fbpx

As countries progress, there is a trend towards living alone or in smaller family units. What might be the causes of this trend and its effects on society?

As countries progress, there is a trend towards living alone or in smaller family units. What might be the causes of this trend and its effects on society?

Changes in the structure of families in its community is a topic of interest in this modern world. As the country evolves, there is an increasing phenomenon of people moving out and living independently or the preference towards nuclear families. This essay will outline a couple of reasons why it is happening before presenting its impacts on the societal level.

The primary reason of this trend may be resulted from one’s complete devotion to their professional life. Since people today usually work around the clock to make ends meet or to obtain some achievements at the workplace, they tend to invest most of their time working. They may hold a belief that if they live with their families under the same roof, they will have to spend some time with their families after work taking care of the household chores or engaging intimate conversations, leaving them incomplete time for their work. Therefore, these will want to move out and live by themselves so that they can have more time dealing with their work and are not disturbed by anyone else. Besides, in some nations, adults living with their small family can be already deemed as an accomplishment. Because this means that they can provide for their family and be financially independent.

In my opinion, this trend towards independent living and nuclear families can have both positive and negative influence on the society. Granted, the society consists of families; therefore, smaller family units can be synonymous with simpler societal structures, helping the government to control much easier. However, the consequence of this phenomenon should not be undermined. Since people live alone, they will further the distance between them and other family members. This can fuel conflicts and misunderstanding, resulting worse relationships among them. Consequently, this will have an adverse bearing on the society as a whole due to the rise in dysfunctional family.

In conclusion, devotion to work and cultural norms are the main underlying causes of this trend. Its impact on the society can be beneficial but also detrimental, to some extent.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Changes in the structure of families in its community is a topic of interest in this modern world." -> "Transformations in the family structure within the community are a subject of interest in the contemporary world."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses more precise and formal language to convey the idea of changes in family structure, avoiding the use of "its community" and employing a more sophisticated phrase, "Transformations in the family structure."

  2. "As the country evolves, there is an increasing phenomenon of people moving out and living independently or the preference towards nuclear families." -> "With the evolution of the nation, there is a growing trend of individuals relocating and opting for independent living or expressing a preference for nuclear families."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality by replacing "phenomenon" with "trend" and rephrasing the sentence for clarity and precision.

  3. "This essay will outline a couple of reasons why it is happening before presenting its impacts on the societal level." -> "This essay will delineate a few reasons for this phenomenon before elucidating its societal impacts."
    Explanation: The term "outline" is substituted with "delineate" for a more academic tone, and the phrase "why it is happening" is replaced with "for this phenomenon" for clarity.

  4. "The primary reason of this trend may be resulted from one’s complete devotion to their professional life." -> "The primary reason for this trend may result from individuals’ complete dedication to their professional lives."
    Explanation: The improved version corrects the grammatical error by changing "may be resulted from" to "may result from" and enhances clarity and conciseness.

  5. "Since people today usually work around the clock to make ends meet or to obtain some achievements at the workplace, they tend to invest most of their time working." -> "Given that individuals nowadays often work tirelessly to meet their financial needs or attain professional accomplishments, they devote a significant portion of their time to their work."
    Explanation: The revised sentence employs more formal language, eliminates redundancy, and provides a clearer expression of the idea.

  6. "They may hold a belief that if they live with their families under the same roof, they will have to spend some time with their families after work taking care of the household chores or engaging intimate conversations, leaving them incomplete time for their work." -> "They may believe that residing with their families under the same roof would necessitate spending time on household chores or engaging in intimate conversations after work, thereby reducing the time available for their professional commitments."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality, eliminate redundancy, and provide a more precise expression of the thought.

  7. "Therefore, these will want to move out and live by themselves so that they can have more time dealing with their work and are not disturbed by anyone else." -> "Therefore, individuals may choose to move out and live independently to allocate more time to their work without external disturbances."
    Explanation: The revised sentence improves clarity, eliminates the informal "these will want," and uses more precise language.

  8. "Besides, in some nations, adults living with their small family can be already deemed as an accomplishment." -> "Moreover, in certain societies, adults residing with their nuclear families may already be considered an achievement."
    Explanation: The improved version enhances formality, replaces "small family" with "nuclear family" for precision, and adjusts the wording for clarity.

