The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment.
What are the causes of this?
What can be done to solve this problem?

In today’s world, the increasing production of consumer goods causes harm to the habitat. This change can be attributed to two main factors involving the large volume of waste and the spare land for food factories. This essay will analyze both contributing drivers and suggest several solutions that should be taken into consideration.
On the one hand, this change in the production of consumer freight can be ascribed to domestic trash and the construction of plants. With regard to the former, during the manufacturing process, dirty water and emissions can be released directly into the soil and the atmosphere, leading to the pollution of the natural environment. Besides, the more food products people use, the more waste they discard, this paves the way for the increasing amount of trash. Turning to the latter, the appearance of numerous factories accounts for large areas, causing the devastation of some forests, parks, and vacancies to construct. Therefore, the environment loses many trees that serve as a lung to filter out the dust and tiny particulates of concrete jung.
Two solutions should be considered to solve the problem. First and foremost, the government should enact strict laws and regulations that require food factories to have some waste processed measures before releasing into the environment and ensure residents discard domestic trash legally. Thus, they can ensure a reduction in pollutants for the habitat. Another useful solution is that more inspirational campaigns should be organized which aiming at rasing people’s awareness and encourage them implement environmental protection actions. For example, numerous campaigns such as tree-growing festival, Earth Day,…are held in many areas to enhance compensate affects to environment and enhance living standards.
In conclusion, the increase in the volume of trash and the construction of many food factories are main reasons for the negative impacts of increasing food production on the environment. Therefore, two solutions such as enacting strict regulations and campaign organization should be implement to reduce the bad impacts and improve the natural environment.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In today’s world" -> "In the contemporary world"
   Explanation: "In the contemporary world" is a more formal and precise phrase that enhances the academic tone of the essay.

2. "the increasing production of consumer goods causes harm to the habitat" -> "the escalating production of consumer goods harms the environment"
   Explanation: "Escalating" is a more precise term than "increasing" in this context, and "environment" is a more specific term than "habitat," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in formal writing about ecological issues.

3. "the spare land for food factories" -> "the vacant land for food production facilities"
   Explanation: "Vacant land" is more specific and formal than "spare land," and "food production facilities" is a more precise term than "food factories," which is somewhat informal and imprecise.

4. "This essay will analyze" -> "This essay will examine"
   Explanation: "Examine" is a more academically appropriate verb than "analyze" in this context, as it implies a more detailed and systematic investigation.

5. "the large volume of waste and the spare land for food factories" -> "the substantial volume of waste and the vacant land for food production facilities"
   Explanation: Replacing "large" with "substantial" and "spare" with "vacant" maintains formality and specificity, while "food production facilities" is a more precise term than "food factories."

6. "dirty water and emissions" -> "contaminated water and emissions"
   Explanation: "Contaminated" is a more precise term than "dirty" in a scientific or formal context, emphasizing the chemical or biological alteration of the water quality.

7. "the more food products people use, the more waste they discard" -> "the greater the consumption of food products, the greater the waste generated"
   Explanation: "The greater the consumption of food products, the greater the waste generated" is a more formal and precise way to express causality and quantity, avoiding the informal phrasing of "the more food products people use, the more waste they discard."

8. "this paves the way for the increasing amount of trash" -> "this contributes to the increasing amount of waste"
   Explanation: "Contributes to" is a more formal and precise term than "paves the way for," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in this context.

9. "the appearance of numerous factories accounts for large areas" -> "the establishment of numerous factories occupies large areas"
   Explanation: "Occupies" is a more precise verb than "accounts for" in this context, as it directly relates to the physical space taken up by the factories.

10. "the environment loses many trees that serve as a lung to filter out the dust and tiny particulates of concrete jung" -> "the environment loses many trees that serve as a natural filter to remove dust and particulate matter from the air"
    Explanation: "Natural filter" and "remove dust and particulate matter from the air" are more scientifically accurate and formal than "lung to filter out the dust and tiny particulates of concrete jung," which is metaphorical and informal.

