do you argree or disagee that celebrities are paid for too much money?

do you argree or disagee that celebrities are paid for too much money?

In the contemporary digital era. It goes without saying that celebrities, such as actors, athletes, and musicians are paid for too much money is a hotly-debated topic that often divides opinion. This has sparked debate about whether they are paid too much for their contributions. While many people believe that celebrities receive excessive financial compensation, to my perspective, however, the mentioned idea should be rejected and below is an essay clarifying my view point.
To start with, celebrities possess unique talents that are not easily replicable. Actors, athletes, and musicians dedicate years of training, practice, and personal sacrifice to reach the top of their professions. Professional athletes invest countless hours in physical conditioning, while actors often undergo rigorous training to improve their craft. Furthermore , since their talents are rare, they are paid accordingly, much like individuals in other specialized professions such as surgeons or engineers. Secondly, celebrities boost related industries such as fashion, tourism, and advertising. High-profile events like the Oscars or the FIFA World Cup are examples of where celebrity presence enhances brand value and attracts massive audiences. Thirdly, another positive aspects is that celebrities have the ability to inspire and influence society. Many celebrities use their wealth and platforms to promote important causes, such as climate change, education, or poverty alleviation.
Despite the good points, there are some negative aspects and I strongly believe that the disavantages of topic “celebrities are paid for too much money” outweigh its advantages. The main drawback is that it can contribute to income inequality. While celebrities enjoy lavish lifestyles, others in essential professions, such as teachers, nurses, and emergency responders, earn significantly less, even though they contribute directly to society’s well-being. According to a 2020 Oxfam report, the income gap between top celebrities and essential service professionals is widening. This growing disparity can worsen social inequalities and fuel public resentment. Additionally, some argue that the entertainment industry prioritizes profits over quality when celebrities command high fees. Movie studios, sports teams, and music labels may focus more on securing star power rather than investing in the quality of production or nurturing new talent. As a result, other professionals in these industries may be underpaid or overlooked, limiting opportunities for those who are equally deserving but not as famous.
In conclusion, while high celebrity pay brings economic benefits and supports social causes, the disadvantages are more significant. The widening income gap and the unrealistic standards set by celebrity culture exacerbate social inequality and create public resentment. Thus, the drawbacks of high celebrity pay outweigh the advantages, suggesting that this compensation should be reconsidered.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In the contemporary digital era." -> "In the contemporary digital age."
   Explanation: "Age" is a more precise term than "era" in this context, as it specifically refers to a period characterized by a particular technology or development, which is more suitable for describing the current era of digital technology.

2. "paid for too much money" -> "paid excessively"
   Explanation: "Paid excessively" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea that the amount of money paid is excessive, avoiding the redundancy of "paid for too much money."

3. "to my perspective" -> "from my perspective"
   Explanation: "From my perspective" is the correct idiomatic expression, which is more commonly used in formal writing to indicate personal viewpoint.

4. "clarifying my view point" -> "clarifying my viewpoint"
   Explanation: "Viewpoint" is the correct noun form, and it should not be hyphenated in this context.

5. "Furthermore," -> "Furthermore"
   Explanation: Remove the comma after "Furthermore" as it is not necessary in this context, following standard punctuation rules for transitional phrases.

6. "since their talents are rare" -> "since their talents are scarce"
   Explanation: "Scarce" is a more precise term than "rare" in this context, as it specifically implies that something is difficult to find or obtain due to limited availability, which is more suitable for describing the rarity of exceptional talents.

7. "celebrities boost related industries" -> "celebrities contribute to related industries"
   Explanation: "Contribute to" is a more precise and formal verb choice than "boost," which can be seen as overly casual and vague in this context.

8. "another positive aspects" -> "another positive aspect"
   Explanation: "Aspect" should be singular when referring to one of several points, and "positive" should not be hyphenated when used as an adjective.

9. "the disavantages" -> "the disadvantages"
   Explanation: "Disadvantages" is the correct plural form of the noun, and it should not be hyphenated.

10. "it can contribute to income inequality" -> "this can contribute to income inequality"
    Explanation: "This" is necessary to clarify that the preceding phrase "the disadvantages" refers to the topic being discussed, enhancing clarity and formality.

11. "According to a 2020 Oxfam report" -> "According to a 2020 report by Oxfam"
    Explanation: "By Oxfam" is a more formal way to attribute the report to the organization, aligning better with academic style.

