Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool. To what extent do you agree with this?

Young children now watch TV more often than they did a few years ago. Therefore, it leads to low effectiveness in education since TV is not a reasonable tool for education purposes compared to books. From my point of view, I personally agree with this argument
First of all, television as a learning tool is the vast array of channels offering various types of content, much of which is unregulated or inconsistent in education value. If television is used as a primary teaching tool, it is difficult to control the accuracy and relevance of the information presented. Children, who are still developing a sense of judgment and critical thinking, as a result, may struggle to differentiate between reliable and misleading information. For instance, a child may come across a program that presents inaccurate historical facts, which could shape their understanding in a detrimental way. Unlike books, which are often curated and edited by experts, television programming is unpredictable and have more than risks that book provide
Furthermore, books offer a focused and immersive learning that television cannot replicate. Consequently, reading requires active engagement, where children must use their imagination, concentration and reasoning to process information. This leads to better comprehension and retention of knowledge. In contrast, television is a passive medium by its quick information, and children may not have the opportunity to absorb or reflect on it. For example, while watching a nature documentary, children may enjoy the visuals but fail to get the information in detail. Books, on the other hand, allow for a deeper exploration of topics at a pace that suits the reader’s ability to absorb and think critically about the content
In conclusion,

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Young children now watch TV more often than they did a few years ago." -> "Young children currently watch television more frequently than they did a few years ago."
Explanation: Replacing "now" with "currently" and "more often" with "more frequently" enhances the formality and precision of the statement, aligning it better with academic style.
"Therefore, it leads to low effectiveness in education" -> "Consequently, this results in diminished educational effectiveness"
Explanation: "Consequently" is more formal than "Therefore," and "diminished educational effectiveness" is a more precise and formal way to describe the impact on education compared to "low effectiveness in education."
"TV is not a reasonable tool for education purposes" -> "Television is not a suitable tool for educational purposes"
Explanation: "Television" is the correct noun form, and "suitable" is more precise than "reasonable" in this context, emphasizing the appropriateness of the tool for educational use.
"From my point of view, I personally agree with this argument" -> "I concur with this perspective"
Explanation: "I concur with this perspective" is more concise and formal, avoiding the redundancy of "From my point of view, I personally agree," which is overly verbose and informal for academic writing.
"the vast array of channels offering various types of content" -> "the extensive range of channels offering diverse content"
Explanation: "Extensive range" is more formal than "vast array," and "diverse" is a more precise term than "various types of," enhancing the academic tone.
"much of which is unregulated or inconsistent in education value" -> "much of which lacks educational value or is inconsistent"
Explanation: "Lacks educational value or is inconsistent" is more direct and formal, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "unregulated or inconsistent in education value."
"Children, who are still developing a sense of judgment and critical thinking, as a result, may struggle" -> "Children, still developing their critical thinking and judgment, may therefore struggle"
Explanation: Removing "who are" and replacing "as a result" with "therefore" streamlines the sentence and maintains a formal tone.
"television programming is unpredictable and have more than risks that book provide" -> "television programming is unpredictable and poses more risks than books do"
Explanation: "Poses more risks than books do" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the comparison, making it more formal and precise.
"books offer a focused and immersive learning that television cannot replicate" -> "books provide a focused and immersive learning experience that television cannot replicate"
Explanation: "Provide a focused and immersive learning experience" is a more formal and precise way to describe the educational benefits of books, aligning better with academic style.
"by its quick information" -> "due to its rapid dissemination of information"
Explanation: "Due to its rapid dissemination of information" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague and informal "by its quick information."
"children may not have the opportunity to absorb or reflect on it" -> "children may not have the opportunity to absorb or reflect upon it"
Explanation: "Reflect upon" is the correct prepositional form for formal writing, enhancing the academic tone.
"allow for a deeper exploration of topics at a pace that suits the reader’s ability" -> "facilitate a deeper exploration of topics at a pace tailored to the reader’s abilities"
Explanation: "Facilitate" is more formal than "allow for," and "tailored to the reader’s abilities" is more precise and formal than "suits the reader’s ability," aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the limitations of television as a learning tool compared to books, which aligns with the question’s requirement to evaluate the extent of agreement. However, it could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the topic. The introduction states a clear position, but the body paragraphs primarily focus on the disadvantages of television without sufficiently acknowledging any potential benefits it may offer. This lack of balance may leave the reader wanting a more comprehensive analysis of both sides.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider briefly discussing the potential advantages of television as a learning tool, such as its ability to present visual information and engage children through storytelling. Acknowledging these points before refuting them would provide a more rounded argument and demonstrate critical thinking.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that books are superior to television as learning tools. The writer explicitly states their agreement with the prompt in the introduction. However, the phrase "I personally agree with this argument" could be more formally expressed. The position is consistently supported throughout the essay, but the conclusion is incomplete, which detracts from the overall clarity of the stance.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer should avoid informal language and instead use a more academic tone. Additionally, completing the conclusion with a summary of key points and a restatement of the position would reinforce the argument and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the limitations of television, such as the lack of regulation and the passive nature of viewing. These points are extended with examples, such as the potential for children to encounter misleading information. However, the development of ideas could be more robust. For instance, while the essay discusses the immersive nature of books, it does not fully explore how this contributes to long-term learning outcomes.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence for their claims. Incorporating statistics or studies that demonstrate the effectiveness of reading versus watching television could add credibility. Additionally, expanding on how books foster critical thinking and imagination would provide a stronger foundation for the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the comparison between television and books as learning tools. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the mention of "historical facts" could be tied back more explicitly to the overall argument about the reliability of information in educational contexts.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly supports the central argument. This can be achieved by consistently linking back to the main thesis in each paragraph and avoiding any tangential discussions that do not contribute to the overall argument. A clear outline before writing could help in organizing thoughts and ensuring relevance to the topic.