11. "ensure residents discard domestic trash legally" -> "ensure residents dispose of household waste legally"
    Explanation: "Dispose of household waste" is a more formal and precise phrase than "discard domestic trash," aligning better with academic language standards.

12. "inspirational campaigns should be organized which aiming at rasing people’s awareness" -> "inspirational campaigns should be organized to raise people’s awareness"
    Explanation: "To raise" is the correct preposition for the infinitive verb "raise," and "inspirational campaigns" should be followed by a comma before the subordinate clause for proper grammatical structure.

13. "compensate affects to environment" -> "compensate for the environmental impact"
    Explanation: "Compensate for the environmental impact" is grammatically correct and more formal than "compensate affects to environment," which is awkward and incorrect.

14. "enhance living standards" -> "improve living standards"
    Explanation: "Improve" is a more commonly used and academically appropriate term than "enhance" in this context, referring to the betterment of conditions.

15. "should be implement" -> "should be implemented"
    Explanation: "Implemented" is the correct form of the verb "implement" when referring to actions that have already begun or are planned to begin, aligning with the context of the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying causes of environmental damage due to consumer goods production and proposing solutions. The causes mentioned include waste generation and the construction of factories, which are relevant to the topic. However, the discussion of causes could be more comprehensive, as it primarily focuses on waste and factory construction without exploring other potential factors, such as consumer behavior or industrial practices.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider incorporating additional causes such as overconsumption, the demand for fast fashion, or lack of sustainable practices in production. This would provide a more rounded view of the issue and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the production of consumer goods negatively impacts the environment, and it consistently supports this stance throughout. However, the phrasing in some sections, such as "this change can be attributed to two main factors," could be clearer. The use of "this change" is somewhat vague, and it could be more explicitly linked to the increase in consumer goods production.
  • How to improve: Strengthen clarity by explicitly stating the connection between the increase in consumer goods and environmental damage in the introduction. Use clear transitions between points to reinforce the central argument and ensure that each paragraph ties back to the main thesis.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the causes and solutions, but the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the essay mentions the pollution caused by factories, it does not provide specific examples or data to support these claims. The solutions proposed are relevant but lack depth in explanation and potential effectiveness.
  • How to improve: To improve, provide more detailed explanations and examples for each cause and solution. For instance, when discussing the need for strict regulations, elaborate on what these regulations might entail and how they could be enforced. Additionally, including statistics or studies that support the claims about pollution and waste could strengthen the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays on topic and addresses the prompt. However, there are moments where the language becomes slightly convoluted, which may distract from the main points. For example, phrases like "the appearance of numerous factories accounts for large areas" could be clearer and more direct.
  • How to improve: Focus on maintaining clarity and conciseness in language. Avoid overly complex sentence structures that may confuse the reader. Regularly refer back to the prompt to ensure that all points made are directly relevant to the causes and solutions regarding environmental damage from consumer goods production.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could potentially achieve a higher band score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the main points, followed by two body paragraphs that address the causes and solutions. The logical flow is generally maintained, with a clear distinction between causes and solutions. However, there are moments where the connection between ideas could be more explicit. For instance, the transition from discussing waste to the construction of factories could be smoother, as the link between these two points is not immediately clear.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing waste, a phrase like "In addition to waste management issues, another significant factor is…" could help clarify the relationship between the two causes. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea will strengthen the overall coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a distinct focus: the first addresses the causes, while the second discusses solutions. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more internal structure. For example, the first body paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better organized into separate sentences or even sub-points to avoid overwhelming the reader.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. Breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones can also improve clarity. For instance, the sentence "the more food products people use, the more waste they discard" could be split into two sentences for better comprehension.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "Turning to the latter," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be more fluid. For example, the phrase "this paves the way for the increasing amount of trash" could be made clearer with a more direct link to the previous sentence.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "Consequently," and "As a result." This will not only enhance the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a greater command of language. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help maintain cohesion without unnecessary repetition.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, focusing on clearer transitions, more structured paragraphs, and a broader range of cohesive devices will help elevate the score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of environmental impact and consumer goods. Terms such as "manufacturing process," "pollution," "emissions," and "habitat" are appropriately used. However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or lacks variety, such as the frequent use of "waste" and "environment." Additionally, phrases like "food factories" and "consumer freight" could be expanded to include more varied terminology.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "waste," alternatives like "refuse," "garbage," or "by-products" could be employed. Similarly, varying the terms used to describe factories or production processes (e.g., "manufacturing plants," "production facilities") would enrich the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are also instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "spare land for food factories" is somewhat unclear; it could be interpreted as land that is available rather than land that is being used for food production. Additionally, the term "concrete jung" appears to be a typographical error or a misphrasing, likely intended to refer to "concrete jungle," which could confuse readers.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that all terms accurately convey the intended meaning. Clarifying phrases like "spare land" to "land designated for industrial use" would enhance understanding. Furthermore, proofreading for typographical errors and ensuring that all terms are used correctly will help avoid confusion.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, "rasing" should be "raising," "compensate affects" should be "compensatory effects," and "implement" should be "implemented." These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail in spelling, which can impact the clarity of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a systematic approach to proofreading. This could include reading the essay aloud to catch errors, using spell-check tools, and reviewing commonly misspelled words. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or quizzes can help reinforce correct spellings.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and uses relevant vocabulary, there is room for improvement in the range, precision, and spelling of the vocabulary used. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "the increasing production of consumer goods causes harm to the habitat" and "the appearance of numerous factories accounts for large areas" showcase the use of different structures effectively. However, there are instances where the sentence construction could be more varied. For instance, the phrase "this change can be attributed to two main factors" could be rephrased to avoid repetition of "this change" in subsequent sentences.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more introductory phrases, conjunctions, and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "this change" or "the more," try beginning with dependent clauses or using passive constructions. Incorporating more complex structures, such as conditional sentences or relative clauses, will also enhance the overall variety.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "the more food products people use, the more waste they discard, this paves the way for the increasing amount of trash" is a run-on sentence that should be split for clarity. Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the incorrect use of commas in "tree-growing festival, Earth Day,…are held" where a conjunction is missing before "and" to connect the two clauses properly.
  • How to improve: Focus on sentence boundaries to avoid run-on sentences; use periods or semicolons to separate independent clauses. Additionally, review punctuation rules, particularly for lists and conjunctions. For example, in the sentence about campaigns, it should read "tree-growing festivals and Earth Day are held…" to ensure proper grammatical structure. Regular practice with grammar exercises and proofreading for punctuation errors will help improve accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, enhancing sentence variety and addressing grammatical and punctuation errors will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, the increasing production of consumer goods causes harm to the natural environment. This change can be attributed to two main factors involving the substantial volume of waste and the vacant land for food production facilities. This essay will examine both contributing drivers and suggest several solutions that should be taken into consideration.