12. "Movie studios, sports teams, and music labels" -> "film studios, sports franchises, and music labels"
    Explanation: "Film studios" is more precise than "Movie studios," and "sports franchises" is a more formal term than "sports teams," which is more commonly used in academic writing.

13. "the unrealistic standards set by celebrity culture" -> "the unrealistic standards perpetuated by celebrity culture"
    Explanation: "Perpetuated" is a more precise verb than "set," as it accurately describes how celebrity culture influences and maintains these standards over time.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding whether celebrities are paid too much money. The introduction outlines the debate and clearly states the author’s position against the notion that celebrities are overpaid. The body paragraphs present arguments supporting this view, such as the unique talents of celebrities, their economic impact, and their societal influence. However, the essay could have explicitly addressed the question in a more structured manner, perhaps by clearly delineating the arguments for and against celebrity pay before concluding with the author’s stance.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should ensure that both sides of the argument are presented more evenly before stating their position. A clearer structure that explicitly outlines the pros and cons in separate sections would strengthen the overall argument and ensure that all parts of the question are thoroughly explored.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the idea that celebrities are paid too much, particularly in the latter half where the author discusses the disadvantages of high celebrity pay. However, the introduction contains some ambiguity with phrases like "to my perspective, however," which could confuse readers about the author’s stance. The transition from discussing the positive aspects of celebrity pay to the negative aspects could be more fluid to reinforce the author’s position.
  • How to improve: The author should aim for more straightforward language in the introduction to clarify their position. Additionally, using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift from one viewpoint to another can help maintain clarity throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the unique talents of celebrities and their influence on various industries. Each point is supported with examples, such as the reference to the Oxfam report regarding income inequality. However, some arguments could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, while the author mentions that celebrities inspire societal change, specific examples of celebrities who have made significant contributions to causes would strengthen this point.
  • How to improve: To improve the depth of the essay, the author should include more specific examples and evidence to support their claims. This could involve citing particular celebrities and their philanthropic efforts or providing statistics that illustrate the impact of celebrity culture on income inequality.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate surrounding celebrity compensation. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the mention of "unrealistic standards set by celebrity culture" could be elaborated upon to directly connect it back to the question of whether celebrities are paid too much.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of celebrity pay. Including a brief explanation of how each point ties back to the main argument can help keep the essay tightly aligned with the topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-reasoned argument. With some adjustments to structure, clarity, and depth of support, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. Each paragraph follows a coherent progression, with the first two paragraphs discussing the positive aspects of celebrity compensation, while the subsequent paragraphs address the negative implications. For instance, the transition from discussing the unique talents of celebrities to their economic impact is smooth and logical, demonstrating a well-thought-out organization of ideas.
  • How to improve: To further enhance logical flow, the writer could use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to explicitly state the main idea being discussed. Additionally, integrating more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs could help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which aids in readability and comprehension. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, such as the talents of celebrities or the societal implications of their pay. However, the transition between the positive and negative aspects could be more pronounced to signal a shift in focus.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer could consider adding a transitional sentence at the end of the second paragraph that explicitly indicates the shift to discussing the negative aspects. This would help the reader anticipate the change in direction and maintain engagement with the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "To start with," "Furthermore," and "Despite the good points," which effectively guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to avoid repetition and enhance the overall flow of the essay. For example, the phrase "the main drawback is" is used to introduce a negative point, but varying the language could strengthen the writing.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim to diversify the cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Incorporating phrases such as "On the other hand," "In contrast," or "Conversely" when introducing counterarguments could enrich the text. Additionally, using synonyms or rephrasing common transitions can help maintain reader interest and improve the overall cohesion of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can elevate their writing to an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "contemporary digital era," "unique talents," and "income inequality." However, it lacks more varied expressions and synonyms that could enhance the richness of the language. For instance, the phrase "paid for too much money" is somewhat awkward and could be expressed more fluidly as "overpaid" or "receive excessive compensation."
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "celebrities," you could use "public figures," "stars," or "famous personalities." Additionally, using more sophisticated vocabulary related to the topic, such as "remuneration" instead of "pay," could elevate the essay’s overall quality.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the mentioned idea should be rejected" is vague and could be clearer. The term "disadvantages of topic" is also awkward; it would be more precise to say "disadvantages of the topic of celebrity compensation." Furthermore, the phrase "good points" is informal and could be replaced with "advantages" or "benefits."
  • How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. When expressing your viewpoint, aim for more formal language. Instead of saying "the mentioned idea should be rejected," you might say, "this perspective is not justified." Additionally, ensure that terms used are appropriate for the context; for instance, using "drawbacks" instead of "negative aspects" would be more fitting.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors. However, there are some spelling mistakes, such as "disavantages" (should be "disadvantages") and "view point" (should be "viewpoint"). These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a moment to read through the essay carefully, or use spell-check tools available in word processors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and practice them to reinforce correct spelling in your writing.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the writer effectively uses complex sentences such as "While many people believe that celebrities receive excessive financial compensation, to my perspective, however, the mentioned idea should be rejected…" This shows an ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and sentence construction, such as "the mentioned idea should be rejected" which could be more clearly expressed as "this idea should be rejected." Additionally, the use of transitional phrases like "to start with" and "despite the good points" helps in organizing the essay, but some transitions could be more varied to enhance flow.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, instead of starting sentences with "Secondly" or "Additionally," the writer could use phrases like "Moreover," "In addition," or "Furthermore." Additionally, practicing the use of inversion or conditional structures could enhance complexity. For example, using conditional phrases such as "If celebrities are paid excessively, then…" would add depth to the argument.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, the opening sentence incorrectly uses a period instead of a comma: "In the contemporary digital era." This should be connected to the following clause for coherence. Additionally, there are missing commas, such as before "and musicians" in the phrase "actors, athletes, and musicians are paid for too much money," which disrupts the flow. The phrase "the disavantages of topic ‘celebrities are paid for too much money’" contains a spelling error ("disavantages" should be "disadvantages") and awkward phrasing that could be improved for clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with punctuation and spelling. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers or engaging in peer reviews can help identify mistakes. Additionally, practicing sentence diagramming could help the writer understand complex structures better. Finally, reviewing the rules for comma usage, especially in lists and clauses, will improve overall punctuation skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, there are areas for improvement in sentence variety and grammatical precision. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy through careful proofreading and practice, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary digital age, it goes without saying that the issue of whether celebrities, such as actors, athletes, and musicians, are paid excessively is a hotly debated topic that often divides opinion. This has sparked discussions about whether they receive too much financial compensation for their contributions. While many people believe that celebrities are overpaid, from my perspective, this notion should be rejected, and below is an essay clarifying my viewpoint.

