As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an
important element of individual wellbeing.
What factors contribute to job satisfaction?
How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

In our contemporary society, adults spend a large proportion of their lives working to make a living and support their families. Since their full-time jobs are such big parts of their lives, their work environment has to be comfortable so as not to risk compromising their mental and physical health. As such, job satisfaction plays a major role in maintaining a person’s motivation and willingness to work.

There are a few ways that workers that can be satisfied with their jobs. Firstly, an individual can only become content with their occupation if it is something they have a passion for or if it is their dream job. For example, a person who wants to work in graphic design but is forced to be an office worker would never feel truly happy when it comes to work. Secondly, people need to feel validated by their peers or superiors, they need to be able to perceive that their efforts are appreciated and valued, as a result, positive feedback is imperative. Employees can also become fulfilled if they know that the work they do is beneficial to society or their company. Finally, contentedness can be achieved when individuals feel that they are not alone. Being surrounded by colleagues and others who support them will provide them with a sense of belonging, increasing their work efficacy alongside their spirit.

Despite how imperative it is for a worker to enjoy their occupation, it isn’t always possible. The necessity of a well-paying job to get by in the current economic state usually means that people have little choice in the kind of work they can get. Oftentimes, employees are working in jobs that suit neither their expertise or personality. Those who have no choice but to pick a line of work that is repetitive and mind-numbing may develop a sense of resentment instead of contentedness.

In conclusion, while the probability of all workers feeling happy with their work is miniscule, I believe that it is not unrealistic to encourage job satisfaction. If the factors that I have stated above are recognized and get implemented in the workplace, it is highly likely that even the most unwilling employee will feel some sense of pleasure.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "big parts of their lives" -> "significant aspects of their lives"
   Explanation: Replacing "big parts of their lives" with "significant aspects of their lives" enhances the formality of the sentence by using more precise and academic language.

2. "so as not to risk compromising" -> "to avoid compromising"
   Explanation: Changing "so as not to risk compromising" to "to avoid compromising" maintains clarity while eliminating unnecessary words and adopting a more direct expression.

3. "For example, a person who wants to work in graphic design but is forced to be an office worker" -> "For instance, an individual aspiring to pursue a career in graphic design may experience dissatisfaction if compelled to work in an office."
   Explanation: The suggested revision provides a more detailed and formal description, avoiding the informal tone of "forced" and offering a clearer explanation of the scenario.

4. "content with their jobs" -> "satisfied with their occupations"
   Explanation: Substituting "content with their jobs" with "satisfied with their occupations" aligns with a more formal vocabulary choice, maintaining a consistent level of formality throughout the essay.

5. "validated by their peers or superiors" -> "validated by colleagues or superiors"
   Explanation: Changing "validated by their peers or superiors" to "validated by colleagues or superiors" maintains the formality of language while specifying the group that provides validation.

6. "positive feedback is imperative" -> "positive feedback is crucial"
   Explanation: Replacing "imperative" with "crucial" maintains the importance of positive feedback while using a more formal and precise term.

7. "contentedness can be achieved" -> "satisfaction can be attained"
   Explanation: Substituting "contentedness can be achieved" with "satisfaction can be attained" employs a more formal term, contributing to the academic tone of the essay.

8. "increasing their work efficacy alongside their spirit" -> "enhancing both their work efficiency and morale"
   Explanation: The suggested revision provides a more formal and precise expression, avoiding the informal "alongside" and offering a clearer description of the positive effects.

9. "the necessity of a well-paying job" -> "the necessity of a job with a competitive salary"
   Explanation: Replacing "a well-paying job" with "a job with a competitive salary" adds specificity and formality to the sentence, aligning with academic style.

10. "current economic state" -> "contemporary economic climate"
    Explanation: Substituting "current economic state" with "contemporary economic climate" enhances formality and precision in describing the economic conditions.

11. "Oftentimes, employees are working" -> "Often, employees find themselves working"
    Explanation: Changing "Oftentimes, employees are working" to "Often, employees find themselves working" improves the structure and formality of the sentence, avoiding the informal use of "Oftentimes" at the beginning.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It discusses the factors contributing to job satisfaction, such as passion, recognition, the sense of contribution, and social support. Additionally, it acknowledges the challenges of achieving job satisfaction for all workers, considering economic constraints and mismatch between expertise and available jobs.

  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider providing more specific examples or elaborating further on certain points. For instance, elaborate on how economic constraints impact job choices or provide real-world examples of individuals facing challenges in achieving job satisfaction due to external factors.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position on the importance of job satisfaction and acknowledges the challenges associated with achieving it for all workers. The stance is evident throughout the essay, contributing to a coherent and well-structured response.

  • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the stance in the introduction and conclusion. This can help readers quickly understand the writer’s viewpoint.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas related to job satisfaction. It provides specific examples, such as the importance of pursuing one’s passion, the need for recognition, and the impact of a supportive work environment.

  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider adding more depth to the discussion of each factor contributing to job satisfaction. Provide additional examples or anecdotes to illustrate the points and make the essay more engaging.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing factors contributing to job satisfaction and addressing the realistic expectations of all workers. However, there is a slight deviation when discussing economic constraints, but it is relevant to the overall argument.

  • How to improve: To maintain a stronger focus, ensure that every point directly contributes to the central argument. When discussing potential challenges, tie them back explicitly to the overarching theme of job satisfaction.

