[CAREER] People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
[CAREER] People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The view that those who choose their career paths early and stay on them can attain greater job satisfaction than those who continuously change them is contentious. While acknowledging that the aforementioned statement is justifiable to some extent, I believe that frequent career changes can truly satisfy their professional life.
On the one hand, proponents might argue that staying committed to one job could engender working satisfaction for such workers due to worthwhile incentives. They contend that businesses often pay workers depending on their working competency, long dedicated time, and success brought to the company, making employees believe that their contributions have been becoming valuable to the firm. Such rewards could eventually give rise to job satisfaction as they could indicate one’s ceaseless endeavours to generate more business benefits. However, this fulfillment cannot be easily achieved since people might face hardships during their working period, such as being bullied by their colleagues because of their technical and professional superiority to others or being exploited and abused by their bosses even if they have contributed greatly and brought remarkable success to the firm.
In contrast, I contend that people exposing themselves to a wide range of jobs rather than sticking with only one could have satisfaction in their professional life. Specifically, the perspectives of workers without having been tied to one job are what help them to find a sense of purpose in life is identifying and understanding their personal interests and career goals, attained by diversifying their career opportunities. Not only could doing this, as a result, help them to dedicate substantial time to find what they are inclined towards, but it also enables such individuals to gain new perspectives and technical working skills in different jobs, allowing them to enjoy a purposeful life. Furthermore, since the world has witnessed numerous technical and modern breakthroughs like AI or automation with higher productivity, those who set a career shift in their lives could remain resilient from such significant technological advances in many areas, typically making them more adaptable to rapid changes. This quick adaptability allows those individuals to set new goals in another career direction or have a sense of control over unexpected real-life circumstances, enabling them to become more satisfied with their choices.
In conclusion, there are mixed opinions determining whether people with a fixed link to one job or those who frequently set out new career choices could achieve greater job satisfaction. For those who have remained in the same job in the long term, despite feeling satisfied due to their contributions becoming acknowledged, they could be detracted by their peers and potentially exploited by their bosses. However, individuals opting for different career paths can understand clearly themselves and be more adaptable to many rapid changes of the world.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"The view that those who choose their career paths early and stay on them" -> "The notion that individuals who select their career paths early and maintain them"
Explanation: Replacing "The view that" with "The notion that" and "choose" with "select" refines the tone to be more formal and precise. "Stay on them" is vague; "maintain them" is more specific and appropriate for academic writing. -
"can attain greater job satisfaction" -> "may achieve greater job satisfaction"
Explanation: "Can" is somewhat informal and less precise in academic contexts. "May" is more suitable as it implies possibility without certainty, which is more accurate in academic discussions. -
"frequent career changes can truly satisfy their professional life" -> "frequent career changes can indeed enhance their professional lives"
Explanation: "Satisfy their professional life" is awkward and imprecise. "Enhance their professional lives" is more natural and academically appropriate, suggesting improvement rather than mere satisfaction. -
"due to worthwhile incentives" -> "owing to substantial incentives"
Explanation: "Due to worthwhile" is somewhat informal and vague. "Owing to substantial" is more formal and precise, emphasizing the significance of the incentives. -
"making employees believe that their contributions have been becoming valuable" -> "leading employees to believe that their contributions have become increasingly valuable"
Explanation: "Have been becoming" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Have become increasingly valuable" corrects the grammar and enhances clarity. -
"Such rewards could eventually give rise to job satisfaction" -> "Such rewards may ultimately lead to job satisfaction"
Explanation: "Could eventually give rise to" is verbose and less direct. "May ultimately lead to" is more concise and maintains the formal tone. -
"people might face hardships" -> "individuals may encounter challenges"
Explanation: "People" is somewhat informal for academic writing; "individuals" is more formal. "Hardships" can be replaced with "challenges" for a more neutral and precise term. -
"being bullied by their colleagues" -> "being subjected to bullying by their colleagues"
Explanation: "Being bullied" is a passive construction that can be improved by using "being subjected to bullying," which is more formal and precise. -
"being exploited and abused by their bosses" -> "being exploited and abused by their superiors"
Explanation: "Bosses" is informal; "superiors" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. -
"exposing themselves to a wide range of jobs" -> "exposing themselves to various career opportunities"
Explanation: "A wide range of jobs" is vague; "various career opportunities" is more specific and formal. -
"what help them to find a sense of purpose in life is identifying" -> "which helps them identify"
Explanation: "What help them to find a sense of purpose in life is identifying" is awkward and verbose. "Which helps them identify" simplifies and clarifies the sentence. -
"Not only could doing this, as a result, help them" -> "Not only does this, as a result, help them"
Explanation: "Could" is less definitive; "does" provides a stronger, more assertive statement, which is more suitable for academic writing. -
"enjoy a purposeful life" -> "lead a purposeful life"
