Current system of both the teachers and students will no longer exist by the 2050 Do you agree or disagree with this idea?

Current system of both the teachers and students will no longer exist by the 2050
Do you agree or disagree with this idea?

It is undeniable that education makes a center stage in our daily life. There is a rasing idea that the traditional education system will be replaced by the 2050s. From my perspective, I partly agree with this idea because of many following reasons.
On the one hand, there is a reason that explains why the traditional education system can disappare in the future. People should recorgnize that the prevalance of technology and digital devices can provide a lot of benefical opportunities for people to teach and pursue their education effectively as well as conveniently. This means that the teachers and learners cannot only interact but also communicate with each others by accessing to the Internet and some educational platforms such as Google classroom, Zoom, or Azota, facilitating both teachers and learners express and aqquire knowledge flexibly. A specific illustration is that some schools have applied the conveniences of online courses to assist students and teachers who get in trouble with long distance or extreme weather conditions.
On the other hand, while the currently educational system could have restrictions on many aspects, this kind of teaching and learning could not be replaced in the furture because of its benefits. In term of forcing students focus in on the lessons, attending in a direct classroom could facilitate students to pay more attention on learning rather than other kinds of classroom. It is true that face-to-face learning provides the evironment where students will not be distracted by external factors like using smartphone, watching TV or being lazy to aqquire knowledge. Moreover, dealing with learning problems timely is also the unreplaceble advantage supporting why traditional education system could not extinct. This means that students could have beneficial opportunities to percieve the timely supports form their teachers or partners when joining an offline classroom because they can communicate and interact directly with teachers and friends.
In conclusion, I partly agree with the idea that traditional education system could be replaced in the future because of its undeniable benefical effects on teaching and learning. The educators could combine the prevalence of technology to make educational system more advanced and effective.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "makes a center stage" -> "plays a central role"
   Explanation: "Makes a center stage" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Plays a central role" is grammatically correct and more formal, fitting the academic style better.

2. "There is a rasing idea" -> "There is a growing idea"
   Explanation: "Rasing" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "growing" to reflect the correct verb form and meaning, enhancing clarity and accuracy.

3. "will be replaced by the 2050s" -> "will be replaced by the mid-21st century"
   Explanation: "The 2050s" is an imprecise and informal way to refer to the future. "The mid-21st century" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.

4. "many following reasons" -> "the following reasons"
   Explanation: "Many following reasons" is grammatically incorrect. "The following reasons" is the correct form, providing a clear and formal introduction to the list of reasons.

5. "can disappare" -> "can disappear"
   Explanation: "Disappare" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "disappear" for grammatical accuracy and readability.

6. "recorgnize" -> "recognize"
   Explanation: "Recorgnize" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "recognize" for grammatical accuracy and clarity.

7. "benefical" -> "beneficial"
   Explanation: "Benefical" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "beneficial" for grammatical accuracy and proper spelling.

8. "communicate with each others" -> "communicate with each other"
   Explanation: "Each others" is grammatically incorrect. "Each other" is the correct form when referring to two entities, improving the grammatical correctness of the sentence.

9. "accessing to the Internet" -> "accessing the Internet"
   Explanation: "Accessing to the Internet" is grammatically incorrect. "Accessing the Internet" is the correct form, enhancing the formal tone of the text.

10. "Azota" -> "Zoom"
    Explanation: "Azota" appears to be a typographical error and should be corrected to "Zoom" for accuracy and clarity, as it is likely a reference to the popular video conferencing platform.

11. "express and aqquire" -> "express and acquire"
    Explanation: "Aqquire" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "acquire" for grammatical accuracy and proper spelling.

12. "focusing in on" -> "focusing on"
    Explanation: "Focusing in on" is redundant and informal. "Focusing on" is the correct and more formal expression.

13. "attending in a direct classroom" -> "attending a direct classroom"
    Explanation: "Attending in a direct classroom" is grammatically awkward. "Attending a direct classroom" is grammatically correct and clearer.

