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As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that beyond simply making a profit, firms should do more for society by undertaking social obligations. I completely agree with this viewpoint.
On the other hand, I accept that businesses must make money to survive in a competitive world. It seems logical that the priority of any company should be to cover its running costs such as employees’ wages, leasing payments and utilities, otherwise, it could be meaningless for the owner to start a business. On the top of that, companies also need money to invest in development and innovation to maintain their success. If a company is unable to do its financial responsibilities, it hardly can make a positive contribution to society.
On the other hand, firms should not operate with the sole aim of maximising profit. They have a wider role to play in society. Firstly, companies should treat employees well rather than exploit them by paying a good salary and compensation to guarantee their quality of life. Secondly, it is essential for a company to support local charities, environmental projects and education initiatives. If society as a whole develops sustainably, businesses will have significant opportunities to flourish and expand. Finally, instead of taking advantage of accounting loopholes to minimise tax payments, companies have to contribute to society through the tax system.
In conclusion, I do agree with the idea that businesses should not only operate for financial objectives but also place importance on social obligations such as treating employees reasonably, contributing to local projects and paying sufficient tax.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is argued that beyond simply making a profit" -> "It is argued that, beyond mere profit-making"
    Explanation: Replacing "simply making a profit" with "mere profit-making" adds formality and precision to the statement, aligning with academic style.

  2. "I completely agree with this viewpoint." -> "I wholeheartedly endorse this perspective."
    Explanation: Substituting "completely agree" with "wholeheartedly endorse" elevates the language, providing a more formal expression of agreement.

  3. "On the other hand, I accept that businesses must make money" -> "Nevertheless, I acknowledge that businesses must generate revenue"
    Explanation: Replacing "accept" with "acknowledge" and "make money" with "generate revenue" enhances formality and academic tone while maintaining clarity.

  4. "It seems logical that the priority of any company should be" -> "It is logical that the foremost priority of any company should be"
    Explanation: The replacement of "seems" with "is" and the addition of "foremost" contribute to a more authoritative and formal tone.

  5. "cover its running costs such as employees’ wages, leasing payments and utilities" -> "cover operational expenses, including employee wages, lease payments, and utilities"
    Explanation: The revised phrase provides a more precise and formal description of the company’s financial responsibilities.

  6. "On the top of that" -> "Moreover"
    Explanation: "On the top of that" is informal; replacing it with "Moreover" maintains the flow and elevates the formality of the transition.

  7. "If a company is unable to do its financial responsibilities" -> "If a company fails to meet its financial obligations"
    Explanation: Substituting "unable to do" with "fails to meet" enhances clarity and formality.

  8. "companies also need money to invest in development and innovation" -> "companies also require funds for investment in development and innovation"
    Explanation: The use of "require" and the refined phrasing contribute to a more formal expression.

  9. "exploit them by paying a good salary" -> "exploit them by offering competitive salaries"
    Explanation: Replacing "paying a good salary" with "offering competitive salaries" maintains the meaning while using more precise and formal language.

  10. "instead of taking advantage of accounting loopholes" -> "rather than exploiting accounting loopholes"
    Explanation: The substitution of "taking advantage of" with "exploiting" conveys a more formal tone and emphasizes the negative aspect.

