Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it positive or negative development?

In today’s competitive commercial market, advertising has become a ubiquitous advent emerging via televisions, social media, and public spaces in our daily lives. This, in my view, is an unwelcome development.

Admittedly, there are compelling reasons to assert that advertisement provides substantial advantages. Since advertisements deliver information to customers regarding products and services. An example of this is by watching TV commercials featuring various shampoo brands and therefore clients can select the option that best suits their needs. Advertisements not only supply significant data to attract prospective customers but also assist in enhancing the company’s image in the eyes of general purchasers. Apple marketing campaigns, for instance, offer detailed information about their latest products’s features and benefits while also consistently portraying the brand as innovative and high quality. This dual approach helps appeal to potential buyers and reinforces Apple’s prestigious image among the broader public.

However, the proliferation of numerous advertisements could also pose significant threats to humanity. This is because advertisements often emphasize persuasive messaging rather than factual accuracy, leading to exaggerated claims that can mislead consumers. For example, Apple marketing campaigns may showcase the features of their products in an idealized manner that does not necessarily reflect real-world performance. Besides, the focus on cultivating a brand image can obscure the actual quality or value of the products, complicating consumers’ ability to make informed choices and therefore while advertisements can deliver useful information, they often prioritize manipulating perceptions and boosting sales over genuinely informing or benefiting the consumers.

