Do computer games have a negative impact on young people? Agree or disagree?

Nowadays, the fact that young people spend too much time playing computer games has become a common reality, causing negative effects on themselves and their lives. Obviously, playing games regularly causes profound negative effects. Some people think that video games can develop thinking skills and reduce stress. This essay will demonstrate a complete disagreement with the view that games are beneficial for young people for some reasons: first, playing games can increase violent behavior in young people; moreover, addiction makes young people distance themselves from real life in society; and finally, it seriously affects the physical and mental health of players.
First and foremost, engaging in computer games with violent themes and actions can markedly heighten aggressive tendencies among young people, potentially influencing their attitudes and behaviors in real-life situations. For example, in real life, young people who often play violent games, like fighting or shooting games, may start to act more aggressively with their friends or siblings, copying the actions they see in the game. Some people argue that these games actually help young people learn coping skills for handling dangerous situations in real life. This may be true; however, research consistently indicates that repeated exposure to violent gameplay can normalize aggression in young minds. Therefore, the connection between gaming and increased aggressive behavior in young people is a serious concern that deserves attention.

Next, computer gaming addiction can drive young people to withdraw from real-life social interactions and relationships.For instance, many young players spend hours alone in virtual worlds, diminishing their social skills and leading them to isolate from family and friends. Some individuals claim that online gaming provides a sense of community, offering opportunities for young people to interact with others. This can make sense; nonetheless, virtual connections cannot replace meaningful face-to-face interactions necessary for healthy social development.Thus, excessive gaming risks distancing young people from their immediate social environment.

Last but not least, prolonged gaming habits can severely damage the physical and mental health of player. To illustrate, eprolonged gaming sessions that result in excessive screen time and a lack of physical activity can cause obesity, eye strain, and mental health disorders including despair and anxiety. Some other individuals argue that gaming can be mentally stimulating and improve cognitive functions.This can be reasonable, nonetheless, the adverse effects on both mental and physical health generally outweigh these benefits when gaming is overused. Hence, it is important to take into account the health concerns associated with excessive gaming.

