As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?

The primary purpose of any company is to generate profits, while there is an argument that businesses also make social contributions rather than money alone. I completely agree with the former one.

In the competitive world, businesses must make money in order to survive. Nowadays, most enterprises are profit-oriented organizations. Furthermore, every form of enterprise needs money to cover a plethora of expenses, such as remuneration, legal costs, office space,… If businesses fail to incur basic expenditures, they will be unable to fulfill their basic obligations and be faced with the worst-case scenario of bankruptcy.

On the other hand, in recent years, corporate social responsibility has been considered as a branding activity to raise awareness and build a positive image for companies. In the long run, people tend to buy products from brands which contribute to sustainable responsibilities. However, this sentiment is implausible to a certain extent. Some enterprises assume that marketing campaigns may work rather than corporate social responsibility campaigns due to the difficulty in measuring the efforts and impacts. Without proper management, charitable campaigns run by companies might be a waste of money and effort.

In conclusion, while businesses have a responsibility to engage in socially responsible practices, their primary function is to generate profits. Profitability is essential for a company's survival and allows it to contribute to society in a meaningful way.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"I completely agree with the former one." -> "I fully concur with the latter perspective."
Explanation: Replacing "the former one" with "the latter perspective" clarifies the reference and enhances the formality of the statement. "Concur" is also more formal than "agree."
"In the competitive world" -> "In the competitive business environment"
Explanation: "Business environment" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "world," which is too broad and vague for this context.
"must make money" -> "must generate profits"
Explanation: "Generate profits" is a more precise and formal term than "make money," which is somewhat colloquial.
"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing than "nowadays," which can sound informal.
"every form of enterprise needs money" -> "all types of enterprises require financial resources"
Explanation: "Require financial resources" is more precise and formal than "needs money," which is somewhat simplistic and informal.
"a plethora of expenses" -> "a multitude of expenses"
Explanation: "A multitude of expenses" is a more formal expression than "a plethora of expenses," which can be seen as slightly informal.
"If businesses fail to incur basic expenditures" -> "If businesses are unable to cover basic expenditures"
Explanation: "Are unable to cover" is more precise and formal than "fail to incur," which is less commonly used in formal writing.
"the worst-case scenario of bankruptcy" -> "the worst-case scenario of financial insolvency"
Explanation: "Financial insolvency" is a more specific and formal term than "bankruptcy," which is somewhat colloquial.
"corporate social responsibility has been considered as a branding activity" -> "corporate social responsibility is viewed as a branding strategy"
Explanation: "Is viewed as a branding strategy" is more formal and precise than "has been considered as a branding activity," which is awkwardly phrased.
"people tend to buy products from brands which contribute to sustainable responsibilities" -> "consumers often prefer to purchase products from brands that support sustainable initiatives"
Explanation: "Consumers often prefer to purchase products from brands that support sustainable initiatives" is more specific and formal, improving clarity and appropriateness for academic writing.
"implausible to a certain extent" -> "questionable"
Explanation: "Questionable" is a more concise and academically appropriate term than "implausible to a certain extent," which is verbose and less formal.
"Some enterprises assume that marketing campaigns may work rather than corporate social responsibility campaigns" -> "Some companies believe that marketing campaigns may be more effective than corporate social responsibility initiatives"
Explanation: "Believe that marketing campaigns may be more effective than corporate social responsibility initiatives" is more precise and formal, avoiding the casual tone of "may work."
"Without proper management, charitable campaigns run by companies might be a waste of money and effort" -> "Without proper management, charitable initiatives undertaken by companies may be inefficient"
Explanation: "Inefficient" is a more formal and precise term than "a waste of money and effort," which is colloquial and vague.
"allows it to contribute to society in a meaningful way" -> "enables it to make meaningful contributions to society"
Explanation: "Enables it to make meaningful contributions to society" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating a clear position that businesses primarily exist to generate profits. However, it doesnot fully engage with the opposing viewpoint regarding social responsibilities. The argument presented is somewhat one-sided, as it fails to explore the potential benefits of social responsibilities in depth. For instance, while it mentions that corporate social responsibility (CSR) is a branding activity, it does not adequately discuss how CSR can also lead to long-term profitability or societal benefits.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider acknowledging the opposing viewpoint more thoroughly. This could involve discussing specific examples of businesses that successfully integrate social responsibilities into their profit-making strategies. Additionally, addressing how social responsibility can coexist with profitability would provide a more balanced perspective.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that prioritizes profit generation over social responsibility. However, the phrase "I completely agree with the former one" is somewhat vague and could be more explicitly tied to the argument. The position is stated but lacks reinforcement throughout the essay, particularly in the second paragraph, where the discussion of CSR seems to undermine the initial claim.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly link each point back to the main argument. For example, after discussing CSR, the writer could clarify how these responsibilities ultimately serve the primary goal of profit generation. Using transitional phrases that reinforce the main argument can help maintain focus.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the necessity of profit for survival and the role of CSR in branding. However, these ideas are not extended or supported with sufficient detail. The discussion on CSR lacks depth, as it does not provide specific examples or data to back up claims about its effectiveness or the potential pitfalls of CSR initiatives.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should include specific examples or case studies that illustrate the points made. For instance, discussing a company known for its CSR efforts and how it has benefited from them could strengthen the argument. Additionally, elaborating on the consequences of neglecting social responsibilities could provide a more nuanced view.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the role of businesses in generating profits versus their social responsibilities. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes somewhat tangential, particularly in the second paragraph, where the focus shifts to the challenges of measuring CSR impacts without clearly linking back to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly supports the thesis statement. This can be achieved by consistently relating back to the prompt and avoiding overly broad statements that do not directly contribute to the argument. A clear outline before writing could help in organizing thoughts and maintaining topic relevance.

