"An increasing number of people choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why do people have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is positive or negative development?"

In many countries, more and more people opt for plastic surgeries to enhance their appearance. This essay will dive into the causes of this trend and discuss whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Many people opt for having plastic surgeries because they have medical problems or experienced accidents that destroy their facial appearance. A prime example is those with severe wounds from catching fire, cosmetic operation is the only option to bring back their normal look which can significantly boost their confident. These operations actually are a real saver for people facing difficulties adapting to social norm because of their differences in appearance. However, not every plastic surgery patients have a righful purpose like that, many attempt to alter their look simply because they want to try the lattest beauty trend, and fit with the unachievable beauty standard. With the prevelance of picture perfect looking models on social media and magazine, many individuals feel the urge to do some uneccessary touch up on their face or body to get the sastifaction within them and admiration from other people.
While I believe that the development of cosmetic surgery can bring wonder for patients that suffer from real appearance problems, for the vast majority of us, this type of operation actually bring many drawbacks. First and foremost, any alteration on appearance can have detrimental effects on health. Like every opperations, undergoing plastic surgeries is dangerous and have postoperative complications, people might encounter several infections or worse even death. Furthermore, this trend give pressure to many people, especially the young generation that if they change the their nature look to match with the current beauty standard, they will be more successful and have a better life. Which is totally misleading and effect young minds that they just have to try their best on their appearance without actually learning and developing skills, they still have an affluent life. To make the problem worse, as this bussiness so lucrative, clinics and hospitals spent large amount of money on advertising and instill in the public false expectation and believe of a perfect look.
In conclusion, there are several reasons why one have to result to plastic surgeries with the most noticable one being medical reasons along with peer pressure. While this trend have some benefits especially for people that have real appearance disability, the disadvantages are much more profound as it contains many alarming health consequences and give people false idea about achieving unrealistic beauty to have a good life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"opt for plastic surgeries" -> "choose to undergo plastic surgery"
Explanation: "Choose to undergo" is more formal and precise, aligning better with academic style by specifying the action of undergoing surgery rather than the more general "opt for."
"dive into" -> "explore"
Explanation: "Dive into" is informal and colloquial; "explore" is more appropriate for academic writing, suggesting a thorough examination of the topic.
"have medical problems or experienced accidents" -> "suffer from medical conditions or have experienced accidents"
Explanation: "Suffer from medical conditions" is more formal and specific than "have medical problems," which is vague and less precise.
"destroy their facial appearance" -> "severely damage their facial appearance"
Explanation: "Severely damage" is more precise and formal than "destroy," which can imply complete destruction, which might not be the intended meaning.
"cosmetic operation is the only option" -> "cosmetic surgery is the sole option"
Explanation: "Sole" is more formal and precise than "only," and "surgery" is the correct term in this context.
"bring back their normal look" -> "restore their normal appearance"
Explanation: "Restore" is a more formal and precise term than "bring back," which is somewhat colloquial.
"real saver" -> "life-saving"
Explanation: "Life-saving" is a more formal and precise term than "real saver," which is colloquial and vague.
"not every plastic surgery patients" -> "not all plastic surgery patients"
Explanation: "All" is more formal and appropriate in academic writing than "every," which can be seen as less formal.
"lattest beauty trend" -> "latest beauty trend"
Explanation: "Latest" is the correct spelling, and it is more formal than "lattest," which is a typographical error.
"uneccessary touch up" -> "unnecessary cosmetic procedures"
Explanation: "Unnecessary cosmetic procedures" is more specific and formal than "unnecessary touch up," which is vague and informal.
"sastifaction" -> "satisfaction"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error and maintains the formal tone of the text.
"wonder for patients" -> "benefits for patients"
Explanation: "Benefits" is a more precise and formal term than "wonder," which is vague and informal.
"bring many drawbacks" -> "pose numerous drawbacks"
Explanation: "Pose" is more formal and appropriate in this context than "bring," which is less specific.
"Like every opperations" -> "Like all operations"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error and uses "all" for a more formal tone.
"have postoperative complications" -> "experience postoperative complications"
Explanation: "Experience" is more precise and formal than "have" in this context, indicating the occurrence of complications.
