The plans show a school library 5 years ago and the same library now. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two maps show changes have happened to a specified school library for 5 years.
Overall, the library underwent a number of dramatic changes, the most important of which is the structure of itself due to the replacement of some devices like computers. In addition, there appears some new spaces for several purposes.
On the left-hand side of the library, there used to exist a three-block area serving classroom, meeting room and a borrowing and returning desk; however, it has recently been transformed into the four-block one. In details, the classroom has been replaced by a recording studio, the desk has divided into two sites serving borrowing and returning demands respectively. The only room remaining intact is the meeting room.
At the center of the map, studying tables for mutual needs are now turned into private ones (with 6 tables rather than 4 ones 5 years ago). One of two book shelves that locate in two adverse sides has been transformed into desks for students' laptops.
At the two corners on the right-hand side of the plan, all things have changed radically to suit the needs of students. Detailedly, the long desk for computer in the past is now segregated into numerous desks for personal laptops. There used to exist a library office for staff but now it is a big conference room.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"changes have happened to a specified school library" -> "changes that have occurred in a specific school library"
Explanation: "Specified" is vague and less formal; "specific" is more precise. "Have happened" is informal; "have occurred" is more suitable for academic writing.
"the structure of itself" -> "its structure"
Explanation: "The structure of itself" is awkward and unnecessarily complex. "Its structure" is more concise and clear.
"some devices like computers" -> "various devices, such as computers"
Explanation: "Some" is vague; "various" provides more specificity. "Like" is informal; "such as" is more appropriate in academic contexts.
"there appears some new spaces for several purposes" -> "there are several new spaces for various purposes"
Explanation: "There appears" is awkward; "there are" is more direct. "Several" is more precise than "some," and "various" is a better fit than "several" in this context.
"there used to exist a three-block area serving classroom, meeting room and a borrowing and returning desk" -> "there used to be a three-block area comprising a classroom, a meeting room, and a borrowing and returning desk"
Explanation: "Exist" is overly formal; "be" is more straightforward. "Comprising" is more precise than "serving," and adding "a" before "meeting room" improves grammatical parallelism.
"it has recently been transformed into the four-block one" -> "it has recently been transformed into a four-block area"
Explanation: "The four-block one" is vague; "a four-block area" is clearer and more specific.
"the desk has divided into two sites serving borrowing and returning demands respectively" -> "the desk has been divided into two areas serving borrowing and returning needs, respectively"
Explanation: "Has divided" is incorrect; it should be "has been divided" for passive voice. "Sites" is less appropriate than "areas," and "demands" is less suitable than "needs" in this context.
"studying tables for mutual needs" -> "study tables for collaborative use"
Explanation: "Studying tables" is awkward; "study tables" is more standard. "Mutual needs" is vague; "collaborative use" is more precise and contextually appropriate.
"has been transformed into desks for students’ laptops" -> "has been converted into desks for student laptops"
Explanation: "Transformed" can be replaced with "converted" for clarity. "Students’ laptops" can be simplified to "student laptops" for conciseness.
"that locate in two adverse sides" -> "that are located on two opposite sides"
Explanation: "Locate" is incorrect in this context; "are located" is grammatically correct. "Adverse sides" is unclear; "opposite sides" is more accurate.
"all things have changed radically to suit the needs of students" -> "all aspects have changed significantly to meet the needs of students"
Explanation: "All things" is too informal and vague; "all aspects" is more precise. "Changed radically" can be improved to "changed significantly" for a more measured tone, and "suit" is less formal than "meet."
"Detailedly" -> "In detail"
Explanation: "Detailedly" is not a standard word; "In detail" is the correct phrase to use.
"the long desk for computer in the past" -> "the long desk for computers in the past"
Explanation: "Computer" should be pluralized to "computers" to match the context.
"is now segregated into numerous desks for personal laptops" -> "has now been divided into numerous desks for personal laptops"
Explanation: "Is now segregated" is less formal; "has now been divided" is clearer and more appropriate for academic writing.
"There used to exist a library office for staff but now it is a big conference room" -> "There used to be a library office for staff, but it is now a large conference room"
Explanation: "Exist" is overly formal; "be" is more straightforward. "Big" is informal; "large" is more appropriate in an academic context. The placement of "but" improves sentence flow.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes to the library, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay presents some information appropriately selected, but it does not adequately highlight all the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay mentions that the studying tables have been turned into private ones, but it does not mention that there are now 6 tables instead of 4. The essay also mentions that the long desk for computers has been segregated into numerous desks for personal laptops, but it does not mention that the library office has been transformed into a conference room.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detail about the changes to the library. The essay should also highlight all the key features/bullet points, and make sure that the information is accurate and relevant. The essay should also be more concise and avoid unnecessary repetition.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the description of the library five years ago to its current state. However, while the organization of information is generally logical, there are instances where the cohesion between sentences could be improved. The use of cohesive devices is somewhat effective, but there are moments where the connections between ideas feel mechanical or unclear. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together for clarity.

How to improve: To enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively, ensuring that they clearly indicate relationships between ideas. Improving the logical flow of paragraphs by grouping related information together would also help. Finally, refining the clarity of referencing (e.g., using pronouns or synonyms more effectively) would strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, allowing for some flexibility in expression. However, it attempts to use less common vocabulary with varying degrees of success, leading to inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For example, phrases like "the structure of itself" and "serving borrowing and returning demands respectively" are awkward and could be expressed more naturally. There are also some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "Detailedly," which should be "In detail." While these errors do not completely impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and sophistication of the writing.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using more precise and natural vocabulary. This includes avoiding awkward phrases and ensuring that less common lexical items are used correctly. Additionally, paying attention to spelling and word formation will help reduce errors. Expanding the range of vocabulary and practicing the use of synonyms and varied expressions can also contribute to a more sophisticated and fluent writing style.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which aligns with the criteria for Band 6. While there are some attempts at complex structures, the overall grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. Errors in grammar and punctuation are present, such as "the structure of itself" (which is awkwardly phrased) and "has recently been transformed into the four-block one" (which could be clearer). These errors do not significantly impede communication, but they do detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and increasing the variety of sentence structures. This can be done by proofreading for common errors, practicing complex sentence constructions, and ensuring that all sentences are clear and logically structured. Additionally, using more precise vocabulary and avoiding awkward phrasing would improve the overall coherence and fluency of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The two maps illustrate the changes that have occurred in a specific school library over the past five years. Overall, the library has undergone several significant transformations, the most notable of which is the alteration of its structure due to the replacement of various facilities, such as computers. Additionally, new spaces have been created for different purposes.

On the left-hand side of the library, there used to be a three-block area comprising a classroom, a meeting room, and a borrowing and returning desk; however, this area has recently been transformed into a four-block layout. Specifically, the classroom has been replaced by a recording studio, and the borrowing and returning desk has been divided into two separate sections to cater to each function. The only room that remains unchanged is the meeting room.

In the center of the map, the studying tables that previously accommodated group study have now been converted into private study tables, increasing from four to six tables. One of the two bookshelves located on opposite sides has been transformed into desks for students’ laptops.

In the two corners on the right-hand side of the plan, significant changes have been made to meet the needs of students. Specifically, the long desk for computers that existed in the past has now been divided into multiple desks for personal laptops. Additionally, what was once a library office for staff has been converted into a large conference room.