In summary, to improve the overall score, the writer should aim for a more balanced discussion of the prompt, clarify their position, provide detailed support for their ideas, and maintain focus throughout the essay. Additionally, ensuring that the essay meets the required word count is crucial for achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the primary purpose of businesses, which is to generate profits, while also acknowledging the role of social responsibility. The introduction sets the stage effectively, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression. The first paragraph discusses the necessity of profit for survival, while the second addresses the concept of corporate social responsibility. However, the transition between the two ideas could be smoother, as the shift from profit to social responsibility feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that connect the two main ideas more explicitly. For example, after discussing the necessity of profit, you could introduce the next paragraph with a phrase like, "While profit is essential, it is also important to consider how businesses can balance this with their social responsibilities." This would create a more cohesive link between the two arguments.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph clearly establishes the viewpoint, while the second provides a counterpoint regarding social responsibility. However, the second paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea before delving into details.
- How to improve: Start each paragraph with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For instance, the second paragraph could begin with, "Despite the importance of profit, businesses are increasingly recognizing their social responsibilities as a means of enhancing their brand image." This will help readers understand the focus of each paragraph right from the beginning.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the other hand" and "however," to contrast ideas. These devices help in linking sentences and ideas within paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, which can affect the overall fluidity of the essay. For example, the use of "furthermore" and "in conclusion" is effective, but additional devices like "moreover," "in addition," or "conversely" could enrich the text.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. For instance, when introducing additional points or examples, consider using "additionally" or "also." When presenting contrasting views, phrases like "in contrast" or "alternatively" can enhance clarity and engagement. This will not only improve the flow but also demonstrate a more sophisticated command of language.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to an improved band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing business concepts and social responsibility. Phrases like "profit-oriented organizations," "corporate social responsibility," and "branding activity" indicate a solid understanding of relevant terminology. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, especially in the use of "businesses," "profits," and "responsibility," which limits the overall lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "businesses," alternatives like "companies," "firms," or "enterprises" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more varied adjectives and adverbs, such as "financially-driven" instead of "profit-oriented," can enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecise usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "sustainable responsibilities" is somewhat vague and could be interpreted in multiple ways. The term "implausible" is also used incorrectly in the context of the sentence, as it suggests that the sentiment is unbelievable rather than questionable.
- How to improve: To improve precision, ensure that vocabulary choices clearly convey the intended meaning. Instead of "sustainable responsibilities," consider using "sustainable practices" or "socially responsible initiatives." Additionally, rephrasing "implausible to a certain extent" to "questionable to some degree" would clarify the argument being made.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with no significant errors noted. Words such as "remuneration," "bankruptcy," and "campaigns" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a solid grasp of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and enhance spelling accuracy, continue practicing spelling through writing exercises and proofreading. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools and reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, improvements in lexical variety, precision, and continued attention to spelling can elevate the overall quality of the writing. Engaging with a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring precise word choice will contribute to achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional phrases. For instance, the phrase "If businesses fail to incur basic expenditures, they will be unable to fulfill their basic obligations" showcases a conditional structure effectively. Additionally, the use of phrases like "In the competitive world" and "On the other hand" helps in transitioning between ideas smoothly. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence openings and structures to enhance engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex clauses and varied sentence beginnings. For example, instead of starting sentences with "In the competitive world" or "On the other hand," you could use participial phrases or adverbial clauses, such as "Facing fierce competition, businesses must prioritize profitability." This not only adds variety but also enriches the overall flow of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the worst-case scenario of bankruptcy" is correctly structured, while "remuneration, legal costs, office space,…" has an ellipsis that is somewhat informal and could be misinterpreted. Additionally, the use of commas is mostly correct, but there are instances where clarity could be improved, such as in the sentence "However, this sentiment is implausible to a certain extent," which could be clearer with a slight rephrasing.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to punctuation and ensure that ellipses are used appropriately. Instead of using an ellipsis, consider completing the list or using "etc." for clarity. Furthermore, reviewing sentence structures for clarity and coherence will help avoid any potential confusion. For example, rephrasing "this sentiment is implausible to a certain extent" to "this sentiment has its limitations" could provide clearer meaning.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The primary purpose of any company is to generate profits; however, there is an argument that businesses also have social responsibilities beyond just making money. I fully concur with the latter perspective.

In the competitive business environment, companies must generate profits in order to survive. Currently, most enterprises are profit-oriented organizations. Furthermore, all types of enterprises require financial resources to cover a multitude of expenses, such as remuneration, legal costs, and office space. If businesses are unable to cover basic expenditures, they will be unable to fulfill their obligations and may face the worst-case scenario of financial insolvency.

On the other hand, in recent years, corporate social responsibility has increasingly been viewed as a branding strategy to raise awareness and build a positive image for companies. In the long run, consumers often prefer to purchase products from brands that support sustainable initiatives. However, this sentiment is somewhat questionable. Some companies believe that marketing campaigns may be more effective than corporate social responsibility initiatives due to the challenges in measuring their efforts and impacts. Without proper management, charitable initiatives undertaken by companies may be inefficient and a waste of resources.

In conclusion, while businesses have a responsibility to engage in socially responsible practices, their primary function is to generate profits. Profitability is essential for a company’s survival and enables it to make meaningful contributions to society.