Diagram about the pineapple

The diagram depicts how pineapples are cultivated and processed into products.

Overall, it is clear that the process consists of 2 main stages, starting with planting pineapples with specific conditions and ending with being classified into certain types to produce different commercial purposes.

Looking more closely at the farming process, the pineapples are cultivated at temperatures between 23 and 30 degrees Celcius and spaced about 26 centimetres apart to leave the fruits to develop fully. After seven months, chemicals will be sprayed as a way not only to prevent them from bugs but also to induce ripening. When the fruits completely reach maturation, approximately at a height of 30 centimetres and 2 kilograms in weight, they will be harvested and ready for the next manufacturing process.

In the second stage, these fruits will be washed under the water and then divided into three main groups based on their size. The first and second group is for small-sized and medium-sized fruits, whose crowns and skins be removed and peeled respectively. As for the smaller ones, they are put in an extractor to make juice, while the medium-sized ones are sliced into pieces and packaged in tin cans. In addition, the largest pineapples are coated in wax for transporting on ships in containers for export to foreign markets.

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Errors and Improvements:

"The diagram depicts how pineapples are cultivated and processed into products." -> "The diagram illustrates the cultivation and processing of pineapples into various products."
Explanation: Replacing "depicts" with "illustrates" enhances the formality and precision of the sentence, providing a more accurate description of the content presented in the diagram.
"Overall, it is clear that the process consists of 2 main stages, starting with planting pineapples with specific conditions and ending with being classified into certain types to produce different commercial purposes." -> "In summary, the process comprises two primary stages: initiation with the cultivation of pineapples under specific conditions and culminating in their classification based on types for diverse commercial purposes."
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, using "comprises" instead of "consists of," and specifying the stages more precisely enhances the overall presentation.
"Looking more closely at the farming process, the pineapples are cultivated at temperatures between 23 and 30 degrees Celcius and spaced about 26 centimetres apart to leave the fruits to develop fully." -> "Examining the farming process in detail, pineapples are cultivated at temperatures ranging between 23 and 30 degrees Celsius, with a spacing of approximately 26 centimeters to facilitate full fruit development."
Explanation: Introducing "Examining" for a more scholarly tone and rephrasing for clarity and precision contribute to the improvement of this sentence.
"After seven months, chemicals will be sprayed as a way not only to prevent them from bugs but also to induce ripening." -> "After a seven-month period, chemicals are applied not only to deter pests but also to induce the ripening process."
Explanation: Substituting "will be sprayed" with "are applied" and restructuring the sentence enhances conciseness and maintains a more formal tone.
"When the fruits completely reach maturation, approximately at a height of 30 centimetres and 2 kilograms in weight, they will be harvested and ready for the next manufacturing process." -> "Upon reaching complete maturation, typically at a height of 30 centimeters and a weight of 2 kilograms, the fruits are harvested and prepared for the subsequent manufacturing process."
Explanation: Utilizing "Upon reaching complete maturation" for a more polished expression and refining the description of maturation contribute to the improvement of this sentence.
"In the second stage, these fruits will be washed under the water and then divided into three main groups based on their size." -> "During the second stage, these fruits undergo washing in water and subsequent categorization into three primary groups based on size."
Explanation: Substituting "under the water" with "in water" and rephrasing for clarity enhance the precision and readability of the sentence.
"The first and second group is for small-sized and medium-sized fruits, whose crowns and skins be removed and peeled respectively." -> "The first and second groups are designated for small-sized and medium-sized fruits, with the removal of crowns and peeling of skins, respectively."
Explanation: Correcting subject-verb agreement and refining the sentence structure contribute to improved clarity and grammatical accuracy.
"In addition, the largest pineapples are coated in wax for transporting on ships in containers for export to foreign markets." -> "Furthermore, the largest pineapples are coated in wax to facilitate transportation via containers on ships for export to international markets."
Explanation: Enhancing coherence and formality by using "Furthermore" and refining the expression of transportation contribute to the improvement of this sentence.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay effectively covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the two main stages involved in cultivating and processing pineapples into various commercial products. It presents a comprehensive depiction of the process, outlining the temperature and spacing requirements for cultivation, as well as the subsequent stages involving spraying chemicals, harvesting, washing, categorizing based on size, and the different treatments for each group of pineapples. The essay generally maintains clarity and coherence throughout, offering a clear understanding of the pineapple cultivation and processing process.