In conclusion, while there are certainly reasons to be cautious about the appearance of adverts, I share the optimism of those who find this development disadvantageous.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In today’s competitive commercial market" -> "In the contemporary competitive commercial market"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "contemporary" provides a more formal and precise reference to the current market, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"advertising has become a ubiquitous advent emerging" -> "advertising has become ubiquitous"
Explanation: Removing "emerging" corrects the grammatical error and simplifies the phrase, making it more direct and appropriate for academic writing.
"This, in my view, is an unwelcome development" -> "This is an undesirable development"
Explanation: Removing "in my view" makes the statement more objective and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"advertisement provides substantial advantages" -> "advertisements offer significant benefits"
Explanation: Changing "provides" to "offer" and "substantial advantages" to "significant benefits" uses more precise and formal vocabulary suitable for academic writing.
"deliver information to customers regarding products and services" -> "convey information to customers about products and services"
Explanation: "Convey" is more precise than "deliver" in this context, and "about" is more formal than "regarding."
"clients can select the option that best suits their needs" -> "consumers can choose the option that best meets their needs"
Explanation: Replacing "clients" with "consumers" and "select" with "choose" aligns with more formal language, and "meets" is more precise than "suits."
"assist in enhancing the company’s image" -> "contribute to enhancing the company’s image"
Explanation: "Contribute to" is a more formal and precise phrase than "assist in," which is somewhat vague.
"Apple marketing campaigns, for instance, offer detailed information about their latest products’s features and benefits" -> "Apple marketing campaigns, for example, provide detailed information about their latest products’ features and benefits"
Explanation: Correcting the possessive form "products’s" to "products’" and replacing "offer" with "provide" improves grammatical accuracy and formality.
"This dual approach helps appeal to potential buyers and reinforces Apple’s prestigious image" -> "This dual approach attracts potential buyers and reinforces Apple’s prestigious image"
Explanation: "Attracts" is more precise than "helps appeal," and removing the apostrophe from "Apple’s" corrects the possessive form.
"the proliferation of numerous advertisements" -> "the proliferation of numerous advertisements"
Explanation: Removing "of" corrects the redundancy, as "proliferation" inherently implies an increase in number.
"This is because advertisements often emphasize persuasive messaging rather than factual accuracy" -> "This is because advertisements frequently prioritize persuasive messaging over factual accuracy"
Explanation: "Frequently prioritize" is more precise and formal than "often emphasize," and "over" is more direct than "rather than."
"complicating consumers’ ability to make informed choices" -> "complicating consumers’ ability to make informed decisions"
Explanation: "Decisions" is more specific and appropriate in this context than "choices," aligning with the formal tone of the essay.
"therefore while advertisements can deliver useful information, they often prioritize manipulating perceptions and boosting sales over genuinely informing or benefiting the consumers" -> "therefore, while advertisements can provide useful information, they frequently prioritize manipulating perceptions and boosting sales over genuinely informing or benefiting consumers"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "therefore" corrects the punctuation, and "frequently" is more precise than "often," enhancing the formality and clarity of the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both aspects of the prompt—whether the rise of advertisements is a positive or negative development. The introduction clearly states a negative viewpoint, and the body paragraphs provide arguments supporting this stance. The first body paragraph discusses the advantages of advertising, while the second highlights its disadvantages, demonstrating a balanced approach to the topic. However, the conclusion could be more explicit in summarizing the arguments presented, which would reinforce the response to the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the conclusion should succinctly restate the main points made in the body paragraphs and clarify why the negative aspects outweigh the positive. This would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the rise of advertisements, articulated effectively in the introduction and reinforced throughout the body. Phrases like "in my view, is an unwelcome development" set a strong tone. However, the transition between discussing the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother to maintain the clarity of the position.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the positive aspects to the negative implications. For example, after discussing the advantages, a phrase like "Despite these benefits, it is crucial to recognize the potential drawbacks…" would help maintain a clear and consistent stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas and supports them with examples, such as the reference to Apple’s marketing strategies. The use of specific examples strengthens the arguments, particularly in illustrating how advertisements can mislead consumers. However, some points could be further developed; for instance, the discussion on misleading advertisements could benefit from additional examples or elaboration on the consequences of such practices.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, include more detailed examples or statistics that illustrate the impact of misleading advertisements on consumer behavior. Additionally, expanding on the implications of these practices would provide a deeper analysis and strengthen the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of advertisements in daily life. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For instance, while the advantages of advertising are acknowledged, the essay could more explicitly relate these advantages back to the overall question of whether the development is positive or negative.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each point made directly ties back to the central question. After presenting an advantage, explicitly state how it contributes to the overall positive or negative assessment of advertising. This will help keep the essay tightly aligned with the prompt throughout.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates a well-supported position. With some refinements in clarity, depth of analysis, and explicit connections to the prompt, it could achieve an even higher level of excellence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both the positive and negative aspects of advertising, and a conclusion. The progression from the advantages of advertisements to their disadvantages is logical and allows the reader to follow the argument easily. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of advertisements to their potential misleading nature is handled well, creating a coherent flow of ideas. However, the introduction could be more directly linked to the body paragraphs to enhance the overall logical progression.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, the writer could explicitly outline the main points in the introduction, indicating that both positive and negative aspects will be discussed. Additionally, using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help signal to the reader what to expect, thereby enhancing the logical flow.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of advertising. The first body paragraph discusses the advantages, while the second addresses the disadvantages. This separation aids readability and comprehension. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer internal organization, as the ideas presented seem somewhat jumbled, particularly towards the end where multiple points are introduced without sufficient elaboration.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph structure, the writer should ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by relevant examples. It would be beneficial to use linking phrases within paragraphs to connect sentences and ideas more cohesively. For instance, breaking down complex sentences and ensuring that each sentence logically follows the previous one would improve clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "however," "besides," and "for example," which help to connect ideas and provide clarity. These devices effectively guide the reader through the argument. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For instance, the repeated use of "advertisements" could be varied with synonyms or pronouns to enhance cohesion and avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a broader range of linking words and phrases, such as "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "furthermore," and "in contrast." Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms for previously mentioned terms can help maintain cohesion without sounding repetitive. Practicing varied sentence structures can also contribute to a more engaging and fluid writing style.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, but there are opportunities for improvement in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, utilizing terms such as "ubiquitous," "compelling," "persuasive messaging," and "idealized manner." These words effectively convey the author’s arguments and enhance the overall quality of the writing. The use of phrases like "competitive commercial market" and "cultivating a brand image" also showcases the writer’s ability to employ topic-specific vocabulary that is relevant to the discussion of advertising.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical range, the author could incorporate more synonyms or varied expressions to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "advertisements," alternatives like "ads," "commercials," or "promotional content" could be employed. Additionally, integrating more complex phrases or idiomatic expressions could elevate the sophistication of the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "advertisement provides substantial advantages" could be more effectively expressed as "advertising offers significant benefits." Furthermore, the term "advertisements deliver information" might be better articulated as "advertisements convey essential information," which emphasizes the role of ads in communication.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on context and connotation when selecting words. Using a thesaurus to find words with similar meanings can help, but it’s crucial to ensure that the chosen words fit the context appropriately. Practicing paraphrasing sentences can also assist in developing a more nuanced understanding of vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with only minor errors present. However, there is a notable mistake in the phrase "products’s features," where the apostrophe is incorrectly placed. This error detracts from the overall professionalism of the writing. Additionally, the word "advertisement" is used correctly, but variations like "advertising" are not consistently applied, which could lead to confusion regarding the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the author should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on common pitfalls such as apostrophe usage and plural forms. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing writing exercises that emphasize spelling can also be beneficial. Furthermore, reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that might be overlooked during silent reading.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 8. By addressing the areas for improvement outlined above, the writer can further enhance their vocabulary usage and precision, contributing to an even higher score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the opening sentence effectively uses a complex structure: "In today’s competitive commercial market, advertising has become a ubiquitous advent emerging via televisions, social media, and public spaces in our daily lives." This showcases the writer’s ability to combine multiple ideas into a single sentence. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way examples are introduced (e.g., "An example of this is by watching TV commercials…"). This could limit the overall impression of grammatical range.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "An example of this is," alternatives like "For instance," "To illustrate," or "A case in point is" could be employed. Additionally, using more passive constructions or conditional sentences could further diversify the grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, in the phrase "the company’s image in the eyes of general purchasers," the use of "general purchasers" could be simplified to "the public" for clarity. Furthermore, the sentence "Since advertisements deliver information to customers regarding products and services" is a fragment and should be connected to the following sentence for completeness. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "and therefore" in the sentence discussing shampoo brands.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on ensuring that all sentences are complete and properly connected. Reviewing sentence fragments and ensuring that each sentence conveys a complete thought is crucial. Additionally, practicing the use of commas in complex sentences can help clarify meaning and improve flow. For example, restructuring the fragment about advertisements to connect it with the following sentence would enhance coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the noted weaknesses will help elevate the overall quality. Focusing on diversifying sentence structures and ensuring grammatical precision will contribute to achieving a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s competitive commercial market, advertising has become a ubiquitous presence emerging via televisions, social media, and public spaces in our daily lives. This, in my view, is an undesirable development.

Admittedly, there are compelling reasons to assert that advertisements offer significant benefits. Since advertisements convey information to customers regarding products and services, an example of this is watching TV commercials featuring various shampoo brands, allowing clients to select the option that best meets their needs. Advertisements not only supply significant data to attract prospective customers but also assist in enhancing the company’s image in the eyes of general purchasers. Apple marketing campaigns, for instance, provide detailed information about their latest products’ features and benefits while also consistently portraying the brand as innovative and high quality. This dual approach helps attract potential buyers and reinforces Apple’s prestigious image among the broader public.

However, the proliferation of numerous advertisements could also pose significant threats to humanity. This is because advertisements frequently prioritize persuasive messaging over factual accuracy, leading to exaggerated claims that can mislead consumers. For example, Apple marketing campaigns may showcase the features of their products in an idealized manner that does not necessarily reflect real-world performance. Furthermore, the focus on cultivating a brand image can obscure the actual quality or value of the products, complicating consumers’ ability to make informed decisions. Therefore, while advertisements can provide useful information, they often prioritize manipulating perceptions and boosting sales over genuinely informing or benefiting consumers.

In conclusion, while there are certainly reasons to be cautious about the appearance of advertisements, I share the optimism of those who find this development disadvantageous.