Despite huge improvements in healthcare, the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now falling. What could be the reason for this trend, and what can be dome to reverse it?

Although the healthcare conditions have a significant improvement, developed nations are having signs of decreasing in general level of physical health. This essay will examine some reasons for this trend and methods to address it.
Some reasons for declining physical health may be due to sedentary lifestyles and lack of activities. The development of technology played such a large role that nowadays people need it to meet their need to do something such as watching TV, surfing social media, playing games. They always spend the whole time sitting for paying attention to the screen without doing anything, leading to less time being active. And sometimes, if they spend time too much hours can cause the problem of unpredictable serious health.
Moreover, many people always have unhealthy eating habits which cause their health to decline. The most popular is they often eat fast foods, foods which are prepared. Especially those who are always busy or on time, they have no time to buy something to cook, they want to prioritize managing and saving more of their time so sometimes, they want to save more time and they just buy foods that they feel convenient. But they will realize that these things all contain unhealthy ingredients. If they still continue to eat them, it can lead to obesity and chronic diseases.
This shows that this trend is more happening and to overcome these phenomena. they must understand these factors can have a negative impact on their health and be aware of important health protection. They can set plans for healthy lifestyles by doing useful activities such as doing exercise, yoga, walking. It can regenerate the body effectively, and the body will be more flexible and active. Besides, the more important thing, they need to have suit eating diet, they can supplement the necessary substances to balance health, such as vegetables, fruits, grains and proteins.
In summary, the possible reasons include sedentary lifestyles, lack of activities and unhealthy eating habits which all contribute to the health effects it brings. But some solutions can address and improve health by practicing sport and eating in reasonable moderation if humans are aware and build specific plans properly.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Although the healthcare conditions have a significant improvement" -> "Although healthcare conditions have undergone significant improvements"
Explanation: The phrase "have undergone significant improvements" is more grammatically correct and formal, aligning better with academic style by using the passive voice to emphasize the action of improvement.
"developed nations are having signs of decreasing in general level of physical health" -> "developed nations are exhibiting a decline in overall physical health"
Explanation: "Exhibiting a decline" is more precise and formal than "having signs of decreasing," and "overall physical health" is a more natural and clear way to express the general health status.
"The development of technology played such a large role that nowadays people need it to meet their need to do something such as watching TV, surfing social media, playing games." -> "The development of technology has played a significant role in enabling people to engage in activities such as watching TV, surfing social media, and playing games."
Explanation: This revision clarifies the role of technology and avoids the informal and vague "nowadays people need it to meet their need to do something." It also uses more precise language and corrects the grammatical structure.
"They always spend the whole time sitting for paying attention to the screen without doing anything" -> "They often spend extended periods sitting in front of screens without engaging in physical activity"
Explanation: "Extended periods" is more precise than "the whole time," and "in front of screens" is more formal than "the screen." Additionally, "engaging in physical activity" is more specific and formal than "doing anything."
"if they spend time too much hours" -> "if they spend too much time"
Explanation: "Too much hours" is grammatically incorrect; "too much time" is the correct phrase.
"unpredictable serious health" -> "serious health issues"
Explanation: "Serious health issues" is a more precise and formal way to describe potential health problems.
"The most popular is they often eat fast foods, foods which are prepared." -> "A common practice is the frequent consumption of fast foods and processed foods."
Explanation: "A common practice" is more formal than "the most popular," and "frequent consumption" is more precise than "often eat." Also, "processed foods" is a more specific term than "foods which are prepared."
"they want to prioritize managing and saving more of their time" -> "they prioritize managing and saving time"
Explanation: Removing "more of their" simplifies the sentence and maintains a formal tone.
"they just buy foods that they feel convenient" -> "they opt for foods that are convenient"
Explanation: "Opt for" is more formal than "just buy," and "are convenient" is grammatically correct.
"they must understand these factors can have a negative impact on their health" -> "they must recognize that these factors can negatively impact their health"
Explanation: "Recognize that" is more formal and academically appropriate than "understand these factors can have a negative impact."
"doing useful activities such as doing exercise, yoga, walking" -> "engaging in activities such as exercise, yoga, and walking"
Explanation: "Engaging in activities" is more formal than "doing useful activities," and "and" is used correctly instead of "such as" for listing items.
"the more important thing, they need to have suit eating diet" -> "a crucial aspect is adopting a suitable diet"
Explanation: "A crucial aspect is adopting a suitable diet" is more formal and grammatically correct than "the more important thing, they need to have suit eating diet."
"they can supplement the necessary substances to balance health" -> "they can incorporate essential nutrients to maintain health"
Explanation: "Incorporate essential nutrients" is more precise and formal than "supplement the necessary substances," and "maintain health" is clearer than "balance health."