How to improve:
To improve towards a higher band score, consider providing a more detailed and extended explanation of the manufacturing process after harvesting. Additionally, enhancing the connectivity between sentences and paragraphs could further strengthen the coherence and flow of the essay. Make sure to avoid minor inaccuracies and strive for precision in the description of the process to elevate the overall quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information, with a clear progression throughout the text. The introduction provides a concise overview of the two main stages of pineapple cultivation and processing. The body paragraphs follow a logical sequence, detailing the farming process and the subsequent stages of product classification. The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. There is a variety of cohesive devices, such as transitions and pronouns, enhancing the flow of ideas.

The paragraphing is generally well-managed, with clear central topics within each paragraph. The essay effectively uses paragraph breaks to separate distinct stages of the process, aiding the reader’s understanding. The introduction and conclusion contribute to the overall cohesion by summarizing key points and providing a clear framework for the essay.

However, there are minor instances where the use of cohesive devices could be improved for even smoother transitions between ideas. For instance, the connection between the two main stages could be more seamless, enhancing the overall coherence.

How to improve:
To further improve coherence and cohesion, consider refining the use of cohesive devices to ensure a seamless flow between ideas. Pay attention to transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the overall connection between stages in the pineapple cultivation and processing process. Additionally, be mindful of maintaining a consistent tone and style throughout the essay to create a more polished and cohesive piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of pineapple cultivation and processing. It covers the stages clearly, utilizing terms such as "cultivated," "ripening," "harvested," and "manufacturing process." Additionally, it employs technical terms like "extractor" and "containers for export." Attempts at using less common vocabulary are made but with some inaccuracies, as seen in phrases like "at a height of 30 centimeters" where a more precise term might be used. While there are errors in word formation and spelling ("Celcius" should be "Celsius," "be removed" should be "are removed," "tin cans" might be better expressed as "canned"), these errors do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, strive for greater accuracy in word choice and technical terminology. Consider refining phrases for precision, like specifying the pineapple size measurement or employing more specific vocabulary. Focus on accurate spelling and word formation to elevate the overall presentation and clarity of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures, such as using conditional clauses ("if" statements) and sequencing words ("after seven months"). The writer generally produces error-free sentences, and there is good control of grammar and punctuation throughout the essay. However, a few minor errors and awkward phrasings are present, such as "Chemicals will be sprayed as a way not only to prevent them from bugs but also to induce ripening." Additionally, there are a few instances where the sentence structure could be improved for better clarity.

How to improve:

Review and revise awkward phrasings to enhance clarity. For example, rephrase "Chemicals will be sprayed as a way not only to prevent them from bugs but also to induce ripening" to "Chemicals will be sprayed not only to protect the fruits from bugs but also to induce ripening."
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement. In the sentence, "The first and second group is for small-sized and medium-sized fruits," it should be "groups are" to maintain subject-verb agreement.
Ensure consistency in tense. For instance, in the sentence "After seven months, chemicals will be sprayed," the tense could be made consistent by stating, "After seven months, chemicals are sprayed."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, but careful proofreading and slight adjustments to sentence structure can further enhance clarity and precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagram illustrates the cultivation and processing stages of pineapples.

Introduction:
The diagram delineates the two primary stages involved in the cultivation and processing of pineapples.

Overview:
Overall, the pineapple production process is a comprehensive undertaking, commencing with the meticulous cultivation of pineapples under specific environmental conditions. Subsequently, these cultivated pineapples undergo a classification process, categorizing them based on size and facilitating the production of various commercial products.

Detailed Paragraphs:

In the initial stage, the cultivation of pineapples is a carefully orchestrated process. The pineapples thrive in temperatures ranging from 23 to 30 degrees Celsius and are strategically spaced 26 centimeters apart to ensure optimal fruit development. After a seven-month cultivation period, chemicals are applied not only to protect the fruits from pests but also to expedite the ripening process. Harvesting occurs when the pineapples attain full maturity, typically at a height of 30 centimeters and a weight of 2 kilograms.

Transitioning to the second stage, the harvested pineapples undergo a meticulous processing sequence. Initially, they are subjected to a thorough washing under running water. Subsequently, the pineapples are sorted into three main categories based on their size. The first and second groups consist of small and medium-sized fruits, respectively. The small-sized pineapples undergo extraction to produce juice, while the medium-sized ones are meticulously peeled, sliced into pieces, and then packaged into tin cans. Additionally, the largest pineapples are coated in wax, facilitating their safe transportation in containers on ships destined for foreign markets.

In conclusion, the intricate process of pineapple cultivation and processing involves two distinct stages, ensuring the production of diverse commercial products while adhering to specific quality standards.