Countries should try to produce all the food for the population and import as little food as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is sometimes believed that one country should try to be self-sufficient regarding food with mininal import. I strongly disagree with this suggestion given their unfavourable climate along with low level of agriculture technology.
The first reason is that some coutries may experience difficulties in food production due to extreme weather conditions. To specify, the geographical location of a country can spark a complex web of formidable challenges that affect critical sectors, with implications for agriculture, manufacturing industry,etc. A testament to this arguement is the recent detrimental earthquake which hit Japan and left severe impacts on the citizens. The consequent destruction of infrastructure was unmeasurable while the death toll was reported innumerable. Therefore, Japanese people have resorted to the provision of food from other nations.
Another point worth mentioning is that some countries may face insufficiency because attentive farmers are inaccessible to the cutting edge of technology. Obviously, technology plays a vital role in the cultivation of agricultural products. Not only does it enhance overall productivity but it also minimizes the effects of natural disasters. Nevertheless, in many African nations, there is a deficiency of modern techniques employed in the production of food. Thus, it is imperative for these countries to import food from others.
In conclusion, various countries face obstacles in agriculture owing to some unavoidable factors. As such, I am against the idea of a country's self sustenance in terms of food supplies.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"mininal import" -> "minimal imports"
Explanation: Replacing "mininal import" with "minimal imports" corrects the spelling error and ensures grammatical accuracy. Additionally, the use of the plural form "imports" is more appropriate when discussing the importation of goods on a broader scale.
"unfavourable climate" -> "unfavorable climate"
Explanation: The corrected spelling, "unfavorable," adheres to standard American English spelling conventions. This change maintains a formal tone by using the correct spelling.
"coutries" -> "countries"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "coutries" to "countries" ensures proper spelling, contributing to the overall academic formality of the essay.
"To specify" -> "Specifically"
Explanation: "To specify" is more conversational, while "Specifically" is a more precise and academically appropriate term in this context. It helps transition to a more detailed explanation.
"arguement" -> "argument"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "arguement" to "argument" ensures grammatical accuracy and maintains a formal tone.
"unmeasurable" -> "immeasurable"
Explanation: Replacing "unmeasurable" with "immeasurable" corrects the spelling error and improves the precision of the expression, enhancing the essay’s academic style.
"cutting edge of technology" -> "cutting-edge technology"
Explanation: Adjusting the phrase to "cutting-edge technology" conveys the idea more succinctly and aligns with the formal language expected in academic writing.
"Obviously" -> "Evidently"
Explanation: Substituting "Obviously" with "Evidently" adds a touch of formality to the sentence, making it more suitable for academic writing.
"deficiency of modern techniques" -> "lack of modern techniques"
Explanation: Using "lack" instead of "deficiency" and rephrasing to "lack of modern techniques" maintains a formal tone and improves clarity without sacrificing simplicity.
"owing to some unavoidable factors" -> "due to inevitable factors"
Explanation: Replacing "owing to some unavoidable factors" with "due to inevitable factors" offers a more refined expression while maintaining a formal and academic style.
Note: The essay would benefit from more substantial content revisions, but the provided changes focus on addressing specific vocabulary issues while maintaining overall clarity.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the prompt. It acknowledges the challenges countries may face in producing all their food but focuses more on external factors like climate and technology. It could provide a more balanced discussion by also exploring potential benefits or situations where self-sufficiency might be achievable.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, strive for a more comprehensive discussion by considering counterarguments or exceptions to the stated position. Ensure that every aspect of the prompt is thoroughly addressed, offering a well-rounded perspective.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position throughout, clearly stating disagreement with the idea of complete self-sufficiency and providing reasons to support this stance.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, consider introducing a thesis statement in the introduction that explicitly states the position on the issue. Additionally, reiterate the position in the conclusion for emphasis.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas, such as the impact of extreme weather and lack of technology, but lacks in-depth development. Specific examples, like the earthquake in Japan, add value but could be more elaborated for a richer discussion.
- How to improve: Strengthen the essay by providing more detailed examples and expanding on each point. Develop ideas further with additional supporting details or real-world examples to enhance the overall depth of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but could benefit from a more focused discussion on the advantages and disadvantages of countries producing all their food. The mention of a lack of technology in Africa is somewhat tangential to the main argument.
- How to improve: Ensure that every point made directly relates to the main topic. Avoid introducing information that does not contribute significantly to the central argument. Focus on the key aspects of the prompt to maintain relevance.
Overall, the essay presents a clear stance against complete self-sufficiency in food production, but improvements can be made in addressing all parts of the prompt, presenting more fully developed ideas, and maintaining a laser-like focus on the main topic. Strive for a more nuanced and detailed discussion to elevate the overall quality of the response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information in a logical manner. It follows a traditional introduction-body-conclusion structure. The introduction sets up the argument, and each paragraph in the body discusses a specific reason supporting the disagreement with the prompt. However, there is room for improvement in the logical progression of ideas within paragraphs, as well as in transitioning between them. For instance, the abrupt shift from discussing extreme weather conditions to technology in the second paragraph could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider introducing a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph, outlining the main idea to guide the reader. Additionally, work on the flow between paragraphs by using transition words or phrases that connect ideas and create a cohesive narrative.
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different points, but there are areas where the structure could be more effective. For example, the second paragraph covers two distinct issues (geographical challenges and the earthquake in Japan), making it feel disjointed. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea for better clarity.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a unified theme and presents a single point coherently. Break down longer paragraphs into smaller ones to create a smoother reading experience. This will help readers follow the development of ideas more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as linking words like "therefore" and "in conclusion." However, there is a limited variety, and their usage could be more strategic to strengthen the connections between ideas. Additionally, some sentences lack clear connections, affecting the overall coherence.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety of transition words and phrases. Use them not only at the beginning of paragraphs but also within sentences to establish logical relationships between ideas. This will create a more cohesive and smoothly flowing essay. Also, pay attention to pronoun references and ensure they are clear to avoid confusion.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will contribute to a more effective and cohesive response.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use a variety of words, but some repetition and reliance on basic vocabulary are evident. For instance, the repeated use of phrases such as "some countries," "food production," and "import of food" could be diversified for a more sophisticated expression.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, consider incorporating more synonyms, explore nuanced vocabulary related to the essay’s themes, and experiment with more complex sentence structures. For instance, instead of consistently using "some countries," try using specific country names or employing descriptors to provide more clarity and richness to your expression.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at precision in vocabulary usage, but there are instances where word choice could be more accurate. For example, in the phrase "unmeasurable while the death toll was reported innumerable," "unmeasurable" and "innumerable" might not be the most precise terms for describing the scale of destruction and death toll. Precise vocabulary would contribute to a more refined expression.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by carefully selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. In this case, using terms like "extensive" for destruction and "countless" for the death toll could provide a more accurate portrayal. Consult a thesaurus to explore alternative words that fit the context appropriately.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout, with only minor errors, such as "coutries" instead of "countries" and "arguement" instead of "argument." While the errors do not significantly impede understanding, addressing these minor spelling issues would contribute to a more polished and professional presentation.
- How to improve: Pay careful attention to spelling during the proofreading stage. Utilize spell-check tools and consider reading the essay aloud to catch any overlooked spelling errors. Additionally, reviewing common spelling patterns and practicing spelling exercises can help improve overall accuracy.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
Detailed explanation: The essay displays a reasonable range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences. For instance, the essay starts with a complex sentence, "It is sometimes believed that one country should try to be self-sufficient regarding food with minimal import." However, the overall range is somewhat limited, with several sentences following a similar pattern. More variety in sentence structures, such as the use of compound or compound-complex sentences, would enhance the essay’s sophistication.
How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating compound or compound-complex sentences. For instance, instead of consistently using simple sentences, try combining ideas in a more intricate manner. This can be achieved by linking related thoughts or clauses within a sentence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable instances of grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, there is a spelling mistake with "countries" spelled as "coutries," and there is an unnecessary comma after "agriculture, manufacturing industry, etc." In addition, the sentence "The consequent destruction of infrastructure was unmeasurable while the death toll was reported innumerable" could be revised for better clarity and grammatical accuracy.
How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, proofread the essay carefully to catch spelling errors. Additionally, pay attention to sentence structure and coherence. For example, consider revising sentences for clarity, such as rephrasing the mentioned sentence to avoid potential confusion. Furthermore, refine punctuation skills, ensuring correct usage of commas and other punctuation marks.
Overall, while the essay effectively communicates its main points, attention to a wider variety of sentence structures and improvement in grammatical accuracy and punctuation would contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is often suggested that countries should strive for self-sufficiency in food production with minimal imports. I strongly disagree with this proposal, considering the unfavorable climate and the lack of advanced agricultural technology in certain nations.
Firstly, some countries encounter challenges in food production due to extreme weather conditions. Specifically, the geographical location of a country can give rise to a complex array of formidable challenges affecting crucial sectors, including agriculture and manufacturing. A clear example supporting this argument is the recent devastating earthquake in Japan, which caused immeasurable destruction to infrastructure and an innumerable death toll. Consequently, the Japanese people had to rely on food imports from other nations.
Another noteworthy aspect is that some countries may experience insufficiency due to a lack of access to cutting-edge agricultural technology. Evidently, technology plays a vital role in boosting agricultural productivity and mitigating the impact of natural disasters. However, many African nations face a shortage of modern techniques in food production, making it essential for them to import food.
In conclusion, various countries encounter obstacles in agriculture due to inevitable factors. Therefore, I am against the idea of complete self-sufficiency in terms of food supplies for a country.