In conclusion, although playing computer games can bring some fun and intellectual challenges, excessive use has many negative effects on young people. There has been indicated a full disagreement with the opinion that "playing computer games negatively affects young people" for the following main reasons: gaming addiction not only increases aggressive behavior but also causes adolescents to distance themselves from real-life relationships; moreover, frequent gaming can lead to violent outbursts; and finally, it poses significant risks to physical and mental health. To promote comprehensive development, young people should know how to balance gaming and real-life interactions, engage in physical activities, and develop positive hobbies, thereby building a healthier and more sustainable lifestyle.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, enhancing the formality of the introduction.
"the fact that" -> "the phenomenon that"
Explanation: "The phenomenon that" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "the fact that," which can sound somewhat colloquial in this context.
"spend too much time" -> "expend excessive time"
Explanation: "Expend excessive time" is a more formal expression that conveys the idea of overuse in a more precise and academic manner.
"causing negative effects" -> "yielding adverse effects"
Explanation: "Yielding adverse effects" is a more formal and precise way to describe the consequences of an action, aligning better with academic style.
"Some people think" -> "Some individuals believe"
Explanation: "Some individuals believe" is a more formal and precise alternative to "Some people think," which is somewhat informal for academic writing.
"can develop thinking skills" -> "can enhance cognitive abilities"
Explanation: "Enhance cognitive abilities" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "develop thinking skills," which is vague and less formal.
"reduce stress" -> "mitigate stress"
Explanation: "Mitigate" is a more precise and formal term than "reduce," which is commonly used in academic contexts to describe the alleviation of stress.
"playing games can increase violent behavior" -> "engaging in violent games can exacerbate aggressive behavior"
Explanation: "Exacerbate aggressive behavior" is a more precise and formal way to describe the intensification of aggressive tendencies, compared to "increase violent behavior," which is less specific.
"distance themselves from real life" -> "disengage from real-life interactions"
Explanation: "Disengage from real-life interactions" is a more formal and precise phrase that better captures the idea of withdrawal from social interactions in an academic context.
"serious concern" -> "significant concern"
Explanation: "Significant concern" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "serious concern," which can be seen as slightly informal.
"prolonged gaming habits" -> "extended gaming practices"
Explanation: "Extended gaming practices" is a more formal and precise term that better suits the academic style, emphasizing the ongoing nature of the behavior.
"prolonged gaming sessions" -> "prolonged gaming periods"
Explanation: "Prolonged gaming periods" is a more formal and precise term that better describes the duration of gaming activities in an academic context.
"can cause obesity" -> "may lead to obesity"
Explanation: "May lead to" is a more cautious and academically appropriate phrase than "can cause," which implies a direct causality that may not be fully supported by evidence.
"despair and anxiety" -> "despair and anxiety disorders"
Explanation: Adding "disorders" specifies the type of mental health issues, enhancing the precision and formality of the statement.
"There has been indicated a full disagreement" -> "There is a full disagreement"
Explanation: "There is a full disagreement" corrects the grammatical error and simplifies the phrase, making it more direct and clear in an academic context.
"gaming addiction not only increases aggressive behavior" -> "gaming addiction not only exacerbates aggressive behavior"
Explanation: "Exacerbates" is a more precise and formal term than "increases," which is somewhat vague and less specific in this context.
"distance themselves from real-life relationships" -> "disengage from real-life relationships"
Explanation: "Disengage from" is a more formal and precise term than "distance themselves from," which is slightly informal and less specific.
"frequent gaming can lead to violent outbursts" -> "frequent gaming may precipitate violent outbursts"
Explanation: "May precipitate" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "can lead to," which is less precise and less formal.
"poses significant risks" -> "entails significant risks"
Explanation: "Entails" is a more formal and precise verb than "poses," which is somewhat colloquial for academic writing.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position of disagreement with the notion that computer games are beneficial for young people. Each paragraph focuses on a specific negative impact of gaming, such as increased aggression, social withdrawal, and health issues. The introduction sets the stage for this argument, and the conclusion succinctly reiterates the main points. However, while the essay acknowledges opposing views, it could further elaborate on these counterarguments to provide a more balanced perspective.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include more detailed rebuttals to the counterarguments presented. For instance, after acknowledging that some believe gaming can develop skills, the essay could provide specific evidence or studies that highlight why these benefits are outweighed by the negatives. This would demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic and a more comprehensive answer to all parts of the question.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position against the positive effects of computer games is clear and consistently maintained throughout the essay. The writer uses phrases like "complete disagreement" and "serious concern" to emphasize their stance. Each paragraph logically supports this position, reinforcing the argument without wavering. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit statement of the thesis in the conclusion to reinforce the position.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer should ensure that the thesis statement in the introduction is mirrored in the conclusion. A clear restatement of the main argument at the end would help to reinforce the writer’s stance and provide a strong closure to the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-structured ideas, each supported by relevant examples and explanations. For instance, the discussion on violent behavior is backed by an example of how gaming can influence real-life aggression. However, while the ideas are extended, some sections could benefit from more in-depth analysis or additional examples to further substantiate the claims made.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more empirical evidence or data to support their claims. For example, citing specific studies or statistics regarding the effects of gaming on aggression or health would enhance the credibility of the arguments. Additionally, expanding on how these negative impacts manifest in real life could provide a more comprehensive view.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of the negative impacts of computer games on young people. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of this issue without straying into unrelated territory. However, there are moments where the discussion of counterarguments could lead to slight deviations from the main focus.
- How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus, the writer should ensure that counterarguments are directly linked back to the main thesis. When introducing opposing views, it is essential to quickly return to the main argument to avoid any potential drift from the topic. Clear transitions that relate back to the thesis can help maintain focus.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating more detailed counterarguments, empirical evidence, and ensuring a consistent focus on the main topic, the writer can further enhance the quality of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the main argument against the benefits of computer games. Each body paragraph effectively addresses a specific point: the influence of violent games on behavior, the impact of gaming addiction on social interactions, and the health risks associated with excessive gaming. The progression from one point to the next is smooth, with each paragraph building on the previous one to reinforce the overall argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could consider using more explicit linking phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to signal transitions. For instance, phrases like "Another critical aspect to consider is…" or "Furthermore, it is essential to address…" could help guide the reader through the argument more clearly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct argument. The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, and the body paragraphs are structured with topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each section. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from a clearer separation between the argument presented and the counter-argument, as the transition feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, the writer should ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus. In the second body paragraph, the counter-argument could be introduced with a phrase like "While some argue that…" to create a clearer distinction between the opposing view and the writer’s stance. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph ends with a concluding sentence that summarizes the main point could further enhance clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "for example," and "last but not least," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "some people argue that…" could be diversified to include phrases like "critics contend that…" or "opponents of this view suggest that…" to add variety and depth to the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the use of cohesive devices, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. This could include using synonyms or alternative expressions to avoid repetition. Additionally, the writer could utilize more complex cohesive devices, such as subordinating conjunctions (e.g., "although," "despite") to create more nuanced connections between ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas and using paragraphs to structure the argument. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, using terms such as "addiction," "aggressive tendencies," "isolation," and "cognitive functions." These words effectively convey the writer’s arguments and contribute to a nuanced discussion of the topic. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "negative effects" is repeated multiple times, which could be replaced with synonyms like "adverse impacts" or "detrimental consequences" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by incorporating synonyms and related terms. Keeping a thesaurus handy while writing or revising can help identify alternative words that can replace repetitive phrases. Additionally, practicing with vocabulary exercises related to common IELTS topics could also be beneficial.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision that could lead to confusion. For instance, the phrase "profound negative effects" could be more specific; instead of "profound," terms like "significant" or "serious" might convey the intended meaning more clearly. Additionally, the term "despair" in the context of mental health could be better articulated as "depression" to align with clinical terminology.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should ensure that the vocabulary used aligns closely with the context. This can be achieved by reviewing definitions and usage examples of words before incorporating them into the essay. Furthermore, seeking feedback from peers or instructors on word choice can help identify areas of vagueness.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "eprolonged" (which appears to be a typographical error) and "despair" (which, while not incorrect, might be better replaced with "depression" for clarity). These errors, while minor, can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a proofreading strategy that includes reading the essay aloud and using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through targeted exercises can help reinforce correct spelling of commonly used words. Regularly reviewing frequently misspelled words can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary suitable for a Band 7 score, there are opportunities for improvement in lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their overall lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "engaging in computer games with violent themes and actions can markedly heighten aggressive tendencies among young people" showcases an ability to convey intricate ideas effectively. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of declarative and interrogative sentences, enhancing engagement. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, such as multiple sentences starting with "some people argue" or "this can be true," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases or clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "some people argue," the writer could use alternatives like "opponents of this view suggest" or "critics often claim." Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more dynamic flow, mixing shorter sentences for impact with longer, more detailed ones for explanation.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits strong grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors that do not impede understanding. For example, the phrase "eprolonged gaming sessions" contains a typographical error, which should be corrected to "prolonged gaming sessions." Additionally, punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas are missing, such as before conjunctions in compound sentences. For example, in the sentence "This can make sense; nonetheless, virtual connections cannot replace meaningful face-to-face interactions necessary for healthy social development," a comma after "sense" would improve clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch typographical errors and ensure that all sentences are punctuated correctly. Practicing the rules of comma usage, especially in complex and compound sentences, will help improve clarity. Furthermore, the writer could benefit from reviewing common grammatical structures to ensure that they are used correctly throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can elevate their writing to an even higher standard.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Currently, the phenomenon that young people spend excessive time playing computer games has become a common reality, yielding adverse effects on their lives and well-being. It is evident that engaging in gaming regularly can lead to profound negative consequences. Some individuals believe that video games can enhance cognitive abilities and mitigate stress. This essay will demonstrate a complete disagreement with the view that games are beneficial for young people for several reasons: first, playing games can increase violent behavior in young people; moreover, addiction can make young people disengage from real-life interactions; and finally, it seriously affects the physical and mental health of players.

