In most countries, prison is the most common solution when people commit a crime. However, if they were to receive better education, it could prevent them from becoming criminals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Prison is the typical method in most countries to resolve the problem of crime. However, it is thought that a more effective way is to provide them with better education, which could stop them from engaging in criminal activities. In my opinion, I totally agree with this sentiment.

To begin with, education will help to improve the prisoners' lives when they finish their sentence. Knowledge acquisition enhances their understanding of the law and awareness of illegal activities, which reduces the likelihood of re-committing crimes as they perceive the consequences of violating the laws. Not only that, education teaches them job-related skills, which help them land a decent job when they are free, provide them with a better income, and reduce their intention to commit crimes. For example, most prisoners violate the law through activities such as robbery or murder due to poverty and unemployment; they do not have enough money to cover life expenses. Moreover, teaching former inmates will help them rehabilitate more effectively and stabilize their lives.

On the other hand, when they receive better education, it would improve not only individual lives but also society as a whole. The proportion of former prisoners will decrease significantly, which will save the national budget for constructing prisons and maintaining security forces. Hence, that fund can be invested in other sectors such as healthcare or education. For example, the government in the Netherlands closed most prisons thanks to an appropriate rehabilitation policy for prisoners and by enhancing their awareness and responsibility through education. When the rate of crime decreases, it would help build a more secure and safe society.

To summarize, education is the best method to prevent prisoners from becoming criminals. This is because not only does education provide individuals with more information about the law, but it can also offer them job opportunities.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Prison is the typical method in most countries to resolve the problem of crime." -> "Imprisonment is a common approach in many countries to address the issue of crime."
Explanation: The term "imprisonment" is more precise and formal than "prison," and "address the issue" is more academically appropriate than "resolve the problem."
"provide them with better education" -> "offer enhanced educational opportunities"
Explanation: "Offer enhanced educational opportunities" is more formal and specific than "provide better education," which sounds vague and informal.
"stop them from engaging in criminal activities" -> "deter them from engaging in criminal behavior"
Explanation: "Deter" is a more precise term in this context, implying prevention rather than complete cessation, which is more realistic and academically appropriate.
"I totally agree with this sentiment." -> "I strongly concur with this perspective."
Explanation: "Concur" is more formal than "agree," and "perspective" is a more academic term than "sentiment."
"Knowledge acquisition enhances their understanding of the law" -> "Acquiring knowledge enhances their comprehension of legal principles"
Explanation: "Acquiring knowledge" is more formal and precise than "knowledge acquisition," and "comprehension of legal principles" is more specific than "understanding of the law."
"Not only that, education teaches them job-related skills" -> "Furthermore, education equips them with vocational skills"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Not only that," and "equips them with vocational skills" is more precise and formal than "teaches them job-related skills."
"provide them with a better income" -> "enhance their earning potential"
Explanation: "Enhance their earning potential" is a more formal and precise way to describe the impact of education on financial stability.
"reduce their intention to commit crimes" -> "diminish their inclination to engage in criminal activities"
Explanation: "Diminish their inclination to engage in criminal activities" is more formal and specific than "reduce their intention to commit crimes."
"most prisoners violate the law through activities such as robbery or murder" -> "many prisoners commit crimes such as robbery or murder"
Explanation: "Commit crimes" is a more direct and formal way to describe the actions of prisoners, avoiding the colloquial "violate the law."
"they do not have enough money to cover life expenses" -> "they lack sufficient funds to meet their basic needs"
Explanation: "Lack sufficient funds to meet their basic needs" is more formal and precise than "do not have enough money to cover life expenses."
"teaching former inmates will help them rehabilitate more effectively" -> "educating former inmates will facilitate their rehabilitation"
Explanation: "Educating former inmates will facilitate their rehabilitation" uses more formal vocabulary and is more precise in describing the process.
"it would improve not only individual lives but also society as a whole" -> "it would benefit not only individual lives but also the broader society"
Explanation: "Benefit" is more formal than "improve," and "the broader society" is a more precise and formal way to refer to the societal impact.
"the proportion of former prisoners will decrease significantly" -> "the incidence of recidivism will significantly decrease"
Explanation: "Incidence of recidivism" is a more specific and formal term than "proportion of former prisoners," and it directly relates to the topic of crime rates.
"it would help build a more secure and safe society" -> "it would contribute to a more secure and safer society"
Explanation: "Contribute to" is a more formal and precise verb than "help build," and "safer" is grammatically correct in this context.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly agreeing with the notion that better education can prevent crime. The introduction states the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs provide reasons and examples to support this view. The discussion includes both individual benefits (improved job prospects and understanding of the law) and societal benefits (reduced crime rates and financial savings for the government). However, while the essay presents a strong argument for education, it could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the opposing viewpoint, which is only briefly acknowledged.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include a paragraph that discusses potential counterarguments, such as the effectiveness of prison as a deterrent or the challenges of implementing educational programs in prisons. Addressing these points would provide a more balanced view and demonstrate critical thinking.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position throughout the essay, consistently supporting the idea that education is a more effective solution than imprisonment. Phrases like "I totally agree with this sentiment" and "To summarize, education is the best method" reinforce this stance. The position is well-articulated, and the arguments are logically structured, making it easy for the reader to follow the writer’s line of reasoning.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could use transitional phrases to link ideas more explicitly. For example, reiterating the main argument at the beginning of each body paragraph could help reinforce the central thesis and guide the reader through the argumentation.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the benefits of education for prisoners and society. The use of examples, such as the situation in the Netherlands, effectively supports the argument. However, some ideas could be extended further; for instance, the discussion on job-related skills could include more specific examples of how education directly correlates with reduced crime rates.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and statistics where applicable. Incorporating research findings or expert opinions could also lend additional credibility to the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the role of education in preventing crime without deviating into unrelated areas. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. However, the brief mention of prison as a solution could be elaborated to clarify why education is preferred over incarceration.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the thesis. Avoiding vague statements and ensuring that each example ties back to the central argument will help maintain topic relevance. Additionally, the writer could briefly explain why prison is less effective compared to education to strengthen the argument further.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively communicates the writer’s position. By addressing counterarguments, extending ideas with more examples, and enhancing clarity through transitions, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is well-structured, presenting a clear argument in favor of education as a means to reduce crime. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs are logically organized to support this viewpoint. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of education for prisoners, while the second body paragraph expands on the societal benefits of reducing crime through education. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument easily.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, the writer could consider using more explicit linking phrases between ideas within paragraphs. For instance, phrases like "Furthermore," or "In addition to this," could help to signal the continuation of ideas more clearly and strengthen the connections between sentences.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability and comprehension. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easy for the reader to identify the main points. The introduction and conclusion are also distinct, framing the argument well.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the writer could enhance the clarity of the conclusion by briefly summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs. This would reinforce the argument and provide a stronger closure to the essay. For example, restating how education benefits both individuals and society in the conclusion would create a more cohesive wrap-up.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "not only… but also," and "for example," which help to connect ideas and provide clarity. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay, allowing the reader to follow the argument without confusion.
- How to improve: To further diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using contrastive devices like "on the contrary" or "in contrast" could enhance the discussion of opposing views, even if briefly acknowledged. Additionally, employing more transitional phrases at the beginning of paragraphs could improve the overall flow of the essay.

