Task 2: Some people think young people should follow the traditions of their society. Others think that they should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In this contemporary world, there are two schools of thought that have arisen regarding whether people should obey their society’s traditions or freely do what they want. From my perspective, I would agree with both sides if the latter has a specific adjustment.
Initially, it is undeniable that every individual has to appreciate their nations’ cultural values. It is for this reason that these aspects have contributed to the countries and human enhancement and formation. Therefore, following and preserving such traditions is indispensable for people’s identification and societies’ protection. For example, Vietnamese children would obtain the resistance and resilience from their ancestors if they explored and fully comprehended the extreme of the resistance war against the US, which facilitated their patriotism and national pride, thus perhaps the country will be improving on a daily basis.
On the other hand, I acknowledge that it is essential that individuals behave authentically, as long as their behaviors align with social benchmarks. Despite the importance of following the ancestors’ footpaths, people could also enhance these heritage values positively by their improved cognitive capability and innovative concepts. However, regardless of the potential improvements, these advancements should be appropriate with the society’s traditional dignity to prevent people from being reactionaries. Hence, importantly are the governments responsible for confirming whether the actions of these individuals are legal.
To sum up, I have a strong belief that people should follow and protect their countries’ cultural values. In addition, it might be positive for individuals and societies if people’s behaviors are suitable with social benchmarks.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this contemporary world" -> "In the contemporary world"
Explanation: Removing "this" before "contemporary world" corrects the grammatical structure, aligning with formal academic style by avoiding unnecessary articles before adjectives modifying nouns.
"there are two schools of thought that have arisen" -> "there are two prevailing schools of thought"
Explanation: Replacing "have arisen" with "prevailing" enhances the formality and specificity, indicating a widespread and ongoing nature of the opinions discussed.
"freely do what they want" -> "exercise their autonomy"
Explanation: "Exercise their autonomy" is a more formal and precise term that avoids the colloquial "freely do what they want," which is too informal for academic writing.
"if the latter has a specific adjustment" -> "provided the latter is adapted"
Explanation: "Provided the latter is adapted" is more precise and formal, clearly indicating a condition for the acceptance of the idea.
"every individual has to appreciate their nations’ cultural values" -> "every individual must appreciate their nation’s cultural values"
Explanation: Changing "has to" to "must" and "nations’" to "nation’s" corrects the possessive form and enhances the formality of the statement.
"It is for this reason that these aspects have contributed" -> "This is why these aspects have contributed"
Explanation: "This is why" is a more direct and formal way to introduce a causal relationship, improving the academic tone.
"human enhancement and formation" -> "human development and growth"
Explanation: "Human development and growth" is a more precise and commonly accepted term in academic contexts, replacing the vague and less formal "enhancement and formation."
"following and preserving such traditions is indispensable" -> "following and preserving these traditions is essential"
Explanation: "Essential" is a more formal synonym for "indispensable," and using "these" instead of "such" is more direct and appropriate in formal writing.
"people’s identification and societies’ protection" -> "individuals’ identity and societal protection"
Explanation: "Individuals’ identity" and "societal protection" are more precise and formal terms, enhancing the academic tone.
"extreme of the resistance war" -> "extremity of the resistance war"
Explanation: "Extremity" is the correct noun form to describe the most intense or severe aspect of the war, replacing the incorrect "extreme."
"which facilitated their patriotism and national pride" -> "which fostered their patriotism and national pride"
Explanation: "Fostered" is a more precise verb than "facilitated" in this context, suggesting a nurturing or development of the qualities mentioned.
"behaviors align with social benchmarks" -> "behaviors conform to societal norms"
Explanation: "Conform to societal norms" is a more formal and precise phrase, replacing the less formal "align with social benchmarks."
"following the ancestors’ footpaths" -> "following ancestral traditions"
Explanation: "Ancestral traditions" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "ancestors’ footpaths," which is colloquial and vague.
"people could also enhance these heritage values positively" -> "individuals could also enhance these cultural values positively"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "cultural values" is a more precise term than "heritage values" in this context.
"are suitable with social benchmarks" -> "are consistent with social norms"
Explanation: "Consistent with social norms" is a more formal and precise expression than "suitable with social benchmarks," which is awkward and less commonly used in formal writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both perspectives regarding the adherence to societal traditions and the freedom of individual behavior. The first paragraph discusses the importance of following traditions, citing the example of Vietnamese children and their connection to national pride. The second paragraph acknowledges the necessity for individuals to behave authentically while still respecting societal norms. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer delineation of the two views, as the discussion of both sides feels somewhat merged rather than distinctly separated.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could explicitly separate the discussion of each viewpoint into distinct paragraphs. Each paragraph should clearly articulate one perspective before transitioning to the other. Additionally, providing more concrete examples for both sides would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that acknowledges both sides but leans towards the importance of tradition. However, the phrase "I would agree with both sides if the latter has a specific adjustment" introduces ambiguity regarding the author’s stance. This lack of clarity may confuse readers about the author’s ultimate opinion.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Using phrases such as "In my opinion" or "I firmly believe" can help clarify the stance. Additionally, the author should ensure that each argument presented supports this position consistently throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the importance of tradition and individual behavior but lacks depth in the development of these ideas. For instance, while the mention of Vietnamese children and their historical context is relevant, it could be further elaborated to illustrate how this connection influences their current behavior. The second paragraph introduces the idea of enhancing heritage values, but it does not provide specific examples or scenarios to support this claim.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on each point with additional examples or explanations. Using specific case studies or hypothetical situations can help to illustrate the arguments more vividly. Furthermore, integrating counterarguments and addressing them can also strengthen the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the balance between tradition and individual behavior. However, the phrase "governments responsible for confirming whether the actions of these individuals are legal" introduces a slightly tangential point that could distract from the main argument about individual behavior versus tradition.