Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

The question of whether celebrities are paid too much money is one that many people discuss. Some believe that their high salaries are fair, while others think it shows a problem in our society. In my opinion, I disagree with the idea that celebrities earn far too much money. This essay will discuss both views and provide reasons why I oppose this statement.
Firstly, it is undeniable that the salaries of celebrities are often disproportionate to the contributions they make to society. Critics argue that the vast sums paid to celebrities could be better allocated to professions, such as teachers, nurses, or social workers. For instance, a teacher’s salary often pales in comparison to a celebrity, despite the essential role they play in society. This difference raises questions about what society values.
On the other hand, some people support high salaries for celebrities because they attract large audiences. For example, popular movies can make hundreds of millions of dollars. If a famous actor can bring in that kind of money, it makes sense that they would be paid well. Additionally, the entertainment industry is risky. Many projects do not succeed, and only a few people become stars. Those who do achieve fame often take big risks and deserve to be compensated for it.
In conclusion, the question of whether celebrities are paid too much money has no simple answer. High salaries can be justified by the demand for their work and their talent, but they also raise important questions about our values as a society. As we think about this issue, it is essential to consider both the rewards for entertainers and the importance of essential workers. Finding a balance may lead to a healthier and fairer society.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The question of whether celebrities are paid too much money" -> "The debate surrounding the remuneration of celebrities"
Explanation: The phrase "the debate surrounding the remuneration of celebrities" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial tone of "paid too much money."
"Some believe" -> "Some argue"
Explanation: "Argue" is a more academically appropriate term than "believe," as it implies a more formal and reasoned discussion.
"high salaries are fair" -> "their salaries are justified"
Explanation: "Justified" is a more formal and precise term than "fair," which can be seen as too subjective and informal for academic writing.
"it shows a problem in our society" -> "it reflects a societal issue"
Explanation: "Reflects a societal issue" is more formal and avoids the casual tone of "shows a problem in our society."
"I disagree with the idea" -> "I contend that"
Explanation: "Contend that" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing, emphasizing a reasoned argument.
"Firstly" -> "First"
Explanation: "First" is more appropriate in academic writing as it is a neutral term, whereas "Firstly" can be seen as slightly informal.
"the salaries of celebrities are often disproportionate to the contributions they make to society" -> "celebrity salaries often exceed the value of their societal contributions"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the comparison and uses more formal language, enhancing the academic tone.
"Critics argue" -> "Critics contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal synonym for "argue," aligning better with academic style.
"a teacher’s salary often pales in comparison to a celebrity" -> "a teacher’s salary frequently compares unfavorably to that of a celebrity"
Explanation: This revision uses more formal language and avoids the colloquial "pales in comparison."
"raises questions about what society values" -> "raises questions regarding societal values"
Explanation: "Regarding societal values" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"some people support high salaries for celebrities" -> "some advocate for high salaries for celebrities"
Explanation: "Advocate for" is a more formal expression than "support," which is typically less formal.
"If a famous actor can bring in that kind of money, it makes sense that they would be paid well" -> "If a famous actor can generate such revenue, it is reasonable to expect they would be compensated accordingly"
Explanation: This revision uses more formal language and avoids the casual "it makes sense that they would be paid well."
"Many projects do not succeed" -> "Numerous projects fail"
Explanation: "Fail" is a more direct and formal term than "do not succeed," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"only a few people become stars" -> "only a select few achieve stardom"
Explanation: "Achieve stardom" is a more formal and precise phrase than "become stars," which is somewhat colloquial.
"Finding a balance may lead to a healthier and fairer society" -> "Achieving a balance could contribute to a more equitable and healthier society"
Explanation: "Achieving a balance could contribute to" is more formal and precise, and "more equitable" is a more academic term than "fairer."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting both sides of the argument regarding celebrity salaries. The introduction clearly states the writer’s disagreement with the notion that celebrities earn too much, and the body paragraphs provide arguments for both perspectives. However, while the essay discusses the societal implications of celebrity salaries, it could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the reasons behind the high salaries, which would provide a more balanced view.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is fully explored. This could involve providing more specific examples of how celebrity salaries impact society and perhaps including a personal anecdote or observation that relates to the topic. Additionally, a clearer distinction between the two views could help in addressing the prompt more comprehensively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the idea that celebrities are overpaid. The writer states their opinion in the introduction and reiterates it in the conclusion. However, the body paragraphs could create some confusion as they present arguments for both sides without consistently reinforcing the writer’s stance. For instance, while discussing the justification for high salaries, the writer does not clearly counter these points with their own arguments.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should consistently link back to their viewpoint after presenting opposing arguments. This could be achieved by using phrases like "While this is a valid point, I believe…" or "Despite the potential justification for high salaries, it is essential to consider…". This would help to reinforce their stance throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the salaries of celebrities and the societal implications. The use of examples, such as the comparison between a teacher’s salary and that of a celebrity, effectively supports the argument. However, some ideas could be further developed. For example, the mention of the entertainment industry’s risks is a good point, but it lacks depth and could benefit from additional elaboration or examples.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to extend their arguments with more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, they could elaborate on the financial dynamics of the entertainment industry or provide statistics that illustrate the disparity in salaries. This would not only enhance the essay’s depth but also provide a more robust foundation for the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the issue of celebrity salaries and their implications for society. However, there are moments where the discussion could feel slightly tangential, particularly when addressing the risks of the entertainment industry without tying it back to the central argument about whether celebrities are overpaid.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the question of celebrity salaries. They could use topic sentences in each paragraph that clearly connect back to the main argument, and avoid introducing ideas that do not directly contribute to answering the prompt. This would help in keeping the essay tightly focused and coherent.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, but it would benefit from clearer positioning, deeper exploration of ideas, and a more direct connection to the prompt throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are well-organized, with the first paragraph discussing the argument against high celebrity salaries and the second paragraph presenting the counterargument. This logical progression allows the reader to follow the writer’s reasoning easily. For example, the transition from discussing societal values in the first paragraph to the economic rationale in the second is smooth and coherent.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit transitional phrases between ideas and paragraphs. For instance, phrases like "In addition to this" or "Conversely" could help signal shifts in argument more clearly. Additionally, a more defined conclusion that reiterates the main points could strengthen the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by relevant examples. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs delve into specific arguments, and the conclusion summarizes the discussion. The paragraphing is consistent and contributes to the overall clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is effective, consider ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that explicitly states the argument against celebrity salaries before providing supporting details. This would enhance the reader’s understanding of the focus of each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "On the other hand," and "For instance," which help to connect ideas and examples. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied connectors and referencing techniques, which would enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using "Moreover," "In contrast," or "Consequently" can add variety and depth to the argumentation. Additionally, referencing back to previous points more explicitly (e.g., "As previously mentioned") can help reinforce connections between ideas and improve cohesion throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, achieving a Band Score of 8. By focusing on enhancing transitions, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further elevate the quality of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "disproportionate," "essential," and "justified." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat basic and lacks variety. For example, the phrase "high salaries" is repeated without variation, which could have been substituted with synonyms such as "lucrative compensation" or "substantial earnings." The use of phrases like "many people discuss" could be enhanced by using more sophisticated alternatives like "is a topic of considerable debate."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate more varied vocabulary and expressions. This could include using synonyms and idiomatic phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "high salaries," the writer could use "exorbitant fees" or "inflated earnings" to convey the same idea with more nuance.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, but there are instances of vague phrasing. For example, the phrase "the vast sums paid to celebrities" could be more precise. The term "vast sums" is somewhat ambiguous; specifying an approximate range or context could strengthen the argument. Additionally, the phrase "essential role they play in society" could be more impactful if the writer specified how teachers contribute to society.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to use more specific terms and phrases that clearly convey their meaning. For example, instead of saying "the salaries of celebrities," the writer could specify "the multi-million dollar contracts awarded to top-tier actors." This not only clarifies the point but also adds depth to the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a good level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words like "disproportionate," "essential," and "compensated" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a solid grasp of English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: While spelling is generally accurate, the writer should continue to practice spelling through regular writing exercises and proofreading. Utilizing tools like spell checkers and engaging in vocabulary-building exercises can also help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, to elevate the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range, using precise language, and maintaining their spelling accuracy. Engaging with a wider variety of texts and practicing writing with more complex vocabulary will aid in achieving these improvements.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "Critics argue that the vast sums paid to celebrities could be better allocated to professions, such as teachers, nurses, or social workers" showcases an ability to connect ideas effectively. Additionally, the essay employs conditional structures, as seen in "If a famous actor can bring in that kind of money, it makes sense that they would be paid well." However, there are instances of simpler sentence constructions that could be expanded upon for greater complexity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences. For example, you could combine shorter sentences to create more nuanced expressions of thought. Additionally, varying the placement of clauses within sentences can add interest. For instance, instead of starting with "Firstly," you might begin with a dependent clause: "While some argue that celebrities are overpaid, others believe their salaries reflect market demand."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation. Most sentences are free from grammatical errors, and punctuation is used correctly to separate ideas. For example, the use of commas in "For instance, a teacher’s salary often pales in comparison to a celebrity" is appropriate. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "I disagree with the idea that celebrities earn far too much money," which could be more clearly stated as "I do not agree with the idea that celebrities earn far too much money."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay attention to clarity and conciseness in your statements. Avoid double negatives or convoluted phrasing that may confuse the reader. Additionally, reviewing common punctuation rules, such as the use of commas in lists or before conjunctions in compound sentences, can help refine your writing. Consider revising sentences for clarity, such as changing "This difference raises questions about what society values" to "This disparity raises important questions about societal values."