"give pressure" -> "impose pressure"
Explanation: "Impose" is more formal and appropriate than "give," which is less precise in this context.
"change the their nature look" -> "alter their natural appearance"
Explanation: "Alter their natural appearance" is more formal and precise than "change the their nature look," which is awkward and informal.
"have an affluent life" -> "lead a prosperous life"
Explanation: "Lead a prosperous life" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "have an affluent life," which is less common and less formal.
"bussiness" -> "business"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error and maintains the formal tone of the text.
"instill in the public false expectation and believe" -> "instill false expectations and beliefs in the public"
Explanation: Corrects grammatical structure and uses "expectations and beliefs" for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt. It discusses the reasons why people choose cosmetic surgery, such as medical needs and societal pressures, and it evaluates whether this trend is positive or negative. The mention of medical issues and societal beauty standards provides a balanced view. However, the analysis could benefit from a more explicit connection between the reasons and the evaluation of whether this trend is positive or negative.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, explicitly link the reasons for cosmetic surgery to the evaluation of its impact. For example, after discussing the reasons, clearly state how each reason contributes to the overall positive or negative assessment. This could involve summarizing the implications of societal pressures more succinctly and directly relating them to the conclusion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that while cosmetic surgery can be beneficial for those with medical issues, it is largely negative due to health risks and societal pressures. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For instance, the transition from discussing benefits to drawbacks could be smoother to maintain clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, use transitional phrases that reinforce the stance taken. For example, after discussing the benefits, explicitly state that despite these benefits, the drawbacks are more significant. This will help the reader follow the argument more easily and understand the writer’s viewpoint.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as medical necessity and societal pressure, and supports them with examples. However, some points could be elaborated further. For instance, the discussion on health risks could include specific examples of complications from cosmetic surgery, which would strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, when discussing health risks, mention specific types of complications or statistics that illustrate the dangers of cosmetic surgery. Additionally, consider using more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of the writing.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on cosmetic surgery and its implications. However, there are moments where the argument could be more focused. For example, the discussion about advertising and false expectations, while relevant, could be more directly tied back to the main argument about the negative impacts of cosmetic surgery.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that every point made directly supports the central argument. When introducing a new idea, such as advertising, briefly explain how it relates to the overall discussion of cosmetic surgery’s impact. This will help keep the essay cohesive and on topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents a balanced view. By refining the connections between ideas, enhancing the depth of examples, and maintaining a clear position, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes and effects, and a conclusion. The initial paragraph effectively sets the stage for the discussion, outlining the two main points to be addressed. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing medical reasons for surgery to societal pressures feels abrupt. The use of phrases like "However" indicates a shift but lacks a more explicit connection to the previous point.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly relate the ideas. For example, after discussing medical reasons, you could introduce societal pressures with a phrase like, "In contrast to these legitimate needs, many individuals are influenced by societal standards." This would create a clearer connection between the two points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. The first body paragraph addresses medical reasons, while the second discusses societal pressures and drawbacks. However, some paragraphs could be better structured. For example, the second body paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be more clearly delineated. The sentence about the dangers of surgery and the subsequent discussion about societal pressure are somewhat jumbled together.