First and foremost, engaging in computer games with violent themes and actions can markedly heighten aggressive tendencies among young people, potentially influencing their attitudes and behaviors in real-life situations. For example, young people who frequently play violent games, such as fighting or shooting games, may begin to act more aggressively towards their friends or siblings, mimicking the actions they observe in the game. Some individuals argue that these games actually help young people learn coping skills for handling dangerous situations in real life. While this may hold some truth, research consistently indicates that repeated exposure to violent gameplay can normalize aggression in young minds. Therefore, the connection between gaming and increased aggressive behavior in young people is a significant concern that deserves attention.

Next, gaming addiction can drive young people to withdraw from real-life social interactions and relationships. For instance, many young players spend prolonged gaming periods alone in virtual worlds, diminishing their social skills and leading them to isolate themselves from family and friends. Some individuals claim that online gaming provides a sense of community, offering opportunities for young people to interact with others. This may be reasonable; nonetheless, virtual connections cannot replace meaningful face-to-face interactions that are essential for healthy social development. Thus, excessive gaming entails significant risks by distancing young people from their immediate social environment.

Last but not least, extended gaming practices can severely damage the physical and mental health of players. To illustrate, prolonged gaming sessions that result in excessive screen time and a lack of physical activity can lead to obesity, eye strain, and mental health disorders, including despair and anxiety disorders. Some other individuals argue that gaming can be mentally stimulating and improve cognitive functions. While this can be valid, the adverse effects on both mental and physical health generally outweigh these benefits when gaming is overused. Hence, it is important to take into account the health concerns associated with excessive gaming.

In conclusion, although playing computer games can provide some enjoyment and intellectual challenges, excessive use has many negative effects on young people. There is a full disagreement with the opinion that “playing computer games negatively affects young people” for the following main reasons: gaming addiction not only exacerbates aggressive behavior but also causes adolescents to disengage from real-life relationships; moreover, frequent gaming may precipitate violent outbursts; and finally, it poses significant risks to physical and mental health. To promote comprehensive development, young people should learn how to balance gaming with real-life interactions, engage in physical activities, and cultivate positive hobbies, thereby building a healthier and more sustainable lifestyle.