As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution

Children today increasingly prefer spending their free time indoors, often engrossed in technology, rather than engaging in outdoor activities. This shift can lead to significant health and social challenges. Excessive screen time is linked to visual impairments and rising obesity rates, while a lack of outdoor play hinders the development of crucial social skills. As a result, children may struggle with communication, experience feelings of loneliness, and face a higher risk of depression.

To address these issues, several effective solutions can be implemented. First, parents can limit the amount of time their children spend on screens. For instance, establishing a daily limit of one hour for technology use can encourage kids to explore alternative activities. Additionally, introducing outdoor hobbies—such as football, basketball, or swimming—can promote physical activity and foster social interaction among peers. These activities not only keep children active but also help them build friendships and enhance their communication skills.

In conclusion, the trend of children favoring indoor leisure activities over outdoor play poses significant health and social challenges. Tackling these issues requires practical solutions, such as restricting screen time and encouraging outdoor interests. By fostering a balance between indoor and outdoor activities, parents and caregivers can help ensure that children lead healthier, more socially engaged lives, ultimately contributing to their overall well-being and development.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Children today increasingly prefer" -> "Children are increasingly inclined to prefer"
Explanation: The phrase "are increasingly inclined to prefer" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence by implying a gradual development of preference rather than a simple preference.
"often engrossed in technology" -> "frequently engrossed in technological activities"
Explanation: Replacing "technology" with "technological activities" provides a more specific and contextually accurate term, which is more suitable for an academic discussion about the nature of activities.
"significant health and social challenges" -> "substantial health and social challenges"
Explanation: "Substantial" is a more formal synonym for "significant," which aligns better with academic language by conveying a sense of importance without being overly dramatic.
"Excessive screen time is linked to" -> "Prolonged screen exposure is associated with"
Explanation: "Prolonged screen exposure" is a more precise term than "excessive screen time," and "associated with" is a more formal phrase than "linked to," which is commonly used in academic writing.
"rising obesity rates" -> "increasing obesity prevalence"
Explanation: "Increasing obesity prevalence" is a more precise and formal term, suitable for academic contexts, as it specifically refers to the frequency or rate of occurrence.
"hinders the development of crucial social skills" -> "impedes the development of essential social skills"
Explanation: "Impedes" is a more formal synonym for "hinders," and "essential" is a more academically appropriate term than "crucial" in this context, emphasizing the importance of social skills.
"struggle with communication" -> "experience difficulties in communication"
Explanation: "Experience difficulties in communication" is a more formal and precise way to describe the challenges faced in communication, which is preferred in academic writing.
"feelings of loneliness" -> "a sense of loneliness"
Explanation: "A sense of loneliness" is a more formal expression, which is commonly used in academic texts to describe emotional states.
"face a higher risk of depression" -> "are at a greater risk of depression"
Explanation: "Are at a greater risk of depression" is a more formal and precise way to express the potential consequences, aligning better with academic style.
"effective solutions can be implemented" -> "effective strategies can be employed"
Explanation: "Strategies" is a more specific and formal term than "solutions," and "employed" is a more academic term than "implemented," which enhances the formality of the sentence.
"For instance, establishing a daily limit of one hour for technology use" -> "For example, setting a daily limit of one hour for technology use"
Explanation: "Setting" is a more formal verb than "establishing," and "example" is preferred over "instance" in academic writing to introduce illustrative examples.
"keep children active" -> "maintain children’s physical activity"
Explanation: "Maintain children’s physical activity" is more specific and formal, emphasizing the ongoing nature of the activity and its physical aspect.
"help them build friendships" -> "assist in fostering friendships"
Explanation: "Assist in fostering" is a more formal expression than "help build," which is more commonly used in academic writing to describe the process of developing relationships.
"enhance their communication skills" -> "improve their communication skills"
Explanation: "Improve" is a more precise and formal term than "enhance" in this context, indicating a direct and measurable impact on communication skills.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by identifying problems associated with children spending more time indoors, such as health issues (visual impairments and obesity) and social challenges (communication difficulties and loneliness). However, it does not fully explore the breadth of problems that could arise from this shift, such as the impact on physical fitness, mental health, and long-term lifestyle habits. Additionally, while the essay suggests solutions, it could benefit from more depth and variety in the proposed solutions.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay should include a wider range of problems caused by reduced outdoor activity. It could also expand on the solutions by providing more than one suggestion or discussing how these solutions could be implemented in different contexts (e.g., schools, communities).
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the negative effects of indoor leisure activities on children and supports this with relevant examples. However, the position could be more explicitly stated in the introduction and reinforced throughout the essay. The conclusion reiterates the main points but lacks a strong, definitive statement about the importance of addressing these issues.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the introduction should explicitly state the thesis, outlining the problems and solutions. Reiterating this thesis in the conclusion with a strong statement about the necessity of action could enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding health and social challenges effectively, but the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while it mentions obesity and social skills, it does not delve into how these issues manifest in daily life or their long-term consequences. The solutions offered are practical but could be better supported with examples or evidence of their effectiveness.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the essay should include more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, discussing specific studies or statistics related to screen time and health could strengthen the argument. Additionally, elaborating on how proposed solutions have worked in other contexts could provide more credibility.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the issues of indoor leisure time and its consequences. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, while the essay mentions social skills, it could further explore how outdoor activities specifically contribute to these skills.
- How to improve: To maintain focusand relevance, the essay should ensure that each point directly ties back to the prompt. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each problem and solution to the overarching theme of outdoor leisure time and its importance for children’s development.