- How to improve: Aim for clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. For instance, start the second body paragraph with a sentence that explicitly states it will discuss the negative implications of cosmetic surgery, followed by separate sentences for health risks and societal pressures. This will help maintain focus and clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "first and foremost," and "in conclusion." These devices help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "which is totally misleading" could be better connected to the previous sentence to clarify what it refers to.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more varied connectors and referencing techniques. For instance, use "Moreover" to add information, "On the other hand" to present contrasting ideas, or "Consequently" to indicate results. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and demonstratives clearly refer back to their antecedents to avoid ambiguity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, addressing these specific areas will enhance clarity and logical flow, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, such as "plastic surgeries," "enhance," "detrimental effects," and "peer pressure." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variety in word choice. For example, the term "plastic surgeries" is used multiple times without synonyms or variations, which could make the writing feel monotonous. Additionally, phrases like "real saver" and "wonder for patients" are somewhat informal and could be expressed with more sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "plastic surgeries," you could use "cosmetic procedures" or "aesthetic surgeries." Incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "reconstructive surgery" or "aesthetic enhancements," would also enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "bring back their normal look" could be more accurately stated as "restore their appearance." The term "lattest beauty trend" contains a spelling error ("latest") and lacks clarity. Additionally, "real saver" is vague and could be misinterpreted.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that conveys your intended meaning more clearly. Instead of "real saver," consider "essential intervention" or "critical solution." Ensure that terms are spelled correctly and used in the right context. Regularly reviewing vocabulary lists and practicing with precise language can help improve this aspect.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "prevelance" (prevalence), "uneccessary" (unnecessary), "sastifaction" (satisfaction), "opperations" (operations), "bussiness" (business), and "noticable" (noticeable). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can hinder comprehension.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a moment to read through it carefully, focusing specifically on spelling. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing writing regularly can help reinforce correct spelling over time.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion. Focusing on vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling accuracy will significantly enhance the clarity and professionalism of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "Many people opt for having plastic surgeries because they have medical problems or experienced accidents that destroy their facial appearance" showcases a complex structure. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures. For instance, the phrase "many people opt for" is used multiple times, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider varying sentence openings and incorporating more complex sentences. For example, instead of starting with "Many people opt for," you could use phrases like "A significant number of individuals choose" or "It is common for individuals to seek." Additionally, integrating more subordinate clauses and participial phrases can add complexity. Practicing sentence combining exercises can also help diversify sentence structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affectclarity. For example, the phrase "cosmetic operation is the only option to bring back their normal look which can significantly boost their confident" lacks a comma before "which," and "confident" should be "confidence." Furthermore, there are instances of subject-verb agreement errors, such as "this type of operation actually bring many drawbacks" where "bring" should be "brings." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas in lists and after introductory phrases, detract from the overall readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that verbs match their subjects in number. Additionally, review the rules for using commas, especially in complex sentences and lists. Practicing grammar exercises focused on common errors can also help reinforce correct usage. Reading essays aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation mistakes, allowing for revisions before final submission.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical precision will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In many countries, an increasing number of people choose to undergo plastic surgery to enhance their appearance. This essay will explore the reasons behind this trend and discuss whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

Many individuals opt for cosmetic surgery because they suffer from medical conditions or have experienced accidents that severely damage their facial appearance. A prime example is those with significant injuries from burns; for them, cosmetic surgery is often the sole option to restore their normal appearance, which can significantly boost their confidence. These operations can be life-saving for people struggling to adapt to social norms due to their differences in appearance. However, not all plastic surgery patients have a rightful purpose like that. Many attempt to alter their look simply because they want to follow the latest beauty trend and conform to unattainable beauty standards. With the prevalence of picture-perfect models on social media and in magazines, many individuals feel pressured to undergo unnecessary cosmetic procedures to achieve satisfaction within themselves and gain admiration from others.

While I believe that the development of cosmetic surgery can bring wonders for patients suffering from genuine appearance issues, for the vast majority of us, this type of operation poses numerous drawbacks. First and foremost, any alteration of appearance can have detrimental effects on health. Like all operations, undergoing plastic surgery is dangerous and can lead to postoperative complications; people might encounter several infections or, in the worst cases, even death. Furthermore, this trend imposes pressure on many individuals, especially the younger generation, suggesting that if they alter their natural appearance to match current beauty standards, they will be more successful and lead a prosperous life. This notion is misleading and affects young minds, making them believe they must prioritize their appearance over developing skills and talents, which can still lead to a fulfilling life. To make matters worse, as this business is highly lucrative, clinics and hospitals spend large amounts of money on advertising, instilling false expectations and beliefs in the public about achieving a perfect look.

In conclusion, there are several reasons why individuals resort to plastic surgery, with the most notable being medical issues and peer pressure. While this trend has some benefits, especially for those with real appearance disabilities, the disadvantages are much more profound, as they encompass alarming health consequences and foster unrealistic beliefs about beauty and success.