The pictures show the layout of a cinema in 1980 and the same cinema now.

The pictures illustrate the layout of a cinema how it changed form 1980 to now.

Overall, this has witnessed several changes, the most important of which are the appearance of some facilities like having more cinema and opening other residential amenities. In addition, there changes are distributed evenly throughout this place.

In 1980, there were two cinema including cinema 2 in the north-east and cinema 1 in the corner of the south. In the south-west, there was a toilet which spending private for both gender. The ca park was stretching from the West to the Eastern. On the right-hand side of the entrance, a ticket store and a drinks place for people.

On the other hand, nowadays, this place have many changes. There are some cinima which was more opened. In the eastern, having three cinema which were put out from the corner of the south to opposite with cinema 1 in the western. In the map, Ticket area and toilet are still here but drink place is replaced by DVD shop. Cinema 1 is also replaced by Food drinks and Relax home. The carpark was reduced and cinema 2 is moved to the corner of the north-west in the map.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The pictures illustrate the layout of a cinema how it changed form 1980 to now." -> "The pictures depict the evolution of a cinema’s layout from 1980 to the present."
Explanation: "Depict" is more precise and formal than "illustrate," and "evolution" is a more academic term than "changed form." Additionally, "the present" is more formal than "now."
"this has witnessed several changes, the most important of which are the appearance of some facilities like having more cinema and opening other residential amenities." -> "this has undergone significant changes, including the addition of more cinemas and the introduction of residential amenities."
Explanation: "Undergone significant changes" is more formal and precise than "witnessed several changes." "Including" is more appropriate than "like" for listing items, and "addition" and "introduction" are more specific than "appearance" and "opening."
"there changes are distributed evenly throughout this place." -> "these changes are distributed evenly throughout this area."
Explanation: "These changes" is grammatically correct, and "area" is a more precise term than "place" in this context, enhancing the formal tone.
"In 1980, there were two cinema including cinema 2 in the north-east and cinema 1 in the corner of the south." -> "In 1980, there were two cinemas, with Cinema 2 located in the north-east and Cinema 1 in the south."
Explanation: "Cinemas" should be plural to match the context, and "with" is more appropriate for listing items than "including." Also, "located" is more precise than "in the corner of."
"The ca park was stretching from the West to the Eastern." -> "The car park stretched from the west to the east."
Explanation: "Car park" should be one word, and "stretched" is the correct verb form for describing the extent of the car park. "West" and "east" should be lowercase as they are directions, not proper nouns.
"On the right-hand side of the entrance, a ticket store and a drinks place for people." -> "On the right-hand side of the entrance, there was a ticket booth and a refreshment area for patrons."
Explanation: "Ticket booth" is more specific than "ticket store," and "refreshment area" is a more formal term than "drinks place." "Patrons" is a more formal term than "people."
"this place have many changes." -> "this place has undergone many changes."
Explanation: "Has undergone" is grammatically correct and more formal than "have many changes."
"There are some cinima which was more opened." -> "There are several cinemas that have been expanded."
Explanation: "Several cinemas" is grammatically correct, and "have been expanded" is a more precise and formal way to describe the change.
"In the eastern, having three cinema which were put out from the corner of the south to opposite with cinema 1 in the western." -> "In the east, three cinemas have been relocated from the south corner to opposite Cinema 1 in the west."
Explanation: "In the east" is more specific than "In the eastern," and "relocated" is more precise than "put out." "Opposite" should be used as an adverb, not a noun.
"The carpark was reduced and cinema 2 is moved to the corner of the north-west in the map." -> "The car park was reduced, and Cinema 2 was relocated to the north-west corner of the map."
Explanation: "Car park" should be one word, and "relocated" is a more formal verb choice than "moved." Also, "north-west corner" is more precise than "corner of the north-west."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the changes, and the information is presented in a mechanical way. The essay also focuses on details rather than key features.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the changes, highlighting the key features of the layout, and using more appropriate language. The essay should also avoid using informal language and contractions.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization; however, there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the changes in the cinema layout, the ideas are not clearly connected, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the relationships between ideas. For example, phrases like "this place have many changes" and "in the eastern, having three cinema" are grammatically incorrect and disrupt the flow of information. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, with some sections lacking clear topic sentences or logical breaks.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on logically organizing the information and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help clarify relationships between ideas. It is also important to proofread for grammatical accuracy and to ensure that all sentences contribute to the overall progression of the essay. Clearer transitions between past and present descriptions will improve the logical flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the changes in the cinema layout, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks precision. There are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, such as "cinema" being misspelled as "cinima," and phrases like "spending private for both gender" which are awkward and unclear. These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message. Overall, the essay does not meet the criteria for a higher band due to these limitations in lexical resource.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more precise terms related to the topic. Additionally, practicing correct spelling and word formation is crucial. Incorporating less common lexical items and ensuring that they are used accurately in context would also contribute to a higher score. Lastly, varying sentence structures and avoiding repetition can improve the overall fluency and flexibility of the language used.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. There are frequent grammatical errors, such as "how it changed form 1980 to now" (should be "from 1980 to now"), "this place have many changes" (should be "this place has many changes"), and "cinima which was more opened" (should be "cinemas that were opened"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. Additionally, punctuation is often faulty, which further affects clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of sentence structures, incorporating more complex sentences with correct grammatical forms. It is also essential to proofread for grammatical accuracy and punctuation to minimize errors. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and coherence will enhance overall communication. Engaging with varied sentence forms and ensuring subject-verb agreement will also contribute to a better score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pictures illustrate the layout of a cinema and how it has changed from 1980 to the present day.

Overall, there have been several changes, the most significant of which include the addition of new facilities, such as more cinemas and other residential amenities. Furthermore, these changes are distributed evenly throughout the area.

In 1980, there were two cinemas, namely Cinema 2 in the north-east and Cinema 1 in the south-west corner. In the south-west, there was a toilet that served both genders. The car park extended from the west to the east. On the right-hand side of the entrance, there was a ticket store and a drinks area for patrons.

In contrast, the current layout has undergone many changes. There are now more cinemas available. In the east, three cinemas have been added, extending from the south corner to the opposite side of Cinema 1 in the west. On the map, the ticket area and toilet remain, but the drinks area has been replaced by a DVD shop. Cinema 1 has also been transformed into a food and drinks area, along with a relaxation space. The car park has been reduced in size, and Cinema 2 has been relocated to the north-west corner of the map.