Art classes, such as painting and drawing, as important as a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Arts have been believed to be vital to a child's development, thus there is a school of thought claiming that they should be taught as compulsory subjects at high schools. In my opinion, although learning arts is of certain benefits, students should not be forced to study them without fail because of some reasons.
Admittedly, there are propelling reasons to say that art classes are beneficial to a youngsters' development. Chief of these is the enhancement of creativity, which is undoubtedly useful for the learning process. An array of scientific research has proven that the brain's functions, which are responsible for triggering new ideas dealing with empirical situations, will work more actively during the process of creating an art piece. Furthermore, it is clear that art lessons do not frequently aim at academic results, providing students with an optimal atmosphere to release their stress from studying and restore their energy. From that standpoint, learning about arts brings merits to both mental development and the entire learning process of a student.
However, there are stronger rationales to believe that art-related subjects should not be imposed as a mandatory requirement in high school curricula. The key argument here is that most high school students have had self-orientations toward specific professions that they want to pursue in the future. That is to say, dividing their energy and studying timetable for arts is very unreasonable as there are other academic subjects to prioritize. Therefore, arts should be taught as supplementary subjects and only be focused on by those who consider this field as their future career path.
In conclusion, notwithstanding the merits of teaching arts at high schools, I am firmly convinced that they should not become compulsory subjects because there may be some detrimental effects on high school students' learning process.

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Errors and Improvements:

