People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently.
To what extend do you agree or disagree?

It is a common belief that people who have a career orientation early in life and have a stable career will feel more satisfied than those who have to constantly change jobs. I fully support this opinion.
Starting with those who have early orientation and have a stable job will feel satisfied. First of all, a stable job, because you already have a career, you can completely think about marriage and starting a family. Settling down early is not entirely a bad choice. Next is a stable salary, that's right, while people your age are struggling with a bunch of part-time jobs, you already have a job with a stable salary by your early orientation for the future. Your early start and effort are a powerful weapon that anyone must be wary of, very true to the saying "Business before pleasure ". Last but not least, doing the job you are interested in from the beginning, each day you go to work is a joy, you will not feel exhausted and want to work more, therefore, it will be productive and highly effective at work.
In constrast, people who frequently change jobs have many harmful effects. Feeling tired and frustrated when not finding a direction for themselves not only affects their health but also the quality of their work. Doing many jobs but not being really good at any of them “Jack of all trades, master of none”. Their career path will be unstable leading to social pressures, making them feel no satisfaction at all.
To sum up, people who have a direction for themselves will have a longer career path than those who have to change jobs constantly. Career orientation greatly affects the future, so don't be too busy playing today and neglecting your life tomorrow.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is a common belief" -> "It is widely acknowledged"
   Explanation: "It is widely acknowledged" is a more formal and precise phrase that enhances the academic tone of the statement, indicating a broader consensus among experts or scholars.

2. "people who have a career orientation early in life" -> "individuals who establish a career orientation at an early stage in life"
   Explanation: "Individuals who establish a career orientation at an early stage in life" is more formal and specific, clearly defining the action of setting a career path.

3. "have a stable job" -> "maintain a stable employment"
   Explanation: "Maintain a stable employment" is more formal and precise, emphasizing the ongoing nature of the employment stability.

4. "because you already have a career" -> "since they have already established a career"
   Explanation: "Since they have already established a career" uses the passive voice to maintain formality and avoids the informal "you."

5. "Settling down early is not entirely a bad choice" -> "Early settlement is not inherently detrimental"
   Explanation: "Early settlement is not inherently detrimental" uses more formal language and avoids the colloquial tone of "not entirely a bad choice."

6. "a bunch of part-time jobs" -> "multiple part-time positions"
   Explanation: "Multiple part-time positions" is more formal and precise, avoiding the informal and vague "a bunch."

7. "you already have a job with a stable salary" -> "they already possess a stable salary"
   Explanation: "They already possess a stable salary" uses the third person to maintain formality and avoids the casual "you."

8. "Business before pleasure" -> "Prioritizing professional pursuits over personal interests"
   Explanation: "Prioritizing professional pursuits over personal interests" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than the colloquial "Business before pleasure."

9. "doing the job you are interested in from the beginning" -> "pursuing a career in their area of interest from the outset"
   Explanation: "Pursuing a career in their area of interest from the outset" is more formal and precise, emphasizing the proactive nature of career choice.

10. "you will not feel exhausted and want to work more" -> "they will not experience exhaustion and will be motivated to continue working"
    Explanation: "They will not experience exhaustion and will be motivated to continue working" uses more formal language and avoids the informal "you."

11. "Feeling tired and frustrated" -> "Experiencing fatigue and frustration"
    Explanation: "Experiencing fatigue and frustration" is more formal and precise, suitable for academic writing.

12. "Doing many jobs but not being really good at any of them” -> "Holding multiple positions without excelling in any"
    Explanation: "Holding multiple positions without excelling in any" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "doing many jobs."

13. "Career orientation greatly affects the future" -> "Career orientation significantly influences future prospects"
    Explanation: "Career orientation significantly influences future prospects" uses more precise and formal language, enhancing the academic tone.