These changes enhance the academic tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with formal writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by identifying two main reasons for the decline in physical health: sedentary lifestyles and unhealthy eating habits. It also proposes solutions to reverse this trend, such as engaging in physical activities and adopting a healthier diet. However, the analysis lacks depth in exploring the reasons and solutions. For example, while the essay mentions technology’s role in promoting sedentary behavior, it could benefit from more specific examples or statistics to strengthen this point. Additionally, the solutions provided are somewhat generic and could be more tailored to the specific issues raised.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should delve deeper into each reason and solution. This could involve discussing the impact of modern work environments on physical activity levels or providing examples of successful public health initiatives that have addressed these issues. Including specific data or studies could also bolster the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the decline in physical health and the need for solutions. However, the phrasing in some areas is awkward and may confuse readers. For instance, the phrase "this trend is more happening" is unclear and detracts from the overall clarity of the argument. The essay does not explicitly state a strong thesis in the introduction, which could guide the reader more effectively.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should refine the thesis statement to clearly outline the main points that will be discussed. Additionally, using more straightforward language and avoiding ambiguous phrases will help maintain a clear position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the causes of declining health and potential solutions, but these ideas are not fully developed or supported. For example, the discussion on unhealthy eating habits lacks specific examples of fast foods or their health impacts. The solutions proposed are somewhat vague and do not provide a clear plan for implementation.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence to support their claims. This could include discussing specific types of unhealthy foods and their consequences or citing studies that demonstrate the benefits of regular exercise. Additionally, outlining a more structured approach to implementing the proposed solutions would enhance the essay’s effectiveness.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the decline in physical health and its causes. However, there are moments where the writing strays slightly from the main point, such as the vague mention of "unpredictable serious health" without elaboration. This could confuse readers about the specific health issues being referenced.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the main thesis and clearly connects back to the prompt. Avoiding vague language and ensuring that each point is relevant to the overall argument will help keep the essay on track.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from deeper analysis, clearer language, and more specific examples to fully meet the criteria for a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing reasons for declining health, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing sedentary lifestyles to unhealthy eating habits feels abrupt. The ideas are related but could benefit from clearer connections. The introduction states the essay will examine reasons and methods, but the methods section could be more explicitly linked to the reasons discussed.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate shifts between ideas. For example, after discussing sedentary lifestyles, a phrase like "In addition to inactivity, unhealthy eating habits also play a significant role" would create a smoother transition. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, which will help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. However, the second paragraph is quite lengthy and could be split into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on sedentary lifestyles and the other on unhealthy eating habits. This would help to clarify the points being made and allow for more in-depth discussion of each issue.
- How to improve: Aim for a clear structure where each paragraph contains a single main idea, supported by examples and explanations. For instance, after discussing sedentary lifestyles, create a new paragraph for unhealthy eating habits, starting with a topic sentence that introduces this new idea. This will not only improve readability but also strengthen the overall argument by allowing each point to be fully developed.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Moreover" and "In summary," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the flow could be enhanced with more varied linking words and phrases. For example, the phrase "this shows that" is used, but it could be replaced with a more specific connector that reflects the relationship between the ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Consequently," "For instance," and "As a result." Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help to avoid repetition and create a more fluid reading experience. For example, instead of repeating "health," you could use "well-being" or "physical condition" in subsequent mentions.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the overall band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "sedentary lifestyles," "unhealthy eating habits," and "chronic diseases" appearing throughout. However, there are instances of repetition and a lack of variety in word choice. For example, the phrase "spend time" is used multiple times, and the term "health" is frequently repeated without synonyms or related terms to enhance the text.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "health," they could use "well-being," "physical condition," or "fitness." Additionally, varying expressions for "spend time" could include "dedicate time," "allocate hours," or "engage in activities." This will create a more dynamic and engaging essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices. For example, the phrase "having signs of decreasing" is awkward and could be more clearly expressed as "showing signs of decline." Additionally, "foods which are prepared" is vague; it would be clearer to specify "processed foods" or "pre-packaged meals." The phrase "the more important thing" is also informal and could be replaced with "more importantly" or "a crucial factor."
- How to improve: Writers should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. To improve precision, they can practice identifying and replacing vague terms with more specific language. Reading high-quality essays or articles can also help in recognizing precise vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "dome" instead of "done," "too much hours" which should be "too many hours," and "suit eating diet" instead of "suitable eating diet." These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could include reading the essay aloud to catch errors, using spell-check tools, and reviewing common spelling rules. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, improvements in range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can significantly improve the quality of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For example, phrases like "they always spend the whole time sitting for paying attention to the screen" and "they can supplement the necessary substances to balance health" are straightforward but do not employ more complex structures such as subordinate clauses or varied sentence openings. The use of phrases like "the most popular is they often eat fast foods" indicates a lack of syntactical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences that include dependent clauses. For instance, instead of saying "the development of technology played such a large role," they could say, "Although the development of technology has played a significant role in our lives, it has also contributed to a sedentary lifestyle." Additionally, varying sentence beginnings and using different grammatical forms (e.g., gerunds, infinitives) can help create a more engaging and sophisticated writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For instance, "signs of decreasing in general level of physical health" should be "signs of a decrease in the general level of physical health." Additionally, the phrase "if they spend time too much hours can cause the problem of unpredictable serious health" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. Punctuation errors include missing commas, particularly in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For example, "the healthcare conditions have a significant improvement" should be revised to "healthcare conditions have significantly improved." Practicing punctuation rules, especially concerning commas in complex sentences, will also enhance clarity. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for necessary revisions.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas, improving grammatical range and accuracy will significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing. Regular practice and feedback can help the writer develop these skills over time.