In summary, while the essay identifies relevant issues and proposes solutions, it falls short in depth and breadth, leading to a Band Score of 5. To improve, the writer should expand on the problems and solutions, maintain a clearer position, provide more detailed support for ideas, and ensure that all content remains tightly focused on the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical progression of ideas. It begins with an introduction that outlines the issue of children preferring indoor activities, followed by a discussion of the problems associated with this trend. The problems are clearly articulated, including health and social challenges, which are supported by specific examples. The essay then transitions smoothly into potential solutions, maintaining a coherent structure throughout. For instance, the shift from discussing problems to solutions is well-executed, allowing the reader to follow the argument easily.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow further, the essay could benefit from more explicit linking phrases between sections. For example, using phrases like "In addition to these health issues," before introducing the social challenges could strengthen the connection between the two types of problems. Additionally, a more detailed explanation of how each proposed solution directly addresses the identified problems could improve clarity.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. The first paragraph discusses the problems, while the second presents solutions, and the conclusion summarizes the main points. This clear paragraphing aids readability and helps the reader follow the argument without confusion.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the essay could benefit from a more distinct separation of the problems and solutions. Consider adding a transitional paragraph or sentence that explicitly states the shift from discussing problems to solutions. This could help reinforce the structure and guide the reader more clearly through the essay’s progression.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of cohesive devices, such as "first," "for instance," and "additionally," which help to connect ideas and maintain flow. The use of these devices contributes to the overall coherence of the essay, allowing the reader to understand the relationships between different points. The repetition of key terms, like "outdoor activities," also aids in cohesion.
- How to improve: To further diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, using alternatives to "first" such as "initially" or "to begin with," and varying the transitions between ideas can enhance the essay’s cohesiveness. Additionally, employing more complex cohesive devices, such as "consequently" or "as a result," could help to illustrate cause-and-effect relationships more explicitly.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas and using cohesive devices to guide the reader. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can enhance the clarity and fluidity of their argument even further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "engrossed," "significant health and social challenges," and "foster social interaction." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "outdoor activities" and "indoor leisure activities." This limits the overall lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "outdoor activities," you could use "outdoor pursuits," "recreational activities," or "physical play." Additionally, introducing more varied adjectives and adverbs could enrich the descriptions, such as using "vibrant" or "active" to describe outdoor play.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "excessive screen time is linked to visual impairments" could be more accurately expressed as "prolonged screen exposure can lead to visual impairments," which clarifies the causal relationship. Additionally, "feelings of loneliness" could be more effectively articulated as "social isolation."
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that vocabulary accurately conveys the intended meaning. When discussing health issues, use precise terms that reflect the severity or nature of the problem. For instance, instead of "rising obesity rates," consider "increasing prevalence of childhood obesity," which is more specific and impactful.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words like "technology," "communication," and "obesity" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, regular practice with spelling exercises can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch any potential errors. Utilizing tools like spell checkers can also provide an extra layer of assurance regarding spelling correctness.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. Expanding the range of vocabulary, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy will contribute to a higher score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "Excessive screen time is linked to visual impairments and rising obesity rates, while a lack of outdoor play hinders the development of crucial social skills" effectively conveys multiple ideas in a single sentence. Additionally, the essay incorporates a mix of simple and compound sentences, which helps maintain reader engagement. However, there are opportunities to further diversify the sentence structures, particularly in the use of conditional clauses and participial phrases.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex forms such as conditional sentences (e.g., "If children spend more time outdoors, they are likely to develop better social skills") or using participial phrases (e.g., "Encouraged by their parents, children may find joy in outdoor activities"). This will not only enrich the essay’s grammatical range but also provide a more nuanced expression of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors that do not impede understanding. For instance, the phrase "can lead to significant health and social challenges" is grammatically correct and effectively communicates the potential consequences of indoor leisure activities. Punctuation is also used effectively, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses and enhance readability. However, there are instances where the sentence flow could be improved, particularly in longer sentences where clarity may be compromised.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation, focus on maintaining clarity in longer sentences. For example, breaking down complex sentences into shorter, clearer ones can help avoid potential confusion. Additionally, reviewing the use of commas in compound sentences can ensure that they enhance rather than hinder comprehension. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on complex sentence structures, can also help solidify understanding and application of grammatical rules.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve an even higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, further enhancing its overall effectiveness.

Bài sửa mẫu

Children today are increasingly inclined to spend their leisure time indoors, frequently engrossed in technological activities, rather than engaging in outdoor pursuits. This shift can lead to substantial health and social challenges. Prolonged screen exposure is associated with visual impairments and the increasing obesity prevalence, while a lack of outdoor play impedes the development of essential social skills. As a result, children may experience difficulties in communication, a sense of loneliness, and are at a greater risk of depression.

To address these issues, several effective strategies can be employed. First, parents can limit the amount of time their children spend on screens. For example, setting a daily limit of one hour for technology use can encourage kids to explore alternative activities. Additionally, introducing outdoor hobbies—such as football, basketball, or swimming—can help maintain children’s physical activity and assist in fostering friendships among peers. These activities not only keep children active but also improve their communication skills.