  11. "companies have to contribute to society through the tax system" -> "companies are obligated to contribute to society through the tax system"
    Explanation: The use of "are obligated to" adds a sense of duty and formality to the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt – the need for businesses to make money and their social responsibilities. It discusses the financial obligations of a company, such as covering running costs and investing in development, while also emphasizing the broader societal role, including treating employees well and contributing to local projects.
    • How to improve: To enhance completeness, consider providing more nuanced perspectives on potential challenges or conflicts between financial goals and social responsibilities. This could involve exploring situations where these objectives might clash and how businesses can navigate such scenarios.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance, consistently supporting the idea that businesses should go beyond profit-making and fulfill social responsibilities. This is evident in the thesis statement and reinforced throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: While the position is clear, adding a brief acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint could demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic. This acknowledgment can be followed by a strong counter-argument to further strengthen the essay’s stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas related to both the financial and social aspects of business responsibilities. Examples such as covering running costs and supporting local charities are provided. The ideas are generally well-developed and supported.
    • How to improve: To enhance the depth of the essay, consider providing more specific and diverse examples to illustrate the points made. Additionally, elaborate further on the potential benefits to businesses when they fulfill social responsibilities, linking it explicitly to success and growth.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains focus on the given prompt, discussing both financial objectives and social obligations without deviating into unrelated topics.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen relevance, avoid generic statements and provide more specific details. For instance, instead of stating companies should "support local charities," specify the types of initiatives or the impact of such support on the community.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, a clear and consistent position, and effective presentation of ideas. To improve, the essay could benefit from more nuanced perspectives, a brief acknowledgment of opposing views, and deeper exploration of specific examples and potential benefits.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction sets up the argument clearly, presenting the writer’s agreement with the idea that businesses have social responsibilities. The body paragraphs elaborate on the two contrasting aspects: the need for businesses to make money and their wider role in society. Each paragraph discusses a specific point, contributing to the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider providing a roadmap or thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed in the body paragraphs. This can help readers anticipate the essay’s structure and better follow the argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to present distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, and there is a clear separation between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, some paragraphs could be more developed to provide deeper exploration of the ideas presented.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the body paragraphs by providing more examples, evidence, or elaboration on each point. This will not only contribute to a more comprehensive discussion but also add depth to the overall essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," "Finally," "In conclusion"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence by signaling shifts between ideas and facilitating the flow of the argument.
    • How to improve: While the essay already utilizes cohesive devices, consider incorporating more sophisticated linking words to create a smoother transition between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that the relationship between ideas is explicitly stated to strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid level of coherence and cohesion. To improve, focus on providing a clearer roadmap in the introduction, developing body paragraphs with more detail, and using a wider range of cohesive devices for smoother transitions.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating a variety of terms related to business, finance, and societal responsibilities. For instance, phrases like "undertaking social obligations," "maximizing profit," and "accounting loopholes" showcase a diverse vocabulary relevant to the topic.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the range of vocabulary, consider integrating more advanced and nuanced terms related to business ethics, corporate social responsibility, and economic sustainability. This can elevate the sophistication of the language and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision. However, there are instances where more precise terms could be employed. For example, the phrase "financial responsibilities" could be refined to "financial obligations," providing a sharper focus on the duty aspect.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to the exact meanings of words and phrases. Utilize terms that precisely convey the intended message, ensuring clarity and accuracy in expression. Consider consulting a thesaurus for alternatives that might better capture the nuances of the ideas presented.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as "companies also need money to invest in development and innovation to maintain their success," where a comma after "innovation" would enhance readability.
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread the essay to catch any minor spelling or punctuation errors. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing writing tools with spell-check capabilities. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common grammatical rules to ensure flawless execution.

In summary, the essay exhibits a strong command of vocabulary, meeting the criteria for a Band Score of 7 in Lexical Resource. To reach an even higher band score, focus on incorporating more nuanced vocabulary, ensuring precision in word choice, and fine-tuning spelling and punctuation for a polished final product.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures. It effectively uses both simple and complex sentences. For instance, simple sentences like "It is argued that beyond simply making a profit, firms should do more for society by undertaking social obligations" coexist with more complex structures such as "On the top of that, companies also need money to invest in development and innovation to maintain their success." However, there is room for improvement as some sentence structures are repetitive. For example, the frequent use of "On the other hand" can be replaced with other transitional phrases for variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance sentence variety, consider using a wider range of transition words and varying sentence lengths. For instance, replace repetitive phrases like "On the other hand" with alternatives such as "Conversely," "Moreover," or "Furthermore." Additionally, experiment with compound and compound-complex sentences to add complexity to your writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are some instances where sentence structure could be improved. For example, in the sentence "It seems logical that the priority of any company should be to cover its running costs such as employees’ wages, leasing payments, and utilities," a clearer structure could be achieved by rephrasing. The use of commas within the list is appropriate, but there is a need for parallelism, such as "employees’ wages, lease payments, and utilities."
    • How to improve: Focus on maintaining parallel structure within sentences, especially when listing items. In this case, ensure consistency by saying "employees’ wages, lease payments, and utilities." Additionally, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and word choice to enhance overall grammatical accuracy. Proofread carefully to catch any lingering errors and consider seeking feedback from others to identify areas for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that, beyond mere profit-making, businesses should also fulfill social responsibilities. I wholeheartedly endorse this perspective.

Nevertheless, I acknowledge that businesses must generate revenue to thrive in a competitive environment. It is logical that the foremost priority of any company should be to cover operational expenses, including employee wages, lease payments, and utilities; otherwise, starting a business might be meaningless for the owner. Moreover, companies also require funds for investment in development and innovation to maintain their success. If a company fails to meet its financial obligations, it can hardly make a positive contribution to society.

On the other hand, it is crucial for firms not to operate with the sole aim of maximizing profit. They have a broader role to play in society. Firstly, companies should treat employees well, exploiting them by offering competitive salaries and compensation to guarantee their quality of life, rather than exploiting accounting loopholes. Secondly, it is essential for a company to support local charities, environmental projects, and education initiatives. If society as a whole develops sustainably, businesses will have significant opportunities to flourish and expand. Finally, companies are obligated to contribute to society through the tax system instead of taking advantage of accounting loopholes to minimize tax payments.

In conclusion, I agree with the idea that businesses should not only operate for financial objectives but also place importance on social obligations, such as treating employees reasonably, contributing to local projects, and paying sufficient tax.

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