Explanation: "Enjoy" is too informal and vague for this context. "Lead" is more appropriate and formal, suggesting direction and guidance. -
"those who set a career shift in their lives" -> "those who initiate a career shift in their lives"
Explanation: "Set a career shift" is informal and unclear. "Initiate a career shift" is more precise and formal. -
"making them more adaptable to rapid changes" -> "enabling them to adapt more readily to rapid changes"
Explanation: "Making them more adaptable" is somewhat informal and vague. "Enabling them to adapt more readily" is more formal and precise, emphasizing the facilitation of adaptability.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding early career commitment versus frequent job changes. The introduction presents a balanced view, acknowledging the validity of both perspectives. The first body paragraph outlines the potential benefits of sticking to one job, while the second body paragraph argues in favor of job changes. However, while the essay does touch upon both sides, it could benefit from a more explicit statement of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could clearly state their position in the introduction and summarize it in the conclusion. Additionally, providing more specific examples or evidence to support each side would strengthen the argument.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that favors job changes for greater satisfaction. However, the initial acknowledgment of the opposing view could create some ambiguity about the author’s stance. The use of phrases such as "to some extent" may dilute the clarity of the position.
- How to improve: The author should strive for a more definitive statement of their position early in the essay. Using stronger language to assert their view, such as "I firmly believe" rather than "I believe to some extent," would enhance clarity. Consistently reinforcing this position throughout the essay will help maintain focus.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas, particularly in the second body paragraph, where it discusses the benefits of job changes, such as adaptability and personal growth. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the mention of "technical and modern breakthroughs" could be elaborated with specific examples of how job changes can lead to better adaptability in the face of technological advancements.
- How to improve: To improve, the author should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could involve discussing specific careers or industries where adaptability is crucial or citing studies that link job satisfaction to career diversity.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the relationship between career choices and job satisfaction. However, there are moments where the discussion veers slightly off course, particularly when discussing potential workplace bullying or exploitation. While these points are relevant, they could be more tightly linked to the main argument regarding job satisfaction.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central thesis. It may be helpful to explicitly connect each point to the overarching question of job satisfaction, perhaps by summarizing how each aspect contributes to the overall argument.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. With some refinements in clarity, depth of support, and focus, it could achieve an even higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The arguments are logically sequenced, with the first paragraph addressing the benefits of staying in one job and the second discussing the advantages of changing jobs. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing job commitment to the benefits of job variety feels abrupt, which could confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two contrasting viewpoints. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help signal the shift in perspective more clearly. Additionally, a brief summary sentence at the end of the first paragraph could help bridge the ideas more effectively.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, which aids readability. However, the second body paragraph is somewhat lengthy and contains multiple ideas that could be better organized. For example, the discussion on adaptability due to technological advancements could be a separate point rather than a continuation of the previous idea.
- How to improve: Break down longer paragraphs into smaller ones to maintain clarity and focus. Each paragraph should ideally contain one main idea, supported by examples or explanations. Consider splitting the second body paragraph into two: one focusing on personal growth through job variety and the other on adaptability to technological changes.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs several cohesive devices, such as "however," "not only… but also," and "furthermore," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. Some phrases are repeated, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate synonyms or alternative phrases for transitions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "however," consider alternatives like "nevertheless" or "on the contrary." Additionally, using more varied conjunctions (e.g., "although," "despite," "in addition") can enhance the complexity and richness of the writing.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, there are areas for improvement that could elevate the overall clarity and effectiveness of the arguments presented. By focusing on smoother transitions, clearer paragraph structures, and a broader range of cohesive devices, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "contentious," "engender," "fulfillment," and "resilient." These choices reflect an ability to articulate complex ideas. However, some phrases, such as "being bullied by their colleagues" and "technical and professional superiority," could be expressed with more varied vocabulary to enhance sophistication.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of "being bullied," you might use "experiencing harassment" or "facing intimidation." Additionally, varying sentence structures can help integrate diverse vocabulary more naturally.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "their contributions have been becoming valuable" is awkward and could be simplified to "their contributions are valued." The phrase "help them to dedicate substantial time" could be more effectively stated as "allow them to invest time."