To start with, celebrities possess unique talents that are not easily replicable. Actors, athletes, and musicians dedicate years of training, practice, and personal sacrifice to reach the pinnacle of their professions. Professional athletes invest countless hours in physical conditioning, while actors often undergo rigorous training to hone their craft. Furthermore, since their talents are scarce, they are compensated accordingly, much like individuals in other specialized professions such as surgeons or engineers.

Secondly, celebrities boost related industries such as fashion, tourism, and advertising. High-profile events like the Oscars or the FIFA World Cup exemplify how celebrity presence enhances brand value and attracts massive audiences. Thirdly, another positive aspect is that celebrities have the ability to inspire and influence society. Many celebrities use their wealth and platforms to promote important causes, such as climate change, education, or poverty alleviation.

Despite these positive points, there are some negative aspects, and I strongly believe that the disadvantages of the topic “celebrities are paid too much money” outweigh its advantages. The main drawback is that this can contribute to income inequality. While celebrities enjoy lavish lifestyles, others in essential professions, such as teachers, nurses, and emergency responders, earn significantly less, even though they contribute directly to society’s well-being. According to a 2020 report by Oxfam, the income gap between top celebrities and essential service professionals is widening. This growing disparity can worsen social inequalities and fuel public resentment.

Additionally, some argue that the entertainment industry prioritizes profits over quality when celebrities command high fees. Film studios, sports franchises, and music labels may focus more on securing star power rather than investing in the quality of production or nurturing new talent. As a result, other professionals in these industries may be underpaid or overlooked, limiting opportunities for those who are equally deserving but not as famous.

In conclusion, while high celebrity pay brings economic benefits and supports social causes, the disadvantages are more significant. The widening income gap and the unrealistic standards perpetuated by celebrity culture exacerbate social inequality and create public resentment. Thus, the drawbacks of high celebrity pay outweigh the advantages, suggesting that this compensation should be reconsidered.