Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is worldwide debated whether computers were the most significant innovation of the previous century. The writer of this essay no doubt advocates this statement as computers play a decisive role in our lives, and they laid the foundations for future enhancement of technology, as well as a standard of living.

Admittedly, the computer is such a dispensable part of one’s work and life. Those who are far away can now easily interact with others with the help of distant connections via computers. For instance, enterprises can steer a course of conducting an online appointment rather than meeting in the flesh, which allows partners from all over the world to attend. Furthermore, a wide range of data and information are now stored and available on computers, promoting students’ autonomy by acquiring knowledge through computers and helping people get themselves up-to-date. To illustrate, undergraduates could review online lectures or get involved in free courses just through the computer installed in the school’s library.

Computers laid the grounds for numerous current inventions that help improve the socio-economic concerns. They promote speed and efficiency in industries, from manufacturing to services, meeting citizens’ demands in many aspects. Computers can also contribute to the enhancement of education and research, opening new doors, inspiration, and passion for later innovations to develop human beings.

In conclusion, this writer is swayed by the notion that emphasizes the crucial role of computers invented in the last hundred years due to their devotion to modern technology industries, economy, social aspects, and a close bond with individuals.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is worldwide debated" -> "It is widely debated"
   Explanation: "Worldwide" is typically used to describe something that occurs globally, whereas "widely" is more appropriate when describing the extent of an opinion or discussion.

2. "The writer of this essay no doubt advocates this statement" -> "The author of this essay undoubtedly supports this assertion"
   Explanation: "The writer" is less formal than "the author," and "advocates" can be replaced with "supports" for a more neutral and formal tone. "Undoubtedly" is also more precise than "no doubt."

3. "computers play a decisive role" -> "computers play a pivotal role"
   Explanation: "Pivotal" is a more precise term that emphasizes the crucial nature of computers in the context of the essay, enhancing the academic tone.

4. "laid the foundations for future enhancement of technology" -> "laid the groundwork for future technological advancements"
   Explanation: "Laid the groundwork" is a more precise phrase that better conveys the idea of establishing a basis for future developments, and "technological advancements" is more specific than "enhancement of technology."

5. "a standard of living" -> "living standards"
   Explanation: "Living standards" is the correct term for referring to the general level of well-being and quality of life in a society.

6. "the computer is such a dispensable part" -> "computers are such an indispensable part"
   Explanation: "Indispensable" is the correct antonym of "dispensable," and "computers" should be plural to match the context of general usage.

7. "Those who are far away can now easily interact" -> "Individuals who are geographically distant can now easily interact"
   Explanation: "Individuals who are geographically distant" is a more formal and precise way to describe people who are far away.

8. "steer a course of conducting an online appointment" -> "facilitate online meetings"
   Explanation: "Facilitate" is a more precise verb for describing the role of computers in enabling online interactions, and "online meetings" is clearer than "conducting an online appointment."

9. "a wide range of data and information are now stored" -> "a vast array of data and information are now stored"
   Explanation: "Vast array" is a more formal and vivid expression than "wide range," enhancing the description of the scope of data and information.

10. "helping people get themselves up-to-date" -> "enabling individuals to remain up-to-date"
    Explanation: "Enabling individuals to remain up-to-date" is more formal and precise, avoiding the awkward construction of "helping people get themselves up-to-date."

11. "Computers laid the grounds for numerous current inventions" -> "Computers have laid the groundwork for numerous current innovations"
    Explanation: "Have laid the groundwork" is more accurate in the present perfect tense, indicating ongoing development, and "innovations" is more specific than "inventions."

12. "meeting citizens’ demands in many aspects" -> "meeting citizens’ diverse needs"
    Explanation: "Meeting citizens’ diverse needs" is more precise and formal, avoiding the vague "many aspects."

13. "Computers can also contribute to the enhancement of education and research" -> "Computers also contribute significantly to the enhancement of education and research"
    Explanation: Adding "significantly" emphasizes the extent of the contribution, and "also" is more formal than "can also."

14. "opening new doors, inspiration, and passion" -> "opening new avenues, inspiring, and fostering passion"
    Explanation: "Opening new avenues" is more specific and formal than "opening new doors," and "inspiring" and "fostering" are more precise verbs than "inspiration" and "passion" as nouns.

These changes enhance the formal tone, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position in favor of the idea that computers are the most significant invention of the last hundred years. The introduction outlines the writer’s agreement with the statement, and the body paragraphs provide supporting arguments related to communication, education, and socio-economic improvements. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, which would demonstrate a more balanced consideration of the topic.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could briefly mention potential counterarguments, such as the significance of other inventions (e.g., the internet, smartphones) and then refute them. This would provide a more comprehensive answer to the question and strengthen the overall argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently supporting the idea that computers are crucial to modern life. The use of phrases like "the writer of this essay no doubt advocates this statement" reinforces the writer’s stance. However, the conclusion could be clearer; the phrase "this writer is swayed by the notion" could be more assertive in reiterating the position.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should use more definitive language in the conclusion, such as "I firmly believe that…" This would reinforce the position and provide a stronger closing statement.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the role of computers in enhancing communication and education. Each point is supported with relevant examples, like online lectures and global business meetings. However, some ideas could be further elaborated. For instance, the discussion about socio-economic improvements could include specific examples of industries transformed by computers.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, discussing specific industries that have been revolutionized by computers, such as healthcare or finance, would add depth to the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of computers as a significant invention. The arguments presented are relevant and contribute to the overall thesis. However, there are moments where the phrasing could be more precise, such as "the computer is such a dispensable part of one’s work and life," which may confuse readers about the intended meaning.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all language used is clear and precise. Avoiding ambiguous terms and ensuring that each sentence directly supports the thesis will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, a more structured approach to presenting each idea could enhance coherence and relevance.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a compelling argument in favor of the significance of computers. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the writer can further elevate the quality of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of the importance of computers, with a logical progression from the introduction to the conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, such as the role of computers in communication and their impact on socio-economic development. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing communication to the socio-economic impact feels abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that ties these ideas together.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing communication, a sentence like "In addition to facilitating communication, computers also play a crucial role in…" would create a more seamless transition to the next point.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow the writer’s line of reasoning. However, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs, reinforcing the argument before concluding.
  • How to improve: When drafting the conclusion, briefly restate the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs. This not only reinforces the essay’s message but also provides a sense of closure. For example, summarizing the points about communication and socio-economic impacts in the conclusion would enhance its effectiveness.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "for instance," "furthermore," and "to illustrate," which help in linking ideas and providing examples. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where repetition occurs, such as the overuse of "computers" at the beginning of several sentences.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "moreover," "in addition," and "consequently." Additionally, varying sentence structure can help reduce repetition. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Computers," try rephrasing to include pronouns or synonyms, such as "They" or "This technology," to maintain the reader’s interest and improve cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving transitions, reinforcing the conclusion, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, utilizing terms such as "significant innovation," "decisive role," "socio-economic concerns," and "promote speed and efficiency." These phrases effectively convey the writer’s arguments and showcase an ability to express complex ideas. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied; for example, the repeated use of "computers" could be replaced with synonyms or pronouns to enhance lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms for "computers" (e.g., "technology," "devices," or "machines") and explore more varied expressions for "important" or "significant" (e.g., "crucial," "pivotal," "transformative"). This would not only diversify the vocabulary but also enrich the overall quality of the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision that could lead to confusion. For instance, the phrase "dispensable part of one’s work and life" is likely intended to convey that computers are indispensable, which is the opposite meaning. Additionally, "steer a course of conducting an online appointment" is somewhat awkward and could be more clearly expressed.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should carefully consider word choices and their meanings. For example, replacing "dispensable" with "indispensable" would clarify the intended message. Furthermore, rephrasing "steer a course of conducting" to something like "facilitate online appointments" would improve clarity and flow.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is mostly accurate, with no glaring errors that would impede understanding. Words like "innovation," "autonomy," and "enhancement" are spelled correctly, showcasing a good command of English spelling conventions.
  • How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or using spelling apps can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Engaging with vocabulary lists and focusing on commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay reflects a solid understanding of lexical resource, achieving a Band 7 due to its effective use of vocabulary, though there are areas for improvement in precision and variety. By addressing these points, the writer can enhance their lexical resource further, potentially aiming for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the phrase "Those who are far away can now easily interact with others with the help of distant connections via computers" shows the use of a relative clause and a compound structure. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures that could enhance the overall fluency and coherence of the essay. For instance, the repeated use of "computers" at the beginning of several sentences could be varied to improve the flow.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use different grammatical forms. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "computers," the writer could use phrases like "This technology" or "Such devices" to refer back to computers. Additionally, incorporating more complex structures, such as conditional sentences or varied conjunctions, would enhance the range of grammatical forms used.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, in the sentence "a wide range of data and information are now stored," the subject "a wide range" is singular, so it should be "is now stored." Additionally, punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could improve clarity, such as before "which allows partners from all over the world to attend."
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that singular and plural forms are used correctly. A thorough proofreading process can help catch these errors. For punctuation, practicing the rules for comma usage, particularly in complex sentences, will help clarify meaning and improve the overall readability of the essay. Using resources such as grammar guides or writing centers can also provide additional support in refining these skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely debated whether computers are the most significant innovation of the previous century. The author of this essay undoubtedly supports this assertion, as computers play a pivotal role in our lives and have laid the groundwork for future advancements in technology, as well as improvements in living standards.

Admittedly, computers are such an indispensable part of one’s work and life. Individuals who are geographically distant can now easily interact with others through distant connections via computers. For instance, enterprises can facilitate online meetings rather than meeting in person, which allows partners from all over the world to attend. Furthermore, a vast array of data and information is now stored and available on computers, promoting students’ autonomy by acquiring knowledge through these devices and helping people remain up-to-date. To illustrate, undergraduates can review online lectures or participate in free courses just through the computers installed in their school’s library.

Computers have laid the groundwork for numerous current innovations that help improve socio-economic concerns. They promote speed and efficiency in industries, from manufacturing to services, meeting citizens’ diverse needs in many aspects. Computers also contribute significantly to the enhancement of education and research, opening new avenues, inspiring, and fostering passion for future innovations that develop human beings.

In conclusion, this writer is swayed by the notion that emphasizes the crucial role of computers invented in the last hundred years due to their contribution to modern technology industries, the economy, social aspects, and the close connections they foster among individuals.