad," "advanced technology," "indigenous people," "conservations," "broaden their horizon," "hands-on experience," "delicious specialties," and "vlogs." These terms adequately convey the writer’s ideas on travel and its benefits.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical resource further, consider incorporating more nuanced vocabulary that precisely fits the context. For instance, instead of "strike up conservations," using "initiate discussions" could add more precision. Additionally, utilizing more sophisticated synonyms or idiomatic expressions could elevate the vocabulary range.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, there are instances where phrasing could be more precise. For example, "strike up conservations" might be unclear to some readers and could be replaced with clearer alternatives like "initiate meaningful discussions." This would improve clarity and precision in communication.
  • How to improve: To achieve greater precision, focus on using vocabulary that precisely conveys the intended meaning. Avoid ambiguous phrases or expressions that may confuse the reader. Always aim for clarity and accuracy in your word choices to strengthen the overall impact of your essay.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy with only minor errors such as "sastify" (satisfy), "contries" (countries), and "aiport" (airport). These errors do not significantly detract from the overall readability of the essay but indicate room for improvement in proofreading.
  • How to improve: Improving spelling accuracy can be achieved through careful proofreading and using spell-check tools. Taking the time to review your work before submission ensures that these minor errors are corrected, enhancing the professional presentation of your writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary and generally accurate spelling, there are opportunities for refinement. Focus on incorporating more precise vocabulary choices and ensuring meticulous proofreading to enhance the clarity and impact of your writing. This approach will support your efforts to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences ("It is a common belief that…"; "In addition, flight tickets…") and compound sentences ("However, I claim that…"; "Moreover, making vlogs…"). There is an attempt at complexity with some success in using conditional structures ("When people have a chance…") and comparison structures ("more… than…"). However, there is room for improvement in integrating more sophisticated structures such as passive voice, cleft sentences, or inversion to enhance clarity and coherence further.
  • How to improve: To enhance variety and effectiveness, consider incorporating passive voice constructions where appropriate to shift focus or emphasize different elements of sentences ("Flight tickets can be easily booked" → "Booking flight tickets has become easily achievable"). Additionally, explore using cleft sentences ("It is people who have high social status who used to be able to travel abroad") or inversion ("Rarely do we encounter such an opportunity to immerse ourselves in local culture"). These adjustments can add depth and sophistication to your writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar usage with minimal errors. However, there are several instances of awkward phrasing ("thanks to the development of advanced technology, travelling abroad become more accessible and easier") and minor grammatical errors ("safe the number of time" should be "save time"). Punctuation is mostly correct but could be improved for clarity and flow.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on ensuring subject-verb agreement and maintaining consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay. Revise awkward phrasing for smoother readability ("travelling abroad become more accessible" → "travelling abroad has become more accessible"). Pay attention to articles ("a trip to another countries") and prepositions ("in some holidays") to refine sentence structures. Additionally, review punctuation rules, particularly the use of commas for clarity and to separate ideas effectively.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and structure with minor errors that do not detract significantly from overall clarity. By incorporating more varied sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, you can further elevate your writing to consistently achieve a Band Score of 7 in Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is commonly believed that individuals currently prioritize gaining travel experiences through TV programs and social media rather than embarking on a journey abroad. However, I argue that individuals have recently become interested in traveling thanks to the advancement of technology and improved living conditions.

To begin with, thanks to the advancement of technology, traveling abroad has become more accessible and easier. In the past, traveling to other countries was expensive and only feasible for those with high social status. However, in recent years, living conditions have become more convenient and modern, enabling more people to affordably travel abroad. They can now plan trips to their favorite countries during holidays. Additionally, booking flight tickets has become convenient through smartphone apps, saving time during airport check-ins.

Furthermore, practical experiences create more excitement for people than staying at home and watching programs on TV and social media. When individuals have the opportunity to interact with locals, they gain knowledge more effectively than through surfing the internet. They can broaden their horizons and gain hands-on experience by directly experiencing the unique atmosphere of each country, trying local specialties, and participating in cultural activities. These experiences create unforgettable moments that can only be enjoyed through real travel. Moreover, creating vlogs about travel is currently popular, motivating many to travel abroad to share their experiences on social media platforms.

In conclusion, although watching travel programs on TV and social media is more economical, individuals still choose to travel abroad to satisfy their desire to experience and enjoy practical adventures.