By focusing on these areas for improvement, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

The debate surrounding the remuneration of celebrities is one that many people engage in. Some argue that their high salaries are justified, while others believe it reflects a societal issue. In my opinion, I contend that celebrities earn far too much money. This essay will discuss both views and provide reasons why I oppose this statement.

First, it is undeniable that celebrity salaries often exceed the value of their societal contributions. Critics contend that the vast sums paid to celebrities could be better allocated to professions such as teachers, nurses, or social workers. For instance, a teacher’s salary frequently compares unfavorably to that of a celebrity, despite the essential role they play in society. This difference raises questions regarding societal values.

On the other hand, some advocate for high salaries for celebrities because they attract large audiences. For example, popular movies can generate hundreds of millions of dollars. If a famous actor can bring in such revenue, it is reasonable to expect they would be compensated accordingly. Additionally, the entertainment industry is risky; numerous projects fail, and only a select few achieve stardom. Those who do attain fame often take significant risks and deserve to be compensated for it.

In conclusion, the question of whether celebrities are paid too much money has no simple answer. High salaries can be justified by the demand for their work and their talent, but they also raise important questions about our values as a society. As we think about this issue, it is essential to consider both the rewards for entertainers and the importance of essential workers. Achieving a balance could contribute to a more equitable and healthier society.