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate to the central theme of the essay. It may be helpful to outline the main arguments before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall discussion. If a point does not directly support the main argument, it may be best to omit it or reframe it to align more closely with the topic.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could achieve a higher band score by demonstrating a more comprehensive understanding of the task and presenting a more cohesive argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear discussion of both views regarding the adherence to societal traditions versus individual freedom. The introduction sets the stage effectively, outlining the two perspectives. However, the progression of ideas could be more fluid. For instance, the transition from discussing the importance of traditions to the necessity of individual expression feels somewhat abrupt. The connection between the two viewpoints could be strengthened to enhance the overall logical flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Conversely," "Furthermore," or "In contrast" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. Structuring the essay to explicitly compare and contrast the two views in each paragraph could also enhance coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure could be more effective. The first paragraph introduces the topic well, but the second paragraph combines multiple ideas without clear separation. The final paragraph serves as a conclusion but lacks a strong summary of the arguments presented. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea to improve clarity.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus. For instance, one paragraph could solely discuss the importance of traditions, while another could address the value of individual expression. Additionally, a concluding paragraph should not only restate the opinion but also summarize the key points discussed in the body paragraphs. This will reinforce the argument and provide a clearer closure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the other hand" and "To sum up," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "However, regardless of the potential improvements" could be better linked to the previous sentence to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Additionally," "Moreover," or "Consequently" to connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas. Practicing the use of synonyms for common cohesive devices can also help in achieving a more sophisticated writing style.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially improving its overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "contemporary," "cultural values," "patriotism," and "innovative concepts." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "follow" and "behaviors." This limits the overall lexical variety and richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "follow," alternatives like "adhere to," "observe," or "uphold" could be employed. Additionally, integrating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "cultural heritage," "individual autonomy," or "societal norms," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage that may confuse the reader. For example, the phrase "the extreme of the resistance war" is awkward and unclear. The term "reactionaries" is also used in a context that may not accurately convey the intended meaning, as it typically refers to those opposed to political or social progress.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "the extreme of the resistance war," a clearer phrase could be "the hardships endured during the resistance war." Additionally, clarifying the use of "reactionaries" or replacing it with a more appropriate term, such as "conservatives" or "traditionalists," would enhance precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors. However, there is a notable mistake with "nations’" which should be "nation’s" to indicate possession correctly. The phrase "societies’ protection" also contains a similar error and should be "society’s protection."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, paying particular attention to possessive forms and commonly confused words. Utilizing spell-check tools or writing practice exercises focused on commonly misspelled words can also help enhance spelling skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy could elevate the Lexical Resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, phrases like "if the latter has a specific adjustment" and "as long as their behaviors align with social benchmarks" showcase an ability to construct conditional and subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structure, particularly in the use of "it is essential that" and "it is undeniable that," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For example, instead of repeatedly using "it is essential that," alternatives like "it is crucial to recognize that" or "one must consider that" could be employed. Additionally, mixing in more passive constructions or different ways to express opinions (e.g., "I believe" vs. "In my view") would further diversify the sentence structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "the extreme of the resistance war against the US" is awkwardly constructed and could be clearer. Additionally, punctuation issues arise, such as the comma splice in "thus perhaps the country will be improving on a daily basis," where a conjunction or a period would be more appropriate. Furthermore, the phrase "the governments responsible for confirming" lacks a verb, making it grammatically incomplete.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for sentence clarity and punctuation. Ensuring that each sentence is complete and free from run-ons or fragments is crucial. Practicing the use of conjunctions to connect ideas more smoothly can also help. For instance, revising "thus perhaps the country will be improving on a daily basis" to "thus, it is hoped that the country will improve daily" would enhance clarity. Additionally, reviewing the rules for comma usage and ensuring that each sentence conveys a complete thought will strengthen overall grammatical accuracy.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, there are two prevailing schools of thought regarding whether young people should adhere to their society’s traditions or exercise their autonomy. From my perspective, I find merit in both viewpoints, provided the latter is adapted appropriately.

Initially, it is undeniable that every individual must appreciate their nation’s cultural values. This is why these aspects have contributed significantly to human development and growth. Therefore, following and preserving such traditions is essential for individuals’ identity and societal protection. For example, Vietnamese children can gain resilience and strength from their ancestors if they explore and fully comprehend the extremity of the resistance war against the US, which fostered their patriotism and national pride. This connection to their history can lead to continuous improvement within the country.

On the other hand, I acknowledge that it is essential for individuals to behave authentically, as long as their behaviors conform to societal norms. Despite the importance of following ancestral traditions, individuals could also enhance these cultural values positively through their cognitive capabilities and innovative ideas. However, regardless of the potential advancements, these developments should be consistent with the society’s traditional dignity to prevent individuals from becoming reactionaries. Hence, it is crucial for governments to ensure that the actions of these individuals remain within legal boundaries.

To sum up, I firmly believe that individuals should follow and protect their countries’ cultural values. Additionally, it can be beneficial for both individuals and societies if people’s behaviors are aligned with social norms.