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, it would benefit from a more balanced exploration of the topic, a more formal tone, and deeper development of ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the limitations of television as a learning tool compared to books. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression. The first paragraph discusses the issues with television content, while the second emphasizes the advantages of books. However, the transition between these points could be smoother. For instance, the connection between the drawbacks of television and the benefits of books could be more explicitly stated to enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that clearly link ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the drawbacks of television, you might add a sentence like, "In contrast to these challenges, books provide a more reliable and structured learning experience." This would help to create a more cohesive argument throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the conclusion is incomplete, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay. A well-rounded conclusion is essential for summarizing the main points and reinforcing the argument.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph is fully developed and that the conclusion is included and well-articulated. A strong conclusion should briefly restate the main arguments and clearly express your final stance on the issue. For example, you could conclude with a statement like, "Therefore, while television has its merits, books remain an indispensable tool for effective learning."
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "furthermore," and "in contrast." These help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied expressions to enhance cohesion. For instance, the phrase "as a result" is used, but additional connectors could further clarify relationships between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, you could use "moreover," "on the other hand," "in addition," and "consequently" to create a more nuanced flow of ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help to maintain cohesion without repetitive phrasing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the logical flow, ensuring complete paragraph development, and diversifying cohesive devices will elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher level.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with phrases like "low effectiveness in education," "vast array of channels," and "passive medium." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in the use of terms related to education and media (e.g., "television," "books," "learning tool"). This restricts the essay’s overall lexical richness and variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "television," you might use "broadcast media," "screen time," or "visual media." Additionally, explore more varied expressions for "learning tool," such as "educational resource" or "instructional medium." This will help diversify the language and demonstrate a broader lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "have more than risks that book provide," which is awkwardly phrased and unclear. The phrase "low effectiveness in education" could also be more precisely articulated as "diminished educational effectiveness." These imprecisions can lead to confusion and detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. For example, instead of saying "the vast array of channels offering various types of content," you could specify the types of content (e.g., "educational programs, entertainment shows, and news broadcasts"). Additionally, ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and convey the intended meaning clearly. Revising sentences for clarity will enhance the overall effectiveness of the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "detrimental way" (should be "detrimental to") and "have more than risks that book provide" (should be "have more risks than books provide"). Such errors can undermine the professionalism of the writing and distract the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a break before reviewing it to gain a fresh perspective. Additionally, using spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Regular practice with spelling exercises and familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words can also contribute to improved spelling skills.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource, reflecting a more sophisticated command of vocabulary and language use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "If television is used as a primary teaching tool, it is difficult to control the accuracy and relevance of the information presented" showcases the ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances where sentence variety could be improved. For example, the phrase "television cannot replace the book as a learning tool" is somewhat repetitive in structure and could benefit from rephrasing to enhance engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases or clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences with the subject ("television" or "books"), try using adverbial clauses or participial phrases, such as "While television offers a vast array of content, it often lacks the educational rigor found in books." Additionally, using more transitional phrases can help in linking ideas more fluidly.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "which could shape their understanding in a detrimental way" is grammatically correct, yet the preceding clause could be better structured for clarity. Additionally, the sentence "television programming is unpredictable and have more than risks that book provide" contains a subject-verb agreement error ("have" should be "has") and awkward phrasing ("more than risks that book provide" should be "more risks than books provide"). Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some missing commas that could clarify meaning, such as before "which" in non-restrictive clauses.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for subject-verb agreement and clarity. Practicing sentence restructuring can help eliminate awkward phrasing. For punctuation, familiarize yourself with the rules regarding commas in complex sentences and non-restrictive clauses. For example, ensure that clauses providing additional information are correctly punctuated to improve readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Young children currently watch television more frequently than they did a few years ago. Consequently, this results in diminished educational effectiveness, as television is not a suitable tool for educational purposes compared to books. From my perspective, I concur with this viewpoint.

First of all, the extensive range of channels offering diverse content on television often includes material that is unregulated or inconsistent in educational value. If television is used as a primary teaching tool, it becomes challenging to control the accuracy and relevance of the information presented. Children, who are still developing their sense of judgment and critical thinking, may struggle to differentiate between reliable and misleading information as a result. For instance, a child may encounter a program that presents inaccurate historical facts, which could adversely shape their understanding. Unlike books, which are typically curated and edited by experts, television programming is unpredictable and poses more risks than books do.

Furthermore, books provide a focused and immersive learning experience that television cannot replicate. Reading requires active engagement, where children must use their imagination, concentration, and reasoning to process information. This leads to better comprehension and retention of knowledge. In contrast, television serves as a passive medium due to its rapid dissemination of information, and children may not have the opportunity to absorb or reflect upon it. For example, while watching a nature documentary, children may enjoy the visuals but fail to grasp the information in detail. Books, on the other hand, facilitate a deeper exploration of topics at a pace tailored to the reader’s abilities, allowing for critical thinking about the content.

In conclusion, while television can provide some educational content, it cannot replace the value of books as a learning tool. The risks associated with television programming and its passive nature make books a far superior option for fostering effective learning in young children.