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Describe a memorable meal

Describe a memorable meal

Let me tell you about the meal that I enjoy the most when It comes to the memorable meal. One of the unforgettable meals I would mention here is the Year End party which is held every year, because, you know, it is really a cherished time. During the meal, everyone gathers around the table and this is truly a sense of joy and warm atmosphere. All the dishes are prepared by mom with her love, care and everything. The food is including: Chung cake, boiled chicken, ….. I’m sure that everyone has fun and enjoys the happy time together on the dining table. Year End party is the time for everybody looks back things that happened in their past year and wish for an upcoming new year with joy and lucky.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Let me tell you about the meal that I enjoy the most when It comes to the memorable meal." -> "I would like to discuss the meal that I find most memorable."
    Explanation: The phrase "Let me tell you about" is informal and conversational. Replacing it with "I would like to discuss" formalizes the tone and aligns better with academic writing.

  2. "the Year End party" -> "the annual year-end celebration"
    Explanation: "Year End party" is informal and lacks specificity. "Annual year-end celebration" is more formal and clearly indicates the periodic nature of the event.

  3. "because, you know, it is really a cherished time" -> "because it is a highly anticipated occasion"
    Explanation: The phrase "you know" is informal and conversational. "Highly anticipated occasion" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style.

  4. "everyone gathers around the table and this is truly a sense of joy and warm atmosphere" -> "everyone gathers around the table, creating a truly joyful and warm atmosphere"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and informal. The revised version is clearer and maintains a formal tone.

  5. "All the dishes are prepared by mom with her love, care and everything." -> "All dishes are carefully prepared by my mother with love and attention."
    Explanation: "Mom" is too informal for academic writing. "My mother" is more formal, and "carefully prepared" replaces the vague "prepared by mom with her love, care and everything," which is overly casual and imprecise.

  6. "The food is including: Chung cake, boiled chicken, ….." -> "The menu includes Chung cake and boiled chicken, among other dishes."
    Explanation: "The food is including" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "The menu includes" is grammatically correct and more formal. The ellipsis after "boiled chicken" is unnecessary and informal.

  7. "I’m sure that everyone has fun and enjoys the happy time together on the dining table." -> "I am certain that everyone enjoys the festive atmosphere and camaraderie at the dining table."
    Explanation: "I’m sure" is informal and conversational. "I am certain" is more formal. "Has fun and enjoys the happy time together" is vague and informal; "enjoys the festive atmosphere and camaraderie" is more specific and formal.