  9. "In my opinion, this trend towards independent living and nuclear families can have both positive and negative influence on the society." -> "From my perspective, this trend toward independent living and nuclear families can exert both positive and negative influences on society."
    Explanation: The phrase "In my opinion" is replaced with "From my perspective" for formality, and the word "influence" is changed to "influences" for grammatical correctness.

  10. "Granted, the society consists of families; therefore, smaller family units can be synonymous with simpler societal structures, helping the government to control much easier." -> "Granted, society comprises families; thus, smaller family units can be synonymous with simpler societal structures, facilitating government control."
    Explanation: The revised sentence improves formality, replaces "the society" with "society," and enhances the clarity and flow of the statement.

  11. "However, the consequence of this phenomenon should not be undermined." -> "Nevertheless, the consequences of this phenomenon should not be underestimated."
    Explanation: The suggested change replaces "undermined" with "underestimated" for a more accurate expression of the idea and enhances formality.

  12. "Since people live alone, they will further the distance between them and other family members." -> "Living alone, individuals may widen the gap between themselves and other family members."
    Explanation: The revised sentence improves clarity, eliminates redundancy, and uses a more concise expression.

  13. "This can fuel conflicts and misunderstanding, resulting worse relationships among them." -> "This can fuel conflicts and misunderstandings, leading to deteriorating relationships among them."
    Explanation: The suggested change improves grammatical accuracy and provides a more precise expression of the idea.

  14. "Consequently, this will have an adverse bearing on the society as a whole due to the rise in dysfunctional family." -> "Consequently, this will adversely impact society as a whole due to the increase in dysfunctional families."
    Explanation: The improved version enhances formality, corrects the article use in "dysfunctional family" to "dysfunctional families" for grammatical accuracy, and provides a more precise expression of the idea.

  15. "In conclusion, devotion to work and cultural norms are the main underlying causes of this trend." -> "In conclusion, dedication to work and cultural norms constitute the primary underlying factors contributing to this trend."
    Explanation: The revised sentence replaces "devotion" with "dedication" for a more precise and formal term, and it adjusts the wording for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does address all parts of the question. It identifies the causes and effects of the trend towards living alone or in smaller family units. The reasons provided include the dedication to professional life and cultural norms, and the impacts are discussed, ranging from simpler societal structures to potential conflicts within families.
    • How to improve: While the essay covers the elements, it could benefit from a more in-depth exploration of the effects on society. Providing more specific examples or detailing the societal implications of smaller family units would strengthen the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a reasonably clear position throughout. The writer acknowledges both positive and negative impacts of the trend, concluding that it has both beneficial and detrimental effects.
    • How to improve: The position could be strengthened by clearly indicating a personal stance. While the essay leans towards a balanced view, explicitly stating the writer’s perspective in the introduction or conclusion would enhance clarity.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately and supports them with examples. It discusses the causes and effects in a logical manner. However, some ideas could be extended further for a more comprehensive analysis.
    • How to improve: Elaborating on the cultural norms or providing more diverse examples could enhance the depth of the essay. Offering counterarguments or addressing potential counterpoints would also strengthen the overall argumentation.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the causes and effects of the trend towards living alone or in smaller family units. However, there are moments where the connection between ideas is not entirely clear.
    • How to improve: Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Clarify how each point relates to the overarching theme. This will enhance the coherence of the essay and make it more focused on the prompt.