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and conciseness in word choice. Review sentences for redundancy and consider whether simpler alternatives could convey the same meaning more effectively. Regularly practicing paraphrasing exercises can also enhance precision.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words like "satisfaction," "contributions," and "adaptability" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To maintain and enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading routine. Reading the essay aloud can help catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and using tools such as spell-check software can be beneficial.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, focusing on enhancing variety, precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy will help elevate the Lexical Resource score further.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, the use of phrases like "While acknowledging that the aforementioned statement is justifiable to some extent" and "Not only could doing this, as a result, help them to dedicate substantial time to find what they are inclined towards" showcases an ability to construct sophisticated sentences. However, there are instances where the sentence structure could be more varied. For example, the phrase "the perspectives of workers without having been tied to one job are what help them to find a sense of purpose in life" could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of starting with a dependent clause, try beginning with an independent clause to create a different rhythm. Additionally, using more rhetorical questions or exclamatory sentences could add dynamism to the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "being bullied by their colleagues because of their technical and professional superiority to others" is grammatically correct but could be more concise. The punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "such as being bullied by their colleagues" to separate it from the main clause.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on refining sentence clarity and conciseness. For example, consider revising complex phrases to eliminate redundancy. Additionally, reviewing comma usage rules could help clarify sentence structure. Practicing with punctuation exercises and seeking feedback on sentence clarity can further enhance this skill.
Overall, the essay reflects a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, but there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision.
Bài sửa mẫu
The notion that individuals who select their career paths early and maintain them may achieve greater job satisfaction than those who frequently change jobs is contentious. While acknowledging that this statement holds some truth, I believe that frequent career changes can indeed enhance one’s professional life.
On the one hand, proponents might argue that staying committed to one job could engender job satisfaction for such workers due to substantial incentives. They contend that businesses often reward employees based on their working competency, long-term dedication, and the success they bring to the company, leading employees to believe that their contributions have become increasingly valuable. Such rewards may ultimately lead to job satisfaction, as they can signify one’s continuous efforts to generate more business benefits. However, this fulfillment cannot be easily achieved, as individuals may encounter challenges during their working period, such as being subjected to bullying by their colleagues due to their technical and professional superiority or being exploited and abused by their superiors, even if they have made significant contributions to the firm.
In contrast, I contend that individuals exposing themselves to a wide range of jobs, rather than sticking with only one, may find greater satisfaction in their professional lives. Specifically, the perspectives gained from not being tied to a single job help individuals identify and understand their personal interests and career goals, which can be attained by diversifying their career opportunities. Not only does this approach help them dedicate substantial time to discovering what they are inclined towards, but it also enables them to gain new perspectives and technical skills in different roles, allowing them to lead a purposeful life. Furthermore, as the world has witnessed numerous technological advancements, such as AI and automation, those who initiate a career shift in their lives can remain resilient in the face of these significant changes, typically making them more adaptable to rapid developments. This quick adaptability allows individuals to set new goals in different career directions or maintain a sense of control over unexpected real-life circumstances, ultimately enhancing their satisfaction with their choices.
In conclusion, there are mixed opinions regarding whether individuals with a fixed commitment to one job or those who frequently explore new career options can achieve greater job satisfaction. For those who have remained in the same job long-term, despite feeling satisfied due to their contributions being acknowledged, they may still face detractors among their peers and potential exploitation by their superiors. Conversely, individuals opting for diverse career paths can gain a clearer understanding of themselves and become more adaptable to the rapid changes in the world.