Bài sửa mẫu

Although healthcare conditions have undergone significant improvements, developed nations are exhibiting signs of a decline in the overall level of physical health. This essay will examine some reasons for this trend and methods to address it.

Some reasons for declining physical health may be due to sedentary lifestyles and a lack of activities. The development of technology has played such a large role that nowadays people need it to meet their need to do something, such as watching TV, surfing social media, and playing games. They often spend extended periods sitting in front of screens without engaging in physical activity, leading to less time being active. Sometimes, if they spend too many hours in this way, it can cause serious health issues.

Moreover, many people have unhealthy eating habits that contribute to their declining health. A common practice is the frequent consumption of fast foods and processed foods. Especially for those who are always busy, they often have no time to cook, so they prioritize managing and saving time. As a result, they opt for foods that are convenient. However, they must recognize that these foods often contain unhealthy ingredients. If they continue to eat them, it can lead to obesity and chronic diseases.

This shows that this trend is becoming more prevalent, and to overcome these phenomena, people must understand that these factors can negatively impact their health and be aware of the importance of health protection. They can set plans for healthy lifestyles by engaging in activities such as exercise, yoga, and walking. These activities can effectively regenerate the body, making it more flexible and active. Besides, a crucial aspect is adopting a suitable diet; they can incorporate essential nutrients to maintain health, such as vegetables, fruits, grains, and proteins.

In summary, the possible reasons include sedentary lifestyles, lack of activities, and unhealthy eating habits, all of which contribute to negative health effects. However, some solutions can address and improve health by practicing sports and eating in reasonable moderation if individuals are aware and build specific plans properly.