Overall, the essay is well-crafted with a strong argument and clear organization. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can elevate the coherence and cohesion even further, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Terms such as "rehabilitate," "knowledge acquisition," and "criminal activities" are effectively used to convey complex ideas. Additionally, phrases like "reduce the likelihood" and "provide them with better education" show a variety of expressions that enhance the argument. However, there are instances where more varied synonyms could have been employed to avoid repetition, such as using "offenders" instead of repeatedly stating "prisoners."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeating "education," you could use "learning," "training," or "instruction" in different contexts. This will not only enrich the vocabulary but also demonstrate a broader lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The vocabulary used is generally appropriate and conveys the intended meaning. Phrases like "engaging in criminal activities" and "land a decent job" are precise and contextually relevant. However, the phrase "the typical method in most countries to resolve the problem of crime" could be seen as slightly vague. The term "resolve" may not fully capture the punitive nature of prison systems, which often focus on punishment rather than resolution.
- How to improve: Aim for more precise vocabulary that accurately reflects the nuances of the topic. For instance, instead of "resolve the problem of crime," consider using "address the issue of crime" or "manage criminal behavior." This will enhance clarity and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject matter.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a strong command of spelling, with no noticeable errors throughout the text. Words such as "rehabilitate," "proportion," and "consequences" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: While the spelling is accurate, it is always beneficial to maintain good practices. Regularly reading and writing can help reinforce correct spelling. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading can help catch any potential errors in future essays.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 7. To improve further, focus on expanding vocabulary variety, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining the high standard of spelling already achieved.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Knowledge acquisition enhances their understanding of the law and awareness of illegal activities, which reduces the likelihood of re-committing crimes as they perceive the consequences of violating the laws" effectively convey intricate ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "if they were to receive better education," showcases the ability to express hypothetical situations. However, while the range is good, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced (e.g., "To begin with," "On the other hand," "To summarize").
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of consistently using "To begin with," you might use "Initially," or "First and foremost," to introduce points. Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences could enhance the sophistication of the writing. Experimenting with different ways to connect ideas, such as using participial phrases or relative clauses, can also enrich the overall structure.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a high level of grammatical accuracy. Most sentences are well-formed, and punctuation is used correctly to clarify meaning. For example, the use of commas in complex sentences is appropriate, as seen in "Not only that, education teaches them job-related skills, which help them land a decent job when they are free." However, there are minor errors, such as the phrase "provide them with a better income," which could be more clearly expressed as "providing them with a better income" to maintain parallel structure within the sentence.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on ensuring parallel structure in lists and phrases. Review sentences to confirm that all elements are grammatically consistent. For example, in the sentence mentioned above, revising it for parallelism would improve clarity. Additionally, practicing the use of more advanced punctuation, such as semicolons or dashes, could help in creating more nuanced sentence structures. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and engaging in exercises focused on common errors can also aid in maintaining high accuracy levels.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. With targeted improvements in sentence variety and grammatical precision, the writing could reach an even higher level of sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

To begin with, education will help to improve the prisoners’ lives when they finish their sentences. Acquiring knowledge enhances their comprehension of legal principles and awareness of illegal activities, which reduces the likelihood of re-committing crimes as they perceive the consequences of violating the laws. Not only that, education teaches them job-related skills, which help them land a decent job when they are free, provide them with a better income, and diminish their inclination to engage in criminal activities. For example, many prisoners commit crimes such as robbery or murder due to poverty and unemployment; they lack sufficient funds to meet their basic needs. Moreover, educating former inmates will facilitate their rehabilitation more effectively and stabilize their lives.