On the one hand, this change in the production of consumer goods can be ascribed to domestic waste and the construction of factories. With regard to the former, during the manufacturing process, contaminated water and emissions can be released directly into the soil and the atmosphere, leading to the pollution of the natural environment. Besides, the greater the consumption of food products, the greater the waste generated, which contributes to the increasing amount of trash. Turning to the latter, the establishment of numerous factories occupies large areas, causing the devastation of some forests, parks, and vacant land for food production facilities. Therefore, the environment loses many trees that serve as a natural filter to remove dust and particulate matter from the air.

Two solutions should be considered to solve the problem. First and foremost, the government should enact strict laws and regulations that require food factories to have waste processing measures before releasing waste into the environment and ensure residents dispose of household waste legally. Thus, they can ensure a reduction in pollutants for the habitat. Another useful solution is that more inspirational campaigns should be organized, aiming at raising people’s awareness and encouraging them to implement environmental protection actions. For example, numerous campaigns such as tree-growing festivals and Earth Day are held in many areas to compensate for the environmental impact and improve living standards.

In conclusion, the increase in the volume of waste and the construction of many food factories are the main reasons for the negative impacts of increasing food production on the environment. Therefore, two solutions, such as enacting strict regulations and organizing campaigns, should be implemented to reduce these bad impacts and improve the natural environment.