"thus there is a school of thought claiming" -> "thus, there is a consensus asserting"
Explanation: Replacing "school of thought claiming" with "consensus asserting" elevates the language to a more formal level, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"In my opinion, although learning arts is of certain benefits," -> "In my view, while there are certainly benefits to studying the arts,"
Explanation: "In my opinion" is informal for academic writing; "of certain benefits" can be replaced with "beneficial." Using "while" instead of "although" maintains the same meaning while sounding more sophisticated.
"there are propelling reasons" -> "there are compelling reasons"
Explanation: "Propelling" is not commonly used in this context; "compelling" is a more appropriate and formal term to convey strong reasons.
"to a youngsters’ development" -> "to the development of young individuals"
Explanation: "youngsters’" is colloquial; "young individuals" is a more formal and precise term for academic writing.
"Chief of these is the enhancement of creativity," -> "Foremost among these is the enhancement of creativity,"
Explanation: "Chief of these" is slightly informal; "Foremost among these" maintains the same meaning while sounding more academic.
"An array of scientific research" -> "A plethora of scientific research"
Explanation: "Array" is less formal than "plethora," which is a more sophisticated term suitable for academic writing.
"dealing with empirical situations" -> "addressing empirical situations"
Explanation: "dealing with" is somewhat informal; "addressing" is a more precise and formal term.
"Furthermore, it is clear that art lessons do not frequently aim at academic results," -> "Furthermore, it is evident that art lessons often do not prioritize academic outcomes,"
Explanation: "it is clear that" is somewhat informal; "it is evident that" is a more formal phrase. "Frequently" is replaced with "often" for a more precise expression. "Aim at" is replaced with "prioritize" for clarity and formality.
"optimal atmosphere" -> "ideal environment"
Explanation: "optimal atmosphere" is less formal; "ideal environment" is a more appropriate term for academic writing.
"there are stronger rationales to believe" -> "there are stronger arguments to suggest"
Explanation: "Rationales" is less formal than "arguments"; "to believe" is replaced with "to suggest" for clarity and formality.
"most high school students have had self-orientations toward specific professions" -> "most high school students are inclined toward specific professions"
Explanation: "have had self-orientations" is somewhat awkward; "are inclined toward" is a more natural and formal expression.
"dividing their energy and studying timetable for arts" -> "allocating their time and energy to art studies"
Explanation: "dividing their energy and studying timetable" is a bit awkward; "allocating their time and energy to art studies" is more precise and formal.
"as there are other academic subjects to prioritize" -> "given the need to prioritize other academic subjects"
Explanation: "as there are" is replaced with "given the need to" for a more formal expression. "To prioritize" is a clearer and more formal term than "to prioritize."
"supplementary subjects" -> "elective courses"
Explanation: "Supplementary subjects" is less formal than "elective courses," which is a common term in academic contexts.
"there may be some detrimental effects" -> "there might be adverse consequences"
Explanation: "Detrimental effects" is less formal; "adverse consequences" is a more formal and precise term suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument. It acknowledges the importance of art classes in child development while also presenting reasons why they should not be compulsory in high school.
- How to improve: To enhance the comprehensiveness of the response, consider providing more specific examples or elaborating further on how compulsory art classes might impact students’ learning experiences.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, expressing disagreement with the idea of making art classes compulsory in high school.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph consistently reinforces the chosen position and avoids any ambiguity in language or argumentation.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas by discussing the benefits of art classes for creativity and stress relief, as well as the argument against compulsory art education based on students’ career aspirations.
- How to improve: To enhance idea development, consider providing more depth in the exploration of each point, including additional evidence or examples to support the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic by discussing the relevance of art classes in high school education and presenting arguments for and against their compulsory inclusion.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all paragraphs directly contribute to addressing the prompt, avoiding tangential discussions that do not directly relate to the topic of compulsory art education.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents arguments both for and against the compulsory inclusion of art classes in high school curricula, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed examples, reinforcing clarity of position, extending idea development, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic. These enhancements would help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of ideas. It starts with an introduction that introduces the topic and the writer’s opinion, followed by body paragraphs that present arguments both for and against compulsory art classes in high school. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and supports it with reasoning and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and restates the writer’s opinion. However, there could be a stronger sense of progression between paragraphs, with smoother transitions to guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transition words and phrases to link ideas between paragraphs more effectively. For example, phrases like "on the other hand," "furthermore," and "in conclusion" can help signal shifts in argumentation and improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into three distinct paragraphs: introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by relevant examples and explanations. However, the body paragraph could be further divided to separate arguments for and against compulsory art classes, which would improve clarity and organization.
- How to improve: Divide the body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one presenting arguments in favor of compulsory art classes and another presenting arguments against. This would create a more organized and easier-to-follow structure, allowing the reader to distinguish between different lines of reasoning more clearly.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences, including pronouns (e.g., "these," "that," "it"), conjunctions (e.g., "although," "however," "therefore"), and transitional phrases (e.g., "in conclusion," "that is to say," "notwithstanding"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay by signaling relationships between ideas and helping the reader navigate through the argument.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively uses cohesive devices, diversifying the types of devices used could further enhance coherence. Consider incorporating more advanced cohesive devices such as parallelism, repetition, and rhetorical questions to add depth and sophistication to the argumentative structure. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay to maintain coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary. It effectively utilizes a variety of terms such as "propelling reasons," "array of scientific research," "optimal atmosphere," and "self-orientations," enhancing the overall lexical richness. These choices contribute to a nuanced discussion of the topic and demonstrate the writer’s capacity to convey ideas effectively.
- How to improve: While the essay displays a solid range of vocabulary, incorporating more specialized terminology related to education, psychology, or artistic theory could further enrich the discussion. Additionally, utilizing idiomatic expressions or phrasal verbs could enhance the natural flow of language and add depth to the arguments presented.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. For instance, phrases like "enhancement of creativity," "dividing their energy," and "detrimental effects" are clear and accurately capture the writer’s intended message. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "chief of these" could be replaced with "foremost among these," providing a more precise indication of priority.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, consider using synonyms or alternative expressions to convey nuanced meanings. Additionally, paying close attention to word choice in each sentence can help ensure that the vocabulary aligns precisely with the intended message.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally high level of spelling accuracy, with few errors detracting from overall readability. However, there are a couple of instances where minor spelling errors occur, such as "orientations" spelled as "orientations" and "studies" spelled as "studying." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, addressing them would further enhance the professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: Utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading thoroughly before submission can help identify and correct minor spelling errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common spelling patterns and irregularities can contribute to improved spelling accuracy over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and conditional constructions. For instance, the writer effectively employs complex sentences such as "An array of scientific research has proven that the brain’s functions, which are responsible for triggering new ideas dealing with empirical situations, will work more actively during the process of creating an art piece." This sentence structure enhances the sophistication of the essay and contributes to coherence.
- How to improve: To further enhance the richness of the essay, consider integrating more advanced structures such as relative clauses or parallel structures. Utilizing these structures can elevate the complexity and clarity of your arguments, thereby strengthening your overall essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances where minor errors detract from the clarity of the writing. For example, in the sentence "Chief of these is the enhancement of creativity, which is undoubtedly useful for the learning process," the phrase "Chief of these" could be revised to "Chief among these" for greater grammatical precision. Additionally, there are a few punctuation errors, such as missing commas before introductory phrases.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, consider carefully proofreading your essay to catch minor errors in sentence structure and punctuation. Additionally, reviewing grammar rules related to sentence construction and punctuation can help reinforce your understanding and improve accuracy. Finally, seeking feedback from peers or instructors can provide valuable insights for refining your writing skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

Arts have long been considered crucial for a child’s development. Some argue that they should be mandatory in high school. In my view, while there are certainly benefits to studying the arts, there are compelling reasons against making them compulsory.

Foremost among these is the enhancement of creativity. A plethora of scientific research supports this, addressing empirical situations. Furthermore, it is evident that art lessons often do not prioritize academic outcomes, providing an ideal environment for stress relief and energy restoration.

However, there are stronger arguments to suggest that compulsory art classes may not be suitable for all high school students. Most are inclined toward specific professions, allocating their time and energy accordingly. Given the need to prioritize other academic subjects, forcing art as a requirement might have adverse consequences.

In conclusion, while acknowledging the benefits of arts education, making it compulsory may not be the best approach. Elective courses could provide flexibility for those interested in pursuing arts as a career path, without imposing on others’ educational priorities.

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, as important as a child’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?