  8. "Year End party is the time for everybody looks back things that happened in their past year and wish for an upcoming new year with joy and lucky." -> "The year-end celebration is an opportunity for everyone to reflect on past events and look forward to the upcoming year with optimism and good fortune."
    Explanation: "Year End party" is informal and lacks specificity. "Year-end celebration" is more formal. "Everybody looks back things" is grammatically incorrect and informal. The revised sentence is grammatically correct and maintains a formal tone. "Wish for an upcoming new year with joy and lucky" is awkward and informal; "look forward to the upcoming year with optimism and good fortune" is more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to describe a memorable meal, specifically a Year End party. However, it lacks depth in addressing the prompt fully. While the writer mentions the gathering and the food, there is insufficient detail about the meal itself—what specific dishes were served, how they were prepared, and why they are memorable. The essay does not fully explore the significance of the meal or the emotions associated with it, which are essential for a comprehensive response.
    • How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should include more specific details about the meal, such as the flavors, textures, and personal anecdotes that highlight why this meal is memorable. Adding descriptions of the atmosphere, the people present, and any traditions associated with the meal would enrich the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general idea of a memorable meal but lacks a clear and consistent position. The writer begins with a vague introduction and then shifts to describing the meal without a strong thesis or clear focus. The phrase "one of the unforgettable meals" suggests ambiguity, which detracts from the overall clarity of the essay.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should start with a definitive statement about the meal being described. A strong thesis statement at the beginning would guide the reader and set the tone for the rest of the essay. Consistently referring back to this main idea throughout the essay would help reinforce the position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas about the meal and its significance but fails to extend or support them adequately. For instance, while the writer mentions the food prepared by their mother, there is no elaboration on what makes these dishes special or how they contribute to the overall experience of the meal. The lack of specific examples or personal reflections limits the depth of the ideas presented.
    • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should include more detailed descriptions of the food and the experience. This could involve discussing the preparation process, the flavors of the dishes, and personal memories associated with the meal. Using sensory language to evoke feelings and images would enhance the reader’s connection to the narrative.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing a memorable meal; however, it occasionally drifts into vague statements that do not directly relate to the meal itself. For example, the mention of looking back on the past year and wishing for luck in the new year, while relevant to the context of the Year End party, does not directly enhance the description of the meal.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all sentences contribute directly to the description of the meal. Any additional context should be tightly linked to the meal experience. The writer could also consider structuring the essay to clearly separate the description of the meal from any reflections on the significance of the occasion, ensuring that each part serves the overall purpose of the essay.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on providing more specific details about the meal, maintaining a clear and consistent position, elaborating on ideas with supporting examples, and staying tightly focused on the topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear central theme focused on a memorable meal, specifically a Year End party. However, the organization of information could be improved. The introduction sets the scene but lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines what the essay will discuss. The progression from the general idea of the meal to specific details about the food and the atmosphere is somewhat abrupt. For instance, the transition from describing the gathering to listing the dishes feels disjointed, which can confuse the reader.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider starting with a more structured introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly indicate what that paragraph will cover. Additionally, ensure that each point logically leads to the next, perhaps by using transitional phrases that guide the reader through your narrative.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraphing, which affects readability and coherence. Currently, the entire response is presented as a single block of text, making it difficult for readers to identify distinct ideas or sections. Effective paragraphing would allow for a more organized presentation of thoughts, such as separating the introduction, the description of the meal, and the reflections on the significance of the event.
    • How to improve: Implement clear paragraph breaks to delineate different ideas. For example, one paragraph could focus on the atmosphere and emotional significance of the meal, while another could detail the specific dishes served. This structure will help readers follow your narrative more easily and improve the overall coherence of your essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "because" and "during," to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, which can make the writing feel repetitive and less engaging. Forinstance, the phrase "this is truly a sense of joy and warm atmosphere" could be better connected to previous sentences to enhance flow.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases such as "furthermore," "in addition," "on the other hand," and "for instance." This will help create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and maintain cohesion throughout the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a stronger overall score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Phrases like "unforgettable meals," "cherished time," and "warm atmosphere" show an attempt to use descriptive language. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the use of "meal" and "year-end party," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the text. For example, instead of repeatedly using "meal," alternatives such as "feast," "dinner," or "banquet" could be employed.
    • How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. Keeping a thesaurus handy while writing can help identify alternative words that convey similar meanings. Additionally, incorporating more specific adjectives and verbs can add depth to descriptions, such as "delectable" instead of "good" or "celebrate" instead of "enjoy."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices. For instance, the phrase "the food is including" is grammatically incorrect and should be "the food includes." Furthermore, the expression "a sense of joy and warm atmosphere" could be more effectively articulated as "a joyful and warm atmosphere." These inaccuracies can lead to confusion and detract from the overall clarity of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, the writer should focus on grammatical structures and ensure that phrases are correctly formed. Practicing sentence construction and reviewing grammar rules can help. Additionally, reading more varied texts can expose the writer to correct usage and inspire more precise language choices.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay reflects a generally acceptable level of spelling accuracy, but there are a few errors present. For example, "It" should be lowercase ("it"), and "lucky" should be "luck" in the context of wishing for good fortune. Such errors can disrupt the flow of reading and may lead to misunderstandings.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times can help catch and correct spelling mistakes before submission. Reading aloud can also aid in identifying words that seem out of place or incorrectly spelled.

Overall, while the essay meets some basic criteria for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of sentence structures, primarily relying on simple and compound sentences. For example, the sentence "During the meal, everyone gathers around the table and this is truly a sense of joy and warm atmosphere" combines two independent clauses but lacks complexity. There are few instances of more complex structures, such as relative clauses or varied sentence beginnings. The use of phrases like "because, you know," while conversational, does not contribute to a more sophisticated sentence structure.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "the food is including: Chung cake, boiled chicken," the writer could use "The food, which includes Chung cake and boiled chicken, is prepared with love." Additionally, varying the sentence openings and using different grammatical forms (e.g., conditional sentences or passive voice) would contribute to a richer grammatical range.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, "when It comes to the memorable meal" should have a lowercase "it." The phrase "the food is including" is grammatically incorrect; the correct form would be "the food includes." Additionally, the sentence "Year End party is the time for everybody looks back things that happened in their past year" is awkward and lacks proper structure; it should be revised to "the Year End party is a time for everyone to look back on the things that happened in the past year." Punctuation errors, such as the unnecessary comma in "because, you know," also detract from the overall quality.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, would be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring that sentences are complete and correctly structured will enhance clarity. It may also help to read the essay aloud to catch awkward phrasing or grammatical mistakes.

Overall, while the essay conveys a personal and relatable experience, improving the range of sentence structures and addressing grammatical and punctuation errors will significantly enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Let me tell you about the meal that I find most memorable. One of the unforgettable meals I would like to mention is the annual year-end celebration, which is held every year because it is a highly anticipated occasion. During the meal, everyone gathers around the table, creating a truly joyful and warm atmosphere. All dishes are carefully prepared by my mother with love and attention. The menu includes Chung cake and boiled chicken, among other dishes. I am certain that everyone enjoys the festive atmosphere and camaraderie at the dining table. The year-end celebration is an opportunity for everyone to reflect on past events and look forward to the upcoming year with optimism and good fortune.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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