Overall, the essay provides a solid response, but there is room for improvement in terms of depth, clarity, and coherence. Strengthening the position, expanding on ideas, and refining the organization would contribute to a more robust and comprehensive essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction that outlines the essay’s main points – the causes and effects of the trend towards living alone or in smaller family units. The body paragraphs follow a logical sequence, addressing causes first and then moving on to effects. However, there is room for improvement in the clarity of ideas within paragraphs, as some sentences are complex and may require the reader to backtrack for a complete understanding.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones, ensuring that each sentence contributes to a clear and cohesive development of ideas. Additionally, use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay’s progression more smoothly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into three paragraphs – introduction, causes, and effects. However, the body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences, making it slightly challenging for the reader to discern the main idea of each paragraph at first glance. The paragraphs are of appropriate length, but improved structuring would enhance the essay’s overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Introduce each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main point. This aids in signaling the focus of the paragraph to the reader. Additionally, consider refining the organization within paragraphs for a more seamless flow of ideas.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "therefore" and "consequently," to connect ideas. However, the variety and frequency of these devices could be increased to strengthen the coherence of the essay. Additionally, the use of pronouns could be more precise to avoid confusion.
    • How to improve: Incorporate a broader range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "Moreover") and pronouns, to establish clearer connections between sentences and ideas. Ensure that pronoun references are unambiguous to prevent any potential confusion for the reader. This will contribute to a more cohesive and comprehensible essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary, with some variety in word choice. For instance, it employs terms such as "phenomenon," "accomplishment," "independent living," and "dysfunctional family." However, there is room for improvement, as certain phrases and concepts are repeated, like the frequent use of "work" and "family."
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, consider incorporating more varied synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of consistently using "work," you could use alternatives such as "professional commitments" or "occupational responsibilities." Similarly, diversify terms related to family, such as "household" or "kin."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally precise use of vocabulary. However, there are instances where a more nuanced choice of words could enhance precision. For example, the phrase "fuel conflicts and misunderstanding" could be refined for greater specificity.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, focus on selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. In this case, you might replace "fuel conflicts and misunderstanding" with "exacerbate interpersonal tensions and miscommunication," offering a more detailed description of the negative consequences.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling accuracy is generally acceptable; however, there are a few notable errors, such as "its" instead of "it’s" and "undermined" instead of "underestimated."
    • How to improve: Proofreading is crucial to catch such errors. Additionally, consider utilizing spelling and grammar tools to minimize mistakes. Developing a habit of reviewing written work systematically can contribute to improved spelling accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in expanding vocabulary range and refining precision. Attention to spelling accuracy, coupled with a focus on varied expressions, will contribute to an overall enhancement of the essay’s lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, contributing to coherence. However, the complexity could be enhanced by incorporating more compound and complex sentences. For instance, the essay often relies on simple sentence structures, such as "Changes in the structure of families in its community is a topic of interest in this modern world," which could be enriched for a higher band score.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating compound and complex sentences. For instance, instead of relying predominantly on simple sentences, experiment with using compound sentences (combining two independent clauses with a coordinating conjunction) and complex sentences (utilizing subordinate clauses).
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect the overall coherence. For example, the phrase "Changes in the structure of families in its community" is grammatically awkward, and there are issues with subject-verb agreement throughout the essay. Punctuation is generally correct, but there is room for improvement in terms of the accurate use of commas and sentence structures.
    • How to improve: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that the subjects and verbs agree in number and tense. Additionally, revise awkward phrasing for better clarity. Further, refine the use of commas for improved punctuation accuracy. Consider reviewing specific examples in the essay to address these issues, such as restructuring sentences for better clarity and revising phrases that might lead to confusion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical nuances. Focus on incorporating a more varied sentence structure, ensuring subject-verb agreement, and fine-tuning punctuation for enhanced clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

Transformations in the family structure within the community are a subject of interest in the contemporary world. With the evolution of the nation, there is a growing trend of individuals relocating and opting for independent living or expressing a preference for nuclear families. This essay will delineate a few reasons for this phenomenon before elucidating its societal impacts.

The primary reason for this trend may result from individuals’ complete dedication to their professional lives. Given that individuals nowadays often work tirelessly to meet their financial needs or attain professional accomplishments, they devote a significant portion of their time to their work. They may believe that residing with their families under the same roof would necessitate spending time on household chores or engaging in intimate conversations after work, thereby reducing the time available for their professional commitments. Therefore, individuals may choose to move out and live independently to allocate more time to their work without external disturbances.

Moreover, in certain societies, adults residing with their nuclear families may already be considered an achievement. From my perspective, this trend toward independent living and nuclear families can exert both positive and negative influences on society. Granted, society comprises families; thus, smaller family units can be synonymous with simpler societal structures, facilitating government control. Nevertheless, the consequences of this phenomenon should not be underestimated.

Living alone, individuals may widen the gap between themselves and other family members. This can fuel conflicts and misunderstandings, leading to deteriorating relationships among them. Consequently, this will adversely impact society as a whole due to the increase in dysfunctional families.

In conclusion, dedication to work and cultural norms constitute the primary underlying factors contributing to this trend.

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT