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Countries should try to produce all the food for the population and import as little food as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Countries should try to produce all the food for the population and import as little food as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

The debate on self-sufficiency in food production and constraining the importation of food from other countries has become a major concern over the years. While a myriad of individuals argue in favor of this, I concede that there are several drawbacks, which I will discuss in this essay.

On the one hand, there are a variety of justifications explaining why some people contend that it brings benefits to these countries. To begin with, it is obvious that there is a significant amount of unhygienic foreign food. Take Viet Nam for example, in the past, there are a huge quantity of unsanitary food which conveyed from Campuchia to Viet Nam through a frontier. However, by making a decision of restricting importation, the government in this country minimize numerous grave diseases related to food such as food poisioning. Besides, if countries only concentrate on fostering domestic food manufacture, not only are the consumer demands in these regions fulfilled, but the economy also prospers.

On the other hand, I would agree with those who assert that there are various drawbacks associated with this phenomenon. One of the main issues is that the variety and appeal of available food sources are limited. Particularly if governments entirely banned abroad food, eaters would be not able to access novel and scrumptious ones, and as a result, citizens would feel and gradually lose their appetite. Furthermore, a lack of unique foods and tastes from other countries diminishes opportunities for cultural exchanges and knowledge expansion. In other words, curbing imported external food is detrimental to the opportunities for international integration.

In conclusion, while achieving self-sufficiency in food production and restricting the importation of foreign food are prudent strategies for the authorities to prevent diseases for their residents as well as flourish the economy, I believe that these things lead to various severe consequences.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "a myriad of individuals" -> "a multitude of individuals"
    Explanation: The phrase "a myriad of" is considered less formal in academic writing. Replacing it with "a multitude of" maintains a formal tone while conveying the same idea.

  2. "I concede that there are several drawbacks" -> "I acknowledge that there are several drawbacks"
    Explanation: "Concede" might imply a reluctant admission, and using "acknowledge" maintains a more neutral and formal tone in academic writing.

  3. "justifications explaining" -> "arguments supporting"
    Explanation: The phrase "justifications explaining" can be simplified to "arguments supporting," which is more concise and aligns with formal language.

  4. "it is obvious that there is a significant amount of unhygienic foreign food" -> "it is evident that there is a considerable amount of unhygienic foreign food"
    Explanation: Replacing "obvious" with "evident" enhances the formality of the sentence. Additionally, "considerable" adds precision to the description of the amount of unhygienic foreign food.

  5. "Take Viet Nam for example" -> "Take Vietnam, for instance"
    Explanation: The correct stylization of "Viet Nam" is "Vietnam" in academic writing. "For instance" is a more formal alternative to "for example."

  6. "there are a huge quantity of unsanitary food" -> "there is a large quantity of unsanitary food"
    Explanation: Using "huge" may be seen as too informal; replacing it with "large" maintains a formal tone while conveying the magnitude of unsanitary food.

  7. "conveyed from Campuchia to Viet Nam through a frontier" -> "transported from Cambodia to Vietnam across a border"
    Explanation: "Conveyed" can be replaced with "transported," and specifying the countries as "Cambodia" and "Vietnam" (not "Campuchia" and "Viet Nam") follows academic conventions.

  8. "making a decision of restricting importation" -> "deciding to restrict importation"
    Explanation: The phrase "making a decision of" can be simplified to "deciding to," resulting in a more concise and formal expression.

  9. "countries only concentrate on fostering domestic food manufacture" -> "countries solely focus on fostering domestic food production"
    Explanation: Replacing "only concentrate on" with "solely focus on" adds emphasis and precision to the idea, contributing to a more formal tone.

  10. "consumer demands" -> "consumer needs"
    Explanation: Using "needs" instead of "demands" maintains a formal and neutral tone in academic writing.

  11. "the economy also prospers" -> "the economy also thrives"
    Explanation: "Prospers" can be replaced with "thrives" for a more formal and sophisticated expression of economic success.

  12. "I would agree with those who assert" -> "I concur with those who assert"
    Explanation: "I would agree" can be replaced with "I concur," adding a touch of formality to the statement.

  13. "novel and scrumptious ones" -> "novel and delectable ones"
    Explanation: "Scrumptious" can be seen as too informal; replacing it with "delectable" maintains a formal tone while describing appealing food.

  14. "citizens would feel and gradually lose their appetite" -> "citizens would gradually lose their appetite"
    Explanation: Removing "feel and" results in a more concise and formal expression.

  15. "unique foods and tastes from other countries" -> "distinctive foods and flavors from other nations"
    Explanation: Replacing "unique" with "distinctive" adds precision, and using "nations" instead of "countries" is more formal.

  16. "detrimental to the opportunities for international integration" -> "detrimental to opportunities for international integration"
    Explanation: Removing the article "the" before "opportunities" improves the grammatical structure of the sentence.

  17. "these things lead to various severe consequences" -> "these factors lead to various severe consequences"
    Explanation: Replacing "things" with "factors" adds specificity and formality to the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "On the one hand, there are a variety of justifications explaining why some people contend that it brings benefits to these countries. To begin with, it is obvious that there is a significant amount of unhygienic foreign food. Take Viet Nam for example, in the past, there are a huge quantity of unsanitary food which conveyed from Campuchia to Viet Nam through a frontier."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The idea presented here lacks clarity and could benefit from a more specific and developed argument. While discussing the issue of unhygienic foreign food, it’s essential to provide more nuanced reasoning or examples to support this claim. Consider detailing specific instances or incidents illustrating the impacts of unsanitary food imports on a country’s health or economy. Also, ensuring accuracy in country names would add to the credibility of the argument.
    • Improved example: "One significant argument favoring self-sufficiency in food production pertains to concerns about the quality and safety of imported food. For instance, instances in Vietnam’s history have highlighted the risks associated with unsanitary food imports, such as those originating from neighboring countries like Cambodia. The influx of unhygienic food products across the frontier has historically led to serious health concerns, contributing to outbreaks of foodborne illnesses and imposing significant health risks on the local population."
  2. Quoted text: "Furthermore, a lack of unique foods and tastes from other countries diminishes opportunities for cultural exchanges and knowledge expansion."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This point lacks depth and specificity. To strengthen this argument, it’s crucial to expand upon how restricting imported foods affects cultural exchanges and knowledge expansion. Provide examples or elaborate on how exposure to diverse cuisines fosters cultural understanding and broadens perspectives. Additionally, connecting this to the broader context of globalization or historical instances of cultural exchange through food could bolster the argument’s persuasiveness.
    • Improved example: "Moreover, limiting access to diverse international cuisines not only hampers culinary experiences but also stifles opportunities for cultural immersion and understanding. For instance, the availability of global foods introduces individuals to varied traditions, fostering cross-cultural appreciation and enriching societal diversity. History showcases how food has been a catalyst for cultural exchanges, contributing to the mutual sharing of traditions and knowledge among nations."

Overall, the essay addresses the prompt, offering arguments both in favor and against the idea of self-sufficiency in food production. However, to improve, the essay would benefit from deeper analysis and more specific examples to substantiate claims, ensuring a more thorough exploration of the topic. Moreover, maintaining accuracy in details, such as country names and historical references, would enhance the essay’s credibility and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an overall coherence in presenting ideas, but there are some instances where cohesion could be improved. The introduction and conclusion contribute to a clear structure, but the body paragraphs lack a smooth flow between sentences. The use of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases, is evident but can be more effectively employed for better connectivity. Paragraphing is generally logical, though some refinement is needed for improved coherence.

How to improve:

  1. Enhance Cohesive Devices: Use a wider variety of transitional words and phrases to create smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs.
  2. Refine Sentence Structure: Pay attention to the structure of sentences to ensure a more seamless flow of ideas. Avoid abrupt shifts between thoughts.
  3. Strengthen Paragraph Logic: While paragraphing is generally effective, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, and sentences within it contribute logically to that main point.
  4. Check Referencing: Ensure that references and substitutions are used more clearly and appropriately for better cohesion.

Overall, the essay presents a coherent structure but would benefit from refinement in terms of cohesive devices and sentence-to-sentence connectivity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. The writer effectively employs less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation that slightly impact the overall fluency. For instance, "constraining the importation" could be replaced with a more natural choice like "limiting the import." Additionally, there are minor inaccuracies in word formation and spelling, such as "food poisioning" (should be "food poisoning"). Despite these issues, the essay maintains a good level of lexical resource overall.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should strive for greater accuracy in word choice and collocation. Careful proofreading is essential to eliminate minor errors in word formation and spelling. Consider using a wider variety of vocabulary to convey ideas, and focus on refining the fluency and precision of expression. Additionally, paying attention to idiomatic expressions and phrasing could contribute to a more polished use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures and accuracy, placing it within the Band 7 descriptor. The candidate effectively uses a variety of complex sentence structures, showcasing a range of grammatical forms. There is evident control over grammar and punctuation, with frequent error-free sentences. However, a few errors are present throughout the essay, including instances of incorrect verb tense and word choice. Despite these errors, they do not significantly impede communication and can be categorized as minor ‘slips’ rather than pervasive issues.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to verb tense consistency and word choice. Reviewing and revising for these specific aspects can help eliminate the occasional errors observed in the essay. Additionally, maintaining a consistent level of formality in language usage will contribute to a more polished and cohesive presentation. Overall, continued practice in crafting complex sentence structures while remaining vigilant about grammatical nuances will further elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The discussion surrounding the self-sufficiency of nations in food production and the reduction of imported food has gained considerable attention. While many advocate for this approach, I acknowledge that there are notable drawbacks, which I will explore in this essay.

On one hand, supporters argue that it brings significant benefits to countries. Firstly, there is a clear issue with the hygiene of foreign food. For instance, Vietnam has faced challenges with unsanitary food imported from Cambodia in the past. However, by imposing restrictions on imports, the government has successfully reduced instances of severe food-related illnesses such as food poisoning. Additionally, focusing on domestic food production not only satisfies consumer demands but also contributes to economic prosperity.

On the other hand, I align with those who highlight various drawbacks related to this strategy. One significant concern is the limitation in the variety and appeal of available food sources. If governments completely ban foreign food, consumers would be deprived of access to new and delightful culinary experiences, leading to a gradual loss of appetite among citizens. Moreover, restricting imported foods diminishes opportunities for cultural exchanges and knowledge expansion, hindering international integration.

In conclusion, while achieving self-sufficiency in food production and limiting the importation of foreign food can be sensible measures to safeguard public health and boost the economy, it is essential to recognize that these actions may result in severe consequences, including a reduction in culinary diversity and missed opportunities for cultural exchange.

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