Overall Comments:

The essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic, addressing the prompt comprehensively and providing thoughtful insights. To further improve, consider incorporating more specific examples, explicitly stating the essay’s stance in the introduction and conclusion, adding depth to the discussion of each factor, and ensuring every point directly contributes to the central argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction sets the stage by addressing the importance of job satisfaction. The body paragraphs discuss ways individuals can find job satisfaction and present the challenges that may hinder it. The conclusion provides a succinct summary and reiterates the importance of recognizing key factors for job satisfaction.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph seamlessly connects to the next, providing a smooth progression of ideas. For instance, the transition from discussing factors for job satisfaction to challenges could be more explicit.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to present distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect, such as factors contributing to job satisfaction or the challenges faced by workers. This approach aids in clarity and organization.
  • How to improve: While the use of paragraphs is generally effective, be mindful of paragraph length. The second paragraph, addressing ways individuals find job satisfaction, is notably lengthy. Consider breaking it down into smaller paragraphs to enhance readability and maintain reader engagement.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, including pronouns ("their," "they"), transition words ("firstly," "secondly," "finally"), and conjunctions ("despite"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay, guiding the reader through different ideas and maintaining a logical progression.
  • How to improve: While cohesive devices are used, there is room to diversify and enrich them further. Introduce a variety of synonyms for key terms, and experiment with a broader range of transition words to add nuance to the essay. For example, in addition to "firstly" and "secondly," explore alternatives like "initially" and "subsequently" for greater lexical diversity.

By refining transitions, optimizing paragraph length, and experimenting with a wider range of cohesive devices, the essay’s coherence and cohesion can be further enhanced, potentially elevating the band score. Overall, this essay demonstrates a solid foundation in organizational skills but could benefit from fine-tuning for even greater effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary. It incorporates words such as "contemporary society," "fulfilled," "efficacy," and "miniscule." However, there is room for improvement, as some ideas are expressed using common phrases or repetitive words, which slightly limits the diversity of vocabulary. For instance, the repeated use of "occupation" could be varied, and the phrase "contented with their jobs" could be rephrased for added richness.
  • How to improve: To enhance the vocabulary range, consider incorporating more synonyms and exploring alternative ways to express ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly using "occupation," try synonyms like "profession" or "vocation." Additionally, employ a thesaurus to find nuanced alternatives for common words, aiming for more variety in expression.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where the language could be more precise. For example, the phrase "jobs that suit neither their expertise or personality" could benefit from specifying how the jobs don’t align with their skills or character, providing a clearer picture to the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, strive to provide more detailed and specific descriptions. Instead of using broad terms like "expertise or personality," delve into specifics. For example, specify if the job requires technical skills that the individual lacks or if it involves a work environment that clashes with their personality traits.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no major issues observed. However, there are a few minor errors, such as "miniscule," which should be spelled as "minuscule." While these errors do not significantly detract from comprehension, they should be addressed for improved overall professionalism.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider using spell-check tools and proofreading your work more carefully. Additionally, make a habit of reviewing common words with potential spelling variations to ensure correctness. In the case of "minuscule," pay attention to details like prefixes, which can impact spelling.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonably varied range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, a significant portion of the essay relies on simple sentence structures, which impacts the overall variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the essay’s grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures. For instance, try combining related ideas using subordination or coordination. Additionally, experimenting with rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion can add sophistication to the expression.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the grammar and punctuation are used accurately. However, there are a few instances where subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency could be improved. For example, in the sentence "There are a few ways that workers that can be satisfied with their jobs," the word "that" is repeated unnecessarily.
  • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay. In this case, revising the sentence to "There are a few ways that workers can be satisfied with their jobs" would eliminate the redundancy and improve clarity. Additionally, consider using a variety of punctuation marks to add nuance to sentence structures.

In summary, while the essay effectively employs a mix of sentence structures and maintains a generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical details. Strengthening these aspects will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In our contemporary society, adults devote a significant portion of their lives to employment, aiming to sustain themselves and their families. Given the substantial time spent at work, it becomes crucial for the work environment to promote well-being and avoid compromising mental and physical health. Consequently, job satisfaction emerges as a pivotal element in sustaining an individual’s motivation and willingness to work.

Various factors contribute to achieving job satisfaction. Firstly, individuals tend to find contentment in their occupations when they pursue a passion or engage in their dream job. For instance, someone with a desire for a career in graphic design may experience dissatisfaction if compelled to work in an office setting. Secondly, the acknowledgment and validation of one’s efforts by colleagues or superiors play a pivotal role. Positive feedback becomes imperative for individuals to feel that their contributions are appreciated and valued. Additionally, job satisfaction can stem from the awareness that one’s work is beneficial to society or their company. Lastly, a sense of belonging, fostered by supportive colleagues, enhances both work efficiency and morale, contributing to overall contentment.

Despite the significance of enjoying one’s occupation, achieving job satisfaction isn’t always feasible. The contemporary economic climate often necessitates individuals to prioritize jobs with competitive salaries over those aligned with their expertise or preferences. Consequently, many find themselves in roles that neither match their skills nor resonate with their personalities. Individuals compelled to undertake repetitive and mind-numbing work may develop resentment rather than contentment.

In conclusion, while the likelihood of universal job satisfaction is minimal, encouraging contentment among workers is not unrealistic. Recognition and implementation of the mentioned factors in the workplace can significantly contribute to job satisfaction, even for those initially unwilling.