14. "pay more attention on learning" -> "pay more attention to learning"
    Explanation: "On" is incorrectly used instead of "to" in this context. "To" is the correct preposition for indicating the direction of attention.

15. "unreplaceble" -> "unreplaceable"
    Explanation: "Unreplaceble" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "unreplaceable" for grammatical accuracy and proper spelling.

16. "percieve" -> "perceive"
    Explanation: "Percieve" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "perceive" for grammatical accuracy and proper spelling.

17. "form their teachers or partners" -> "from their teachers or peers"
    Explanation: "Form" is incorrectly used; "from" is the correct preposition needed here. Also, "partners" may not be the best choice; "peers" is more appropriate in this context, referring to fellow students or colleagues.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating a partial agreement with the idea that the traditional education system will no longer exist by 2050. The author provides arguments for both the potential replacement of traditional education due to technology and the enduring benefits of face-to-face learning. However, the response could be clearer in delineating the specific aspects of the traditional system that may persist alongside technological advancements. For example, while the essay mentions the benefits of technology, it could have elaborated more on which elements of traditional education might remain relevant.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should ensure that each part of the question is explicitly addressed. This could involve clearly stating which aspects of the traditional system they believe will persist and why, as well as providing more concrete examples to support their claims.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position of partial agreement throughout, which is commendable. The author consistently refers back to their stance, indicating both the potential for change and the reasons for maintaining traditional methods. However, the use of phrases like "partly agree" could be more explicitly linked to specific arguments to strengthen the overall coherence of the position.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, the author could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect their arguments back to their position. For instance, reiterating how each point supports their partial agreement would help maintain a stronger thread throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the impact of technology on education and the benefits of traditional methods. However, some ideas lack sufficient development and support. For example, while the essay mentions online platforms like Google Classroom and Zoom, it does not provide detailed examples of how these tools enhance learning compared to traditional methods. Additionally, the discussion on face-to-face learning could benefit from more specific examples or studies that illustrate its effectiveness.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples, statistics, or studies. This would not only enhance the credibility of their arguments but also provide a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the future of education in relation to the prompt. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For instance, the discussion about distractions in a classroom setting could be more directly tied to the argument about why traditional education will not disappear, rather than being presented as a standalone point.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether the traditional education system will exist by 2050. They could do this by explicitly linking each argument back to the prompt, reinforcing how it supports their overall position.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, there are areas for improvement in terms of depth of argumentation, clarity of position, and direct relevance to the prompt. By elaborating on key points, providing specific examples, and ensuring all arguments are tightly connected to the thesis, the author can enhance their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, while each body paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be more explicit to enhance the connection between the ideas discussed. The phrase "On the one hand" introduces the first argument well, but the subsequent paragraph could benefit from a clearer transition, such as "Conversely" or "On the other hand," to signal a shift in perspective.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate the relationship between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph not only presents a point but also connects back to the thesis statement, reinforcing how each argument supports the overall position.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each one focusing on a specific argument. The first paragraph discusses the potential for technology to replace traditional education, while the second argues for the benefits of face-to-face learning. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in terms of length and depth. The first paragraph is longer and contains more examples, while the second is somewhat shorter and less detailed, which may lead to an imbalance in the argumentation.
  • How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by ensuring that each paragraph is of similar length and depth. This can be achieved by expanding on the second paragraph with additional examples or elaborating on the points made. Furthermore, consider starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea, guiding the reader through the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "Moreover," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the flow could be improved. For example, the phrase "This means that" is repeated, which can detract from the overall cohesion of the text. Additionally, some sentences are lengthy and could benefit from clearer connections between clauses.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely." Also, consider breaking up longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones to improve readability and coherence. This will help maintain the reader’s engagement and ensure that the connections between ideas are more apparent.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph balance, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and overall effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it tends to rely on common phrases and expressions. For instance, terms like "education," "traditional education system," and "technology" are repeated without variation. The use of phrases such as "beneficial opportunities" and "face-to-face learning" shows some variety, but overall, the vocabulary could be more diverse.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "education" and "traditional education system," alternatives like "learning environment," "educational framework," or "pedagogical methods" could be employed. Additionally, using more specific terms related to technology and education could enrich the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the prevalance of technology" should be "the prevalence of technology," indicating a spelling error that affects clarity. Additionally, "disappare" should be "disappear," and "recorgnize" should be "recognize." Phrases like "the conveniences of online courses" could be more accurately expressed as "the advantages of online courses."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, it is essential to proofread for spelling errors and ensure that the correct terms are used. Consider using a thesaurus to find more precise words that convey the intended meaning. For example, instead of "beneficial opportunities," you might say "valuable resources" or "enhanced learning experiences."