14. "don’t be too busy playing today and neglecting your life tomorrow" -> "avoid prioritizing immediate gratification over long-term goals"
    Explanation: "Avoid prioritizing immediate gratification over long-term goals" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to convey the idea, avoiding the informal "playing" and "neglecting."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position in favor of early career orientation and stability. The writer discusses the advantages of having a stable job, such as the ability to focus on personal life and financial security. However, while the essay touches on the drawbacks of frequently changing jobs, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides of the argument. For instance, mentioning potential benefits of job changes, such as skill diversification or adaptability, could enhance the response.
  • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should consider briefly acknowledging the opposing viewpoint and providing a counter-argument. This would not only strengthen the essay but also demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently supporting the idea that early career orientation leads to greater satisfaction. The phrase "I fully support this opinion" establishes a strong stance. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother to reinforce the argument’s clarity. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of stability to the drawbacks of job-hopping could be more explicitly linked.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the writer should use transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing the benefits of a stable job, a phrase like "In contrast to this stability" could lead into the discussion of job changes, making the argument flow more logically.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the main argument, such as the benefits of a stable salary and job satisfaction. However, some points are underdeveloped. For instance, the assertion that "doing the job you are interested in from the beginning" leads to joy at work could be expanded with examples or personal anecdotes to provide more depth.
  • How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should include specific examples or evidence to support claims. For instance, citing studies or statistics about job satisfaction related to career stability could lend credibility to the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of early career orientation and the drawbacks of job-hopping. However, some sentences, such as "very true to the saying ‘Business before pleasure’," feel slightly tangential and could distract from the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every sentence directly supports the central thesis. Removing or rephrasing off-topic statements and ensuring that each point ties back to the main argument will help keep the essay cohesive and on track.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a clear argument. With some adjustments in balance, clarity, elaboration, and focus, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of early career orientation and stability. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized to first present the benefits of early career orientation, followed by the drawbacks of frequent job changes. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of stability to the disadvantages of job-hopping could be more clearly delineated.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" at the start of the second body paragraph would help signal the shift in focus more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good understanding of paragraphing, with distinct sections for the advantages of stable careers and the disadvantages of frequent job changes. Each paragraph contains relevant ideas that support the overall argument. However, some paragraphs could be more developed; for example, the first body paragraph could benefit from more detailed examples or explanations to substantiate the claims made.
  • How to improve: Aim to expand on each point within the paragraphs. For instance, when discussing the benefits of a stable salary, provide specific examples or statistics that illustrate how this stability contributes to overall life satisfaction. This will not only strengthen the argument but also enhance the depth of each paragraph.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "First of all," "Next," and "Last but not least," which help to structure the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be more explicit. For example, the phrase "that’s right" feels informal and disrupts the flow of the argument.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In addition" to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help to avoid repetition and enhance cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of coherence and cohesion, achieving a band score of 8. By focusing on improving transitions, expanding on ideas within paragraphs, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can reach an even higher level of clarity and effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "career orientation," "stable salary," and "social pressures." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "stable job" and "early orientation." This limits the overall lexical variety and richness of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "stable job," you might incorporate terms like "steady employment," "consistent position," or "reliable career." Additionally, introducing more sophisticated vocabulary could elevate the essay’s tone, such as using "career trajectory" instead of "career path."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "a powerful weapon that anyone must be wary of" is unclear in context; it seems to imply a negative connotation when discussing career advantages. Additionally, "doing many jobs but not being really good at any of them" could be more succinctly expressed.
  • How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. Instead of "powerful weapon," consider phrases like "significant advantage" or "key benefit." Aim for clarity by rephrasing sentences for conciseness, such as changing "doing many jobs but not being really good at any of them" to "juggling multiple jobs without mastering any."

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "constrast" instead of "contrast" and "exhausted and want to work more" which could be more clearly phrased. These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a moment to read it aloud or use spell-check tools. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and practice writing them in context to reinforce correct spelling.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "Starting with those who have early orientation" and "Last but not least" indicates an attempt to organize ideas clearly. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as the frequent use of "you" and "people," which can make the writing feel monotonous. Additionally, some sentences are overly long and convoluted, such as "Your early start and effort are a powerful weapon that anyone must be wary of, very true to the saying ‘Business before pleasure’." This could confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "people," try using participial phrases or adverbial clauses. Additionally, break down longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones to enhance readability and comprehension.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "a stable job, because you already have a career" is a comma splice and should be restructured. Additionally, "In constrast" is a misspelling of "In contrast." There are also instances of awkward phrasing, such as "a bunch of part-time jobs," which could be more formally expressed. The use of quotation marks around "Business before pleasure" is appropriate, but the integration of this phrase into the sentence could be smoother.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, review the rules for punctuation, particularly regarding comma usage in complex sentences. Consider practicing sentence combining and restructuring to avoid comma splices. Furthermore, proofreading for spelling errors, such as "constrast," is essential. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and improve overall fluency.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that individuals who establish a career orientation early in life and maintain a stable employment are more likely to feel satisfied than those who frequently change jobs. I fully support this opinion.

Starting with those who have early career orientation, they tend to experience greater job satisfaction. First of all, having a stable job allows individuals to focus on other important aspects of life, such as marriage and starting a family. Early settlement is not inherently detrimental; in fact, it can provide a solid foundation for personal growth. Furthermore, a stable salary is a significant advantage. While many people in their age group may struggle with multiple part-time positions, those with a clear career path enjoy the benefits of a reliable income. Their early start and dedication serve as powerful assets, aligning well with the saying, “Business before pleasure.” Last but not least, pursuing a career in their area of interest from the outset brings joy to their daily work routine. As a result, they are less likely to experience exhaustion and are motivated to continue working, leading to increased productivity and effectiveness.

In contrast, individuals who frequently change jobs often face numerous challenges. Experiencing fatigue and frustration from a lack of direction can negatively impact both their health and the quality of their work. Juggling various jobs without mastering any can lead to the adage, “Jack of all trades, master of none.” This unstable career path may result in social pressures, ultimately leaving them feeling unfulfilled and dissatisfied.

To sum up, individuals who have a clear direction for their careers are likely to enjoy a more stable and satisfying professional life than those who constantly change jobs. Career orientation significantly influences future prospects, so it is essential to avoid prioritizing immediate gratification over long-term goals.