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "rasing" (raising), "disappare" (disappear), "recorgnize" (recognize), "prevalance" (prevalence), "benefical" (beneficial), "aqquire" (acquire), "unreplaceble" (unreplaceable), "percieve" (perceive), and "evironment" (environment). These errors detract from the overall impression of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to practice spelling frequently used academic vocabulary. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, creating flashcards for commonly misspelled words can reinforce correct spelling in the writer’s memory. Regularly reviewing and editing written work will also aid in identifying and correcting spelling mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "this means that the teachers and learners cannot only interact but also communicate with each others." However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as the frequent use of "this means that" and "on the one hand/on the other hand," which can make the writing feel formulaic. The essay also contains some awkward constructions, such as "the prevalance of technology and digital devices can provide a lot of benefical opportunities," which could be expressed more clearly.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, instead of repeatedly using "this means that," try varying your transitions with phrases like "consequently," "as a result," or "therefore." Additionally, practice using different sentence openings, such as starting with adverbial clauses or using participial phrases, to create more dynamic sentence flow.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "rasing" should be "rising," "disappare" should be "disappear," and "recorgnize" should be "recognize." There are also punctuation errors, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion. For instance, "the evironment where students will not be distracted by external factors like using smartphone, watching TV or being lazy to aqquire knowledge" lacks necessary commas for clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully for spelling errors and typos. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common grammatical rules, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Practicing writing sentences with varied punctuation, such as using commas to separate clauses, can also enhance clarity. Consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct errors before finalizing your essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is undeniable that education plays a central role in our daily lives. There is a growing idea that the traditional education system will be replaced by the mid-21st century. From my perspective, I partly agree with this notion for several reasons.

On the one hand, there are compelling reasons to believe that the traditional education system can disappear in the future. People should recognize that the prevalence of technology and digital devices can provide numerous beneficial opportunities for individuals to teach and pursue their education effectively and conveniently. This means that teachers and learners can not only interact but also communicate with each other by accessing the Internet and various educational platforms such as Google Classroom, Zoom, or Azota, which facilitate both teachers and learners in expressing and acquiring knowledge flexibly. A specific illustration is that some schools have adopted the conveniences of online courses to assist students and teachers who face challenges due to long distances or extreme weather conditions.

On the other hand, while the current educational system may have limitations in many aspects, this form of teaching and learning cannot be entirely replaced in the future due to its advantages. In terms of encouraging students to focus on their lessons, attending a direct classroom can facilitate greater attention to learning compared to other types of educational settings. It is true that face-to-face learning provides an environment where students are less likely to be distracted by external factors such as using smartphones, watching TV, or becoming disengaged from acquiring knowledge. Moreover, addressing learning problems in a timely manner is also an unreplaceable advantage that supports the idea that the traditional education system will not become extinct. This means that students can benefit from timely support from their teachers or peers when participating in an offline classroom, as they can communicate and interact directly with their instructors and classmates.

In conclusion, I partly agree with the idea that the traditional education system could be replaced in the future due to its undeniable beneficial effects on teaching and learning. Educators could combine the prevalence of technology with traditional methods to create a more advanced and effective educational system.